Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Snooze Cruise
Feb 16, 2013

hey look,
a post

Applewhite posted:

I'm on the edge of my seat: What are they trying to steal from the cops??

"The pigs got these new fancy high tech badges, got microchips and all that poo poo wire into them. Well if we gather enough of these badges we can reverse engineer the insides..."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we can hack their system dumbass. We can hack the system, and wipe our records clean... More importantly for you, we can get your daughter that fresh start you always been dreaming about."

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

mr.capps posted:

"The pigs got these new fancy high tech badges, got microchips and all that poo poo wire into them. Well if we gather enough of these badges we can reverse engineer the insides..."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we can hack their system dumbass. We can hack the system, and wipe our records clean... More importantly for you, we can get your daughter that fresh start you always been dreaming about."

Chills. Honest to God chills.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
*Bulldozer driven by Brad Pitt bursts through wall of bank*

"Knock knock" -Pitt

Snooze Cruise
Feb 16, 2013

hey look,
a post

mr.capps posted:

"The pigs got these new fancy high tech badges, got microchips and all that poo poo wire into them. Well if we gather enough of these badges we can reverse engineer the insides..."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we can hack their system dumbass. We can hack the system, and wipe our records clean... More importantly for you, we can get your daughter that fresh start you always been dreaming about."

"Wouldn't they be able to track that poo poo though? We wouldn't even be able to get past the bridge before the police drones bomb us to hell."

"This is why you were never the brains of the operation Samson."

*Lifts up a tarp, revealing a metallic board*

"Hand me your keys."

"What, gently caress no."

"Hand me your keys before I blow your loving brains out. OK, here watch this."

"Its a magnet. You plan on wiping the badges before we ever even get to the bridge."

"We only need the circuits, not the data."

Incredulous Dylan
Oct 22, 2004

Fun Shoe

Azerban
Oct 28, 2003



az posted:

gently caress this broke dick piece of poo poo drill

Motherfucker posted:

GET THE gently caress UP

Solomonic posted:

Guys

Guys, the thermal drill

Go get it

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 3 minutes!
*Chief O'Malley enters the room fast paced with a cup of coffee in hand*

O'Malley: "Detective, there better be a drat good reason I'm here at 7 AM on a Saturday and not enjoying breakfast with my wife and kids."

Detective Yoff: "You won't believe this chief, but all of our police radio's went silent 37 minutes ago. We think something big is about to go down."

O'Malley: "You're right Yoff I don't believe it. Where's Barnes? Where's Jameson?"

Detective Yoff: "You won't believe this either. They're in the vault of the Union Central."

*O'Malley spills his coffee on himself*

O'Malley: "Better call the mayor. Looks like he isn't having breakfast today either."

Snooze Cruise
Feb 16, 2013

hey look,
a post
"This was never about the money man. This was about the statement"

fireworks go off spelling out "gently caress THE POLICE"

Snooze Cruise
Feb 16, 2013

hey look,
a post
"gently caress, I should have knew you were part of this Samson. And to think I thought you were going to go clean."

"You don't understand Yoff. I am not doing this for me. This is about the statement, this is about my daughter. She deserves a happy ending Yoff. She deserves a happy ending with you."

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Cumberpatch: "You're going to pull this job for us, and then you're going to go to prison for the rest of your life."

Pitt: "I'm sorry, I think you misspoke. Usually when people make that kind of offer they say 'or' instead of 'and.'"

Cumberpatch: "I didn't misspeak, you're going to prison after you pull this job."

Pitt: "And if I don't pull the job?"

Fassbender: "Then your daughter goes to prison for the rest of her life."

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

mr.capps posted:

"This was never about the money man. This was about the statement"

fireworks go off spelling out "gently caress THE POLICE"

5d

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
ofc the title of the film has to be Epic Heist

generative grammer
Jul 28, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
drat the pussy stank on this panty hose mask is makeing me horney

John Denver Hoxha
May 31, 2014

What a persistent nightmare!
....but enough about my posts
Goooooood afternnoooooon! singing telegram for first national!

"just throw it in the bag
Un-huh un-huh un-huh
Just throw it in the bag
Un-huh un-huh un-huh
Just throw it in the bag
Un-huh un-huh un-huh
"

President Kucinich
Feb 21, 2003

Bitterly Clinging to my AK47 and Das Kapital

I now want to see all of this thread crammed into a movie.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Applewhite posted:

Well obviously the world's biggest computer is too big to physically steal so they have to insinuate Buscemi into the facility where the computer is located and he will run things remotely from there. He shows up to the building looking uncomfortable in a sharp suit and scans a forged badge to get in. Encoded on the badge's magnetic strip is a command that creates an account and password for him at the supercomputer access terminal.
Time is of the essence though because the authorized access register refreshes every 28.7 minutes and it is checked against the master register (which is hardcoded and therefore unhackable). If he's still logged on when the system refreshes it will set off the alarms.

"Woah mama..." -Buschemi upon sitting down at the super cool computer terminal.

Can he fall in love with a super nerdy girl who works at the facility? You get this Romeo and Juliet side story going

Howard Beale
Feb 22, 2001

It's like this, Peanut

Alan Smithee posted:

Can he fall in love with a super nerdy girl who works at the facility? You get this Romeo and Juliet side story going

aubrey plaza and/or kat dennings: SIGNED

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020
Love Interest: You know we can't live like this anymore. Always running, never able to rest.

Hero Guy: After this job, baby, I'm going straight, I promise!

Love Interest: But I won't be going with you.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Alan Smithee posted:

Can he fall in love with a super nerdy girl who works at the facility? You get this Romeo and Juliet side story going

We'd be making film history by giving Steve Buschemi his first romantic interest.

