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There are two unisex bathrooms across the hall from the office I inhabit. These can only be locked once the door is closed by someone inside the bathroom. It never fails that while I'm trying to vacate my bowels some rear end in a top hat will walk up to the door, jiggle the handle, and then loving knock like, "Hey is there actually someone in there?" This morning I had to yell at someone to leave me the gently caress alone because they kept jiggling the handle and knocking. It was all, 'jiggle jiggle, knock knock?. . .jiggle knock. KNOCK'. I need the SomethingAwful friends to help me come up with something that I can respond with in these situations. I want something to blurt out that will make these idiots at least feel as awkward as they are making me feel. I thought of just yelling out "They're all going to laugh at you!" in my best Adam Sandler voice, but I feel that there is much better out there.
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Feb 5, 2016 17:28
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 01:22 |
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why don't you just say "yeah" before it escalates to that point
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Feb 5, 2016 17:29
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howling? i think thats the answer
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Feb 5, 2016 17:29
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tell them to come on in
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Feb 5, 2016 17:30
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Make this noise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9QuO09z-SI&t=50s
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Feb 5, 2016 17:31
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Why are you locking the door?
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Feb 5, 2016 17:36
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rotinaj posted:Make this noise: How about this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVNYIHFVOqo (The studio version scream has been my phone ringer for years)
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Feb 5, 2016 17:37
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Feb 5, 2016 17:38
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I stayed at a holiday inn with a Denny's in it once. Had to take a poo poo so I get the keycard for the Denny's bathroom. It's just a little one toilet thing. So I'm taking a poo poo and I hear the handle jiggle and the door open. Guy is standing there with his kid just watching me take a poo poo. Apparantly they had a second card for the same bathroom they gave out to this prick 2 minutes after they gave me one. Then later I'm up in my room, hear the elevator ding, some people sort of shuffling around outside my door. Then some kid says, almost as if reading from a script, "I'm a little baby", and the adult with him says, "that's right, you're a little baby". What a loving creep show.
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Feb 5, 2016 17:46
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I stayed at a holiday inn with a Denny's in it once. Had to take a poo poo so I get the keycard for the Denny's bathroom. It's just a little one toilet thing. So I'm taking a poo poo and I hear the handle jiggle and the door open. Guy is standing there with his kid just watching me take a poo poo. Apparantly they had a second card for the same bathroom they gave out to this prick 2 minutes after they gave me one. Then later I'm up in my room, hear the elevator ding, some people sort of shuffling around outside my door. Then some kid says, almost as if reading from a script, "I'm a little baby", and the adult with him says, "that's right, you're a little baby". What a loving creep show. 
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Feb 5, 2016 17:57
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I stayed at a holiday inn with a Denny's in it once. Had to take a poo poo so I get the keycard for the Denny's bathroom. It's just a little one toilet thing. So I'm taking a poo poo and I hear the handle jiggle and the door open. Guy is standing there with his kid just watching me take a poo poo. Apparantly they had a second card for the same bathroom they gave out to this prick 2 minutes after they gave me one. Then later I'm up in my room, hear the elevator ding, some people sort of shuffling around outside my door. Then some kid says, almost as if reading from a script, "I'm a little baby", and the adult with him says, "that's right, you're a little baby". What a loving creep show.
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Feb 5, 2016 17:59
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that's like some stephen king poo poo almost
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Feb 5, 2016 18:00
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Crap in your hand and smear "OCCUPIED" on the outside of the door.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:06
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I stayed at a holiday inn with a Denny's in it once. Had to take a poo poo so I get the keycard for the Denny's bathroom. It's just a little one toilet thing. So I'm taking a poo poo and I hear the handle jiggle and the door open. Guy is standing there with his kid just watching me take a poo poo. Apparantly they had a second card for the same bathroom they gave out to this prick 2 minutes after they gave me one. Then later I'm up in my room, hear the elevator ding, some people sort of shuffling around outside my door. Then some kid says, almost as if reading from a script, "I'm a little baby", and the adult with him says, "that's right, you're a little baby". What a loving creep show. 
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Feb 5, 2016 18:08
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"Are you here for the orgy?"
