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 DRUMROLL  Welcome everyone to the 2015/16 Scottish Professional Football League thread. Woo. Last season BisonDollah made the thread and said quote:We spent ages trying to come up with loads of innovative ideas to implement but decided to just go with a name-change and a slightly altered last season's OP experience (original words by duckmaster). I have just realised this was a pun. Right first things first, we ACTUALLY HAVE A SPONSOR! Ladbrokes have decided they've got too much money swilling around and have thrown £4million at us! That's the entire setup though, not just our league, so presumably they just want the rights to exciting first division ("Ladbrokes Championship") games like Hibs vs QOS. Still, at least we're not the Scottish Professional Football League Sponsored By Nobody anymore. Anyway, here are some defining moments of the last year of Scottish football:  Celtics goal scorer of the season  The points failure at Motherwell  Professional athlete Scott Brown  Some Rangers fans on their way to the first Old Firm game in three years Now on with the football! If you're a bit mad and you want to get into Scottish football, and you should because it's definitely the best football, you can check out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=?user?splofficial The SPFLs official youtube channel! Featuring surprisingly well made videos of highlights, goals of the month, interviews etc, it's definitely far too good for this league. Expect it to be doing the English Championships videos by Christmas before a loan spell at League 2 and then coming back to Kilmarnock with its tail between its legs in three years. http://spfl.co.uk/ The official SPFL site. Pretty sure it was made with WordPress, although that's fine because you can't trust our idiots with PHP. Only football clubs. https://twitter.com/spfl The official SPFL twitter, which is a bit too modern for us. Like safe standing and songs which don't refer to religious events four hundred years ago. Of course you're already one step ahead of everyone else who wants to get into Scottish Football because you've found your way to arguably the best thread on the internet! Or you're already into it and you just like the idea of a thread that goes idle for two weeks before erupting into pointless bickering and some slightly offensive jibes about Coohoolin and Young Boys. As has become tradition, let's look at the teams: Aberdeen  Who? Aberdeen are the greatest team ever, have won as many European trophies as everyone else combined two and will be winning lots of trophies again this year. Well, one. We're hopefully getting rid of Goodwillie, the rapist I didn't want, two years after I said I didn't want him. FUN FACT Aberdeen FC invented the turnstile! The first fan to use it said "There's £20, two please" and the guy said "defenders or midfielders?" Celtic  Who? Probably some sort of money laundering operation, Celtic have been a shining beacon of hope for inpoverished school children in Glasgow/Dundee/Ireland for decades. FUN FACT Celtic once beat Rangers 7-1 in a Scottish Cup final which is a British record for a domestic cup final and quite the gently caress up for the Masonic Lodges Referees Club. Heart of Midlothian  Who? Heart of Midlothian play in Edinburgh, which apparently is the heart of Midlothian. Literally the middle of Midlothian. The middle of middle Lothian. FUN FACT Hearts are owned by the Foundation of Hearts. Rumours that the Foundation of Tynecastle is owned by Tesco remain disputed. Dundee United  Who? The Second Most Famous Team In Dundee, their nickname is the "Jutes" which refers to a brief period in the 1800s when they controlled the global hemp trade, a major natural resource at the time. Another nickname is the "Arabs" because they used to put sand on their pitch to dry it out. This team is ISIS. FUN FACT There are 80 steps between Dundee Utds stadium and Dundees stadium, although if you get caught counting them you'll probably lose your disability benefits. Hamilton  Who? This is Russ's team and Russ is a good poster and Hamilton are a pretty harmless team so there's not much bad to say about them. Except that they're shite, obviously. FUN FACT  Inverness Caledonian Thistle  Who? Famous for a monster. FUN FACT That famous headline was actually done years before by the Liverpool Echo when a player called Ian Callaghan almost single handedly destroyed Queens Park Rangers, leading to SUPER CALLEY GOES BALLISTIC QPR ATROCIOUS. That's all you had and I took it away from you, hahahaha. Kilmarnock  Who? Kilmarnock FC were founded by a group of cricketers - a slow, pointless game - who originally played rugby - a game involving random bouts of violence. Quickly, they combined the two. FUN FACT SQUIRRELS ON THE CREST! Motherwell  Who? Motherwells most succesful period was in the early 1930s, after the world had been ravaged by the First World War and the Spanish Flu. This was just before the Great Depression and the rise of National Socialism, which was surely just a coincidence. FUN FACT Something about steel? Christ, I don't know. Partick Thistle  Who? Glasgows second best team, after Greenock Morton. FUN FACT They actually play in Maryhill, not Partick, which is next door. It's like Chelsea playing in Fulham except the army don't send their medics to Fulham to get experience treating bullet wounds. Ross County  Who? A tiny little club from north of Inverness. Should be insignificant. Suprisingly good. FUN FACT 1992 cult classic movie 'The Thing' was shot on location in Ross County. St Johnstone  Who? They're from Perth. Hardly anyone knows that for some reason. Even their website is called https://www.perthstjohnstonefc.co.uk which is quite lol. FUN FACT They're from Perth, a quite harmless city. Harmless meaning boring. Dundee  Who? I was hoping to end this on a high but I'm ending with Dundee. FUN FACT Their stadium is owned by a guy on the Dundee Utd board  Well, that's that. Since we're all probably just the same posters as usual let's begin the bickering! duckmaster fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Jul 9, 2015 |
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Jul 8, 2015 17:47
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Come on Hibs
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Jul 8, 2015 17:48
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Let's go the Hibs clap clap clap
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Jul 8, 2015 18:05
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I only read this thread for the updates on Rangers' neverending implosion, so lets make sure we have lots of quality posts about that this year.
