I don't think I can recover from this embarrassment. Help!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I don't think I can recover from this embarrassment. Help!

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Baba Ganoush: Oct 12, 2014; Dinosaur Gum

Backstory:

-I have a drinking problem
-I quit drinking about 2 weeks ago and even made a thread about suffering delirium tremens during withdraw

So fast forward to last night, my friend's little sister is visiting from Puerto Rico. They have these pouch drinks called Gasolinas and traditionally they're usually reserved for teenage girls but I've had them before and liked them (because I'm not a Puerto Rican I transcend their sexist regional stereotypes). She happened to bring a few boxes and I decided to have one for old times sake and because it was sort of a special occasion.

The thing about Gasolinas is that they're basically just sugar and cheap liquor. I also realize now that I underestimated how much my tolerance for alcohol could change in just two weeks. So I had started drinking at 7 and was planning on just having a couple and leaveing because I thought it was only going to be us 3 hanging out for a little bit. By 8 though I had already drank 4 of them and more people started to show up.

Oh also, backstory, about 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I had become separated due to me mistaking her for a demon/alien during withdraw hallucinations. Well... guess who shows up that night? And obviously she wasn't happy to see me drinking again. I was pretty upset about that but decided to play it cool and did a pretty good job keeping things fun and happy. At the peak I think about ~15 people came and we were all just laughing the entire time.

I was sort of disappointed that I ended up pretty much hogging 2 boxes of Gasolinas all for myself but there was other alcohol there for other people. But, it sort of caused me to not have any alone time with my estranged girlfriend. I went home around 2:30 and that's basically what I was mopping about the entire time in the taxi.

When I finally got home... I started to get undressed and to my everlasting shame and humiliation I discovered the entire back of my pants wwere brown. My face got tingly and on fire as I thought "Maybe I sat in something in the cab?!" but then I saw that a little bit down the leg was also brown then I checked my undies and... the back of them were brown to.. I guess the sugary Gasolinas had caused me to have the runs during the party. Then I started to think back about us all having fun and laughing and now I am terrified that the fun was at my expense because I had shat myself! And even my estranged gf was there!!

I tried to convince myself it's not as bad as I think but when I checked Facebook it was all over. Then to make matters worse my gf's relationship status changed from "it's complicated" to "in a relationship" ! But we didn't even speak last night! Do you think she had sex with someone else!?!

I can't bring myself to get out of the bathtub and I'm thinking about, when this CD is over (because I forgot to put it on repeat), dropping my iPad in the water and ending it all.

woe is me, my heart is filled with woe

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:02

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 09:42

www: Aug 4, 2010

only one thing for it, back to drinking.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:05

ThePeavstenator: Dec 18, 2012; Establish the Buns

Now that you have posted this there is no safe quarter for you, in real life or the internet.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:08

JakeP: Apr 27, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Lipstick Apathy

I drink a lot and never drank enough that I poo poo my pants, and had it dripping down my leg and I was somehow still unaware.

You need more help than embarassment relief I think.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:14

Eric the Mauve: May 8, 2012; Making you happy for a buck since 199X

I'm pretty sure if it was that easy to self-electrocute by dropping your ipad into your bathwater it would have been in the news a few times by now.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:15

Nude Bog Lurker: Jan 2, 2007; Fun Shoe

Baba Ganoush posted:

Backstory:

-I have a drinking problem
-I quit drinking about 2 weeks ago and even made a thread about suffering delirium tremens during withdraw

So fast forward to last night, my friend's little sister is visiting from Puerto Rico. They have these pouch drinks called Gasolinas and traditionally they're usually reserved for teenage girls but I've had them before and liked them (because I'm not a Puerto Rican I transcend their sexist regional stereotypes). She happened to bring a few boxes and I decided to have one for old times sake and because it was sort of a special occasion.

The thing about Gasolinas is that they're basically just sugar and cheap liquor. I also realize now that I underestimated how much my tolerance for alcohol could change in just two weeks. So I had started drinking at 7 and was planning on just having a couple and leaveing because I thought it was only going to be us 3 hanging out for a little bit. By 8 though I had already drank 4 of them and more people started to show up.

Oh also, backstory, about 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I had become separated due to me mistaking her for a demon/alien during withdraw hallucinations. Well... guess who shows up that night? And obviously she wasn't happy to see me drinking again. I was pretty upset about that but decided to play it cool and did a pretty good job keeping things fun and happy. At the peak I think about ~15 people came and we were all just laughing the entire time.

I was sort of disappointed that I ended up pretty much hogging 2 boxes of Gasolinas all for myself but there was other alcohol there for other people. But, it sort of caused me to not have any alone time with my estranged girlfriend. I went home around 2:30 and that's basically what I was mopping about the entire time in the taxi.

