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It was like any other ordinary day at Bluffington High for Doug Funnie. He sat in Ms. Kristal's science class, bored, day dreaming about the love of his life Patty Mayonaise. He couldn't get her golden star shaped locks out of his head. It seemed as if the more he thought about it the less he was attached to the real world. For a moment he needed to recuperate himself and collect his thoughts. It would be an embarrassing next week if he had got called up to the front of the room to solve a problem on the board with such a large problem in his pants. But before he could quell his hormonal thoughts they were stopped abruptly against his will. Sitting in the seat ahead of him he spied Roger Klotz bending over to pick up a pencil he had dropped on the floor while laying over his desk barely paying attention. While bending over Doug's eyes were immediately drawn to the horror before him. Roger Klotz was wearing a thong. A thong for women. "What the fu..." Doug whispered quietly to himself. This was something that Doug could not internalize and comprehend. This wasn't right. Roger shouldn't be wearing women's clothing. But at that very moment Doug had a brilliant plan. This was his chance to get back at Roger for all the abuse he had endured for years. He was going to do it. "ROGER IS WEARING A THONG!" Doug screamed loudly right in the middle of class. The class all fell silent for a short moment before erupting into laughter. Roger's face turned a pale green. The laughing continued for what seemed like forever until Ms. Kristal had lost complete control of the class. That is, until someone else managed to take control. A shy student by the name of Psyopmonkey stood up on her desk and screamed as loud as possible. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!" her scream echoed across the room, and it fell silent. "This is what's wrong with the world today!" she started. "The year is 2015 people. Being gender fluid is a completely legitamite thing. You sit here and mock Roger Klotz, but do any of you know the real Roger Klotz? Deep down under his leather jacket and tough exterior is a kind and loving person who happens to self identify as female. And none of you would understand." Her voice bean to trail off slightly. "And that, is why I have decided to martyr myself for this cause to shed national attention on this subject. To create real change. To create real acceptance." Psyopmonkey then dug into xir backpack and grabbed a 9mm pistol. xhe raised it to xer head and closed xer eyes tightly. And just like that it was all over. The trigger was pulled. Brains scattered everywhere. Children were screaming. Vice Principal Lemar Bone heard the shots while doing his hourly corridor patrol and ran in to see the scene unfolding around him (PDQ). He couldn't control himself, and he began to masturbate furiously at the horrific scene of blood and violence and shame. Later that day after school had been canceled and Principal Bone fired, no one had heard anything about the incident on the news. It's as if no one cared. A champion of a cause had died for nothing. This plagued Doug. He needed to clear his mind so he hopped on his bike and pedaled his way down to the Honker Burger to meet Patty Mayonnaise to talk about his lovely high school feelings. When he got there she was no where to be found. He started to feel a wave of anxiety over him like he had never felt before. This is why he always kept a few nips of whiskey with him in his bag Just to cool off an mellow out. He tried giving Patty a call on her cellphone and she didn't pick up until what felt like the last ring before a voice mail. "Where are you?" Doug asked, almost slurring his words. He had drank a little too much to quick in hindsight. "I'm behind the Honker Burger, right in the back" she answered him, almost seductively. Doug pedaled his feet as fast as he could to the rear end of the Honker Burger. And that's where he found her. Naked. Waiting on a blanket. Without a second thought did what he needed to do and took her right there behind the Honker Burger. All while losing his virginity. Things were going so great. It was like Doug was a porn star. But he probably should be after the amount of porn he watched in his daily life. That was until when she came. As she did she screamed "I SELF IDENTIFY AS A MAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!" All at once in shock, horror, pleasure, and ecstasy Doug came as well. Little did he know that that little sperm would impregnate Ms. Mayonnaise. And later go on to birth forums poster Redshirt. Windows 98 fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Apr 27, 2015 |
# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:15 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 19:21 |
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Voted 1 you're a sick gently caress op
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:16 |
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if patty mayonnaise was patty aioli maybe i would slut ----------------
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:16 |
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Lol that was enjoyable. Tell us about the gay saga of Skeeter & Mr Boffo
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:19 |
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I wish Hakan would come back.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:24 |
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the year is 2015 doug is now mayor of bluffington he is married to patty mayonaise and they have a son of their own. "honk honk" skeeter says as he enters the bedroom and whips out his enormous blue rod "now you'll see why they call me Skeeter!" he tells doug as he rams his manhood into patty. doug touches himself as he watches skeeter satisfy his wife in a way he never would. porkchop has been dead for 11 years
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:35 |
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Nooner posted:the year is 2015 doug is now mayor of bluffington he is married to patty mayonaise and they have a son of their own. Very nice I like the abrupt ending and the reminder that nothing is forever. 4/5
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:38 |
