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 Holy flying heelhooks, Batman! It's the GDT for UFC Fight Night 73, 10 p.m. ET Saturday, Aug. 8 on Fox Sports 1! This card is a lot like the popular 1995 summer blockbuster Batman Forever. It's not the worst card you'll see, but it's still pretty rotten. And like the film's villains, each fight has a gimmick: either there's a 50/50 chance it's a great fight or a steaming turd, or it's a complete riddle as to why you're watching it at all. Anyway, here we go. Light Heavyweight  Glover Teixeira vs.  Ovince Saint Preux Glover Teixeira is in the worst spot of his very long and storied career. Whether it's because he happened to fight the two best opponents he's ever faced back to simply because he has a case of the Was Always Bads, is up to the eye of the beholder. People unironically tried to pass off a 35-year-old guy who used a right hand lead to cross counter to defeat Brazilian scrubs for decade due to visa issues before finally making it to the UFC as the most legitimate and dangerous striker Jon Jones has ever faced. That's not to say he isn't actually a legitimate or dangerous striker, of course. He'll come out aggressively looking to keep it standing and pulverize OSP at every chance. OSP is a weird matchup for Glover right now actually, as he is on a two-fight winning streak. One was an almost immediate knockout of the Ghost of Shogun Rua for a $50,000 bonus check, and the other was a knockout after a competitive round against Top 10 Light Heavyweight Mixed Martial Artist Patrick Durkin Cummins. He wrestled in high school but played football in college, where his fraternity literally branded his flesh and he was OK with this. Football didn't work out so he went into the fight game, fighting constantly and going on intermittent runs against nobodies and losing to the Baders and Mousasis of the world.  BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: coin-toss Teixeira forces a brawl at close range and does huge damage, or OSP controls the pace with speed and athleticism when Teixeira realizes he's in his mid-30s and uses a pigeon-holed fighting strategy. Lightweight  Michael Johnson vs.  Beneil Dariush This fight is reasonably compelling. Michael Johnson was very much a hit-or-miss fighter for most of his career, losing to people like Jonathan Brookins but beating Tony Ferguson and Joe Lauzon very badly while actually putting away durable jounreyman Gleison Tibau. His speed, power and striking technique on their own are not quite outstanding enough to inspire long, rambling blog posts overraught with metaphor by British autists, but all together they make the perfect storm of an incredibly competent and dangerous fighter. He went away for about a year because he contracted Hit Your Girlfriend Disease while at Blackzilians, but then he came back and beat Edson Barboza in a competitive standing battle. It's PROBABLY safe to assume that he has worked out the inconsistencies now, but we'll see. Beneil Dariush kinda snuck up on us. In his UFC debut, he submitted Charlie Brenneman, which like. Big deal, you're supposed to do that. Then he got TKOd by Ramsey Nijem, which you're NOT supposed to do. He put away a few competent mid-level fighters like Tony Martin and Daron Cruickshank, but then completely outgrappled Jim Miller in what was probably the standout performance of his career (and one of Jim's most grandfatherly.) If he can beat Johnson decisively I'd expect a top 10 fight in his near future. BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: coin-toss While I'm more confident in this one being good than my admittedly biased view of Teixeira vs. OSP, there is still enough possibility that Johnson's going to turn a corner and underperform or Dariush is going to fail to impress against better, younger competition. Less of a coin toss and more of a dice roll, I guess. Middleweight  Derek Brunson vs.  Sam Alvey What if you took the fight fan's mental stereotype of GSP, replaced the walnuts in the condom with farts and put enough finishes on his record to fool you into thinking something exciting was going to happen every time? You have Derek Brunson. And you can have him. I don't want him. Please, take him. In his UFC career he put away Brian “Who” Houston and the dusty enraged revenant that is Ed Herman, but anyone 2012 Chris Leben or better he's fought he has had boring decisions or gotten hosed up terribly. Smile'n Sam owns. He met his model cornerman/wife at a Ren Faire. He spells his nickname completely incorrectly and I think he knows it. He calls out Hair Matches in a real sport. He goes to foreign countries, calls out their hometown hero and fucks them up hilariously, and in the case of Australia he even gets people to cheer and chant along with him after the fact. He also lost to Joey Rivera on TUF and Tom Watson in the actual UFC, so I am very nervous about him fighting Brunson. BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: coin-toss Smile'n Sam is going to earn his fourth cool finish in a row or he is going to spend 15 minutes on his back while Brunson works up a cold sweat by exerting no discernable effort. Heavyweight  Jared Rosholt vs.  Timothy Johnson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P__gZy8Svc  BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: riddle Why is this on the main card, why are so many people going to watch one of the only heavyweights reliably capable of earning a boring decision every time? My life is so full of questions and there are no answers in sight. Women's Bantamweight  Sara McMann vs. Amanda Nunes Sara McMann is an Olympic silver medalist in wrestling, and she was taken down and grinded out by Miesha Tate after rocking Tate on the feet.  