Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
snodig
Oct 5, 2014
My plan is to make Summer Squash and Corn Chowder, but I'm cutting out the bacon because the girl is probably Muslim (I'm okay with that).



My plan for tomorrow:

- Wake up. Go for a quick run to get a nice 'day glow' going.
- I'm going to put on a lot of clothes and clean my apartment. Be really thorough. I want to sweat as much as possible so I don't have to sweat later on. Kinda pull it all out of my body.
- Make all the necessary preparations in the kitchen for the soup I'm making. Go over each step to minimize any risk of failure. I should be safe seeing as I've made a lot of soups.
- Go for another run to get out extra energy and carry on with the 'day glow'.
- Read a book to calm me down.
- Take a shower and prepare myself. I'm going to use a no-perfume lotion so she doesn't suspect that I use any.
- Position my things around the apartment so it looks good and inviting.

I might have to ask her to go to the toilet (or at least suggest it) before she comes over because my flush is kinda weak, and I don't really know about her habits in there.

Note: she was the one asking if I wanted to get together for dinner. It means I have the upper hand. I'm not going to show it, but I will act in a way that makes her relaxed thinking that I don't think I know that I got the upper hand.

I need help from goons with:

- Conversations. What should we talk about? I'm very good at controlling a conversation as long as I know what to talk about and which subjects to avoid.
- I don't want to turn on the TV. I realize this might get awkward, but I don't want to make it easy by watching a movie or tv-series. I want the night to be filled with food, conversation and silence (natural silence, not the awkward kind). How do I say that we're not going to watch anything on the TV?
- How do I make the transition from eating soup to start having a conversation (I'm not big for talk while eating).
- Ending the night. How do I ask her to leave without making the hinting obvious.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

i hope it can last
Dec 16, 2014

by XyloJW
kill your parent kill yourself

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle
you should continuously steer the conversation towards your constantly leaking bowels

girls should know what theyre in for

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
let her do all the talking and pretend like you care

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

Daedra posted:

let her do all the talking and pretend like you care

lmao this might actually be the best advice this thread will give

the bitcoin of weed
Nov 1, 2014

shiksa posted:

lmao this might actually be the best advice this thread will give

This would be a pro tip if he just wanted to bang her but this

snodig posted:

- Ending the night. How do I ask her to leave without making the hinting obvious.

makes me think he's just gonna kick her out at some point to j/o and play video games? OP what are your actual intentions with this mystery muslim woman

killaer
Aug 4, 2007
If you make food for this girl you are guaranteed a good lay or (+++ good future husband points) which is great if this girl is one of 'em moose-lems.



THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS THAT YOU DO NOT
gently caress UP
THE SQUASH AND CORN
CHOWDER


If you make a lackluster chowder do yourself a favor and suicide before she gets there.


Edit: dont be too nervous but be a little nervous cuz tahts good for you!!

ElectricSheep
Jan 14, 2006

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

snodig posted:

I might have to ask her to go to the toilet (or at least suggest it) before she comes over because my flush is kinda weak, and I don't really know about her habits in there.


Is there anything that makes you anticipate this girl will pinch a massive loaf off in your toilet so much that you're seriously considering asking this despite how weird it sounds?

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
it actually doesn't matter how good the food is, just making it will be good, unless she's cool and you come off as some kind of homebody nerd. Anyway kill yourself

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

ElectricSheep posted:

Is there anything that makes you anticipate this girl will pinch a massive loaf off in your toilet so much that you're seriously considering asking this despite how weird it sounds?

i know the first thing i do on a first date is say "hey hold up a minute im going to drop a massive turd" just to gauge reactions

im a human being too, not prince charming

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

cooking comes off as snobby. order pizza and watch Jurassic park. That's how I did most of my first dates and they went pretty well.

snodig
Oct 5, 2014

killaer posted:

If you make food for this girl you are guaranteed a good lay or (+++ good future husband points) which is great if this girl is one of 'em moose-lems.



THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS THAT YOU DO NOT
gently caress UP
THE SQUASH AND CORN
CHOWDER


If you make a lackluster chowder do yourself a favor and suicide before she gets there.


Edit: dont be too nervous but be a little nervous cuz tahts good for you!!

Well, the reason I'm going with Summer Squash and Corn Chowder and not, let's say, French Onion Soup (which is more suited for this time of year) is because I want to surprise her. If I were a guest at a dinner and saw that they went with Onion Soup (wakka wakka onion is quite good tho, I'll give the soup that) I would immediately assume that they 1) did not have access to fresh ingredients, so they have to shop whatever the local grocery store has available at that time. 2) they assume that I assume that I want them to think that I want them to follow a calendar for choosing what food to eat, but I don't.

Also what about music? Should I put anything on? I've never seen a girl with headphones on.

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
girls dont actually like music, she would much rather hear your heavy raspy breathing as you stare at her eating the slop you made

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

snodig posted:

Also what about music? Should I put anything on?
whatever drowns out your words

Goofballs
Jun 2, 2011



My toilet is kind of weak so don't drop any giant turds in there, you look like the kind of chick who gets a lot of protein

That will make her leave

iTrust
Mar 25, 2010

It's not good for your health.

