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it's cool if you're both in agreement and you're not super attached in practice one person (usually the guy, tbh) lies about his feelings to get into the relationship then he gets all jealous and rear end in a top hat-y because in reality he is super loving attached and it never works out
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Sep 11, 2015 17:57
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 13:51 |
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Rutibex posted:I'[m] essentially in a V with my gf and her other bf. That is, romantically and emotionally. I've been dating her about 3 months, and I get along great with him just fine. Discuss your feelings w/ her. It's one thing to have an open relationship, it's another to be ignoring you and getting all touchy feely with someone else in front of you. That's just cucking im pretty sure. If you're not comfortable with something, say something. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Better that than spending the rest of your life feeling second rate or something. It's not weird at all to not care if she fucks people but to not want it thrown in your face (certainly not if she's ignoring you while doing that). Afaik most successful open relationships just have the people go gently caress sometimes if the occasion arises (like if you're at a party and someone wants to smash and your SO is out of town or sick or something), they aren't necessarily looking for other people to sleep with or all that poo poo. And while being open is important (no one likes being lied to and snuck around on), all the specific details probably don't need to be mentioned. And also you'd be surprised at the amount of girls who aren't into loving random people (my gf is one - she doesn't like banging if she doesn't know the person well and have a connection) versus guys who don't care about that, as long as we're talking about who gets laid more in an open relationship. Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 20:19 on Sep 11, 2015 |
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Sep 11, 2015 20:16
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Blazing Ownager posted:That's actually worse, that's like she's not just banging the guys, she's banging the same guys over and over again and has a connection with them. yeah seeing another dude over and over is usually a recipe for disaster i meant more just like random one night stands now and again
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Sep 11, 2015 21:45
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I mean maybe just buy a chastity belt and go full sissy cuck at that point ya know
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Sep 11, 2015 21:45
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Mr. Stingly posted:Any arguments in favor of open relationships and the kind of anecdotal evidence supporting them usually boil down to a description of 3 or more people who don't really give a gently caress about each other and lack the kind of intense emotional connection people think of as Love or whatever. This is then said to be much more ideal than traditional monogamy because it lets the participants orgasm much more frequently, which of course is the entire purpose of a romantic relationship, satisfying one's cravings. Like a microwave cooking hot pockets for your all night game sesh, except for your genitals. yeah it's just for like 'hey we like hanging out with each other and banging but we like banging other people too but we just want to say we're dating and maybe live together for the financial security' it's not for real relationships imo idk. like occasionally is one thing but just an open relationship? prolly not gonna work unless you get 1 in a million people. it's just fun when you're young and there's attractive horny people everywhere and you're sick of the drama of cheating and trust issues and lying and poo poo.
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Sep 11, 2015 21:57
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ArbitraryC posted:I don't see how open relationships can ever really work in a society that still likes mono relationships. Like I could potentially see a hippy love commune thing working* because everyone shares everyone, but when you go out with your friends friday night and they bring their monogamous dedicated gfs/bfs and they're like "hey where's your so?" and you just sorta have to look at your drink and mumble about them being on a date there's absolutely no way anyone is going to maintain respect for you. When you compare a mono to a poly/open thing it's always going to look (and objectively so) that the poly people's partners are less dedicated to them. nah you're just hanging out with uptight people a bay posted:Isnt that what love is supposed to be though regardless of the sex rules of the relationship yeah. i think it's possible to separate out love and loving but it is understandably difficult for most people. I have two friends that get super attached super quick to anyone they gently caress. They're both guys, too. Sometimes you find someone you know you love and you're both cool with loving a stranger now and again but you don't click with anyone else and it's fine but that's pretty rare. One of those dudes tripped out and broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years because they were in seperate states on new years and she kissed someone when the ball dropped. To me that'd be 'i don't care just tell me and don't lie and sneak around.' Which she did - she called at 12:30am crying and feeling bad about it but he tripped out anyway. Too extreme imo but there's all kinds of different people. Personally I can understand wanting to kiss someone when the ball drops and everyone around you is doing it. Doesn't have to mean anything other than that  mind the walrus posted:You do know there are women who don't like the idea of their man getting their cock wet wherever too right? There's nothing wrong with monogomy and trusting relationships and I think this whole thing of trying to make it some kind of social justice to cuck men is doing a huge disservice to social issues. I always thought it was an ironic joke but apparently there's people who really are like that and it's just fuckin strange. Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 22:05 on Sep 11, 2015 |
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Sep 11, 2015 22:03
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Right but politicians have to pander to a lot of conservative uptight people. In your 20s when everyone is aware of the situation and everyone enjoys loving and snorting blow and doing drugs it doesn't matter as much. Besides I think you'd be surprised at how many politicians and rich people and whatever do it too, just more lowkey. They aren't picking up the random person at the gala dinner. If it's about other people's perceptions and you're in a position where that actually matters you just hide it.
