GBS Home Defense Tips

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > GBS Home Defense Tips

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Between ISIS and those hillbillies up in Oregon, I have made the decision to educate myself on the ancient art of home defense. Let's just pretend I'm too mentally unstable to purchase firearms. What are my options for home defense?

I'm thinking of starting off with a Katana. It works in all of those Cowboy Samurai animes, so why not in my house?

Please let me know all of your home defense tips or instructional videos. Here's my favorite so far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAkCLpMtjlM

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:00

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 09:22

Kakarot: Jul 20, 2013; by zen death robot; Buglord

I start farting when I get nervous

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:01

Grand Prize Winner: Feb 19, 2007

you can protect your most precious anime waifu figurine by putting it in your butt and keeping it there

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:05

ASSASSINS!: Jan 2, 2009

give away all of your earthly possessions then kill you're self. :yeah:

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:09

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

put a beware of dog sign on tje door and if someone breaks in start barking and peeing

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:09

Pannus: Mar 14, 2004

just make a lot of traps like in the home alone movies

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:11

Dave Concepcion: Mar 19, 2012

avoid being killed by killing yourself

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:16

plain blue jacket: Jan 13, 2014; IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

Become homeless

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:16

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Panniculus Rift posted:

just make a lot of traps like in the home alone movies

I tried that but now my slippers are stuck on the second and third step

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:18

Speked: Dec 13, 2011; LTA Represent !!

You just have to play the last of us, Joel shows you super cool tricks to kill people.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:19

Fruit-by-the-Foot Fetish: Aug 3, 2012

the home is where the heart is :blush:

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:19

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

I found a youtube video where a guy puts shotgun shells on the end of an arrow. I think he's on to something.

e: nvm he killed hisself

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:19

somethingawful bf: Jun 17, 2005

an attractive woman who makes eye contact in every room of the house

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:21

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Poetic Justice posted:

an attractive woman who makes eye contact in every room of the house

gently caress, i have to live here. I want a safe home, not a house of horrors

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:22

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Your personality seems repulsive enough; why not play to your strengths?

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:26

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

Your personality seems repulsive enough; why not play to your strengths?

Ah i see. I will tell my home health aide to stop bathing me.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:26

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

ChrisHansen posted:

Ah i see. I will tell my home health aide to stop bathing me.

I said your personality, not your physical appearance. Are you illiterate as well?

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:28

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

Smear naked self with Crisco, wrastle any intruders/guests into ball sucking submission

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:30

Dave Concepcion: Mar 19, 2012

ChrisHansen posted:

Ah i see. I will tell my home health aide to stop bathing me.

you only have one? you need to get at least one more, then maybe your aides alone will be enough to keep people away

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:30

SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

Never heard of home defense, but if it plays out like other related games, you just gotta spend all your money building the best turrets you have unlocked all over the place to keep the bad guys from getting into your house. hth

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:30

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

Enfield posted:

put a beware of cat sign on tje door and if you get an erection crawl out of the room while meowing

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:31

my kinda ape: Sep 15, 2008; Everything's gonna be A-OK; Oven Wrangler

Wear an explosive vest at all times so if someone tries to rape you they'll be sorry!

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:36

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Wow you guys are in bad shape when the global markets crash/nuclear winter/polar shift happens!

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:36

RideTheSpiral: Sep 18, 2005; College Slice

ChrisHansen posted:

Between ISIS and those hillbillies up in Oregon, I have made the decision to educate myself on the ancient art of home defense. Let's just pretend I'm too mentally unstable to purchase firearms. What are my options for home defense?

I'm thinking of starting off with a Katana. It works in all of those Cowboy Samurai animes, so why not in my house?

Please let me know all of your home defense tips or instructional videos. Here's my favorite so far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAkCLpMtjlM

katana vs burger technique

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:37

the great deceiver: Sep 23, 2003; why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona

i put a piece of chheese in the living room and if a bad guy tries to eat it a big blue cage falls on him

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:38

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

ChrisHansen posted:

Wow you guys are in bad shape when the global markets crash/nuclear winter/polar shift happens!

I live on a chicken farm with a spring that generates unlimited fresh water ill be okay

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:49

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Found some tips on buying knives online.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi7y6ZZCBUs

this fat guy is a font of knowledge

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:50

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

I theres lots of guns here but i think ultimately id be trading them for cigarettes

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:50

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

go into detail about why you love some anime and hate others to anyone who enters your home.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 09:53

CAMP FARTING ROCKS: Jan 14, 2005

Goons should ensure that their guns and ammunition are kept in a safe container* at all times.