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Doug left his house wondering what adventures he would get into this evening with Mr. Dink. He has called him after school, raving about his latest gadget he had ordered from MegaCorp. Doug hoped it would be a neat virtual reality system, then he could finally be with Patty, the girl of his dreams. He entered Mr. Dink's basement and found the man tinkering with a metallic helmet. "Oh Boy Mr. Dink, is that a virtual reality machine?" Doug screeched excitedly. "Hah, right you are Douglas my boy. I've just about got it ready, why not pour yourself a drink?" Mr. Dink replied kindly. "Oh uhh, I don't really drink Mr. Dink." "Nonsense, the machine only works if you're drinking whiskey. Especially from that tall brown bottle with the cracked seal." "Well, if that's the only way it'll work." Doug poured himself a glass of whiskey and began sipping it shyly. The potent liquor burned in his mouth and he coughed and sputtered, but he would not be deterred. Years of fantasizing about Patty would be finally realized this night. Or the closest thing he could hope for at least! "Alright Douglas, that should do it. Have another glass of that and you should be set. What did you want to do in your very own virtual world?" "Oh Mr. Dink, I wanted to go on a date with Patty Mayonnaise. We could go to Funkytown and go on the rides and check out the midway and it'll just be the best. Maybe the Beets could even be playing a concert there!" Mr. Dink smiled at Doug's excitement and began counting down in his mind when the tainted liquor would begin to take hold. "That's wonderful Douglas! Ah, young love. I remember when I first got the nerve to ask Mrs. Dink out to the malt shoppe. This will be just like that for you, only wearing a metal helmet in an old man's basement." "Hey that's not very.." Doug began and then trailed off. His mouth suddenly felt very thick and heavy, the whiskey bottle falling from his stupid clumsy hands. "Whass gnng onn Misther Dink?" "Ah Douglas but you are a bigger lightweight than I thought. Ah well, even better. Sorry my boy but this "helmet" here is just the lid from my barbeque. The real game begins now." Doug managed to take one wobbly step towards the door before his world faded and he collapsed onto the green shag carpet. "Excellent" Mr. Dink murmured. "Excellent. Hyuck Hyuck!" He lifted the prone boy off the ground and kicked open the trap door to the under cellar. Head pounding, Doug opened one bleary eye. It stung from the eyeliner roughly applied to it, and the fake lashes irritated him. He tried to rub his face, but his arms wouldn't seem to move. He tried to get up and found his entire body was stuck into position. Doug was trapped in a hard plastic feminine form, firmly locked into place. Shaking his head in denial, he noticed his blonde wig unfurling, tickling him softly on the cheek. Ball gag tied firmly into place, all he could do was cry and sputtered against the hard red rubber. "Ah, you've awoken. Well pervert, now its really time for your altered reality. You're my Patty Mayonnaise now fuckboi." The under cellar door crashed shut, the finality of the noise numbing Doug into a frozen ball of fear. "Lets see how you like the taste of these beets bitch!"
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:45 |
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Blue was really black. You didn't fool me nickelodeon. I saw through your lies.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:47 |
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I have the drunk part done but neither know nor care about any of the other poo poo going on itt
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:53 |
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nine years ago i got drunk and wrote this quote:Skeeter's hands trembled as he uncorked the bottle. Never had he been so nervous as he was now, crouched behind a bush outside the Honker Burger, waiting for the opportunity he had been planning for weeks now. He took the rag out of his pocket, and peered in the large glass window. Judy had just dumped her tray in the garbage, and would be walking through the front door at any second. "Come on, Valentine, get a hold of yourself!" Skeeter mumbled under his breath, dousing the rag with the chloroform. He looked up, and saw his mark.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:55 |
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Judy Funnie was in a nervous panic. Her mom has met her boyfriend Kyle and invited him to dinner. She knew it was going to be a train wreck, but there was no way to back out now. She was primarily concerned with her brother, Doug. he was always messing things up. Why did she have to have been born into a family with an autistic brother with multiple personality disorder. He was always pretending to be some stupid character or the next. It annoyed her to no end. She prayed silently to herself that he would just sit quietly and the night would be over as soon as possible. Unfortunately things didn't go as planned. When the dinner started she saw her brother Doug starting to twitch subtly. That was his sign. His trigger. He was changing into someone else. Who would it be this time? "Excuse me Doug. Can you go get the lasagna out of the oven. I heard the timer go off" Theda Funnie asked Doug. Seemingly lost in his own thought he didn't hear her at first. And then it hit him. He agreed and got up and pulled the lasagna out of the oven. Little did they know the surprise that he had in store for them when he got back. He was a secret agent now. He had to look forward. He knew that he had to keep up appearances until just the right time, then sever. Leave the old life he had lived behind. So he did. He casually strolled back into the dining room with the lasagna. As he went by he felt the urge to relish in his pleasure. He had to tell someone. rear end he passed by Kyle he bent in and whispered "There's a bomb in the lasagna." Kyle had no idea what the hell Doug was talking about. But he had already been briefed by Judy that her brother was a bit... odd. So he went about his business and thought nothing of it. Doug sat the lasagna down on the table with grace, being extremely careful. He pulled his hands back, removed his oven mitts and announced "May I be excused shortly" in a fake accent. His mother, confused by his accent still agreed to let him leave for a moment. That is when he snuck out of the house and ran as far as his legs would take him. All the way to Skeeter's house. He got there and banged on the door loudly. Skeeter came to the door with a look on his face that already spelled out what he wanted to know. "It's done" Doug said frankly, and then walked into the Valentine home. 3 minutes later a large explosion could be heard from down the street. It was the bomb that Doug had put in the lasagna. Everything had gone according to plan. He had his plane ticket ready, his passport, and Skeeter by his side. They just needed to lay low for a bit before making any moves. Make sure the feds don't find them. While bunked down in Skeeter's house they turn on the news. It seemed the media has caught on. Just like that Doug Funnie's plan unraveled before him. The news was linking him to ISIS, and had correctly deduced that he had committed an act of terror before trying to flee to the Middle East to fight with his brothers and Allah. They didn't find his body in the wreckage and were now starting a nationwide man hunt. Doug froze in his chair. This was not good. Windows 98 fucked around with this message at 21:05 on Apr 27, 2015 |
# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:56 |
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Mods please change the thread title I spelled Funnie wrong. thank you.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 20:58 |
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 21:02 |
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tyvm, third panel skeeter was my very first av and i totally forgot about it
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 21:08 |
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Doug once had a show, then a movie, then nothing. Doug has nothing. Fin.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 21:10 |
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Gatekeeper posted:tyvm, third panel skeeter was my very first av and i totally forgot about it When are you going to paint me again?
