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I'm sort of confused as to why they didn't get Jeffrey Dean Morgan, since he looks closer to the book and can be had for cheaper than Elba
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Feb 9, 2016 10:46
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get walton goggins to play eddy
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Feb 9, 2016 11:43
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The reason why The Dark Tower has never successfully been turned into a movie is that whenever they are writing the script, once they get to the end they find out they are back at the beginning again. It's a never ending process. Edit - That joke was for the 2 other people that read the last book 
SLICK GOKU BABY fucked around with this message at 13:40 on Feb 9, 2016 |
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Feb 9, 2016 11:47
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I unironically love the Dark Tower but it would make a lovely movie series. All the interdimensional cowboy slow mutant-shooting of the first book is actually tame by modern movie standards. Then the interesting fantasy elements like the doors in The Drawing of the Three would have to be changed so audiences could understand it, and then what's even the point?
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Feb 9, 2016 12:05
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good kid actors are hard to find. get an annoying kid to play jake and it could be Phantom Menace all over again
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Feb 9, 2016 12:36
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If an annoying kid plays Jake, it will be more satisfying when Ronald drops him into a pit
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Feb 9, 2016 12:59
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Ein cooler Typ posted:If an annoying kid plays Jake, it will be more satisfying when Ronald drops him into a pit good point!
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Feb 9, 2016 13:06
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Who are they going to get to re-write the last three books as something other than the author's self insert fan fiction?
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Feb 9, 2016 13:12
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remember how they teased us in The Mist? holy god that was a good movie
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Feb 9, 2016 13:17
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Feb 9, 2016 14:41
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i will end your life edit: sorry im all riled up this morning i need to take my pills and lie down a while
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Feb 9, 2016 14:48
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Dinosaurmageddon posted:For its fans, the Dark Tower books are like that Star Trek TNG episode where they discover a race of people which can only communicate exclusively through references to their own cultural narrative history. ka
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Feb 9, 2016 14:53
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The Running Man had an awesome ending.
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Feb 9, 2016 14:59
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This really would work better as a TV serial with a respectable budget, like Game of Thrones. They could save on sets because everything takes place in the woods or modern day New York. They could shoot the Lud scenes in Detroit or Homs.
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Feb 9, 2016 15:48
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ChrisHansen posted:The Running Man had an awesome ending. Keep that terrorist sympathizing poo poo to yourself ChrisHansen.
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Feb 9, 2016 15:51
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Your Gay Uncle posted:I think the biggest change they will have to do is take Sussanah out of the wheelchair. It's really hard to shoot with one actor standing and one sitting, almost everythig they do would have to be in wide shot. Maybe give her a limp or need crutches. If this actually gets made I wonder who would play young Roland in Wizard and Glass. Michael B.Jordan? Not that I'm suggesting this but you ever see an X-man movie? SLICK GOKU BABY posted:The reason why The Dark Tower has never successfully been turned into a movie is that whenever they are writing the script, once they get to the end they find out they are back at the beginning again. It's a never ending process.  That and the writing himself in were the things that ruined it for me. I could deal the generally crumminess of the last few books, but this poo poo was so unimaginative and cheap.
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Feb 9, 2016 15:55
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ChrisHansen posted:The Running Man had an awesome ending. The short story, not the movie, right? In 8th grade art class I had to do a drawing showing "Perspective", so I drew the ending of that story from the view of someone standing on the ground, looking up towards the top of the building as the plane impacted. This was pre 9-11, so although I had to explain the drawing several times, there were no concerns about "TERRORISM!!!" Roland is a leathery white guy. Sorry, just how it is.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:06
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What was the point of Roland bringing the racist woman to the team? That she was a reverse succubus and trapped a demon with the power of her vagina?
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Feb 9, 2016 16:06
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WhyteRyce posted:What was the point of Roland bringing the racist woman to the team? That she was a reverse succubus and trapped a demon with the power of her vagina? She also fell in love with Eddy, but yeah, I think that was the main thing.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:11
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Will the movie be interrupted near the ending by Stephen King himself to call you a loser bastard who's probably poo poo in bed if you want to have an ending to a story before the ending turns out to be the movie restarting? Because if not, I don't think they're being very true to the books. V: Begging you not to read the end is one thing, he goes a step farther to actively attack the reader. But yes, it is all barking mad. The Snark fucked around with this message at 16:21 on Feb 9, 2016 |
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Feb 9, 2016 16:12
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a hole-y ghost posted:An old west cowboy from the future (but it's medieval times) teams up with a junkie from the 1980s Bronx and a racist caricature black lady in a wheelchiar who, with the help and hindrance of various Stephen King character cameos, fight against an interdimensional conspiracy of autistic people led by Santa Claus who sap the brain energy of children, making them into giants with big rear end tits and dicks, in order to bring the end of the world. Also Stephen King himself appears in the books from time to time.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:16
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dark tower is ya lit for waterheads
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Feb 9, 2016 16:20
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Also don't forget the village of Twins that was regularly raided by DOOMBOTS.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:24
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WhyteRyce posted:What was the point of Roland bringing the racist woman to the team? That she was a reverse succubus and trapped a demon with the power of her vagina? She's a natural gunslinger, same as Eddy and Jake. Roland needed a ka-tet to reach his goal.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:25
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Thought they already shooting this movie. They changed the name to westworld.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:27
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no joke back in college in my stage direction class a big lug name of aaaarrrrrooonnnnnnnnn wanted to make a stage play of the loving dark tower and his pitch included no graphics, no props, just him standing in front of the class with a tattered copy of the first book and him basically telling you the whole loving plot of the story and why he likes it and that's why he'd make a stage play of steven king's loving dark tower
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Feb 9, 2016 16:27
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oh and he said the book was basically wizard of oz and there were already lots of wizard of oz stage plays so obviously dark tower would work too, okay???