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Sep 11, 2015 22:15
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ArbitraryC posted:That was my point though, if absolutely everyone were onboard with open stuff I could vaguely see it working, but as long as that's not the case then the people in the position to fully monopolize a single partner, (or sleep around themsevles without their partners sleeping around on them) are going to have a higher status than the people who have to share. I think this is partly why when you look at reddit boards on poly (a gold mine of fantastic e/n style posts) it's always guys that are whining about having trouble coping with their gf sleeping around, there's uneven gender standards there and they subconsciously realize being in this situation devalues them socially. It says that they aren't good enough to be one of the guys who has a dedicated girlfriend. Well yeah alright. I have two points: - it's not necessarily the gf loving other people that is low status, it's the gf loving other people and ignoring you while you act like a doormat about it and secretly hate it and feel like poo poo that makes you seem low status - don't give a poo poo about if random dils think you are high status or not. That kind of thinking leads to PUA poo poo. Just be awesome. Also, a lot of those people are loving crazy people, definitely. Do that poo poo at your own caution. I do want to make the slight distinction again though between people who clearly glom on to a girl and watch her gently caress around while she talks about poly this and poly that and people who are happy with each other and now and again they gently caress someone else just for kicks.
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Sep 11, 2015 22:40
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ArbitraryC posted:It's not like everyone is super promiscuous in their 20s though, I only knew of like 1 open relationship in my entire social circle and people constantly made fun of the dude for it until it crashed and burned. Sure there were single people who hosed around but if you were putting titles on it it implied monogamy. Okay but meanwhile in my friend group basically everyone has banged each other at one point or another regardless of which one they happened to be dating at the time and no one cares. People are different.
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Sep 11, 2015 22:49
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The biggest thing is trust and communication. If you don't like how the relationship is structured or how certain things are going you should say something about it. Otherwise I don't think there's really inherently anything wrong with whatever configuration works for you and everyone involved unless you want to be on the 'well 2 people raising a kid is a good family unit' but that's a fairly new concept anyway nor does it apply to people not trying to have a family. ArbitraryC posted:We've been telling depressed people to stop caring what other people think and just be themselves for pretty much forever but the brain sadly doesn't work that way. Pretty much everyone craves external validation. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with that particular mindset, particularly since due to skewed gender standards it kind of has a skeevy ownership undertone, but you can't just logic yourself into being okay with open relationships due to a variety of elements including social pressure. That's fine but maybe the random one night stand is some people's form of external validation. Maybe they like to know they are still attractive and it's not just their loving wife telling them that as they get old and ugly. Then after that insecurity is out of their system, they are fine. I'm not saying you can logic yourself into feeling a certain way, I'm just saying for some people feelings come up in different ways or not as strongly. Like in my earlier example when my friend was telling me about his girlfriend kissing someone else on new years eve, he was super mad and I kept waiting for him to say 'and then she banged the kid right there and everyone saw and said I had a tiny dick!' but no he was just super pissed about the kiss. I didn't get it. I still don't. I get jealous and feel envy, but about different things. Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 22:54 on Sep 11, 2015 |
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Sep 11, 2015 22:52
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solaranus posted:polyamory is failing to recognize and appreciate the benefits of a monogamous relationship, while over-valuing the importance of sex with random people. one idiotic compromise later they have something that brings none of the benefits, and all the negatives why can't I have a special and fulfilling connection with someone and enjoy the benefits of monogamy and still gently caress someone new once in a while? ArbitraryC posted:What I mean is I'm monogamous and do not personally feel like my gf is controlling my genitals. I think trying to turn this into some sort of social equality issue to shame people who aren't comfortable with non-monogamy into something poly or open by implying unless they're willing to they're a misogynist is really gross and I absolutely hate when people make posts that imply that. It's borderline sexual abuse. i agree it's definitely emotional abuse
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Sep 11, 2015 22:56
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Also I think in general the USA is a nation of prudes who will gleefully watch screaming people being eviscerated with their children but get super angry about a nipple showing and I think it really impacts societal views on sexual freedom and promiscuity - as long as we're talking about status and how other people view you.
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Sep 11, 2015 23:01
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solaranus posted:it's possible, but i wouldn't recommend it Yeah. Well like I said it's probably a terrible idea for a 'real' relationship unless you find that one in a million person or something. Presumably said wife would care about you way more than just getting a random lay and would stick with you through the cancer treatments. Then again a lot of monogamous couples have an SO run off or cheat in the face of something like that. It's not exactly a guarantee of anything. nomadologique posted:wah wah we monogamists are a seriously oppressed minority won't someone think for the love of god think of us??? It's pretty lame if your gf who you love goes 'you know what I should be free to gently caress other people if I want but not you because I'm a woman. If you disagree you're a misogynist.' I mean sever immediately of course lol but you know how people get attached to women. \/\/\/ yes I don't think anyone disagrees
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Sep 11, 2015 23:08
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nomadologique posted:i think there are a couple points here: I do the "real" thing just because there are tons of people who try to force something that isn't there and then go 'open relationshiiiips  ' when in reality their marriage or relationship just sucked and was going to fail anyway. If she's gonna leave you for a bigger dick it was gonna happen eventually anyway. Hopefully you're not afraid your wife is gonna leave if she figures out how bad you are in bed (not like you personally just in general).I really don't think polygamy is particularly unviable. There's tons of people in the world who have multiple spouses.