When I finally got home... I started to get undressed and to my everlasting shame and humiliation I discovered the entire back of my pants wwere brown. My face got tingly and on fire as I thought "Maybe I sat in something in the cab?!" but then I saw that a little bit down the leg was also brown then I checked my undies and... the back of them were brown to.. I guess the sugary Gasolinas had caused me to have the runs during the party. Then I started to think back about us all having fun and laughing and now I am terrified that the fun was at my expense because I had shat myself! And even my estranged gf was there!!

I tried to convince myself it's not as bad as I think but when I checked Facebook it was all over. Then to make matters worse my gf's relationship status changed from "it's complicated" to "in a relationship" ! But we didn't even speak last night! Do you think she had sex with someone else!?!

I can't bring myself to get out of the bathtub and I'm thinking about, when this CD is over (because I forgot to put it on repeat), dropping my iPad in the water and ending it all.

woe is me, my heart is filled with woe

why would you make this up though

why

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:16

Vorik: Mar 27, 2014

Baba Ganoush posted:

Backstory:

-I have a drinking problem
-I quit drinking about 2 weeks ago and even made a thread about suffering delirium tremens during withdraw

So fast forward to last night, my friend's little sister is visiting from Puerto Rico. They have these pouch drinks called Gasolinas and traditionally they're usually reserved for teenage girls but I've had them before and liked them (because I'm not a Puerto Rican I transcend their sexist regional stereotypes). She happened to bring a few boxes and I decided to have one for old times sake and because it was sort of a special occasion.

The thing about Gasolinas is that they're basically just sugar and cheap liquor. I also realize now that I underestimated how much my tolerance for alcohol could change in just two weeks. So I had started drinking at 7 and was planning on just having a couple and leaveing because I thought it was only going to be us 3 hanging out for a little bit. By 8 though I had already drank 4 of them and more people started to show up.

Oh also, backstory, about 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I had become separated due to me mistaking her for a demon/alien during withdraw hallucinations. Well... guess who shows up that night? And obviously she wasn't happy to see me drinking again. I was pretty upset about that but decided to play it cool and did a pretty good job keeping things fun and happy. At the peak I think about ~15 people came and we were all just laughing the entire time.

I was sort of disappointed that I ended up pretty much hogging 2 boxes of Gasolinas all for myself but there was other alcohol there for other people. But, it sort of caused me to not have any alone time with my estranged girlfriend. I went home around 2:30 and that's basically what I was mopping about the entire time in the taxi.

When I finally got home... I started to get undressed and to my everlasting shame and humiliation I discovered the entire back of my pants wwere brown. My face got tingly and on fire as I thought "Maybe I sat in something in the cab?!" but then I saw that a little bit down the leg was also brown then I checked my undies and... the back of them were brown to.. I guess the sugary Gasolinas had caused me to have the runs during the party. Then I started to think back about us all having fun and laughing and now I am terrified that the fun was at my expense because I had shat myself! And even my estranged gf was there!!

I tried to convince myself it's not as bad as I think but when I checked Facebook it was all over. Then to make matters worse my gf's relationship status changed from "it's complicated" to "in a relationship" ! But we didn't even speak last night! Do you think she had sex with someone else!?!

I can't bring myself to get out of the bathtub and I'm thinking about, when this CD is over (because I forgot to put it on repeat), dropping my iPad in the water and ending it all.

woe is me, my heart is filled with woe

detectivemonkey is going to ban you for ruining the sanctity of e/n by badly fakeposting

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:23

Wootman: Sep 6, 2014; by XyloJW

i think you should sever, your head off your neck.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:25

EB Nulshit: Apr 12, 2014; It was more disappointing (and surprising) when I found that even most of Manhattan isn't like Times Square.

No, guys, you should always assume that even if the OP is fakeposting, there are people reading this who unironically agree with the OP, so you need respond in earnest so that

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:40

MasBrillante: Dec 3, 2005; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Yeah, I guess I don't understand why someone would pretend to have shat their pants.I feel like only a weirdo would do that.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:43

defectivemonkey: Jun 5, 2012

My thorough detective work [clicking "Post History" and scanning for like a minute] shows that you were posting all night with no typos. EXPLAIN YOURSELF, OP.

Also guy seriously don't joke about suicide in E/N even in fake posts because then I have to consider whether I have to ban you and it's annoying.

# ? Jan 31, 2015 23:58

Wanamingo: Feb 22, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Stop loving drinking so much, you gently caress.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 00:38

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

You're embarrassed that you poo poo your pants and didn't realize it, but you're not bothered that you have a drinking problem so severe that went you went cold turkey you hallucinated? Jesus, get your priorities straight.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 01:17

Wootman: Sep 6, 2014; by XyloJW

detectivemonkey posted:

My thorough detective work [clicking "Post History" and scanning for like a minute] shows that you were posting all night with no typos. EXPLAIN YOURSELF, OP.