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Jul 8, 2015 21:02
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OP is missing Kingsley, very disappointed.
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Jul 8, 2015 21:04
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Can't wait for this season, so many interesting questions. Can this years epic Scottish fitba battles inspire a 16 pager like last season? Will Alex Neil do okay in the English Premiership with Norwich? When will we be able to stand at games and be bored and wet? Will Ronny Deila ever stop signing Dundee United players & then sending selfies with them asleep on his lap to a suicidal Jackie McNamara? Will Hibs ever stop being poo poo? Also: Last seasons Goal's of the Season contenders: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t11tx83duU Kingsley status: Dormant 
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Jul 8, 2015 21:09
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I was in maryhill today but I didn't see Kingsley. Hibs are poo poo
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Jul 8, 2015 21:15
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Was ready to post a really funny comment about how this season would be my last opportunity to post in these threads for a few years but then I noticed it's now an SPFL thread which covers all four of the top leagues so trap sprung bitches I'll keep posting about poo poo no one cares about forever. It's brilliant posting here about this stuff though. A Man Utd fan who said he rated their new 15 year old keeper would be called out on his bullshit instantly because someone online would get all excited and say he can't be real because he asked the Utd under-16s captain about the lad on twitter and he had no idea what he was talking about. But it's so easy for me. I could make a big gay effort post about a young promising midfielder coming through the ranks at NDP called James McCarthury and you'd all believe it. I'd mention that he was being linked to Norwich and you'd all loving nod your heads and say something about how it was inevitable that his mentor Alex Neil would be taking him down south. You'd be trying to sign him in Football Manager and the really poo poo card game for children that FIFA has become these days. I have so much power and influence at my disposal that I rule over this kingdom of Celtic fans posting news about Rangers being in debt and there's not a drat thing anyone can do about it.
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Jul 8, 2015 21:22
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Russ posted:Was ready to post a really funny comment about how this season would be my last opportunity to post in these threads for a few years but then I noticed it's now an SPFL thread which covers all four of the top leagues so trap sprung bitches I'll keep posting about poo poo no one cares about forever. Loving it. Please keep everyone updated
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Jul 8, 2015 21:28
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Will he be playing at United within 5 years?
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Jul 8, 2015 21:31
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duckmaster posted:
Haha
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Jul 8, 2015 21:36
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duckmaster posted:
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Jul 8, 2015 21:46
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Russ posted:Was ready to post a really funny comment about how this season would be my last opportunity to post in these threads for a few years but then I noticed it's now an SPFL thread which covers all four of the top leagues so trap sprung bitches I'll keep posting about poo poo no one cares about forever. This is the SPFL Ladbrokes Premiership thread, you'll be looking for the SPFL Ladbrokes Championship thread next year Professor Nerdocopter
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Jul 8, 2015 22:41
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It's really true Hamilton are going to get relegated after a season that will make gretna look like brazil 70 and next year i'm going to be trapped in The Limbo Thread with equally suicidal Hibs posters
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Jul 8, 2015 22:44
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Russ posted:It's really true Hamilton are going to get relegated after a season that will make gretna look like brazil 70 and next year i'm going to be trapped in The Limbo Thread with equally suicidal Hibs posters You're going to get the Murphy twins on loan and win the league
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Jul 8, 2015 23:04
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When I was in scotland the stadium I drove closest too was Hibs so.....go Hibs.
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Jul 8, 2015 23:07
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op should contain these  euroboy posted:Come on Hibs Shite Chris de Sperg posted:Let's go the Hibs clap clap clap Shite julian assflange posted:When I was in scotland the stadium I drove closest too was Hibs so.....go Hibs. Shite
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Jul 8, 2015 23:53
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Haud up. SPFL means both Scottish league that Hibs aren't in AND Scottish professionals (but mostly semi-professionals) football league?