Amanda Nunes is Lady Vitor. She is extremely dangerous for three minutes or else she will lose — oftentimes violently, always without ceremony. BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: coin-toss Either it's the female Henderson vs. Belfort 1, or the female Henderson vs. Belfort 2. Flyweight  Ray Borg vs.  Geane Herrera The Tazmexican Devil is actually a cool guy to watch. His UFC debut was met with a questionable split loss to Dustin Orti and since then he has continued his long tradition of submitting fools left and right, choking out Shane Howell and tapping Chris Kelades with the kimura. The kid's a serious finisher going on a tear in a division thirsty for fresh blood to feed the king, and to top it all off he is only 22. His opponent may prove to be a real dark horse, however. An undefeated Brazilian, Herrera is making his UFC debut with five subs and one KO under his belt. Look for this fight to be super grapply and probably fun as hell. BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: KISS FROM A ROSE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ateQQc-AgEM It's the one surprisingly, legitimately good thing in an otherwise underwhelming product! OTHER poo poo TO WATCH Fox Sports 2 Prelims, 8 p.m. ET on a channel that does not exist Middleweight Uriah Hall vs. Oluwale Bamgbose Middleweight Chris Camozzi vs. Tom Watson Flyweight Dustin Ortiz vs. Willie Gates Bantamweight Frankie Saenz vs. Sirwan Kakai Fight Pass Prelims, 6:30 p.m. ET Light Heavyweight Chris Dempsey vs. Jonathan Wilson Bantamweight Marlon Vera vs. Roman Salazar Lightweight Anthony Christodoulou vs. Scott Holtzman Official Weigh-In 4 p.m. ET Friday, Aug. 7 OFFICIAL MMA SNACK RATING: Jelly Belly BeanBoozled jelly beans, where half the jelly beans are regular flavors and the other half are disgusting hosed up flavors that are indistinguishable by sight 
Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 05:41 on Aug 7, 2015 |
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Aug 7, 2015 05:05
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| # ? May 4, 2024 12:18 |
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Wait, Borg's loss to Ortiz was controversial? Since when
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Aug 7, 2015 05:11
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I may have been confusing it with any of Ortiz' other split losses that many people felt went the wrong way. Dude's had some splits.
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Aug 7, 2015 05:17
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I don't mind Jared Rosholt's fight being on the main card. He gets knocked down in his fights pretty often and Timothy Johnson is a goofy-looking hard-hitting dude with I believe some wrestling background. It shouldn't be too grindy and more of a slugfest. I also don't think this card will be too bad. Glover, Brunson, and Rosholt could make all of those fights boring but OSP, Sam, and Timothy all have a decent chance to land the knockout shot. Dariush vs Johnson is the only real evenly matched fight and it should be sweet. Not a great card but not a bad card. Watch it.
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Aug 7, 2015 05:20
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Big thanks to Dr. Greg Hsu for taking the time to put together another GDT for us.
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Aug 7, 2015 05:25
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Every time I see Timothy Johnson fighting I just imagine it's Tom Hardy in Bronson and its cool as hell.
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Aug 7, 2015 05:46
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Those jelly beans are sadistic. gently caress that.
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Aug 7, 2015 06:17
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Bluedeanie posted:BATMAN VILLAIN VERDICT: KISS FROM A ROSE! There is so much a man can wrestle, so long he can lay Yooooouuuuu remain, the blanket on topside of me Baby I compare you to a punch in the nose in the gray
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Aug 7, 2015 13:13
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I will watch for Smile'n Sam and Hall, but most of that card looks serviceable for something entertaining to have on.
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Aug 7, 2015 15:20
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Bluedeanie posted:His speed, power and striking technique on their own are not quite outstanding enough to inspire long, rambling blog posts overraught with metaphor by British autists, I enjoyed this joke
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Aug 7, 2015 15:38
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I think I posted the wrong time in the OP, weighins are in 20ish minutes.
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Aug 7, 2015 21:41
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someone is going to have a mental/emotional breakdown in Uriah Hall vs Oluwale "The Guardian Angel of Death & Doom" Bamgbose
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Aug 7, 2015 22:23
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MY EYES BECOME LARGE AND THE LIGHT THAT YOU SHINE CAN BE SEEN
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Aug 7, 2015 22:55
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HEY NONG MAN posted:MY EYES BECOME LARGE AND THE LIGHT THAT YOU SHINE CAN BE SEEN I'll have my mother know that her son lived to see a Seal-quote applied to an MMA fight.
