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My soul seems to stand alone on a huge torus — a torus as big as the earth. I stand tall and unafraid and yet I am aware of looking out into nothingness. It is almost as if time reversed itself and I stand in the void before creation. I wait in silence. Although my faculties operate in the midst of daily occupations, joys and distress, my soul is somehow separated from these realities and at the same time immersed within them. All goes on as usual but with a constant awareness of being alone, looking out into a void. There are times my soul cries out "Cheerios" but no answer is heard. While silence is the only response, there is an awareness of Cereal.
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Apr 24, 2015 18:53
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There are 10 hot ancient grains to watch, but only three of them are known and of those three only one can be named.
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Apr 24, 2015 18:54
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poo poo, guys, I dropped a Cheerio off my spoon and it hit my leg and burned right through my pants! I don't think it was even warm when it was in my bowl, but it's burning my thigh really badly and I can't seem to move it  e: strike that, the cheerio is now gone. I guess it must have fallen off and I didn't notice? It did leave a Cheerio-shaped splotch on my skin, and it KINDA still hurts but I put some ice on it and I'm fine. Shame about my pants though e2: moved the ice and there's a second cheerio burn. I'm like 95% sure I only dropped one.
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Apr 24, 2015 18:58
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One ancient grain is actually a seed. Another ancient grain is an egg and inside of that egg is a key and that key can open the chest that contains the essence of the dread one.
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Apr 24, 2015 18:59
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Cheerio marks still spreading. There's like six of them now. I went to check WebMD because I thought it might be lyme disease but my computer appears to have been replaced with a roiling mass of centipedes crawling endlessly through tiny beige hoops (phoneposting now obv). No idea WHEN that happened.
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Apr 24, 2015 19:02
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You may notice that there is a tall eyeless man in the room where you traditionally consume cheerios. This is very good.
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Apr 24, 2015 19:04
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loquacius posted:Cheerio marks still spreading. There's like six of them now. I went to check WebMD because I thought it might be lyme disease but my computer appears to have been replaced with a roiling mass of centipedes crawling endlessly through tiny beige hoops (phoneposting now obv). No idea WHEN that happened.
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Apr 24, 2015 19:05
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Went looking for Cheerios + Ancient Grains at my local supermarket, but when I tried to take some off the shelf, I discovered what I'd initially taken to be a row of boxes was just an impossibly detailed false-depth painting. I went to complain to the manager but after yelling at him for several minutes I discovered he was just a painting as well! Not a fan of this new ad campaign or whatever it is.
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Apr 24, 2015 19:05
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Applewhite posted:Went looking for Cheerios + Ancient Grains at my local supermarket, but when I tried to take some off the shelf, I discovered what I'd initially taken to be a row of boxes was just an impossibly detailed false-depth painting. I went to complain to the manager but after yelling at him for several minutes I discovered he was just a painting as well! Yeah my store pulled that one on me too, classic  Rest assured, if you check your pantry you will find your box, made just for you, waiting for you invitingly
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Apr 24, 2015 19:11
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loquacius posted:Yeah my store pulled that one on me too, classic
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Apr 24, 2015 19:12
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No mercy for breakfast
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Apr 24, 2015 19:13
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woke up this morning and i hear hundreds, thousands, millions of rats skittering inside my walls. i think i'm having pop-tarts for breakfast today
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Apr 24, 2015 19:19
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loquacius posted:Yeah my store pulled that one on me too, classic It... it has my name on it. Like, incorporated into the logo, not just written on the box.
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Apr 24, 2015 19:19
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I opened my box but there was no cereal inside, just an endless void inhabited solely by a cursed star. I want to leave my house to return it to the store, but every time I try to walk out my front door I only find myself back in my kitchen.
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Apr 24, 2015 19:19
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It pays to look at the ingredients before you buy, I was going to buy some but passed since I'm sensitive to "FD&C Red No. 40 out of Space" also, concerned mom posted:they should do a cross with cap'n crunch and call it ancient mariner
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Apr 24, 2015 19:22
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In the world of colorful cereal packaging, the monochrome woodcut box design of Cheerios + Ancient Grains certainly stands out. Customer surveys consistently show that the images depicted "awaken long-shunned hungers".
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Apr 24, 2015 19:43
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As you might have suspected nothing you just heard is true, the real story about the Cheerios Ancient Grains (CAG) is quite different. It’s worth mentioning that the reason that goons focus in on the CAG is because all of the other known ancient cereals have now been proven to be fakes [1] and even Lowtax admits this. “Scientific tests have determined that the two owned by the Food Lion and the Kroger were not authentic pre-Columbian cereals.” The CAG was the last hope for a real one, and the only reason it was the last hope is because the daughter of Richard Kyanka, while she was alive, refused to have an official study done to see if it was fake or not. Rather than that she toured around with it in cereal conventions and the like, until she recently died.
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Apr 24, 2015 20:23
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guys do you know where i can get more cheerios with ancient grains? my grocery store is deserted and i'm so hungry.
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Apr 24, 2015 22:41
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update: okay so i'm ghostposting now cos the poo poo kept flooding my apartment and I drowned in it. VERY unpleasant (and unexpected) way to go. I'm hovering over my dead gay poo poo-smeared corpse in the medical examiners office atm. he seems frustrated that "drowned in poo poo from an eldritch cereal curse" won't fit on the death certificate. so he just wrote "poo poo" instead. thanks a lot, doc. on the bright side, his secretary is a smoking hot brunette and I can fly through walls now. guess whose house I'm gonna be haunting 
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Apr 24, 2015 22:46
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The king in yellow despairs at the sogginess of his ancient Cereal; looks up, follows his neighbor's Cat out into the Rue Barrée...and does not look back.