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Sep 11, 2015 23:16
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Zidrooner posted:There exists this myth that if you are in a relationship with someone, having another relationship (casual or not) with someone else, you are automatically doing them an injustice, you filthy cheating adulterer. I agree with all of this. Also many people in the world practice polygamy and it works just fine. There's a lot of societies where those sexual mores and pressures are different.
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Sep 11, 2015 23:19
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Rutibex posted:pretty much every civilization that has existed enforced monogamy. maybe the modern world is exceptional, and we can evolve something new, but i doubt it. lol bro the nuclear family is a modern thing and there have been many many civilizations that didn't enforce monogamy (and polygamy was the norm) between that and the 'relationships are the foundation for a family' thing you said a couple pages back I think you've working with some outmoded concepts. if no one in the relationship cares about or wants kids what's the problem? quote:i think there is likely a very good reason monogamy exists in every civilization, and only primitive tribal societies and hippies do anything else. i think it may be essential for even having a civilization, or at least one that functions properly and isn't slowly decaying from within haha come on learn you some history Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 19:42 on Sep 12, 2015 |
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Sep 12, 2015 19:37
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Rutibex posted:anthropologists deal with primitive societies, i'm interested in civilizations, all of which enforce monogamy in some way. i'm not talking about any kind of "human nature", there is no such thing, humans are infinitely malleable. yeah almost all successful civilizations are violent too, with the exception of maybe the Indus Vally civilization, and they died out. so maybe violence is also a requirement for a successful civilization Well if your argument is 'no successful culture has had polygamy' then I'll point you at Islam during a time when the Middle East was a center of culture and trade, and at Scandinavians who did alright for themselves during the Viking Age. There are many others. And I said the nuclear family (ie 2 parents raising kids) is a fairly modern concept. Which is true. Kids don't need to be aware of the sexual relationship, they need love and support and traditionally a whole community helps to raise kids. And again if youre not even worried about kids your whole 'relationships are the base family unit' and 'monogomy keeps the fabric of society sane' arguments are meaningless. People have been loving and having orgies for thousands of years it'll be fine.
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Sep 12, 2015 23:46
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CombineThresher posted:because for the rest of us, open relationships are nothing but drama and resentment. Most relationships for most people are nothing but drama and resentment. That's not an argument for only monogamy, that is an argument to be communicative and don't settle for bullshit in any relationship.
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Sep 12, 2015 23:48
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i just like cumming
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Sep 13, 2015 20:14
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Im an internet meme spewing jizz into literally any aesthetically pleasing consenting hole
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Sep 13, 2015 21:40
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one time i was at a party and my friend's gf was getting fisted in a bedroom by another mutual friend of ours (a girl) and you could tell his gf was just having the best screaming orgasms like he could never give her and he was just on the couch looking so depressed lol i hooked up with some other girl on that couch later and as i was leading her upstairs to smash i happened to see him looking sad just fuckin lol dude has a 9" dick too
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Sep 13, 2015 23:55
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Rutibex posted:the way i see people that call themselves poly, is the same way i see a kid that tells me he wants to be a race car driver when he grows up. they just don't have the experience to realize that's not realistic idk why you keep insisting that this is a totally fake fantasy that doesn't work for anyone when there are in fact thriving swinger communities and poo poo. Not everyone has to fit inside a neat little box, you know. Some people just genuinely don't care about it. Yeah most people trying to do it aren't made for it and it ends up in disaster but that doesn't mean it never works ever.
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Sep 14, 2015 16:54
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dogstile posted:Every woman I know who is into poly poo poo has been sexually abused. Coincidence? I think not. the normal ones probably don't announce it so your sample is probably skewed Frank Viola posted:Poly people are weird, one of my clients has an employee that drops it into like every single conversation. case in point. anyone who talks about their sex life at work to that degree has some damage.
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Oct 8, 2015 16:53
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 13:51 |
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Rutibex posted:She was my first girlfriend, and I was her Love. lol too attached to the first girl that showed some attention. can't see the one-itus from the inside. divorce, be free, you'll feel better in the end. wife only got into it bc she is over the relationship and couldn't figure out a way to just tell you.
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Oct 8, 2015 17:26
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