I am an "internet palm(post) reader" I can tell you your future here

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I am an "internet palm(post) reader" I can tell you your future here

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Post whatever "suits you".

I can accurately predict financial boons/failures, romantic relationships, deaths etc.....

other palm(post) readers are not allowed in this thread BTW

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 14:51

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 07:49

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Not_Rainbow_Horse posted:

you will break the guiness world record for suckin cock, good job champ

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 14:57

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Not_Rainbow_Horse posted:

thank god, all this practice i've been getting down at the glory hole wont go to waste.

sadly you will not break even, suckin all that cock will net you -$48.37.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 14:59

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

you will marry a beautiful woman and make some beautiful babies, your wife will eventually lose her mind and drown the kids in the bathtub. No wife increases your work productivity and you make CEO and gently caress a bunch a strippers until you die of a heart attack at 74 years old.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:01

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

VoxIsMyCowboy posted:

Tupac Shakur is alive

Tupac Shakur will kill you in a "car accident" later this week.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:02

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Uncle at Nintendo posted:

you will totally bro out with your bros until you are 45 years and then you will manage a mcdonalds or something kinda hazy actually,

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:04

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Applewhite posted:

*Holds out hand for palm reading*

This hand will touch the semen of five guys in the next 48 hours, you are a pervert

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:25

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Uncle at Nintendo posted:

I'm actually district manager of McDonald's, so you predict a demotion I see

Yeah you kill a homeless man in a drunk driving episode at a burger King at the age of 43 and 1/2 years old. The regional VP is more upset about you eating at the BK and demotes you. There is nothing you can do to change the future, FYI

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:28

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Luvcow posted:

Texas is a large and beautiful state

You will find riches as a porn producer, catering to a very specific Fetish. Texans cuckolding Oklahomans.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:31

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Ocean Book posted:

tell me

Car crash 10:47am April 27th 2019 in Miami Florida. A family of four dies and you are responsible because you are on a coke bender. You go to jail and get raped alot.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 15:36

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Uncle at Nintendo posted:

But it is against my religion to drink booze

This changes when your wife leaves you for your pastor. Sorry bro

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 16:01

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

SquadronROE posted:

*presses butt to screen for butt reading*

you will lose your butt in a freak chainsaw accident, doctors will offer to remove your arms to make butt flesh so will can have a butt again. I only know you will make the decision not what you will choose.

mrwuss posted:

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You are the devil and will become the mayor of Detroit, Michigan one day

Blue Train posted:

*reaches out with smegma and cum covered hand*

Same poo poo. different day for you.

memy posted:

Post

You will never learn to talk to girls, but will attend every e3 event for the rest of your life.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 16:17

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

utterlycorrupt posted:

I don't like the word titillate. It seems inaccurate

you will lead a perfectly normal life, except for the fact your husband gets pregnant and no can figure out how it happened. Yes I meant to type husband, doctors worldwide are baffled.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 16:44

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Icon Of Sin posted:

Balls Johnson here

you will eventually lose your balls and become what you have always wanted to be, which is a woman!

October Revolution posted:

there's INDIAN left overs in the fridge but I am too lazy to microwave so instead I ate tortilla chips and my phone gets excited when I use the word INDIAN

you will marry a beautiful indian lady, only problem is she has been gang-raped and your little weiner doesn't please her. Her parents will hate you because you love eating cows.

Protocol7 posted:

am i going to die

You will die trying to save a kitten who got stuck in a tree, your too fat and break some limps and fall to ground cracking your skull open on a concrete curb. Onlookers scream in horror at your hosed up head, the kitten lands on your enormous gut and survives undamaged. Keeping living an unhealthy life style it will save a cat someday.

Professor Tomtom posted:

you are a fisherman and will catch some bigass fish and sharks and just chill by the ocean and not really do anything with your life ever except fish.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 17:02

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Dr Cheeto posted:

I've got a tattoo of Florida on my dick

you aren't smart enough to understand or comprehend this but you are "florida man". You will live to the age of 173 years, your last 73 years you will survive on nothing more than meth and stale donuts.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 17:33

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Applewhite posted:

I was hoping you'd tell me something I didn't already know.

your dad will not be one of them, he dies

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 17:35

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Glaucus atlanticus posted:

I hope you are having a good day op.

Money. Bitches. Weed. in your future

ScrotoTurboSperg posted:

That feeling when you wake up and all the horrible gbs posters are active.

Have i died and gone to hell already

to your surprise goons legitimately think your a good poster. But IRL you are terrible at all the things you think you are good at, lover, brother, son, employee, student scholar etc....

SniperWoreConverse posted:

it's time for me to grasp fate

Your future is exactly what you are doing today for the rest of your life, grasp it my brother.

ScrotoTurboSperg posted:

GOTTA GET A GRIP

You are a gangsta grippin wood grain stirring wheels and pistol grip shotguns, you die of an untreated STD at the age of 38. You can't resist the temptation of rachet rear end bitches, this is your biggest regret on your death bed. Real gangsta don't get STDs in your narrow world view. You are too afraid to tell your gangsta bros and infect all of them via "nigga" lipping blunts. They all got treated and you were too stupid to seek medical treatment.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 18:26

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 07:49

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

I.C. posted:

I would like to be advised, please.

You will mastermind a terrorist attack on saudi arabia. Brief case Nuke in major city/sand outpost or whatever would piss them off the most. This starts WW3 and you end western civilization. Basically you are biggest rear end in a top hat ever, congrats

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 21:22

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I am an "internet palm(post) reader" I can tell you your future here