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Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007

You'd carefully review the TV guide for likely contenders for sex content. The foreign movie channels were most likely candidates, particularly the Italian and French movies. Eastern Europeans movies sometimes had sexing, but it usually wasn't that arousing.

You'd have to watch the beginning of the movie for the adult content advisory, which usually would helpfully identify whether you'd get sexing action ("Sex Scenes") or just titties ("Adult Nudity", unless the nudity was dick). Sometimes it would just be "Adult Concepts" - not worth it.

Stick old video cassette in the VCR, keep your thumb over the remote and hit record as soon as you think a sex scene is about to start, so you'd have it for later.

This could be frustrating. Eastern European movies often featured a lot of dick. After seeing "Adult Nudity" at the beginning, you'd waste and hour of your time waiting to see some pasty Polish boobies, only to get a horrifying flash of Slav dick.

When the internet finally arrived, we could finally download 18 seconds of sexing action over a 28.8k connection, only having to wait 3-4 hours for the download to complete.

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Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers
Top Cop
forest porn

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc
Fast times at ridgemoiunt high

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo

Pyramid Scheme posted:

You'd carefully review the TV guide for likely contenders for sex content. The foreign movie channels were most likely candidates, particularly the Italian and French movies. Eastern Europeans movies sometimes had sexing, but it usually wasn't that arousing.

You'd have to watch the beginning of the movie for the adult content advisory, which usually would helpfully identify whether you'd get sexing action ("Sex Scenes") or just titties ("Adult Nudity", unless the nudity was dick). Sometimes it would just be "Adult Concepts" - not worth it.

Stick old video cassette in the VCR, keep your thumb over the remote and hit record as soon as you think a sex scene is about to start, so you'd have it for later.

This could be frustrating. Eastern European movies often featured a lot of dick. After seeing "Adult Nudity" at the beginning, you'd waste and hour of your time waiting to see some pasty Polish boobies, only to get a horrifying flash of Slav dick.

When the internet finally arrived, we could finally download 18 seconds of sexing action over a 28.8k connection, only having to wait 3-4 hours for the download to complete.
what was his name

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007

by Lowtax
id just watch mom with her "clients"

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007


I lived in the city. We did get park porn.

Also, storm water drain porn.

afeelgoodpoop
Oct 14, 2014

by FactsAreUseless
swimsuit magazines are not so covert porn for underage males.

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts rock, chummer.


Even in rural Alaska we had woods porn, but yeah late cinemax.

EugeneJ
Feb 5, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Real Sex on HBO

a messed up horse
Mar 11, 2014

by Nyc_Tattoo

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007

A kid at school at a 3.5 floppy of porn for the Amiga 500, but he'd never lend it out or let anyone copy it.

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007

There were also some text based games on the C64 in circulation. I can't remember their names.

Also, Leisure Suit Larry.

No. 6
Jun 30, 2002

Went to the confession booth with Father. Got all the sex I ever wanted.

The Bible
May 8, 2010

I stole the fold-out posters from the magazines at the store and then masturbated to them in the store bathroom.

EugeneJ
Feb 5, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Also the Sears Catalog with the bra/panties section

a messed up horse
Mar 11, 2014

by Nyc_Tattoo
parking lot porn happened too sometimes. find a ratty old swinger's magazine at the far side of the k-mart lot and you're set for a week

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007

I think if you had an internet today without digital porn, some college kids would found a start up for trading porn magazines.

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW
Broke into my dad's jackin' briefcase with a flat head.

Pice of Shit
Jun 11, 2003
I got mail....yay.

EugeneJ posted:

Also the Sears Catalog with the bra/panties section

And make friends with the kid whose mom gets victoria's secret catalogues.

Dr. Video Games 0112
Jan 7, 2004

serious business

This. Referred to among European children/teenagers with the parental guardian proof code word SUPERBOOKS.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
ooh la la

The Bible
May 8, 2010

If you were desperate, car magazines usually had girls in bikinis with boobs bigger than their heads.

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

i was a teenager during the internet so id look for porn on the internet op

cool thread tho

SaberToothedPie
Dec 24, 2012

The #RXT REVOLUTION has two words for ya..
SCOOP IT!

:frolf:

he knows...
what kind of geriatric grew up without the internet

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007

by Lowtax


boob

Damo
Nov 8, 2002

The second-generation Pontiac Sunbird, introduced by the automaker for the 1982 model year as the J2000, was built to be an inexpensive and fuel-efficient front-wheel-drive commuter car capable of seating five.

Offensive Clock
some dude in jr high had a shoebox of lovely, terrible porn vhs tapes filled with ugly women and he'd give em away sometimes

SaberToothedPie posted:

what kind of geriatric grew up without the internet

people who arent lovely self absorbed leech millennials

Lost Canyoneer
Nov 1, 2009
Playboy magazines under my older brother's mattress.

I had mixed feelings when he got married and moved out. It was nice to have the bedroom all to myself, but that bastard took all the magazines with him.

a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!



Best porn. Woods just outside the back yard, walk in a few dozen yards to find the stash under a few conspicuously stacked tree limbs and leaves. Find out your best friend nutted all over your favorite page.

I remember, Joe. You son of a BITCH.

Corn Glizzy
Jun 28, 2007




my first porn

it was a hustle with a black lady in it and her vajayjay was the brightest pink i'd ever seen, it still burned into my mind 22 years later

Mc Do Well
Aug 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I can't even imagine. You poor bastards.

It's over now, though, we're in the place with no shadows.

Pice of Shit
Jun 11, 2003
I got mail....yay.
Back pages of LA Weekly... a cornucopia of massage/escort/strip club ads.

matrix ripoff
Mar 16, 2005

~~~~~~~
i only suck dick in self defense
~~~~~~~
and at the bookstore
~~~~~~~
jcpenny catalog, women's lingerie section

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

im going to do my part and release these basement found issues of CLUB from 2006 into the wild on my next mountain bike ride

gonna look funny having a porno rolled up in the back of a jersey pocket but whatever haha

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007

numberoneposter posted:

im going to do my part and release these basement found issues of CLUB from 2006 into the wild on my next mountain bike ride

Porn wants to be free

Potassium Problems
Sep 28, 2001
I don't know if cable companies still do this, but they used to have "Free Weekends of <channel>" every once in awhile (HBO, Cinemax, etc.) and when they happened I always checked out the TV Guide to see what was comin up and I'd either stay up late if I could or just have the VCR record anything that looked like it might have a titty

Prokhor Zakharov
Dec 31, 2008

This is me as I make another great post


Good luck with your depression!
where I grew up we had desert porn, the porn that kills

Nostalgia4ColdWar
May 7, 2007

Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.
Forest porn or just go out to the shop and find my dad's porn collection.

Or find the tree fort that the older kids had abandoned and check there. Always porn in the treehouse.

Potassium Problems
Sep 28, 2001
Also my dad had a massive bootleg VHS collection (rent tapes & copy em) but he wouldn't put ratings on the label and I had no idea where to find out movie information so I'd go through tapes at night like some kind of horny forensic doogie howser searchin for the goods

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007

These were days when women had unshaven bits and generally did not engage in backdoor action.

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RaceBannon
Apr 3, 2010
Forest porn was a real thing.

Sometimes there were TV channels that would come in blurry, but ... you could still make out the tits.

When the internet happened it was amazing. Truly amazing.

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