Croatio: A Land of Contrasts

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Arnold of Soissons: Mar 4, 2011; by XyloJW

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Fuuuck. I'm broke. Spent the last $4 on a pack of cigs which I burned off a few hours ago. Then my friend brought me more cigs which I'm smoking now but I'm out of beer GODDAMNIT.

What happened is that one of my tenants hasn't paid his rent this month (haven't seen this one coming, really) and I ended up having to live on $200 for the past month, the most of which was wisely invested in beer and smokes. Haven't paid any of the utilities and the power company is getting real antsy about my $300 debt for some reason (I'm only about two months late)

So this is the prologue. I need to tell you more stuff tho.

I thought that hey, maybe I could use the ole "get a job you loser" rationale and I went out and got a loving job.

Was supposed to start working a week ago.

However.

I got high as a kite on biperiden the night before (it's a deliriant, think "Ambien the Unholy") and wrecked my poo poo real good. I consumed a heroic amount of pills, lost my mind and started ingesting every chemical in the apartment I could lay my paws upon. I ate all of my antidepressants but ended up chewing them, and, noticing they taste bad, spit them out the apartment window and onto the downstairs people's laundry.

At one point I accidentally some dish soap. This resulted in violent puking and not much later, a foamy poop volcano.

I passed out in a pool of puke at this point. The puke has soaked into the hardwood floor and now the apartment smells like a filthy litterbox containing cat chunks and rotting watermelon. I mopped the floor this afternoon but the whole place still stinks. I may have puked in a mystery location so in the morning imma get on all fours and search for more puke.

Now, what happened is that I poo poo my pants on the day I was supposed to start working (at a paper mill), and the lady from the factory was not impressed when I told her what happened - it was one of those moronically honest moments when you start talking about puke (and soap) to a random stranger.

I had essentially fired myself right on the spot, without even having to leave my place. This is basement dwelling 2.0.

Now I need to find $300 so I won't be disconnected from the Internet due to a profound lack of electricity. Any ideas (preferrably something that doesn't involve a lot of work, such as leaving my room etc.)