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Aug 7, 2015 22:58
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HEY NONG MAN posted:MY EYES BECOME LARGE AND THE LIGHT THAT YOU SHINE CAN BE SEEN Poked by a Jones all the same.
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Aug 7, 2015 23:07
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I live in Nashville and don't think I would go to this card with free tickets. Jesus why can't they get anyone worth a flying gently caress to come to Nashville?
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Aug 7, 2015 23:20
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Le Saboteur posted:Poked by a Jones all the same. hahahaha
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Aug 7, 2015 23:22
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Le Saboteur posted:Poked by a Jones all the same. 
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Aug 7, 2015 23:26
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Also because I'm a liar - what are the best ways to suddenly find a good ticket for cheap? I just checked the Nashville Arena website and it looks like this show has sold roughly...errr...I'm guess eight tickets?
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Aug 7, 2015 23:27
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Captain Log posted:Jesus why can't they get anyone worth a flying gently caress to come to Nashville? I'm pretty sure you can figure that out.
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Aug 7, 2015 23:29
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fatherdog posted:I'm pretty sure you can figure that out. Says a guy who lived in the armpit of the United States.
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Aug 7, 2015 23:31
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Captain Log posted:Says a guy who lived in the armpit of the United States. our last UFC even was headlined by Machida/Rockhold, neither of whom would be caught dead in Nashville.
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Aug 7, 2015 23:32
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fatherdog posted:our last UFC even was headlined by Machida/Rockhold, neither of whom would be caught dead in Nashville. I mean to be fair even if he were caught dead Machida would probably still run eight steps backwards before falling over
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Aug 7, 2015 23:33
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Captain Log posted:Says a guy who lived in the armpit of the United States. At least you get a poo poo card, St. Louis has to wait for Scott Coker to round up a couple grandpas so he can get Scottrade Center somewhere around a quarter to half capacity.
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Aug 7, 2015 23:35
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fatherdog posted:our last UFC even was headlined by Machida/Rockhold, neither of whom would be caught dead in Nashville. they might turn up dead in nashville, though
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Aug 7, 2015 23:57
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LobsterMobster posted:they might turn up dead in nashville, though i dont get it
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Aug 8, 2015 00:05
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Yuriy posted:i dont get it Nashville is a terrible place and terrible things happen to people there
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Aug 8, 2015 00:47
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LobsterMobster posted:Nashville is a terrible place and terrible things happen to people there Don't you live in God damned Florida of all places?
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Aug 8, 2015 01:18
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Captain Log posted:Don't you live in God damned Florida of all places? Nope
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Aug 8, 2015 01:19
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Captain Log posted:Don't you live in God damned Florida of all places? There are some people in Florida, though, but LobsterMobster is not one.
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Aug 8, 2015 01:20
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Oh wait, it's Alabama I think. I've been told I live somewhere lovely by a person from Jersey and a person from Alabama. Next I'll have someone from loving Maine or Oklahoma tell me my state is boring.
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Aug 8, 2015 01:25
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Captain Log posted:Oh wait, it's Alabama I think. Alabama is bad, but stabbings aren't that common
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Aug 8, 2015 01:28
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But Tennessee is lovely. Just because someone is from some place that might be objectively shittier doesn't mean that Tennessee is any better.
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Aug 8, 2015 01:28
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From what I saw basically your entire country is beautiful in some way. And your women love my accent. And I love your women.
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Aug 8, 2015 01:47
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Marching Powder posted:From what I saw basically your entire country is beautiful in some way. And your women love my accent. And I love your women. Thank you, it's nice to read some positive words in these threads
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Aug 8, 2015 02:03
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Bluedeanie please do GDT forever.
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Aug 8, 2015 04:25
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There is a man with the nickname The Holy War Angel on this card so this card must be good by default.
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Aug 8, 2015 04:47
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Ray Borg missed weight and was clearly hobbling at the weigh ins. Did he end up making weight?
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Aug 8, 2015 04:49
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Sara McMann also missed weight by a half pound but I imagine she just went in the back and stripped down and made it.
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Aug 8, 2015 04:52
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I used to play beer league hockey with Scott Holtzman, so seeing him in the UFC is pretty cool. I'll be rooting for him for sure. He was pretty damned good at hockey, but just too small to really do anything as a pro (played a couple games for the SPHL which is essentially the lowest from of pro hockey there is), plus he started in roller hockey and not ice. Well, that's my story.
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Aug 8, 2015 05:00
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