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Grindr was created, according to its inventors, to make socializing easier. If you didn't know the man across the bar, you'd simply hop onto the app and find out just enough about him to start a conversation. However, as any movie about science or technology tells us, what is a simple genius invention often runs afoul of the maker's intent in the hands of mere mortals -- and especially horny mortals. As a queer Latino gay man of size, logging on to Grindr is a casual masochistic reminder that, in the mainstream gay male community, my body is not welcome. Messages like "NO ASIANS," "NEG U B 2," and "MASC ONLY" invalidate gay men like me daily. How did a tool that was meant to facilitate conversation become the prime example of the gay community's -- like the rest of humanity's -- worst tendencies, like racism, sexism, misogyny, ageism, ableism, fat shaming, elitism, transphobia, homophobia and serophobia? What does someone in the 1 percent of Grindr's sexual economy look like? He has white skin, he has a weight that begins with "1," he is cisgender, in his 20s, completely able-bodied, has a full head of hair, has either slightly defined or very defined abs, has a dusting of body hair, is masculine and is HIV-negative. These men are what you might call "sexual gatekeepers." Just as the 1 percent of America's economy has unlimited access to the services and privileges they need, Grindr's 1 percent has the privilege of determining who has access to them and when and where they will get serviced. In literary studies or fiction writing, "round" characters are fully realized characters who jump off the page, while "flat" characters are 2-D, and stand out for the qualities they lack. In the world of Grindr, a landscape dominated by a 2-D square interface, everybody is a victim of personality "flattening," and, by extension, becomes more and more defined by that which society says they lack. While people used to look into the future and see technology as making fantasies come true -- flying cars! teleporters! -- the truth of technology in the 21st century is that it doesn't deal in fantasy. It heightens reality -- racism, misogyny, etc. -- in all its grotesqueness. People often confuse "having a type" with taking the freedom to shoot other people down. When one person lists the communities he won't have sex with in his online profile, he fails to see the person on the other screen who has to read a digital invalidation, written in 1s and 0s. Cyberbullying thrives because it alleviates the executor of any guilt. They don't have to see the rejection, the shame, the trauma on someone else's face. Why, in a profile meant to discuss you, do you take the time to talk about the people who can't have access to your body? Many people would say the very definition of privilege is when you have the luxury of not having to think about something or have it affect you -- the luxury of having free and open access to sexual partners is no different. Many people, gay men included, cling to false notions -- "I can't help it! It's just what I prefer!" -- when discussing their sexual preferences. However, preferences are always socially constructed. The list of characteristics of Grindr's 1 percent is also a fairly representative list of many of Hollywood's hottest celebrities, its most powerful men with the most cultural and social capital. These are characteristics we're told to desire. I don't know about you, but I hate being told how to think. Sex on Grindr is often sex between sheep. But, sex can be an act of resistance and meaningful exchange -- if you make it one. As more apps that serve more "niche" audiences appear, and the death of sex and intimacy through categorization looms, is there still hope for an online sexual playground that can act as a place of fun and liberation? Many of my older queer activist friends often tell me about sex from an earlier era, sex that had potential, sex that was organic and intimate. If our generation prefers Chipotle to McDonalds, then why are we settling for a sexual terrain that boasts sex as fast food and men as value menu options? The gay community is only starting to feel its way through the digital era's sexual landscape, but as we do, I encourage us to use more than just our thumbs. We must be more interested in touching each other than touching our screens. Gay men have a history of being social pariahs, but as some in our community gain "mainstream" acceptance, we can't repeat history and microaggress those who are deemed to be on a lower rung of society's ladder. We can have sex that's more about questions than answers, embraces exploring more than finishing and doesn't rely on litmus tests for genuine connections.
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May 13, 2015 17:38
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 08:02 |
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didnt read a single word of that post actually thats a lie i read the first sentence, laughed out loud, and then hit reply
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May 13, 2015 17:38
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im gay
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May 13, 2015 17:39
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Chinatown posted:actually thats a lie i read the first sentence, laughed out loud Why do you discriminate against gay people?
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May 13, 2015 17:41
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Three Olives posted:Grindr was created, according to its inventors, to make socializing easier. If you didn't know the man across the bar, you'd simply hop onto the app and find out just enough about him to start a conversation. However, as any movie about science or technology tells us, what is a simple genius invention often runs afoul of the maker's intent in the hands of mere mortals -- and especially horny mortals. No.
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May 13, 2015 17:42
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so fat gays had no problem getting laid before grindr came along to made everyone have standards this is informative and useful
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May 13, 2015 17:43
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NO PISSBOIS PISSPIGS ONLY
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May 13, 2015 17:44
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gently caress who you want to gently caress. There's a word for people who try to force others to have sex with people they don't want to have sex with.
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May 13, 2015 17:44
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Mathew Rodriguez sure likes WORDS, WORDS, WORDS.
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May 13, 2015 17:45
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Three olives if you don't gently caress me it's basically a hate crime.