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Jul 9, 2015 01:35
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SPFL means all the leagues, the top league that Hibs aren't in is the Ladbrokes Premiership or Scottish Premiership
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Jul 9, 2015 08:12
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Celtic investing so much money in Scottish football nowadays, be sure to thank us later.
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Jul 9, 2015 13:32
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something something biting the hand that feeds you something something that's all i've got
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Jul 9, 2015 14:19
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Come on lads, this year is our year! Seriously though I'm super excited. Graeme Shinnie, Kenny McLean, Paul Quinn, and we're being linked to Jamie Ness and Stevie May. Get Stevie in and chuck Goodwillie, I say.
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Jul 9, 2015 15:05
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Coohoolin posted:Come on lads, this year is our year! If Stevie May moves to Aberdeen I'll spew in my mouth
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Jul 9, 2015 15:49
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It's our year.
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Jul 9, 2015 16:24
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Scotlander posted:Those are some awful loving draws for Scottish teams in the Europa. St. Johnstone going to loving Armenia then get rewarded with Red Star in the 2nd round, Aberdeen's 2nd round opposition looks even worse as they beat Feyenoord and drew with Sevilla last season in the groups, and Caley will be lucky to get past Astra, although they did look pretty poo poo against Celtic last year. Red Star just got put out by Almaty so now St Johnstone can look forward to a trip to Kazakhstan if they can overturn their first round defeat in Armenia.
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Jul 9, 2015 17:09
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Benny Harvey posted:Red Star just got put out by Almaty so now St Johnstone can look forward to a trip to Kazakhstan if they can overturn their first round defeat in Armenia. Yes and I've decided to skip tonights visit to McDiarmid park in favour of playing The Witcher 3 '#truefan
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Jul 9, 2015 17:12
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I will continue to go to Livingston games and not posting about it because they're bad as hell.
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Jul 9, 2015 19:40
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Sheep go through,  st johnstone
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Jul 9, 2015 21:45
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I'm going to hold back on criticising other teams just in case Celtic poo poo the bed again
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Jul 9, 2015 21:48
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Hibs, Leigh Griffiths, Easter Road, That Pie I Ate... ftw
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Jul 9, 2015 22:13
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euroboy posted:Hibs, Leigh Griffiths, Easter Road, That Pie I Ate... ftw shite, says stupid shite, shite ground, and the pie was probably filled with shite
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Jul 9, 2015 22:23
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Her Dryer posted:I'm going to hold back on criticising other teams just in case Celtic poo poo the bed again I'll go ahead then since most of the country got on at us after Stjarnan last year (rightfully so). That has to be classed as possibly the worst Scottish result in Europe ever. The Armenian league is a terrible quality ranked 48th/54 in between N. Ireland and Faroe Islands, last year their champions were hammered by Glentoran. This team weren't even good in the Armenian league, finished 4th in an 8 team league, average attendance of a few hundred. At least last year proved we could still get a decent coefficient with one team papped out at the first round. Though the way Aberdeen played, I can't see them getting passed the next one.
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Jul 10, 2015 15:03
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i work right near mcdiarmid park so the less dirty foreigners coming to perth this season the better
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Jul 10, 2015 20:54
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I have purchased my season ticket for the glorious Heart of Midlothian and I'm excited for another elongated period in which radge doesn't post because he's killed himself.
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Jul 10, 2015 22:14
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Blue Star Error posted:You're going to get the Murphy twins on loan and win the league What if we sign Carlton Morris on loan, will we win the league then?
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Jul 13, 2015 21:22
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Russ posted:What if we sign Carlton Morris on loan, will we win the league then? He's a big lad with a big head and a big heart but I'm not sure if he's enough to win you the league on his own, you might have to settle for 2nd.
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Jul 13, 2015 21:57
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Jim Spence gone from the BBC after Friday. Should sign him for Celtic TV.
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Jul 14, 2015 02:19
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Good OP. I've noticed that Rangers still exist. Do any lying fraud weirdly obsessed Celtic fans with a tenuous grip on reality want to apologize for years of fabricated nonsense?? I'll just wait.
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Jul 14, 2015 07:43
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African AIDS cum posted:Good OP. Terrible thing...
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Jul 14, 2015 09:32
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African AIDS cum posted:Good OP.  John Guidetti joined Celta Vigo, Celtic fans everywhere continue to act like jilted lovers but personally I don't think he was good for us anyway, we just didn't click & it was destined to fail from the very beginning. We have nice memories and I just want to stop it at that before it gets too heavy.
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Jul 14, 2015 14:27
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