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"Coming out both ends."
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Jan 26, 2015 17:15
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| # ? May 9, 2024 17:26 |
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Can't come in to work today boss, I've run out of excuses.
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Jan 26, 2015 17:15
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fake a back problem snort oxy all day
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Jan 26, 2015 17:17
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go in then halfway through the morning drink some ipecac, should be good for like a week off
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Jan 26, 2015 17:17
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What is the point of life?
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Jan 26, 2015 17:20
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force down a goddamn fistful of antacids and go tell your boss something is very wrong while you foam at the moaht and bark like a dog every 3 words.
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Jan 26, 2015 17:23
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Im depressed LOL
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Jan 26, 2015 17:24
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poo poo your pants just come in to work and pretend to have to speak with your boss and just loving let lose i promise youll get to go home
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Jan 26, 2015 17:26
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my pancreas exploded (an actual one i used)
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Jan 26, 2015 17:26
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I'm busy raping your car and smashing out the windows on your wife. Yeah I'm dyslexic, what did you expect for 8 bucks an hour?
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Jan 26, 2015 17:29
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I'm sick.....sick of working!!! 
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Jan 26, 2015 18:08
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Applewhite posted:"I know I was supposed to beta test those videogames today, but my cat died last night and I have to make funeral arrangements." *spend the rest of the day catching up on expense reports* I know the funeral part was a joke, but my former partner at work only called in sick once in like 25+ years, and it was when his dog died. He didn't even call in when he had bronchitis or when his dad died. 
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Jan 26, 2015 18:10
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my son is gay
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Jan 26, 2015 18:11
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"Hello <boss> this is <bigger boss>, <employee> won't be coming into work today. He's with me all day so everything is cool, aye?" Insert real names to sound convincing and try to fake the big boss or owner's voice.
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Jan 26, 2015 18:15
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Sorry jefe, I got a prior engagement, namely drinking four bottles of white wine, doing dabs, eating hot pockets, and watching reruns of No Reservations all day. I would be able to make it, but unfortunately that would leave no time for the masturbating I'm planning on doing six or seven times today. Thank you for being understanding.
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Jan 26, 2015 18:27
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hi i am really sick and can't be behind a cash register today no oh okay
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Jan 26, 2015 18:27
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Tsinava posted:my son is gay songay.sowhat
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Jan 26, 2015 18:55
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"My TiVo queue is full and I don't want to miss a second of the Sister Sister marathon."
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Jan 26, 2015 18:57
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One of my headmates is frykin and seeing xhis xbrethren deep fried is triggering xhim.
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Jan 26, 2015 19:32
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My doctor told me that my current working environment will trigger my autism.
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Jan 26, 2015 21:40
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dramatic readings of dad gay.so what posts ought to do the trick
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Jan 26, 2015 21:57
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f
Somebody fucked around with this message at 00:51 on Jan 27, 2015 |
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Jan 27, 2015 00:43
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f (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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Jan 27, 2015 00:43
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ziasquinn fucked around with this message at 00:49 on Jan 27, 2015 |
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Jan 27, 2015 00:47
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I'm busy stalking people
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Jan 27, 2015 06:07
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i hurled two doves into the air this morning, and their flights did not auger well. it is a foul day to leave the house
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Jan 27, 2015 06:15
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i slipped on ice and landed boner-first on the pavement
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Jan 27, 2015 06:17
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"i have ants"
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Jan 27, 2015 06:19
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uncontrollable flatulence
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Jan 27, 2015 06:22
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"i dun messed myself" best if delivered while weeping
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Jan 27, 2015 06:23
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Working today is against my religion since I read "Das Kapital" and converted. Sorry, bourgeoisie pig!
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Jan 27, 2015 07:57
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mumble. i got an email from the boss of my video game store telling me i shouldn't go in today my wife got rapeseed (aka canola) spread and she really needs my help to get some olive spread my house's value is on fire, it's worthless than 5 million, i'm going to lose it all my debt because i can refinance this fucker
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Jan 27, 2015 14:19
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Ugh but I worked yesterday? Listen boss, this relationship is getting realllll stale.
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Jan 27, 2015 15:16
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But don't you see?! I can't come in to work today because in a shocking twist it turns out I'm YOU!
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Jan 27, 2015 15:50
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I came in here expecting Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, I leave with the blue box blues. =( gently caress you OP.
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Jan 27, 2015 15:54
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Where's the best place to farm materials to level my excuse crafting btw
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Jan 27, 2015 16:32
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quote:“On the plane ride out to here, I prepared a few remarks which I would like to read to you. Balls.
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Jan 27, 2015 16:50
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I accidently spilt bacon grease from the pan onto my family jewels.
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Jan 27, 2015 16:54
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Sorry boss, there's a bunch of anti-*insert business here* protestors outside my house and I'm too afraid to go out. No I don't know why none of them are at the office, ask the protestors. My pre-Superbowl ritual is to skip work for a couple weeks before and after the game, sorry boss but the Seahawks gotta win this year.
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Jan 27, 2015 17:02
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| # ? May 9, 2024 17:26 |
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I know folks in the Northeast are gonna milk this blizzard for all it's worth.
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Jan 27, 2015 17:04
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