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May 13, 2015 17:45
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I like that he seems to be bitching that people don't want to gently caress people with AIDS. What discrimination.
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May 13, 2015 17:45
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burritolingus posted:gently caress who you want to gently caress. There's a word for people who try to force others to have sex with people they don't want to have sex with. Stop flaunting your privilege.
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May 13, 2015 17:46
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how is it my fault if I have no interest in some asian twink, its a loving market out there, let the desperate guys pick up the asian leftovers
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May 13, 2015 17:46
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Three Olives posted:Stop flaunting your privilege. What's the point in having privilege if you don't flaunt it?
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May 13, 2015 17:47
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As a queer balding Latino gay man of size, why won't the hot 25yo athletic white guys with 9 inch dicks do the sex to me?
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May 13, 2015 17:47
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I love that asian guys are bottom of the barrel for both men and women.
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May 13, 2015 17:47
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Three Olives posted:Stop flaunting your privilege. #Misogyny #Serophobia #Transphobia #Atitude Abril #Grindr Acceptance & Inclusion Sex #Sex #Sexism #Racism #Discrimination #Gay #Grindr Discrimination #Condo.
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May 13, 2015 17:48
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Is this a copypaste of a fat rant with fat changed to gay to prove some sort of point?
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May 13, 2015 17:48
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Three Olives posted:Why do you discriminate against gay people? how can i discriminate against something that doesnt exist
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May 13, 2015 17:48
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rich white faglord posted:how is it my fault if I have no interest in some asian twink, its a loving market out there, let the desperate guys pick up the asian leftovers Because it is hurtful discrimination.
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May 13, 2015 17:49
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you just typed out 8 paragraphs about butt sex don't worry duder I'm sure there's plenty of dudes out there (like me) who enjoy a wide variety of people and just don't use dating apps that much because they don't really need to or they just don't like them
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May 13, 2015 17:50
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Demonachizer posted:I love that asian guys are bottom of the barrel for both men and women. where do asian women stand as far as lesbians go? no way there's a bunch of lesbian asian fetishists like there are dudes out there
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May 13, 2015 17:50
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Three Olives posted:Because it is hurtful discrimination. You are Latino or something right?
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May 13, 2015 17:51
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That's the most amount of words to say, "Waaah, no one wants to gently caress me" that I've ever seen.
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May 13, 2015 17:51
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FIRST TIME posted:where do asian women stand as far as lesbians go? We need a forums lesbian counterpart to three olives to get this info I imagine. Kung Food posted:That's the most amount of words to say, "Waaah, no one wants to gently caress me" that I've ever seen. Not everyone has the years of experience with saying it that you do.
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May 13, 2015 17:51
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pretty sure losing weight (and not being latino?) is just as much work as typing out a 3000 word essay 5 times a week about how frustrated you are that other people don't have to gently caress you if they don't want to.
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May 13, 2015 17:51
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grindr? I barely KNOW 'r!
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May 13, 2015 17:52
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Demonachizer posted:You are Latino or something right? You are the 1% sexual gate keeper full of racism, sexism, misogyny, ageism, ableism, fat shaming, elitism, transphobia, homophobia and serophobia that won't gently caress me, right?
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May 13, 2015 17:53
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mods namechange me to queer latino gay man of size plz tia
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May 13, 2015 17:53
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Demonachizer posted:I love that asian guys are bottom of the barrel for both men and women. I do alright.
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May 13, 2015 17:53
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3O could you clarify for me the difference between a queer gay man, a queer latino, a gay man, a queer gay latino, and a gay latino? would really appreciate it
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May 13, 2015 17:54
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Three Olives posted:You are the 1% sexual gate keeper full of racism, sexism, misogyny, ageism, ableism, fat shaming, elitism, transphobia, homophobia and serophobia that won't gently caress me, right? I won't gently caress you because I am straight. My dad might gently caress you though because he is not.
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May 13, 2015 17:54
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BigBoss posted:NO PISSBOIS PISSPIGS ONLY
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May 13, 2015 17:55
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Demonachizer posted:I won't gently caress you because I am straight. My dad might gently caress you though because he is not. so what
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May 13, 2015 17:56
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Most of you outside of New England may know a grindr as a "hoagy"
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May 13, 2015 17:56
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Bicyclops posted:Most of you outside of New England may know a grindr as a "hoagy" I met this fucboi on hoagy. I met this twink on gyro. I met this power bottom on submarine sandwich.
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May 13, 2015 17:57
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Demonachizer posted:I won't gently caress you because I am straight. My dad might gently caress you though because he is not. Homophobe. 
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May 13, 2015 17:59
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What is the consensus on fuckbois?
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May 13, 2015 18:00
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I would gently caress the gross balding latino fatty if it makes him shut up.
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May 13, 2015 18:00
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I don't think a twinkie would be a very good topping for a hero, Demonachizer. They are more of a dessert
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May 13, 2015 18:01
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