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This is the very first installment of an ongoing web serial that I'm putting up online here twice a week. It's fantasy, nowhere near high/epic fantasy. The setting is based on late 19th century and early 20th century Tsarist Russia and early USSR. Here's the elevator pitch:quote:The Menelik twins are former necromancers, fleeing a bounty hunter who has pursued them across half a continent. He has cornered them in Wurmwald, a city languishing under a brutal colonial regime. The twins are changelings, descendants of a mortal man and an immortal shoggot. Their Flesh and Spirit are valuable magical components, priceless to any alchemist unscrupulous enough to make use of them. The twins' dark past has marked them out as outcasts, beyond the protection of the law and unlikely to be missed should they be harvested. The bounty hunter is merciless, relentless and almost mythic in reputation, with a coterie of frightful spirits in his command. With help from neither the powers that be nor the witches and sorcerers of the land, the twins have little chance of escaping him. HERE IS THE EXCERPT I want feedback on. Suggestions are turned on! Thank you in advance.  EDIT: updated the pitch. painted bird fucked around with this message at 20:04 on Jun 12, 2015 |
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Jun 3, 2015 17:08
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On advice from the Fiction Writing megathread, I added an elevator pitch to the OP.
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Jun 11, 2015 15:06
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I did a couple of things. I hope you're happy.
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Jun 13, 2015 02:22
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epoch. posted:I did a couple of things. I hope you're happy. Oh, I definitely am! I'm grateful you pointed out stylistic errors, as the quality of my prose is something I struggle with and can't seem to get decent advise on.
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Jun 15, 2015 12:41
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