:frogc00l:
I was gonna suggest you don't overthink it but it looks like you already did that you goon.

Demonachizer
Aug 7, 2004
This is a serious post to a fake post thread.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
what is the young mans name?

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

OP SMOK WEED

mandatory lesbian
Dec 18, 2012
stick it in her pooper

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
Try not to poo poo your pants

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
wait why the gently caress is the date at your house

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH

sexy young infidel posted:

wait why the gently caress is the date at your house

easier to clean up the crime scene

TheHoosier
Dec 30, 2004

The fuck, Graham?!

more like 'gay' glow

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
whats the guys name???

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

snodig posted:

Also what about music? Should I put anything on? I've never seen a girl with headphones on.

i would suggest weird al and the lonely island guiys you want her to know that you have a great sense of humor

iTrust
Mar 25, 2010

It's not good for your health.

:frogc00l:
Also if you invited me for dinner and then gave me soup I would think you were the worst guy

gently caress soup

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

iTrust posted:

Also if you invited me for dinner and then gave me soup I would think you were the worst guy

gently caress soup

yeah at least make like a chili with lotsa beans

something to fill you up

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009



Fallen Rib

forbidden lesbian posted:

stick it in her pooper

it being the chowder. tell her its okay cuz you work for the cia

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

shiksa posted:

yeah at least make like a chili with lotsa beans

something to fill you up

then have a farting contest

Mixodorian
Jan 26, 2009
lmao drat son you're going to blow it.

No woman, or man hopefully, would ever go to a first date having to poop, how do you not know this?

Also smoke weed

edit: seriously, dont say anything about your toilet you loving goon.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

forbidden lesbian posted:

stick it in her pooper


snodig posted:

I might have to ask her to go to the toilet (or at least suggest it) before she comes over... I don't really know about her habits in there.

Pretty sure he's already planning on it.

Good luck OP

snodig
Oct 5, 2014

sexy young infidel posted:

wait why the gently caress is the date at your house

It's my comfort zone. I need to feel fresh, glowing, happy, neutral and ‘ready’ for social situations. I get fresh by taking a shower, the glow usually comes naturally when you feel good because you get that look in your eyes. Neutral because I don’t want to feel invested in any of the things we talk about. I want to be casual and cool. Happy or at least happy in the moment. I try to make everything bigger and better so I feel it’s worth my time (this is something I’m working on). Ready so I don’t just sit there and feel left out. When all those things come together I’m a person you want to be around, and I can't really be that person outside my apartment.

iTrust
Mar 25, 2010

It's not good for your health.

:frogc00l:

snodig posted:

It's my comfort zone. I need to feel fresh, glowing, happy, neutral and ‘ready’ for social situations. I get fresh by taking a shower, the glow usually comes naturally when you feel good because you get that look in your eyes. Neutral because I don’t want to feel invested in any of the things we talk about. I want to be casual and cool. Happy or at least happy in the moment. I try to make everything bigger and better so I feel it’s worth my time (this is something I’m working on). Ready so I don’t just sit there and feel left out. When all those things come together I’m a person you want to be around, and I can't really be that person outside my apartment.

I'm p sure no set of circumstances would ever make you a person I would want to be around

Hope this helps op

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
you sound like a serial killer/rapist

Mixodorian
Jan 26, 2009

snodig posted:

It's my comfort zone. I need to feel fresh, glowing, happy, neutral and ‘ready’ for social situations. I get fresh by taking a shower, the glow usually comes naturally when you feel good because you get that look in your eyes. Neutral because I don’t want to feel invested in any of the things we talk about. I want to be casual and cool. Happy or at least happy in the moment. I try to make everything bigger and better so I feel it’s worth my time (this is something I’m working on). Ready so I don’t just sit there and feel left out. When all those things come together I’m a person you want to be around, and I can't really be that person outside my apartment.

Ohh poo poo, you hosed man. You can't be serious,.

Twitch
Apr 15, 2003

by Fluffdaddy
For conversation, just robotically recount your favorite episodes of Dad's Army and/or the Brothers Grunt.

As for music, definitely go with grindcore. Napalm Death and Anal oval office are classics that everyone is comfortable with, but if you want more cred, I recommend Schnauzer (a cornerstone of the early 2000s Cleveland punk/metal scene). A good choice is their split EP "Love that Schnauzer 10 inch"; the other side is Sloth's "Ruining Things for Others", which is also very good. Make sure to show her the record sleeve, which contains a crude drawing of a woman having intercourse with a schnauzer.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012
woah this guys got that shower glow in his eyes. what a turn on

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

snodig posted:


- How do I make the transition from eating soup to start having a conversation (I'm not big for talk while eating).


dude

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
I'm not sure you're gunna interpret any given advice properly so just wing it and report back to us

  • Locked thread