Whats it like to be in an open relationship

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Whats it like to be in an open relationship

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

tuyop posted:

Yeah, you're right. I've talked to lots of smart people in monogamous relationships who express the exact same feelings about their relationship that I do about mine, minus the "monogamy is poisonous bullshit". The difference is that they don't play all these power politics with each other and they're respectful and trusting. So obviously it's not a categorical thing.

Monogamy always sounds like enforcing rules to me in order to mitigate feelings of distrust, but that idea is a bit alien to them because they don't have that feeling of distrust, they've just integrated monogamy into their definition of commitment and they value that form of commitment.

The whole commitment thing always makes me chuckle because I don't know many serial monogamists who are as committed to each other as we are in our marriage. They maintain separate bank accounts and things because there's always a dealbreaker in their relationship and they need to constantly make bets about whether it's going to take place.

So have either of you screwed other people? It's not really an "open marriage" until that happens. If so, and you guys are as strong as you say, then great. I couldn't do it, but I won't judge.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2015 18:25

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:01

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

nomadologique posted:

but honestly if you told someone in 1990 that in 25 years nobody would give a poo poo about gay people anymore except the old and insane, they'd have laughed in your face

according to my sources we're in the middle of a massive culture war atm, it's all topsy turvy and the internet makes viewpoints evolve very quickly

sexual jealousy probably has some biological bases but likely isn't the kind of thing you can't socially program people to express and experience in any number of creative ways

Even just in the 2000s. I remember there was a gay character in a movie in like 2002 (something about baseball), and it was this huge controversy.

Also in Crocodile Dundee (1986) there was a lot of gay jokes and crossdress jokes. They even called a gay tranny "fag". That would never fly now.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2015 18:27

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

I'm trying to see a perspective where I'd be OK with it with my wife, but I just can't. For me it's not "control over genitals", it's I'm the one who fucks her and vice versa. Something special between us.

Plus sometimes we end up sharing toothbrushes sometimes and I wouldn't want other weiner on there.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2015 21:48

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

Mr. Stingly posted:

Any arguments in favor of open relationships and the kind of anecdotal evidence supporting them usually boil down to a description of 3 or more people who don't really give a gently caress about each other and lack the kind of intense emotional connection people think of as Love or whatever. This is then said to be much more ideal than traditional monogamy because it lets the participants orgasm much more frequently, which of course is the entire purpose of a romantic relationship, satisfying one's cravings. Like a microwave cooking hot pockets for your all night game sesh, except for your genitals.

Mm are you agreeing that the entire purpose of a romantic relationship is to satisfy a craving? I can't tell if you're presenting that argument as a third party, or espousing it.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2015 21:50

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

Arian_Samurai posted:

You are confusing being monogamous with being a rapist

I wouldn't go that far, but yeah "my wife is a pussy to gently caress whenever" is way off base.

Moridin920 posted:

yeah

it's just for like 'hey we like hanging out with each other and banging but we like banging other people too but we just want to say we're dating and maybe live together for the financial security'

it's not for real relationships imo idk. like occasionally is one thing but just an open relationship? prolly not gonna work unless you get 1 in a million people. it's just fun when you're young and there's attractive horny people everywhere and you're sick of the drama of cheating and trust issues and lying and poo poo.

See I can see this. I could do it without the emotional attachment (and toothbrush sharing).

Again not trying to isolate tuyop here, as it's an interesting perspective, if at their core they're both totally cool with it.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2015 22:01

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

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# ¿ Sep 12, 2015 00:07

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

Zidrooner posted:

There exists this myth that if you are in a relationship with someone, having another relationship (casual or not) with someone else, you are automatically doing them an injustice, you filthy cheating adulterer.

Some people feel satisfied with having only one partner, but some feel that they can love more than one, that there is no reason to limit the amount of intimacy you can reach with any one person just because you are already intimate with another. The feelings they have for someone new do not diminish in any way the feelings they have for their current partner/s.

There is no reason why a mono person can't be happy in a relationship with a poly person. If they receive the love, affection and appreciation they desire, there is no reason to be unhappy about their partner also making someone else happy.

To some people, the idea of their boyfriend/girlfriend loving someone else makes them go through fear, jealousy, anger, and such emotions. But others are perfectly okay with it. This has nothing to do with them being monogamous or polyamorous, it is simply the result of them feeling their relationship threatened.

It's only natural to feel threatened if the other person they're loving is better than you. What if they were to meet someone better looking, richer, who treats them better and fucks them better and they would dump you? There are multiple ways of coping with this problem. A popular one is prohibiting them from sleeping with other people, and social norms make it easy to do so, but going down this road is actually a surefire way to damage your relationship, because it doesn't address the root issue of WHY your partner would want to get rid of you in the first place. (it might even be your jealous behaviour itself)

Confidence in a relationship comes from making the other person feel so good that they would never dream of abandoning what they have with you.

This discounts not wanting penis on my wife's toothbrush, and also the very real issue of STDs that could very well lead back to the other spouse.

Like I get what you're saying, but monogamy is a pretty good way to stay disease free.

tuyop mentions taking care of another's baby, but what if that baby was accidental, and the father bails out? What if it happens more than once? What if the baby's mother/father totally isn't down for the whole multiple partner thing and uses that against them in a custody battle?

I think there's absolutely the potential for drama. An honest monogamous relationship will guarantee those problems aren't problems.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2015 00:17

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

tuyop posted:

Maybe you should reconsider your unhealthy level of codependency?

Yeah that's not unhealthy codependency. That's relying on the person you love.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2015 00:28

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:01

WobblySausage: Nov 7, 2014

Horniest Manticore posted:

and that orange was albert einstein

# ¿ Sep 14, 2015 22:30

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Whats it like to be in an open relationship