Also guy seriously don't joke about suicide in E/N even in fake posts because then I have to consider whether I have to ban you and it's annoying.

im sorry

# ? Feb 1, 2015 01:49

cheese sandwich: Feb 9, 2009

The hangover from binging that sweet poo poo all night must be unbareable

# ? Feb 1, 2015 01:58

Secks Cauldron: Aug 26, 2006; I thought they closed that place down!

Own the pants-making GBS threads. Professional marathon runners poo poo themselves all the time during races so just tell everyone that you're a marathon runner and you just got back from a big race.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 02:52

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

You know, never in all my long years of hard drinking, coke snorting, crack smoking, and heroin shooting have I ever seen someone poo poo themselves due to intoxication, save that one woman i was in lockup with who poo poo herself after she died because she swallowed about a fuckton of coke. You kids are doing it wrong or something.

almightyerin fucked around with this message at 04:35 on Feb 1, 2015

# ? Feb 1, 2015 02:54

Shithouse Dave: Aug 5, 2007; each post manufactured to the highest specifications

Failing at suicide because you thought your iPad would electrocute you will be even more embarrassing so don't bother, OP. Choose a more reliable method instead.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 03:08

Shithouse Dave: Aug 5, 2007; each post manufactured to the highest specifications

Also I once sharted the morning after a heavy drug and drink binge, but I was at home and nobody ever knew about it until just now. It was unmistakeable when it happened too, I don't know how it's possible for a person to have a thing come through their sphincter and not notice. Is your sphincter somehow desensitized? Are you into pegging or something?

# ? Feb 1, 2015 03:10

rio: Mar 20, 2008

Just start wearing diapers and continue drinking. This isn't exactly rocket science.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 03:31

PT6A: Jan 5, 2006; Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane

almightyerin posted:

You know, never in all my long years of hard drinking, coke snorting, crack smoking, heroin shooting years have I ever seen someone poo poo themselves due to intoxication, save that one woman i was in lockup with who poo poo herself after she died because she swallowed about a fuckton of coke. You kids are doing it wrong or something.

I've seen it once, when someone who'd never done MDMA did way too much of it all at once.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 03:33

HOT! New Memes: May 31, 2006

I'm your ex girlfriends new boyfriend. She likes that I don't poo my self at parties from drinking caprisuns

# ? Feb 1, 2015 03:41

Nwabudike Morgan: Dec 31, 2007

classic pants making GBS threads thread ground floor is right HERE boys

# ? Feb 1, 2015 04:41

Maggie Fletcher: Jul 19, 2009; Getting brunch is more important to me than other peoples lives.

I kept waiting for the punchline, some hilarious awful pun or something...OP, are you serious?

On the chance that you are: I am a moderate drinker, and have made an embarrassment of myself on more than one occasion. But if you're in so deep that you're having alcohol withdrawal symptoms like hallucination and delusions and making GBS threads yourself without realizing it and wondering if maybe your friends were laughing AT you and not WITH you, you need to quit cold turkey, find a program and a sponsor, and stay away from the lovely (ha) girly drinks. Also, get new friends, because if they WERE laughing at you, they're shits (ha) themselves. Get friends who you can trust to tell about your addiction and recovery, and who will be advocates for you and not feed you drinks knowing you're so dependent on alcohol that quitting causes you actual, literal hallucinations.

Edit: should not have used quotes around alcohol withdrawal; I'm sure they're real.

Maggie Fletcher fucked around with this message at 07:12 on Feb 1, 2015

# ? Feb 1, 2015 06:28

Baba Ganoush: Oct 12, 2014; Dinosaur Gum

Eric the Mauve posted:

I'm pretty sure if it was that easy to self-electrocute by dropping your ipad into your bathwater it would have been in the news a few times by now.

confirming it doesn't work :saddowns:

# ? Feb 1, 2015 06:41

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

pooop poop pooooopie pooop, OP

# ? Feb 1, 2015 07:23

Otto Von Jizzmark: Dec 27, 2004

Op I think you could benefit a lot from therapy. Talking with someone about the tough issues of binge drinking alcoholism and separating from lovers can really improve your mental health. People care about you and get through this and tell yourself "it's ok".

# ? Feb 1, 2015 07:41

Aryu Kiddimeh: Nov 9, 2012

ya you can't recover, and I can't help you :/

# ? Feb 1, 2015 08:21

Aryu Kiddimeh: Nov 9, 2012

jk, probly no one noticed ?