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 21:11 |
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psyopmonkey posted:When are you going to paint me again? ffs i drew the crap out of you bud, when's it gonna be enough?? Gatekeeper posted:nice lil sketch i did of jar jar just now Gatekeeper fucked around with this message at 21:41 on Apr 27, 2015 |
# ? Apr 27, 2015 21:39 |
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psyopmonkey posted:When are you going to paint me again? Christ doesn't SA have enough images of you already? I'm not being rude either, I just think you should save the good stuff for our pms
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 21:49 |
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you'd think so and yet my inbox remains empty
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 22:11 |
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Thats my Steam name Hello, OP.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 22:12 |
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each chapter of my story focuses on a different device mr dink purchases to pleasure his wife.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 22:16 |
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very expensive
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 22:30 |
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principal Buttsavage vice principal Lamar Bone lmao
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 23:05 |
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doug fanny lmao
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 23:06 |
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Mozi posted:doug fanny haha whoa couldn't put that on tv!!
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 23:08 |
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basement jihadist posted:principal Buttsavage Get to my office. PDQ.
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 01:53 |
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Charles Bukowski posted:Doug left his house wondering what adventures he would get into this evening with Mr. Dink. He has called him gat drat
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 02:00 |
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Thank you, I tried.
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 09:57 |
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 10:47 |
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why is he Vice Principal Bone in the third paragraph and Principal Bone in the fourth did we miss his promotion
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 12:10 |
Doug Not Funny
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 12:16 |
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*quail man pulls the belt from his head to around his neck tightening it like way too tight so he's chocking adn then he masturbates on an upside cross in what police later say is satanic ritual but was really just a dude trying to get his jerk on to bad religion and what the cops see is only what everyone sees no one will ever know the picture painted in quailman's mind of roger klotz' macklemore hair(*
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 13:31 |
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then bulls on parade plays and fade 2 balck
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 13:38 |
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sic transit gloria fades away
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 13:41 |
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honk honk
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# ? Apr 28, 2015 13:41 |
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dug penis pattie, blueman penis dug sister, bebee rich girl never form meaningful connections with others & die alone
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# ? May 4, 2015 11:35 |
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# ? May 4, 2015 11:42 |
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Hi'gh doug its me skeeter da doy dought da dasketdall DD hey o you remember anything else about this show doug
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# ? May 4, 2015 12:07 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 19:21 |
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Windows 98 posted:It was like any other ordinary day at Bluffington High for Doug Funnie. He sat in Ms. Kristal's science class, bored, day dreaming about the love of his life Patty Mayonaise. He couldn't get her golden star shaped locks out of his head. It seemed as if the more he thought about it the less he was attached to the real world. For a moment he needed to recuperate himself and collect his thoughts. It would be an embarrassing next week if he had got called up to the front of the room to solve a problem on the board with such a large problem in his pants. But before he could quell his hormonal thoughts they were stopped abruptly against his will. Sitting in the seat ahead of him he spied Roger Klotz bending over to pick up a pencil he had dropped on the floor while laying over his desk barely paying attention. While bending over Doug's eyes were immediately drawn to the horror before him. Roger Klotz was wearing a thong. A thong for women. "What the fu..." Doug whispered quietly to himself. This was something that Doug could not internalize and comprehend. This wasn't right. Roger shouldn't be wearing women's clothing. But at that very moment Doug had a brilliant plan. This was his chance to get back at Roger for all the abuse he had endured for years. He was going to do it. lol
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# ? May 4, 2015 12:41 |