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Register your house as a Radio Shack and no one will ever bother showing up
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Feb 12, 2016 16:11
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If the intruder is already in your home, flood your house with a liquid that turns to gelatin within a few seconds of coming into contact with air he will be trapped!
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Feb 12, 2016 16:12
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Applewhite posted:If the intruder is already in your home, flood your house with a liquid that turns to gelatin within a few seconds of coming into contact with air he will be trapped! This was one of my favorite ways to die in Space Quest 3
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Feb 12, 2016 16:12
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Booblord Zagats posted:This was one of my favorite ways to die in Space Quest 3 lol there was something like that in SQ? I really gotta get around to playing that series.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:14
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go down as many flights of stairs possible and don't stop eating until you're dead
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Feb 12, 2016 16:16
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Applewhite posted:lol there was something like that in SQ? I really gotta get around to playing that series. Yeah, you go in the a cubicle farm to steal a key card so you cans top them from making a rip off space quest game and if you get caught by security they encapsulate you in Jello and you suffocate
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Feb 12, 2016 16:18
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Booblord Zagats posted:Yeah, you go in the a cubicle farm to steal a key card so you cans top them from making a rip off space quest game and if you get caught by security they encapsulate you in Jello and you suffocate Cool I'll keep an eye out for it.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:18
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Rig your front hall with the laser grid system from Resident Evil.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:22
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Have your home declared a Jehova's Witness Temple
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Feb 12, 2016 16:23
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Booblord Zagats posted:Register your house as a Radio Shack and no one will ever bother showing up
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Feb 12, 2016 16:28
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Buy the ZF-1 from Fifth Element and keep it under your bed.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:44
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Live in a decent neighborhood where it's so peaceful your crazy conservative neighbors actually PRAY that someone tries to rob them, as they want to feel validated for spending $3500 on a lovely AR with a poo poo ton of unnecessary attachments
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Feb 12, 2016 16:51
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Eat so much strawberry sorbet that you start making GBS threads undigested strawberry sorbet. Offer a bowl of strawberry sorbet poo poo to the intruder and chuckle to yourself when he unwittingly eats your poo poo.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:57
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Applewhite posted:Rig your front hall with the laser grid system from Resident Evil. Why didn't that lady duck underneath that slow-rear end laser?
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Feb 12, 2016 16:57
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Doc Friday posted:Why didn't that lady duck underneath that slow-rear end laser? A better question is why the laser hallway doesn't just start with the un-dodgeable grid.
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Feb 12, 2016 17:00
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Applewhite posted:A better question is why the laser hallway doesn't just start with the un-dodgeable grid. Well, I reckon that they only had enough money for the one laser.
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Feb 12, 2016 17:01
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ChrisHansen posted:Found some tips on buying knives online. I don't think this guy's ever going to find any 'tang, if you know what I mean.
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Feb 12, 2016 17:02
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ChrisHansen posted:Between ISIS and those hillbillies up in Oregon, I have made the decision to educate myself on the ancient art of home defense. Let's just pretend I'm too mentally unstable to purchase firearms. What are my options for home defense? if you actually own a functional katana, and actually know kenjutsu, then whatever, I guess there's no reason you can't use it to ward off someone who breaks into your apartment but I like how the guy in this video is thinking this far ahead when he clearly has greater concerns. where does "move, occasionally, so as to not accumulate excess folds like a pregnant bear" fit into his self-defence preparedness agenda?
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Feb 12, 2016 17:02
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Become a crime lord and every other criminal will know better than to f with your sChrisHansen posted:Found some tips on buying knives online. It linked to this, lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKef46f148I Booblord Zagats fucked around with this message at 17:06 on Feb 12, 2016 |
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Feb 12, 2016 17:04
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Doc Friday posted:Well, I reckon that they only had enough money for the one laser. But they had enough money for a sequence of lasers of increasing difficulty up to the final obstacle which was a laser mesh that is impossible to dodge. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8gfGhVL3qs Why not just start with the grid and mince everyone at once?
