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ething else happened. this is a thread for interesting or humorous stories or anecdotes about farts or things that happened when a fart occureed. for example, do you have a funny story about a fart and a reaction it garnered? do you have a story about a time that needing to fart caused you some kind of physical or emotional distress? these things can often happen to people who need to expell excess waste gasses from their bodies and butts. sometimes even farts can come in different styles and designs like a marc jacobs hand bag. listne we all know that you are fat or at leaest somewhat socially inept as you are on these furms we also know that barring some of the goons with spoons your diet is bad an you probably ate dumb stupid greasy food or if you are a frequent readrer of the china therad you diet may consist of nothing but gutter oil and rancid vegetables. tell us what happened when you went through that head of broccoli and bundle of asparagus and then downed 3 protein shakes before work go on and share tell the group maybe someone gets a chuckle maybe you just embarass yuourself on the internet for all to see its a real "craps" shoot hahaha
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Feb 17, 2016 18:52
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:53 |
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two nights ago I ate oriental food and i had the sweet and pungent shrimp and buddy let me tell ya, the next morning I had some sweet farts that were incredibly pungent!!
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Feb 17, 2016 18:55
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i was on one of those double decker tour buses with an open top level and we were going pretty fast and it was windy so i figured it would be ok to fart but the fart was forceful and propelled me up off the hard seat and i flew off the back of the bus and tumbled down the streets of barcelona
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Feb 17, 2016 18:55
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Nooner posted:two nights ago I ate oriental food and i had the sweet and pungent shrimp and buddy let me tell ya, the next morning I had some sweet farts that were incredibly pungent!! thats a good story thanks for sharing sometimes your food takes on the smell of the meal especially meals that are heavily seasons like indian food smells about the same going out sometimes thanks toa ll the cumin
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Feb 17, 2016 18:56
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we are in uncharted territory op. proceed with caution.
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Feb 17, 2016 18:56
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:i was on one of those double decker tour buses with an open top level and we were going pretty fast and it was windy so i figured it would be ok to fart but the fart was forceful and propelled me up off the hard seat and i flew off the back of the bus and tumbled down the streets of barcelona wow exciting it was like the incredible hulk ripped out threw your pants and therew you off a bus! such a journey
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Feb 17, 2016 18:56
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Libelous Slander posted:we are in uncharted territory op. proceed with caution. you are wise to exhibit caution when dealing with farts because it can quickly become a shart and then you are in for a bad day and a chanage of pants
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Feb 17, 2016 18:57
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*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAaaaAAaaaaaAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRT* *Leaves thread*
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Feb 17, 2016 18:59
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VendaGoat posted:*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAaaaAAaaaaaAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRT* way to show and not tell good job you did thing!
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Feb 17, 2016 19:00
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I farted so loud last night that it actually woke me up. True story.
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Feb 17, 2016 19:01
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one time I went to the cracked.com forums and made a thread about having really bad farts because I ate indian food earlier and then I got banned. These are the only forums that will tolerate me ):
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Feb 17, 2016 19:03
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another time i installed a fart valve in my scuba diving suit and one of my fart bubbles surfaced near a boat of marine biologists and one of the marine biologists thought it contained something of scientific import like a whale song so he leaned in close to examine it but then it burst and all he got was a smell of old meat and brocolli and garbage so he barfed and some fish swam over to eat the barf
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Feb 17, 2016 19:05
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:another time i installed a fart valve in my scuba diving suit and one of my fart bubbles surfaced near a boat of marine biologists and one of the marine biologists thought it contained something of scientific import like a whale song so he leaned in close to examine it but then it burst and all he got was a smell of old meat and brocolli and garbage so he barfed and some fish swam over to eat the barf
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Feb 17, 2016 19:07
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:another time i installed a fart valve in my scuba diving suit and one of my fart bubbles surfaced near a boat of marine biologists and one of the marine biologists thought it contained something of scientific import like a whale song so he leaned in close to examine it but then it burst and all he got was a smell of old meat and brocolli and garbage so he barfed and some fish swam over to eat the barf
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Feb 17, 2016 19:26
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i guess its time i add a sotry of my own well one time i was on the couch and i let rip a loud one and it starlted that cat awake and it ran around the room like a retard and then came close to investigate. when it got near me it sneered and then backed away because of the awful smell. haha. gently caress you cat
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Feb 17, 2016 19:27
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I feel like I am truly a man now that my father is disgusted by my bowel movements.
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Feb 17, 2016 19:31
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i farted in my hand and never let it go, i bet its really rotten now but i'm holding onto it for the perfect prank so i can stinkface some rube
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Feb 17, 2016 19:33
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i kinda need to poop again so i bet i will be farting soon -- stay tuned 
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Feb 17, 2016 19:34
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Nation posted:i farted in my hand and never let it go, i bet its really rotten now but i'm holding onto it for the perfect prank so i can stinkface some rube should have put it in a plastic bag or jar, they will ceep for years if canned properly
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Feb 17, 2016 19:36
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Nooner posted:i kinda need to poop again so i bet i will be farting soon -- stay tuned *opens palm and gently blows fart in your face*
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Feb 17, 2016 19:37
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tomstuart posted:should have put it in a plastic bag or jar, they will ceep for years if canned properly i need it on hand
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Feb 17, 2016 19:37
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came in my ex gf's rear end and she farted right after and cum went everywhere
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Feb 17, 2016 19:38
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:another time i installed a fart valve in my scuba diving suit and one of my fart bubbles surfaced near a boat of marine biologists and one of the marine biologists thought it contained something of scientific import like a whale song so he leaned in close to examine it but then it burst and all he got was a smell of old meat and brocolli and garbage so he barfed and some fish swam over to eat the barf
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Feb 17, 2016 19:39
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Nation posted:i need it on hand put it in a plastic tube up your sleeve with a bellowes in your elbow or armpit that will eject the fart at the right time like a spideramn web from your hand the ultimate surprise its always really bad when you have to fart but its not an appropriate time or place (most times and places) so your guts start to gurgle loudly from the fart shifting inside your colon and hten people think you farted becauuse of the noise but you didnt farts its just shifting but you cant tell tehm that so the whole tings just becomes a giant social disaster and you are ashamed and embarassed.
