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Music. A man we see only from behind navigates various 19th century locales. Things like "A LEGENDARY AUTHOR" and "AN INCREDIBLE STORY" come up on screen. Music stops. Plump Woman: Mr. Twain, I presume? Reveal of his face, smirking. It's Mark Twain.
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Apr 29, 2015 17:26
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 03:01 |
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Apr 29, 2015 17:37
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Mark Twain sits in a dark smoke filled saloon scrawling notes in a battered leather notebook. Busty bar wench who is way too hot for the time period: "What are you writing there?" Twain: "The great American novel. Now show ol Sam Clemens those sweet funbags" Rafting down the Pussy River: The Story of Mark Twat Pinche Rudo fucked around with this message at 17:45 on Apr 29, 2015 |
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Apr 29, 2015 17:43
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*close up of mark twain slowly pans out* star wars theme begins to play *panning out continues until inmpossibly far and the earth disappears in the distance* *scrolling letters appear like in star wars* *fade to black*
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Apr 29, 2015 17:48
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dae think benedict cumberbatch would make for a sexy twain
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Apr 29, 2015 17:55
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*DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN* *a helmeted figure on a motorcycle skids to a stop just short of going over a cliff overlooking a river* *DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN* * a riverboat paddles slowly down the Mississippi* *DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN* *the motorcycle rider looks down at the distant riverboat* *DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN* *rider guns the engine and goes over the cliff* *Wrvrrp voop voop voopvoopvopp* *motorcycle crashes through riverboat ceiling, disturbing a masked ball in progress* *woman removes her mask and smiles coquettishly at helmeted rider* "Mister Twain, fashionably late as always." *montage of action scenes involving motorcycles and explosions* *cut back to the riverboat* Rider (voice heavily digitized): "you know how ah love to make an entrance." *explosion cut to look like it happens immediately after he says that line but actually takes place at a completely different part of the movie*
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Apr 29, 2015 18:29
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Sir John Feelgood posted:Music. A man we see only from behind navigates various 19th century locales. That sounds like a terrible movie.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:30
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A steamboat descends from the sky, haloed in glorious white light Mark Twain disembarks, he walks to a bench and grabs a hammer beside the bench is a basket, Twain reaches into it and miraculously pulls out a puppy, a golden retriever. Twain takes the hammer and smashes the puppy's head in, big cgi 3d explosion of blood, bits of skull and brain fly seemingly at the audience, for the next two hours Twain systematically pulls out a variety of different puppies from the basket and pulverizes their brains.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:38
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Tonsured posted:A steamboat descends from the sky, haloed in glorious white light Mark Twain disembarks, he walks to a bench and grabs a hammer and that's just the trailer!
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Apr 29, 2015 18:39
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whwere lighstasapbers att??
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Apr 29, 2015 18:40
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*riverboat transforms into a giant robot with much whooshing and CGI garbage*
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Apr 29, 2015 18:41
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Applewhite posted:*riverboat transforms into a giant robot with much whooshing and CGI garbage* That is the best movie idea I have seen in this thread so far.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:41
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Apthous posted:That is the best movie idea I have seen in this thread so far. The paddlewheels go on the shoulders.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:43
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Applewhite posted:*DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN* someone has to stop you stop you before poe's law takes its terrible vengeance and manifests these posts in real life
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Apr 29, 2015 18:46
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Applewhite posted:The paddlewheels go on the shoulders. You need some whores/sluts as well to look at when robots get boring to look at.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:48
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Apthous posted:You need some whores/sluts as well to look at when robots get boring to look at. of course, but only if they're too fake to actually be hot. Like, they're still "hot" but so artificial that they trigger a subliminal uncanny valley response.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:51
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Applewhite posted:of course, but only if they're too fake to actually be hot. Like, they're still "hot" but so artificial that they trigger a subliminal uncanny valley response. make sure their love interest is some short little faggy dude who is jewish or something gay like that so the audience can be like "she should get with a real man like me"
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Apr 29, 2015 18:52
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Apthous posted:make sure their love interest is some short little faggy dude who is jewish or something gay like that so the audience can be like "she should get with a real man like me" he can be Mark Twain's sidekick.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:54
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Applewhite posted:he can be Mark Twain's sidekick. Make sure the guy who plays Mark Twain is also really short and faggy looking so the audience can feel about themselves about that too.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:55
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Apthous posted:Make sure the guy who plays Mark Twain is also really short and faggy looking so the audience can feel about themselves about that too. I'll get Tom Cruise on the phone. He's almost old enough to play Twain.
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Apr 29, 2015 18:57
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Applewhite posted:I'll get Tom Cruise on the phone. He's almost old enough to play Twain. He should only be reserved for science fiction movies where the audience needs to feel better about being sane/not crazy. You need some guy like robert downy jr. to play mark twain so we can all laugh at his height/alcoholism/whatever. Every biopic needs a scene where the main character realizes he is his own worst enemy.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:00
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Apthous posted:He should only be reserved for science fiction movies where the audience needs to feel better about being sane/not crazy. You need some guy like robert downy jr. to play mark twain so we can all laugh at his height/alcoholism/whatever. Every biopic needs a scene where the main character realizes he is his own worst enemy. Robert Downy Junior would unironically make a p. good Twain.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:02
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Applewhite posted:Robert Downy Junior would unironically make a p. good Twain. The whole point of movies is that you need to stroke the ego of the audience as much as possible. Even though Mark Twain wrote all those books and poo poo the audience needs to come out of the theater feeling superior to him.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:05
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Apthous posted:The whole point of movies is that you need to stroke the ego of the audience as much as possible. Even though Mark Twain wrote all those books and poo poo the audience needs to come out of the theater feeling superior to him. Idk I didn't walk out of Conan, Die Hard, Terminator 2 or Demolition man feeling superior to the hero. But then again we're not trying to make a good film.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:07
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Applewhite posted:Idk I didn't walk out of Conan, Die Hard, Terminator 2 or Demolition man feeling superior to the hero. Yes you did, that is why they make the big bucks. They can make you feel superior to everyone even without you thinking that you are feeling superior to everyone.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:09
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Apthous posted:Yes you did, that is why they make the big bucks. They can make you feel superior to everyone even without you thinking that you are feeling superior to everyone. I'll need further convincing, as this doesn't jive with my experiences and emotions.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:12
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movie promotion idea: if you help re-paint the cinema, you win a FREE MOVIE TICKET!
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Apr 29, 2015 19:38
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*trailer for a polished, lavishly detailed, by-the-numbers period piece that will be critically acclaimed, but forgotten by moviegoers twenty minutes after they leave the theater*
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Apr 29, 2015 19:40
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Just repackage an albert einstein biopic and dub mark twain's name over einstein's. most viewers won't know the difference.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:45
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It's already been done, and no remake could ever compare. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxCW9xmamzQ
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Apr 29, 2015 19:47
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*Nobody in the film express racist sentiments except the antagonist.*
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Apr 29, 2015 21:29
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Applewhite posted:*Nobody in the film express racist sentiments except the antagonist.* lol
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Apr 29, 2015 21:30
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