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Feb 9, 2016 16:32
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The Snark posted:Also don't forget the village of Twins that was regularly raided by DOOMBOTS. In case anyone thinks this is a joke Wikipedia - The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla posted:The wolves attack, using weapons resembling the snitches found in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series (which are actually stamped 'Harry Potter Model') and lightsabers found in George Lucas' Star Wars, and are revealed to be robots and to have Doctor Doom-like visages.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:33
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cram me sideways posted:no joke back in college in my stage direction class a big lug name of aaaarrrrrooonnnnnnnnn wanted to make a stage play of the loving dark tower and his pitch included no graphics, no props, just him standing in front of the class with a tattered copy of the first book and him basically telling you the whole loving plot of the story and why he likes it and that's why he'd make a stage play of steven king's loving dark tower Seems like he has a very avant-garde sensibility that you just don't fully appreciate.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:33
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Atoramos posted:In case anyone thinks this is a joke It was actually worse than I remembered!
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Feb 9, 2016 16:34
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Don't forget the vampires, or the picture-drawing child from King's other book they run into in the final Dark Tower book. And then they reach the mythical 'Red King' who's supposedly the biggest, baddest being in King's universe, who's impotently standing on a balcony on the dark tower with a crate of grenades. And then the hearts-in-atlantis kid they just bumped into erases the Red King before we get to see a confrontation, just like the spider-thing earlier. Also they stumble across the literal emerald city from Wizard of Oz. This is on top of the snitches and lightsabers. It's been over a decade, but I think the flashback in book IV and the lightsaber-wielding, snitch-throwing doombots they defeat in book V are the only actual story-relevant showdowns that ever occur.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:42
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A lot of people I know got upset when the black guy was cast and I laughed at the nerds, But under yalls criticisms I looked over the synopsis of the books. Lol if I got 4 books in and the writer literally put himself in it I would have given up. And the main character is suppose to look like the author too? What a loving joke
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Feb 9, 2016 16:44
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Atoramos posted:In case anyone thinks this is a joke Whet the actual gently caress? I dated a girl with a ka tattoo or whatever and I was naive to think it would have to be a somewhat competent book for her to get it
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Feb 9, 2016 16:47
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Book 4 was my favorite one so they should just make that into a movie so I can watch teenagers act like teenagers. And of course deadly slingshots and bog witches and whatnot.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:47
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Smash it Smash hit posted:A lot of people I know got upset when the black guy was cast and I laughed at the nerds, Books 1-3 were actually great books. Then they did a flashback with book 4 which was alright but killed the storyline. Then King got hit by a car and lost his goddamn mind because he realized he might die before finishing his Magnum Opus, the Dark Tower. Suddenly there's snitches and lightsabers and his characters get put in real-world Maine where they save King from the very car accident that just happened. To put this in perspective, books 1-4 took from 1982 through 1997 to write. Books 5-7 all came out between 2003 and 2004. King clearly had a literal mental breakdown, ruined his Magnum Opus, tried to stop writing altogether, and my guess is after recognizing he poo poo the bed with Dark Tower he's trying to put out more work he's not ashamed of.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:50
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Atoramos posted:Books 1-3 were actually great books. Then they did a flashback with book 4 which was alright but killed the storyline. Then King got hit by a car and lost his goddamn mind because he realized he might die before finishing his Magnum Opus, the Dark Tower. Suddenly there's snitches and lightsabers and his characters get put in real-world Maine where they save King from the very car accident that just happened. Lol at writing dark and scary stuff then literally ruining your greatest work Because you're afraid of dying he should of self inserted himself as a giant lovely baby
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Feb 9, 2016 16:57
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All I remember about IV was Roland repeatedly banging some chick in a swamp
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Feb 9, 2016 17:00
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WhyteRyce posted:All I remember about IV was Roland repeatedly banging some chick in a swamp Also a retarded kid that helped them and the girl Roland was banging having a crush on Cuthbert, and Bert shooting a guys fingers off with a slingshot, and bog witches, and then something with Randall Flagg I think. Can't remember, but it was fun because I was a teenager at the time so it made sense to me.
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Feb 9, 2016 17:02
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Cantaloupe posted:that's cool, I thought it got canned years ago It gets canned again and again, for Ka is like a wheel.
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Feb 9, 2016 17:15
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Solice Kirsk posted:Also a retarded kid that helped them and the girl Roland was banging having a crush on Cuthbert, and Bert shooting a guys fingers off with a slingshot, and bog witches, and then something with Randall Flagg I think. Can't remember, but it was fun because I was a teenager at the time so it made sense to me. Oh yeah and the Riddle-Off with the train that Eddy won by sitting for like 8 hours staring intently off into the distance before he figured out that all he needed to do to defeat the evil train was to tell bad riddles.
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Feb 9, 2016 17:25
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