*The container must be of a rigid structure, made of either solid steel or solid timber;

Rigid structure refers to the strength of the container and the use of reasonable force to the sides or top of the container should not result in deflections of the panel or the container
The term solid, requires that the container panels are continuous (eg without venting/holes or perforation)
The container must be either steel (aluminium/alloys are not compliant) or solid timber. Species of timber or structural and marine ply are compliant. Chipboard, particle board, MDF and plaster board are not compliant.
If the container used for storing these firearms weighs less than 150kg, it must be securely fixed to the frame or floor of a permanent building;
The container must have a sturdy combination lock, keyed lock or keyed padlock;
The container must be locked other than for the time to remove/replace firearms; and
Firearms must be unloaded and the bolt must be removed or action broken for storage. The bolt is a major component part and is subject to same storage requirements as the firearm and can be stored with the firearm.

Ammunition must be stored in a secure container or secured area that is separate from the container that holds the firearms; for example a gun safe with an internal secured area for the ammunition

# ? Feb 12, 2016 10:00

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Zazi posted:

Goons should ensure that their guns and ammunition are kept in a safe container* at all times.

*The container must be of a rigid structure, made of either solid steel or solid timber;

Rigid structure refers to the strength of the container and the use of reasonable force to the sides or top of the container should not result in deflections of the panel or the container

The term solid, requires that the container panels are continuous (eg without venting/holes or perforation)

The container must be either steel (aluminium/alloys are not compliant) or solid timber. Species of timber or structural and marine ply are compliant. Chipboard, particle board, MDF and plaster board are not compliant.

If the container used for storing these firearms weighs less than 150kg, it must be securely fixed to the frame or floor of a permanent building;

The container must have a sturdy combination lock, keyed lock or keyed padlock;

The container must be locked other than for the time to remove/replace firearms; and

Firearms must be unloaded and the bolt must be removed or action broken for storage. The bolt is a major component part and is subject to same storage requirements as the firearm and can be stored with the firearm.

Ammunition must be stored in a secure container or secured area that is separate from the container that holds the firearms; for example a gun safe with an internal secured area for the ammunition

Do these containers drop from world bosses?

# ? Feb 12, 2016 10:13

CAMP FARTING ROCKS: Jan 14, 2005

ChrisHansen posted:

Do these containers drop from world bosses?

In a sense, yes.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 10:26

JB50: Feb 13, 2008

Zazi posted:

Goons should ensure that their guns and ammunition are kept in a safe container* at all times.

*The container must be of a rigid structure, made of either solid steel or solid timber;

Rigid structure refers to the strength of the container and the use of reasonable force to the sides or top of the container should not result in deflections of the panel or the container

The term solid, requires that the container panels are continuous (eg without venting/holes or perforation)

The container must be either steel (aluminium/alloys are not compliant) or solid timber. Species of timber or structural and marine ply are compliant. Chipboard, particle board, MDF and plaster board are not compliant.

If the container used for storing these firearms weighs less than 150kg, it must be securely fixed to the frame or floor of a permanent building;

The container must have a sturdy combination lock, keyed lock or keyed padlock;

The container must be locked other than for the time to remove/replace firearms; and

Firearms must be unloaded and the bolt must be removed or action broken for storage. The bolt is a major component part and is subject to same storage requirements as the firearm and can be stored with the firearm.

Ammunition must be stored in a secure container or secured area that is separate from the container that holds the firearms; for example a gun safe with an internal secured area for the ammunition

Haha Australia amiright goons!

# ? Feb 12, 2016 10:33

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

strategically speaking, a basement can be fortified easier than most parts of the standard house so goons are already at an advantage

# ? Feb 12, 2016 11:48

various cheeses: Jan 24, 2013

Build your home like an vast insane maze to trap both the living and the dead for all eternity.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 11:57

Michaellaneous: Oct 30, 2013

i show them my Something Awful rap sheet to make them realize what a bad dude i am

# ? Feb 12, 2016 11:59

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

various cheeses posted:

Build your home like an vast insane maze to trap both the living and the dead for all eternity.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:16

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

I'm always home and I'm always naked.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:18

Dave Concepcion: Mar 19, 2012

Michaellaneous posted:

i show them my Something Awful rap sheet to make them realize what a bad dude i am

'yup bayby, the legends are all true, certified bad frogger, this probation right here - that's from a "piled high" back in 2014, see that ban? that's from when I went in with a "melt the cheese" with no regard for my own safety'

# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:20

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 09:22

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

String piano wire across your door so that when intruders try to step through they get sliced up like a hard-boiled egg. Only enter and exit your home through the basement crawlspace.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:22

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