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various cheeses posted:Build your home like an vast insane maze to trap both the living and the dead for all eternity.
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Feb 12, 2016 12:16
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String piano wire across your door so that when intruders try to step through they get sliced up like a hard-boiled egg. Only enter and exit your home through the basement crawlspace.
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Feb 12, 2016 12:22
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Sow your lawn with dragons' teeth and overnight an army of full grown warriors will spring up from the ground, armed d ready to defend your home.Dave Concepcion posted:what if your home is the basement crawlspace? Keep a bucket of live scorpions at hand at all times. Rig it to tip over if someone enters while you're asleep or away.
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Feb 12, 2016 12:26
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Buy a few of the Super Aegis II automated sentry guns for your property. It's the same gun that guards the Korean DMZ. It can recognize a human silhouette and even issue commands to surrender.
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Feb 12, 2016 12:39
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Hire an AEGIS cruiser to be on standby 24/7. If you discover an intruder in your home, call in a Tomahawk missile strike on his location.
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Feb 12, 2016 12:47
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Become so fat that your blubber blocks all the doors and windows to your home. Install a hatch in the ceiling above your head so you can still receive food an animes. The hatch can only be opened from the inside and it's bulletproof.
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Feb 12, 2016 12:49
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Keep a Beholder in your foyer, OP.
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Feb 12, 2016 14:16
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Live inside a porcupine. Ain't nobody gonna gently caress with one of them.
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Feb 12, 2016 14:57
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Vibrate your entire house on a different dimensional frequency than the rest of the world. It will become intangible to the inhabitants of this plane. You will still have to worry about home invasions from Gibbering Horrors, though.
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Feb 12, 2016 15:32
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Draw the sign of Sekth above your door. Sekth is the patron deity of thieves and plunderers. They will not violate a space under his protection.
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Feb 12, 2016 15:49
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Get one of those statues with the laser eye from Legend of Zelda.
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Feb 12, 2016 15:53
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Fly a no-poo poo Nazi flag from your house. Everyone will hate you, but most people probably won't gently caress with you.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:03
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If the intruder is already in your home, flood your house with a liquid that turns to gelatin within a few seconds of coming into contact with air he will be trapped!
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Feb 12, 2016 16:12
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Booblord Zagats posted:This was one of my favorite ways to die in Space Quest 3 lol there was something like that in SQ? I really gotta get around to playing that series.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:14
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Booblord Zagats posted:Yeah, you go in the a cubicle farm to steal a key card so you cans top them from making a rip off space quest game and if you get caught by security they encapsulate you in Jello and you suffocate Cool I'll keep an eye out for it.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:18
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Rig your front hall with the laser grid system from Resident Evil.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:22
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Buy the ZF-1 from Fifth Element and keep it under your bed.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:44
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Eat so much strawberry sorbet that you start making GBS threads undigested strawberry sorbet. Offer a bowl of strawberry sorbet poo poo to the intruder and chuckle to yourself when he unwittingly eats your poo poo.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:57
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Doc Friday posted:Why didn't that lady duck underneath that slow-rear end laser? A better question is why the laser hallway doesn't just start with the un-dodgeable grid.
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Feb 12, 2016 17:00
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Doc Friday posted:Well, I reckon that they only had enough money for the one laser. But they had enough money for a sequence of lasers of increasing difficulty up to the final obstacle which was a laser mesh that is impossible to dodge. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8gfGhVL3qs Why not just start with the grid and mince everyone at once?
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Feb 12, 2016 17:07
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Be a super hot girl and offer to have sex with anyone who breaks into your home as long as they promise not to steal your possessions.
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Feb 12, 2016 17:08
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Parallax Scroll posted:to give intruders a sporting chance But they're going to die at the grid part anyway.
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Feb 12, 2016 18:36
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Place a curse on a valuable treasure and put it in a place of prominence in your home. The thief will go for it first and when he touches it ZAM! He's immortal. It might not seem like much of a punishment now, but give it a few centuries and he'll really regret breaking into your house.
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Feb 12, 2016 19:16
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Get one of those chairs with the hidden, spring-loaded restraints. Make it look extra comfy so the thief can't resist sitting down in it. BAM! You've got him!
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Feb 12, 2016 19:40
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Did you ever read that book The House of Leaves? Do that. I mean, I never read the book but there's a cursed house in it... I assume. Anyway the point is put a curse on your house so it become evil and confusing.
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Feb 12, 2016 20:08
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Line all your walls and floors with thermite rigged to a button you keep under your pillow. If you hear someone breaking in, hit the button.
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Feb 12, 2016 20:23
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ChrisHansen posted:Applewhite, are you a home defense expert? Can you come out to my place and do a consultation? For a nominal fee I can actually break into your house and steal your possessions. I will leave behind a detailed diagram of how I did it and the security gaps which need to be addressed.
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Feb 12, 2016 20:41
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I.C. posted:I'm a lone pretentious pervert if you need help with that. I also pierce ears. Let me into your house to pierce ears, your own or a family member's. I do not use a gun. Why would you think that just because OP wants me to come over to his house he's interested in the services of a pretentious perver..... ooohhh. I see. Nevermind.
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Feb 12, 2016 20:43
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One word, OP: Plastics.
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Feb 12, 2016 21:29
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Zahgaegun posted:When someone breaks in, do two pushups and say "nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, ten thousand!" Jump up and give a couple of air punches. Then pretend to notice the intruders. Smile slowly. Strike a kung-fu pose.
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Feb 13, 2016 04:58
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