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Feb 5, 2016 18:10
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Once I was at a festival and had to take a piss. Porta potties were all full except one with a broken handle. I was like fuckit I just have to piss I'll just hold the door shut. So I'm holding the door with one hand and getting my dick out with the other, and I feel someone try to open the door. I pull it shut and they let off, thinking I'm probably in the clear to start pissing, but cautiously putting my dick back in my pants anyways. Then the dude tries to open the door again. I still have my hand on the handle holding it shut but now the guy is tugging on it. So finally I was like gently caress it and kicked the door open into his loving face. Had a nice piss then.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:11
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Once I was at a festival and had to take a piss. Porta potties were all full except one with a broken handle. I was like fuckit I just have to piss I'll just hold the door shut. So I'm holding the door with one hand and getting my dick out with the other, and I feel someone try to open the door. I pull it shut and they let off, thinking I'm probably in the clear to start pissing, but cautiously putting my dick back in my pants anyways. Then the dude tries to open the door again. I still have my hand on the handle holding it shut but now the guy is tugging on it. So finally I was like gently caress it and kicked the door open into his loving face. Had a nice piss then. why have so many pissing or pooping stories its like your life revolves around your bodily functions
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Feb 5, 2016 18:14
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"THAT IS NOT THE SECRET KNOCK, GET LOST!"
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Feb 5, 2016 18:17
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tomstuart posted:why have so many pissing or pooping stories its like your life revolves around your bodily functions I threw a party once and a girl wanted to gently caress me in the Porta potty. I was like no even though she was p hot.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:17
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Make ghost noises
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Feb 5, 2016 18:25
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just print a sign that says "Out of Order" and tape it to the door whenever you go poop
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Feb 5, 2016 18:26
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Once I was at a festival and had to take a piss. Porta potties were all full except one with a broken handle. I was like fuckit I just have to piss I'll just hold the door shut. So I'm holding the door with one hand and getting my dick out with the other, and I feel someone try to open the door. I pull it shut and they let off, thinking I'm probably in the clear to start pissing, but cautiously putting my dick back in my pants anyways. Then the dude tries to open the door again. I still have my hand on the handle holding it shut but now the guy is tugging on it. So finally I was like gently caress it and kicked the door open into his loving face. Had a nice piss then. Why did you close the door in the first place if you were just having a piss?
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Feb 5, 2016 18:27
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poo poo and piss out the window onto the street to feed the worms
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Feb 5, 2016 18:31
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Swamp Fancy posted:Why did you close the door in the first place if you were just having a piss? My guess is that he sits when he pisses. There was a thread about that not too long ago and it was surprising how many guys on this site piss like women.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:31
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put a tie around the knob on the outside (this is an old "fraternity" trick  )
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Feb 5, 2016 18:32
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Mad Monk posted:My guess is that he sits when he pisses. There was a thread about that not too long ago and it was surprising how many guys on this site piss like women. Fair point, I just assumed he really awkward and not a cripple who needs to sit to pee.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:36
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I sit to pee when I'm at work because I pull out my phone and take a 5-10 minute break while I'm at it. Dunno why you'd sit down at a portapotty at a music festival if you didn't have to though.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:37
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LadyAmbien posted:"Are you here for the orgy?" what's the password?
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Feb 5, 2016 18:41
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Darkman Fanpage posted:what's the password? I rented my orgy costume. 
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Feb 5, 2016 18:46
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Darkman Fanpage posted:what's the password? Whipping your flaccid penis against the door 4 times.
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Feb 5, 2016 18:51
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FishionMailed posted:I sit to pee when I'm at work because I pull out my phone and take a 5-10 minute break while I'm at it. Dunno why you'd sit down at a portapotty at a music festival if you didn't have to though. that's how you get butt parasites
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Feb 5, 2016 18:52
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I threw a party once and a girl wanted to gently caress me in the Porta potty. I was like no even though she was p hot. it was nice of your mom to go to your idiot party
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Feb 5, 2016 19:09
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Nooner posted:put a tie around the knob on the outside (this is an old "fraternity" trick much like you when you have to dress up
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Feb 5, 2016 19:10
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Nooner posted:put a tie around the knob on the outside (this is an old "fraternity" trick This sounds like it would hurt. OP, whenever there's a doorknock or handle jiggle, apply your lips to your arm and make a super loud fake fart noise, to indicate you're hard at work. If they persist, this will become very funny.
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Feb 5, 2016 19:11
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reach into the toilet bowl, remove feces, throw under door at handle jiggler to prove that the stall is indeed occupado
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Feb 5, 2016 19:19
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Just hold it in op Forever
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Feb 5, 2016 19:30
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Keep an airhorn with you and blow it when the guy starts jiggling the handle.
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Feb 5, 2016 19:32
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Set up a monitor outside the door and have it livestream the view of your butt pooping so there can be no doubt there is business going on in the bathroom.
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Feb 5, 2016 19:35
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 01:22 |
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haha dont you hate it when you get cold sweats when there is a knock at the door
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Feb 5, 2016 19:37
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