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I'm in that weird percentage of the pop. with a type of high anxiety that makes weed dangerous. I have a tendancy to get stuck in loops and get panic attacks when I smoke too much weed (which is a very small amount, like half a bowl). I had some great experiences from weed, smoked it once a week for about a year--small amounts each time. A few months ago after a painful sad breakup, while I was in a precarious position with my employment, I smoked my usual single draw but decided "gently caress it, a little more this time". It ended up being way too much more, and I spent the night tripping loving balls and visualizing my brain eating itself, my body dying, the landlords finding my dead body, parents crying... etc. It felt like I was dying for sure, just the worst kind of primal sort of fear. Pure, distilled despair, really. I had aftershocks for the next two weeks every time I went back to my apartment. Anyway, not sure what the 'close' part actually was there. Close to dying? Maybe from suicide to get out of it. Close to getting caught? Yeah, I contemplated calling emergency services. Idk, but I am passively aware of the center of my brain that causes fear now, at all times. So that is close, I guess.
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Sep 4, 2015 00:28
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 14:57 |
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