Robot Randy
Dec 31, 2011

by Lowtax

Solomonic posted:

Guys

Guys, the thermal drill

Go get it

Carlos Lantana
Oct 2, 2003

gently caress me santa, gently caress me santa, gently caress me santa, gently caress me santa, gently caress me santa....

it's from the best heist movie

Jolo
Jun 4, 2007

ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Get ready 'cause this ain't funny, my name's Steve Buscemi and I'm about to get money (and databits)

I'm Steve Buscemi and I get respect, your cash and your jewelry (and your microchips) is what I expecccct.

Diesel Fucker
Aug 14, 2003

I spent my rent money on tentacle porn.
"Wow, what a great flat. We're in the wrong business."

AF
Oct 8, 2007
hi

Motherfucker posted:

GET THE gently caress UP

Motherfucker posted:

GET THE gently caress UP

Motherfucker posted:

GET THE gently caress UP

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
*Muffled voice barely heard over intense tinnitus ring* -Slow motion Brad Pitt shouting into camera following the detonation of a flashbang grenade.

Howard Beale
Feb 22, 2001

It's like this, Peanut
*peers out window through venetian blind*

Looks like we got company, boys. And they brought guns. They brought lots of guns.

*moves away from blind, shakes head, cocks shotgun*

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
*Police surround empty van*

Yoff: "We have you surrounded. Come out with your hands up!"

*No answer from van*

Yoff (to sergeant): "Move in."

*SWAT team blows the van doors*

SWAT team: "It's empty, sir!"

*A manhole cover beneath the van slides quietly back into place*

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Applewhite posted:

*Police surround empty van*

Yoff: "We have you surrounded. Come out with your hands up!"

*No answer from van*

Yoff (to sergeant): "Move in."

*SWAT team blows the van doors*

SWAT team: "It's empty, sir!"

*A manhole cover beneath the van slides quietly back into place*

*flashforward*

"We know how you did the manhole escape, that's the oldest trick in the book. But how'd you manage to steal the largest diamond in the world in broad daylight and replace it with a cubic zirconia without anyone noticing?"

"Easy. It was never there to begin with. But chief, what you should really be asking yourself is how did I manage to escape from this interrogation room, in a police station full of cops"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Alan Smithee posted:

*flashforward*

"We know how you did the manhole escape, that's the oldest trick in the book. But how'd you manage to steal the largest diamond in the world in broad daylight and replace it with a cubic zirconia without anyone noticing?"

"Easy. It was never there to begin with. But chief, what you should really be asking yourself is how did I manage to escape from this interrogation room, in a police station full of cops"

Chief Yoff is fixing coffee with his back to the mastermind when these lines are spoken.

Chief Yoff (turning around): *opens mouth to speak, a skeptical sneer already creeping up his face, only to have his jaw drop in astonishment when he sees the interrogation chair is empty*

*Coffee cup shatters on floor*

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva
cumberback: "well my friend, I can't fault you for trying. but I get what I want."
*door slams open, breaking his loving face*
*its charley murphy!? he didn't die in the beginning??*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo

Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic

"rub a dub dub, it's a bloody stick-up" -british comic relief

everyone wear hats now
Jul 29, 2010

Why isn't Sam Sperglord on this case?!

Lottery of Babylon
Apr 25, 2012

STRAIGHT TROPIN'

*bank teller reaches for a silent alarm, the muscle shoots him*

Hero: You weren't supposed to kill anyone! That wasn't part of the plan!

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Lottery of Babylon posted:

*bank teller reaches for a silent alarm, the muscle shoots him*

Hero: You weren't supposed to kill anyone! That wasn't part of the plan!

"What the gently caress Paingro?!?! This wasn't part of the deal!"

Diesel Fucker
Aug 14, 2003

I spent my rent money on tentacle porn.
BULLDOZER!

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

give me the money.... fucker! :twisted:

Rhopunzel
Jan 6, 2006

Stroll together, win together
wheres the VAN?!

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

hey guys i forgot my mask but i did bring this plastic bag! hmmmpphghhhhkk

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

a hole-y ghost posted:

hey guys i forgot my mask but i did bring this plastic bag! hmmmpphghhhhkk

Wait wait wait we were suppsoed to bring pantyhose?!?!?!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.

"Hey, no! What are you doing man? This isn't a robbery. Put your hands down, this is a mop, I'm just a cleaner! Stop giving me bullion, you're going to get me in trouble! Hey! No! Help! Someone call the police! Oh my God, this bank is reverse robbing me! NO! What are you doing? Let my hand... go! No! I'm not initialing that yacht deed, let go, you punk!"

"Bossy Pete's gonna need a lot more platinum if he ever wants the Mafia to get into the electric car business. So we're going to sell him some. Well, not some. 100 kees."
"Oh, how the hell are we gonna get that much platinum, Quint?"
"Oh, it gets worse. He does this thing one way: he ships his buyer an escrow container. Unhackable. Has a read out of the content's weight and chemical composition right on the front. And it has a key generator readout right on the front so it can't get switched and the live readout of the box's status can't get delayed. And don't think we can fool with those, kid, the readouts are implanted in his arm, and he's better guarded than the Martian Queen. His goons pick up the container in a dead drop."
"Are we sure about taking this guy? I mean, from what you're saying we have to put 100 kees of platinum in the box. We can't switch the box. We can't bust it back open once we've put in there to switch the contents. We can't fool the spectrometer to read a different element."
"You made the same mistake he did, kid. Weight is mass, times acceleration."

  • Locked thread