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Feb 17, 2016 19:40
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tomstuart posted:put it in a plastic tube up your sleeve with a bellowes in your elbow or armpit that will eject the fart at the right time like a spideramn web from your hand as long as this device doesn't hinder my parkour i could see it being very effective
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Feb 17, 2016 19:44
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i had meatloaf for dinner last night and hoo boy i had some night farts that were something else ill tell you
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Feb 17, 2016 19:45
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Nation posted:as long as this device doesn't hinder my parkour i could see it being very effective maybe something like this 
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Feb 17, 2016 19:56
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wow on second though tyou could even run the device straigt from a fart reserviour at your butt to your arm to let er rip without the need to capture the barking spider to begin with!!!!!!!!
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Feb 17, 2016 19:57
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now i just need a mask
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Feb 17, 2016 20:05
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im gonna need a nickname too maybe something like backdraft or fartman or deadstool
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Feb 17, 2016 20:08
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barking spiderman aka pooter porker
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Feb 17, 2016 20:10
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Nation posted:im gonna need a nickname too maybe something like backdraft or fartman or deadstool Jerry Mumphrey posted:barking spiderman aka pooter porker lmao
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Feb 17, 2016 20:12
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Back when I worked at Krogers our manager was always farting loudly but refused to ever acknowledge that it was him doing the farting. He started to get really touchy whenever people would call him out on it, but every week his farts seemed to get louder and smellier. One day when he was in his office with the door closed, he farted so loudly that we could hear him all the way on the other end of the stockroom! Everyone in the stockroom froze. We couldn't believe what we'd just heard. Pretty soon everyone starts cracking up because there was no way he could deny that one. A few minutes later the worst fart smell ever started wafting through the stockroom and we started laughing even harder. When he still hadn't come out fifteen minutes later, a couple of us knocked on his door. No response. The fart smell was still intense and we had to hold our noses to keep from choking on the stench. We tried the door and it wasn't locked so we opened it and looked inside. Our jaws dropped. There was our boss, his head stuck in the ceiling, his legs flailing wildly beneath him as he clawed helplessly at the plaster around his neck, bellowing out muffled screams for help. It turns out he'd farted so hard he'd actually been launched out of his chair like a rocket! We helped him get unstuck from the ceiling eventually, but not before calling in all the other employees to get a look at what happened. Poor guy never lived it down. He quit a few weeks after that. Last I heard he was managing a Best Buy somewhere upstate.
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Feb 17, 2016 20:30
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Applewhite posted:Back when I worked at Krogers our manager was always farting loudly but refused to ever acknowledge that it was him doing the farting. He started to get really touchy whenever people would call him out on it, but every week his farts seemed to get louder and smellier. One day when he was in his office with the door closed, he farted so loudly that we could hear him all the way on the other end of the stockroom! look slike he'll never be the head of a major corporation!
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Feb 17, 2016 20:37
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In high school a dude I knew took some Chinese boner medicine to try and enlarge his tiny dong, but instead it just gave him really bad bubble guts. He spent the whole day cramping up and groaning about the bad gas, but the worst happened when the cute girl he had a crush on came up to him to find out what was wrong, and just as he was opening his mouth to say hi, he farted so hard he blew out the seat of his pants and sprayed diarrhea all over the cute girl's friend who was behind him at the time. As if his humiliation wasn't complete, his shredded pants fell down and everyone saw his tiny, erect dong (the boner medicine did, at least, give him an erection). He was so humiliated, he tried to run away but slipped in the diarrhea and fell on the ground. Rather than stand up, he just belly crawled down the hall and out the door, sobbing the entire way. We never saw him again, though his company, Facebook, is actually doing quite well from what I understand.
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Feb 17, 2016 20:40
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Back in the day before debit cards when there were lines at the shopping mall ATMs, some lady behind me was complaining the whole time and getting on my nerves. So when it was my time to withdrawal cash, I withdrawaled some rear end too. I timed it so that she would have to walk into my fart just as I was leaving. It was a big fart too.
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Feb 17, 2016 20:40
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Millie posted:Back in the day before debit cards when there were lines at the shopping mall ATMs, some lady behind me was complaining the whole time and getting on my nerves. So when it was my time to withdrawal cash, I withdrawaled some rear end too. I timed it so that she would have to walk into my fart just as I was leaving. It was a big fart too. harsh but fair
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Feb 17, 2016 20:42
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One time at a pool party I farted into one of the other kids' snorkels on purpose. He started to cry and I got kicked out of the party.
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Feb 17, 2016 20:58
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One time an inner city Black kid farted near some police. It didn't end well.
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Feb 17, 2016 21:01
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everyone knows a gassy person a person that i know who is gassy is my dad he is especially vulnerable to onions and some other foods like spicy foods when he is bein gassy he will go to the recliner and sit there and fart up the chair the chair was subjected to so much abuse from the butt over the years that it became unsalvagable and uncleanable and had to be tossed out into the burn pile dont fart up a chair so much it has to be burned but for some goons that means it will only take one good rip to ruin the upholstry
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Feb 17, 2016 21:06
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