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A friend and I drove to this trash city nearby with shovels and hammers hoping to find a homeless person to murder one night. There were none behind the lovely strip mall like there usually were, and that's the story of why I didn't become a monster one night in high school.
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Jan 27, 2015 09:07
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I consume resources at an alarming rate and give nothing back to society, in effect murdering the future generations of humans who will perish in the blighted hellscape I have helped create.
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Jan 27, 2015 09:12
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I helped murder this thread by posting in it.
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Jan 27, 2015 09:15
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synftw posted:A friend and I drove to this trash city nearby with shovels and hammers hoping to find a homeless person to murder one night. There were none behind the lovely strip mall like there usually were, and that's the story of why I didn't become a monster one night in high school. No wait a minute, is this real?
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Jan 27, 2015 18:41
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im the guy in the hat no the other one 
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Jan 27, 2015 19:20
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I was in the bedroom watching her die. I felt bad afterwards, since the backseat of the drive-in was so lonely without her. I was thinking about her when they were playing our song, crying on a Saturday night.
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Jan 27, 2015 19:24
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I murdered my innocence when I was 10 and typed "boobs" into a search engine.
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Jan 27, 2015 19:25
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Nigmaetcetera posted:I murdered my innocence when I was 10 and typed "boobs" into a search engine. same but it was looking at 58008 upside down on a calculator 
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Jan 27, 2015 19:27
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A misanthrope posted:same but it was looking at 58008 upside down on a calculator The correct punchline to that much more involved joke is 55378008
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Jan 27, 2015 19:29
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Count Freebasie posted:The correct punchline to that much more involved joke is 55378008 *types into calculator and falls out of chair in shock*
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Jan 27, 2015 19:34
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The key is to go far enough out to sea that you're over the continental shelf. Dumping bodies is much easier that way, just ask the dudes that took care of natalee holloway after she overdosed while on vacation
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Jan 27, 2015 19:36
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A misanthrope posted:*types into calculator and falls out of chair in shock* Here is the full joke in all of it's second-grade brilliance (keep in mind, I'm in my late 30s, which will explain the parties involved): Dolly Parton's bra size is 69 (type that on the calculator) Kenny Rogers says that's too, too, too, big (type 222) He thinks it should be reduced to a 51 (type in 51) Now if she had eight operations on her boobs, what would she be? (multiply by 8) 55378008
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Jan 27, 2015 19:39
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mookface posted:I ran over a baby seagull one hitler
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Jan 27, 2015 19:40
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I never have but Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990
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Jan 27, 2015 19:41
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I murder my hand on the daily with my penis. Some would say that I murder my penis with my hand but I don't agree.
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Jan 27, 2015 19:46
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Gordong Dongbay posted:I murder my hand on the daily with my penis. Some would say that I murder my penis with my hand but I don't agree. Me too. I don't kill my dick, I just choke him out until he throws up.
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Jan 27, 2015 19:47
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President John F. Kennedy
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Jan 27, 2015 20:11
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Count Freebasie posted:Here is the full joke in all of it's second-grade brilliance (keep in mind, I'm in my late 30s, which will explain the parties involved): math is hard tho even boob math
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Jan 27, 2015 20:14
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I have not committed no murders
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Jan 27, 2015 20:16
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I post a lot on the internet about how men keep trying to rape and murder me, but I use my wild ninja-like prowess to either beat them up or kill them every time. These things totally happened to me pretty much non-stop. Did I report it? That's none of your loving business. Look, buddy, I don't OWE you police reports about my experiences.
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Jan 27, 2015 20:22
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i murdered a vegan and chopped him up and served him under the guise of pork products (hot dogs, pork chops, tenderloin, bacon, etc)
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Jan 27, 2015 20:22
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I hit a man with my car once. I'm pretty sure he died. I was speeding, and I probably wasn't entirely sober, so I panicked, and drove off. Felt terrible. A witness must have called it in, as it seemed the police showed up in no time. Started panicking and ran my car off the road. Well, I say my car, but it was actually stolen, so yeah, I had that reason to run as well. Anyway, I wasn't hurt, so I got out, pulled my gun and shot the cops following me. Took their car, and drove off. Before reinforcements could catch up, I had managed to drive up onto a mountain top, where I waited for the cops to stop looking for me. Must have taken minutes before I felt safe enough to drive back into Los Santos.
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Jan 27, 2015 20:29
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I killed that fat barkeep.
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Jan 27, 2015 21:03
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I killed... at the comedy club! (this isn't true.)
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Jan 27, 2015 21:07
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I have reaccuring dreams of disposing of one my murder victims body parts inside of really nice bronze sculptures I've made and then having them on display and having people comment on them at art shows and stuff. Dreamt it so often that I'ts a legit memory now.
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Jan 27, 2015 21:20
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The bronze boner they could call me
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Jan 27, 2015 21:21
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i killed myself and wasnt caught
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Jan 27, 2015 21:25
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I murdered the alphabet and now I can't get out of debt.
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Jan 27, 2015 21:25
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I've shot a number of different animals, but I ate them afterwards so that was OK. The only time I ever felt bad about killing anything was when I hit a raccoon with my car and saw that I'd badly hurt, but not killed it. I pulled over and got out to check on it, and it turned out that it had a smashed back and blood was coming out of its mouth, but it was still alive. I stomped on its head until it died to save it suffering. Felt bad about that.
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Jan 27, 2015 21:50
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Nice try dad but I already told you that I'll never tell
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Jan 27, 2015 21:56
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Once I punched a dog. I actually know (of) a person who killed a few people and got away with it. One was a pedophile who raped his sister so I guess that was maybe justified. My sister-in-law had her wedding video done by a guy who had recently put his wife through a woodchipper (very allegedly). He was drunk as gently caress and her entire walk down the aisle was filmed at a 30 degree angle.
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Jan 27, 2015 21:58
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I gave my friend's cat a Stone Cold Stunner and it died like 10 days later. Hard to say if I was directly responsible.
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Jan 27, 2015 21:59
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my girlfriend says I murder good taste every time I dress myself
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Jan 27, 2015 22:07
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If I told you I would have to kill you and get away with it and then kill the next person I told about it and so on and so forth.
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Jan 27, 2015 22:08
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C'mon Genesplicer. This is your chance to admit to being the Zodiac Killer. Or Jack the Ripper, depending on how old you are.
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Jan 27, 2015 22:23
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Bob James posted:I killed that fat barkeep. I'M GONNA MOON YA, MAN!
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Jan 27, 2015 22:23
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just a few cats the trick is to grab them by their hidn legs and swing their head onto a rock or a tree it usually takes a few swings and they can be really loud so dont do it at night or your neighbors might wake up, and that's just plain rude
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Jan 27, 2015 22:24
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I lit a sleeping hobo on fire with lighter fluid.
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Jan 27, 2015 22:43
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I wiped the sweat from my murderous brow and flung the last bit of dirt onto the shallow grave. beneath my murder feet lay my victims, 16 16-year olds from 16 different counties. I took a moment and tried to remember their dead faces. dead from the murders i had got away with. I couldn't. it was all a blur. I walked back to my house and went inside. I miss my grandma and hated my mom. thats probly why i did all that murdering.
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Jan 27, 2015 22:50
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I tried to shoot John Connally, the governor of Texas, in 1963. He was riding in a car for some sort of celibration. I was standing on a knoll some distance away but I'm not a very good marksman so I only managed to injure him. Then the head of the guy sitting behind him just sort of exploded for no reason.
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Jan 27, 2015 23:05
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