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Feb 12, 2016 17:07
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Be a super hot girl and offer to have sex with anyone who breaks into your home as long as they promise not to steal your possessions.
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Feb 12, 2016 17:08
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smear all floor surfaces with bacon grease so anyone who breaks in trips!
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Feb 12, 2016 17:09
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Take all those landmines they're stealing from the soil of Southeast Asia and East Africa and put them in your yard
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Feb 12, 2016 17:15
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Applewhite posted:A better question is why the laser hallway doesn't just start with the un-dodgeable grid. to give intruders a sporting chance
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Feb 12, 2016 18:25
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Parallax Scroll posted:to give intruders a sporting chance But they're going to die at the grid part anyway.
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Feb 12, 2016 18:36
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I do the thing where I make blood shoot out of my eyes like those lizards. This is also my method to attract mates. So far it only works doing the first one though.
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Feb 12, 2016 18:55
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Applewhite posted:But they're going to die at the grid part anyway. Its best to let your enemy have a glimmer of hope before you just wreck their poo poo completely
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Feb 12, 2016 19:00
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ded posted:smear all floor surfaces with bacon grease so anyone who breaks in trips! Also Isis won't blow up your house and build a mosque on it
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Feb 12, 2016 19:08
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Pre-ransack your home. Upend furniture, remove and strew the contents from drawers and closets, and never take out your garbage. That way when a robber comes by, he'll think someone's already hit your house. Joke's on him! You just live in disorganized filth safely and securely.
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Feb 12, 2016 19:09
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Place a curse on a valuable treasure and put it in a place of prominence in your home. The thief will go for it first and when he touches it ZAM! He's immortal. It might not seem like much of a punishment now, but give it a few centuries and he'll really regret breaking into your house.
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Feb 12, 2016 19:16
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Hang the corpses of your fallen enemies from the trees and string their scalps to your belt! Alternatively, crucify your enemies all along your driveway. This way, your still living enemies will cry in anguish and beg for death as any possible intruder passes by, perhaps giving them pause. You can get some more mileage out of it if you give them a saline drip, saves you the work of having to find fresh...uh... home defense representatives so often. What else... mines? No, nobody knows the mines are there so they aren't a deterrent and I still want the UPS guy to get to the door. Pffff I'm just joshin' ya. Buy your projectile weapon of choice and once they set foot in your house, go hog wild! Nothing is more invigorating than a fight to the death at a moments notice. That is except... winning a moment's notice fight to the death!
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Feb 12, 2016 19:32
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I do keep a big pair of very long, pointed scissors in my nightstand. They look scary but are actually old and dull and no longer even good for cutting. But guess what they are covered with. That's right. Tetanus. I assume. Maybe it's just rust. Maybe the robber just got his booster shot because he robs houses for a living and that's probably a good idea. But an anti-vaxxer who I manage to poke in the leg somehow? Welcome to lockjaw possibly, criminal!
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Feb 12, 2016 19:38
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Get one of those chairs with the hidden, spring-loaded restraints. Make it look extra comfy so the thief can't resist sitting down in it. BAM! You've got him!
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Feb 12, 2016 19:40
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Make your front yard and entrance way a life size model of the He-Man Castle Grayskull playset including trapdoors and slime pits
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Feb 12, 2016 19:42
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My doorman keeps me safe.
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Feb 12, 2016 19:43
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buy a sniper rifle so you can take out any suspicious looking people before they get anywhere near your home
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Feb 12, 2016 19:43
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Call in artillery strikes danger close when you see someone turn on to your road
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Feb 12, 2016 19:44
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Put nut and shellfish allergen warning stickers in all your windows...but do it so the stickers face inward!
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Feb 12, 2016 19:50
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Dig a moat and fill it with poo poo
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Feb 12, 2016 19:55
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I.C. posted:I do the thing where I make blood shoot out of my eyes like those lizards. This is also my method to attract mates. So far it only works doing the first one though. text me 
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Feb 12, 2016 20:05
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