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Apr 24, 2015 22:48
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They say the fields where ancient grains are sown become twisted. Twisted how seems indescribable, nor is where such a field may be found ever mentioned by those I interviewed. All I know is the farmers in this small west Michigan town seem more distant, more hardened. They fear its spread into their lives.
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Apr 24, 2015 22:57
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Monsanto has searched far and wide through the black Jungles of Kaziim and beneath haunted pyramids of long forgotten sects to find the oldest most ancient wheat genetics. Twisting these dark seeds through modern science we're proud to present this bold flavor throwback. Please enjoy responsibly.
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Apr 24, 2015 22:58
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carrion kit posted:Monsanto has searched far and wide through the black Jungles of Kaziim and beneath haunted pyramids of long forgotten sects to find the oldest most ancient wheat genetics. Twisting these dark seeds through modern science we're proud to present this bold flavor throwback. Please enjoy responsibly. Side effects may include: extra limbs, phantom visitations from deceased advertising executives, distortion of vision, spontaneous subcutaneous plant growth, and physically manifested abstract concepts having seminars in your psyche, among others
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Apr 24, 2015 23:09
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The whispering Always the whispering 7 grains for 7 kings 7̡̤̩̞ ̙̮͍͈͍̕͞g̢̲͇r̷̙̤͇̝͉̀a̘̪͈̳̟̕ͅi̛͉̯̯̱n̷̲̲̭̣͡s̺̣̖̣ ̸̨͓͓̟͎͚͍́f̨̗̝̩̭̟́͡o̡͈͉ͅr͕̱̺̗ ̶̤̮̹͇̰̼̀ͅͅ7͏̨̲͙̤͎̦̥͕̹ ̨̼̠̲̺͓̭̼̮̪͠k̛̼͓̣͍͖̺̜̦i̢͕n̵̡̬͓̲͍͖͓̯ǵ͇̜̮s̷̘͕̜̗͝ ̪̥̼̗̫̩̠͎̳̀͜͢
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Apr 25, 2015 02:20
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Hail! didn't listen to the crier nor any of the past several hours of debate at the forum! just wondering if anyone can give me a rundown on the differences between whole grains and ancient grains. I know it's probably already been discussed at length several times but I didn't listen!
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Apr 25, 2015 02:47
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Tashan Dorrsett posted:Hail! didn't listen to the crier nor any of the past several hours of debate at the forum! just wondering if anyone can give me a rundown on the differences between whole grains and ancient grains. I know it's probably already been discussed at length several times but I didn't listen! gnarlyhotep posted:Side effects may include: extra limbs, phantom visitations from deceased advertising executives, distortion of vision, spontaneous subcutaneous plant growth, and physically manifested abstract concepts having seminars in your psyche, among others
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Apr 25, 2015 02:48
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Three grains for the Elven-Kings under the sky Seven for the dwarf lords, with their bowls of stone Nine for mortal men doomed to die One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Monsanto where the shadows lie, One grain to rule them all, one grain to find them, one grain to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Monsanto where the shadows lie
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Apr 25, 2015 02:57
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i stepped outside in order to drive to the store and to my amazement there was water falling from the sky. rain, in california. clearly we have trifled with forces beyond our comprehension
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Apr 25, 2015 03:08
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I haven't noticed much. i just finished writing an aramaic manuscript in blood and feces on the wall of my house. I don't speak or write aramaic, which is a little weird i guess but i feel fine.
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Apr 25, 2015 03:09
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This cereal gives me the shits I tell you what. Also I'm making GBS threads scorpions for some reason.
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Apr 25, 2015 03:10
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Applewhite posted:Anyone else ever notice that when you hold the box up to a mirror the pictures and writing aren't backward? I got that too, but as soon as I looked away from the mirror the box I was holding somehow became mirrored? Then I started looking around and I noticed everything else in my house was backwards too. Kind of weird but I guess I'm getting used to it.
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Apr 25, 2015 03:18
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Applewhite posted:This cereal gives me the shits I tell you what.
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Apr 25, 2015 03:20
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I'm so hungry i can't stop eating oh god
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Apr 25, 2015 03:28
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i have partaken of the grains
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Apr 25, 2015 12:04
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I spent months tracking down the source of these corrupted grains. In a valley untouched by time, I found a farm where the fields are rows of human limbs, harvested by golems of wheat, their faces ever-swirling compositions of cereal.
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Apr 25, 2015 12:23
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the year is 2142 and humanity is on the brink. the gluten free prophets tried to warn us, but we were too arrogant to listen it's only a matter of time before the nano-cheerios find us here and reduce us down to our base cereal elements to feed the motherbowl. my only hope is that the next planet they find is more prepared than we were
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Apr 25, 2015 12:31
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DO NOT give Cheerios Ancient Grains to pigeons I boarded up my windows but somehow they still know where I am at all times the skittering on the roof above my bed keeps me up at night and they won't let me leave fortunately the grains give me the energy to keep going and going and going, I haven't slept in weeks but I feel just fine 9/10 great cereal, but for human consumption only
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Apr 25, 2015 13:59
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I had some for breakfast the other day and now every time I close my eyes I see the unfathomable realities of the universe. it is very difficult to sleep while uncontrollably screaming! definitely going to write a letter to general mills as soon as the address stops blurring out every time I try to look it up
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Apr 25, 2015 16:24
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i've been eating ancient grains for pretty much every meal a day since i found out about them. i keep finding mutilated rodents and pets around my neighborhood. i dont think they're necessarily related though.
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Apr 25, 2015 16:26
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my wife had celiac's but after I force fed cheerios with ancient grains to her, she was cured. the body of gluten, the cup of salvation
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Apr 25, 2015 17:00
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