# ? Feb 1, 2015 08:22

Shasta Orange Soda: Apr 25, 2007

a fakepost so bad that even e/n won't pretend to believe it is pretty embarrassing, i agree, but with enough time and a new username, you will recover. good luck

# ? Feb 1, 2015 10:52

Arnold of Soissons: Mar 4, 2011; by XyloJW

Baba Ganoush posted:

Backstory:

-I have a drinking problem
-I quit drinking about 2 weeks ago and even made a thread about suffering delirium tremens during withdraw

So fast forward to last night, my friend's little sister is visiting from Puerto Rico. They have these pouch drinks called Gasolinas and traditionally they're usually reserved for teenage girls but I've had them before and liked them (because I'm not a Puerto Rican I transcend their sexist regional stereotypes). She happened to bring a few boxes and I decided to have one for old times sake and because it was sort of a special occasion.

The thing about Gasolinas is that they're basically just sugar and cheap liquor. I also realize now that I underestimated how much my tolerance for alcohol could change in just two weeks. So I had started drinking at 7 and was planning on just having a couple and leaveing because I thought it was only going to be us 3 hanging out for a little bit. By 8 though I had already drank 4 of them and more people started to show up.

Oh also, backstory, about 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I had become separated due to me mistaking her for a demon/alien during withdraw hallucinations. Well... guess who shows up that night? And obviously she wasn't happy to see me drinking again. I was pretty upset about that but decided to play it cool and did a pretty good job keeping things fun and happy. At the peak I think about ~15 people came and we were all just laughing the entire time.

I was sort of disappointed that I ended up pretty much hogging 2 boxes of Gasolinas all for myself but there was other alcohol there for other people. But, it sort of caused me to not have any alone time with my estranged girlfriend. I went home around 2:30 and that's basically what I was mopping about the entire time in the taxi.

When I finally got home... I started to get undressed and to my everlasting shame and humiliation I discovered the entire back of my pants wwere brown. My face got tingly and on fire as I thought "Maybe I sat in something in the cab?!" but then I saw that a little bit down the leg was also brown then I checked my undies and... the back of them were brown to.. I guess the sugary Gasolinas had caused me to have the runs during the party. Then I started to think back about us all having fun and laughing and now I am terrified that the fun was at my expense because I had shat myself! And even my estranged gf was there!!

I tried to convince myself it's not as bad as I think but when I checked Facebook it was all over. Then to make matters worse my gf's relationship status changed from "it's complicated" to "in a relationship" ! But we didn't even speak last night! Do you think she had sex with someone else!?!

I can't bring myself to get out of the bathtub and I'm thinking about, when this CD is over (because I forgot to put it on repeat), dropping my iPad in the water and ending it all.

woe is me, my heart is filled with woe

Last night you thought they were laughing with you and the girl liked you, because alcohol helped you have a positive outlook

Today your own personal looser outlook is that they were laughing AT you and that the girl hates you because your own personal outlook sucks

The answer is to have a drink, right now. Hell, lets all have one.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 11:22

Arnold of Soissons: Mar 4, 2011; by XyloJW

almightyerin posted:

You know, never in all my long years of hard drinking, coke snorting, crack smoking, and heroin shooting have I ever seen someone poo poo themselves due to intoxication, save that one woman i was in lockup with who poo poo herself after she died because she swallowed about a fuckton of coke. You kids are doing it wrong or something.

Huge fat lardo alchys do it when they try to fart sometimes

# ? Feb 1, 2015 11:25

Some of the Sheep: May 25, 2005; POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?

Baba Ganoush posted:

confirming it doesn't work

Useless oval office.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 13:53

Acres of Quakers: May 6, 2006

Your pants are just a metaphor for this thread OP.

# ? Feb 1, 2015 15:29

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

bro, im sorry, but if u kill urself ull poop ur pants 2

# ? Feb 2, 2015 04:14

too much dead rat: Nov 7, 2009; You think you're looking at me through some window, when all you're really doing is looking in a mirror.

I don't care if this happened or not, it happened.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 05:33

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

I have been drinking, and I was putting off getting out of my chair to use the toilet. You gave me the strength OP.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 05:56

Dizz: Feb 14, 2010; L L

I love Toilet Humor.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 07:14

Shbobdb: Dec 16, 2010; by Reene

Obligatory Gasolina post:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3HvWXj5sEY

Yeah, so, in 12 step programs they have a whole bit about apologizing to people. They also have a (less publicized) part about not hanging out with the people you used to hang out with. You should maybe do both. Awkwardly apologize to these people then disappear from their lives like smoke.

Poof.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 08:55

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 09:42

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Shbobdb posted:

Obligatory Gasolina post:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3HvWXj5sEY

Yeah, so, in 12 step programs they have a whole bit about apologizing to people. They also have a (less publicized) part about not hanging out with the people you used to hang out with. You should maybe do both. Awkwardly apologize to these people then disappear from their lives like smoke.

Poof.

Agreed OP you should awkwardly apologize for this bad thread and then stop posting.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 09:05

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I don't think I can recover from this embarrassment. Help!

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