Unexpected hazards in common products

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Unexpected hazards in common products

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

I recently bought a pair of bluetooth headphones and I figured I'd actually look at the safety information and warnings first. That link should include the PDF download for the manual but I'll but it here just because.

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Important Safety Instructions
�	 Read these Instructions.
�	 Keep these Instructions.
�	 Heed all Warnings.
�	 Follow all instructions

Alright, clear enough, I'm down with safety.

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�	 Do not use this apparatus near water.
�	 Clean only with a dry cloth.
�	 Do not block any ventilation openings. Install in accordance with the manufacturer�s instructions.

Uhh, ok? Probably not a good idea to get my new headphones wet, but I don't recall seeing any ventilation openings on the headphones...

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�	 Do not install near any heat sources such as radiators, heat registers, stoves, or other apparatus
(including amplifiers) that produce heat.
�	 Do not defeat the safety purpose of the polarized or grounding - type plug. A polarized plug has two
blades with one wider than the other. A grounding type plug has two blades and a third grounding
prong. The wide blade or the third prong are provided for your safety. When the provided plug does
not fit into your outlet, consult an electrician for replacement of the obsolete outlet.

I'm not sure you even know what I purchased. You gave me a USB cord to charge the headphones with. No wall charger, so no prongs. And what the hell am I installing?

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�	 Unplug this apparatus during lightning storms or when unused for long periods of time.
�	 Use only with a cart, stand, tripod, bracket, or table specified by the manufacturer,
or sold with the apparatus. When a cart is used, use caution when moving the cart/
apparatus combination to avoid injury from tip-over.

You do realize these are wireless and lightning storms don't pose a loving risk, right? Unless you mean while it's charging?

And what's this poo poo about a loving cart? Who the gently caress puts their wireless headphones on a cart/apparatus combination just to move the goddamn headphones?

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Additional Warnings and Precautions
�	 CAUTION: TO PREVENT ELECTRIC SHOCK, MATCH WIDE BLADE OF PLUG TO WIDE
SLOT, FULLY INSERT.

WHAT loving PLUG?!

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�	 CAUTION: Use of controls or adjustments or performance of procedures other than those specified
may result in hazardous radiation exposure

Wait, did I really purchase Bluetooth headphones or is this some sort of military-grade handheld deathlaser? I mean, I know bluetooth operates at the same frequency as a microwave, except Bluetooth transmits at 1 milliwatt, and my microwave in my kitchen is 1,500,000 times more powerful, and only transmits in a coherent beam. I don't care how much you crank it up, these headphones will never operate at a 1.5kW transmission power.

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�	 WARNING: Do not place this unit directly onto furniture surfaces with any type of soft, porous, or
sensitive finish. As with any rubber compound made with oils, the feet could cause marks or staining
where the feet reside.� We recommend using a protective barrier such as a cloth or a piece of glass
between the unit and the surface to reduce the risk of damage and/or staining.

Now you're just loving with me to see if I'm even reading this.

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�	 CAUTION: Danger of explosion if battery is incorrectly replaced. Replace only with the same
or equivalent type.
�	 WARNING: There is a danger of explosion if you attempt to charge standard Alkaline batteries in
the unit. Only use rechargeable NiMH batteries.
�	 WARNING: The remote control�s button cell battery contains mercury. Do not put in the trash,
instead recycle or dispose of as hazardous waste
�	 WARNING: Lithium batteries, like all rechargeable batteries, are recyclable and should be recycled
or disposed of in normal household waste. Contact your local government for disposal or recycling
practices in your area. They should never be incinerated since they might explode.

What remote control? And why warn me about only using NiMH batteries when you next say lithium? Oh, poo poo, I started paying attention to you again.

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�	 Objects filled with liquids, such as vases, shall not be placed on the apparatus.
�	 Mains plug is used as disconnect device and it should remain readily operable during intended
use. In order to disconnect the apparatus from the mains completely, the mains plug should be
disconnected form the mains socket outlet completely
�	 Battery shall not be exposed to excessive heat such as sunshine, fire or the like.
�	 Keep new and used batteries away from children. If the battery compartment does
not close securely, stop using the product and keep it away from children.

Admit it, all you did was copy and paste random instructions from different products into this and think nobody would notice.

There's gotta be better ones than this out there. I mean, it's written in perfectly understandable english, but has nothing to do with the product I bought.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2015 15:04

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 19:39

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

SHOTGUN REGULAR posted:

did you transcribe all of that manually

Don't effortpost shame me man, I can have my kinks.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2015 04:35

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

Nefarious posted:

when you have a tiny dick and ur pumpin away and panting and sweating and putting in all the effort you possibly can and you're still nowhere near satisfying your partner

that's this thread

Can I get an instruction manual for my tiny d, because that's totally an expected hazard for me.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2015 04:38

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

Oh poo poo I found the instruction manual for my tiny d.

http://www.spypoint.com/manuals/Manual_TINY-D.pdf

# ¿ Sep 4, 2015 04:41

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

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Thank you for choosing one of our excellent
SPYPOINT products. You can now enjoy many benefits of
a full feature

Thank god, I'm tired of not knowing how to work my tiny d.

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Time Lapse Predefined intervals from
30sec to 1h

Well gently caress at least 30 seconds is an improvement over my current two pumps.

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Instant trigger time

WAIT THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2015 04:44

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 19:39

Rashaverak: May 13, 2001; "Cock'n'Balls" is a pinnacle of modern medicine.

SirEvelynTremble posted:

Its not called a tiny d any more it's a micro p

Oh poo poo I see what you mean.

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External trigger 1/8" jack for normally open
contact

Makes sense.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2015 04:48

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Unexpected hazards in common products