God has never let you down!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > God has never let you down!

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Internetjack: Sep 15, 2007; oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers; Top Cop

Doc Friday posted:

God fumbled my life.

Devil recovered and ran it in for a touchdown?

# ? Mar 6, 2016 23:45

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 20:57

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

I tried to be a banana cactus today but God wouldn't let me. Bitch. :colbert:

# ? Mar 6, 2016 23:46

Zorodius: Feb 11, 2007; EA GAMES' MASTERPIECE 'MADDEN 2018 G.O.A.T. EDITION' IS A GLORIOUS TRIUMPH OF ART AND TECHNOLOGY. IT BRINGS GAMEDAY RIGHT TO THE PLAYER AND WHOEVER SAYS OTHERWISE CAN, YOU GUESSED IT...
SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.

Maldoror posted:

(CNN)A 43-year-old woman was found dead in an elevator in China after possibly being trapped for a month, state media reported.

A maintenance crew was called to inspect a malfunctioning elevator in a residential building in the Gaoling district of Xi'an on January 30, the Beijing Youth Daily newspaper reported.

The elevator had stopped between the 10th and 11th floors, so workers yelled from the 11th floor to see if anyone was inside. They did not hear an answer, and then cut off the power supply.

When they returned on March 1 to fix it -- after the Lunar New Year holiday -- they discovered the body, according to state media.

The woman, who lived in the building, may have died more than 30 days ago.

Local authorities arrested and charged the building's management and the elevator maintenance company.

An autopsy ruled out the possibility of homicide.

God had a plan for that woman. not really sure where he was going with it

# ? Mar 7, 2016 02:02

Phobic Nest: Oct 2, 2013; You Are My Sunshine

God never gives you more than you can handle. She failed God's test and deserves no pity.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 03:11

CHICKEN SHOES: Oct 4, 2002; Slippery Tilde

I am looking for a woman who loves G-d but not attached to the church, who understands something is wrong with the christian religion. And that we are in the end times and have a very very short time left. We are entering World War 3 right now. We will be fully in it before a year and half is out. Time is short. I am in a hurry.

Someone who is not attached to their locale and can pick up and move to my location. I believe I am where G-d wants me to be.

I am a real Jewish man who believes and follows The Messiah where ever He goes. My heart belongs to Him. I am not a christian. I am a Jewish believer. I am a Sephardi Jew.

I have been divorced several years, ex wife is severely schizophrenic and it has been impossible to meet anyone let alone someone who understands. The same people are perpetually single here. If I was back in L.A., where I am from, it would be much easier to meet someone.

I want to be married and before the end times are here, and there is little if any time left. I have a full time job. I am a very romantic person and love being a gentleman. I miss being in love.

You must love G-d and value His things. Not be a liar, or cheater or have any hidden disorders that would make it impossible to have a relationship with you. No one is perfect at this age and I don't expect perfect.

Must be HWP and between 40 and 50 about.

I have all but given up hope. Everyone is deceived in regards to the time we are in as well as the ideologies surrounding the christian church. If that isn't enough, everyone I have met have severe disorders that rule over them.

There HAS to be someone. Isn't there?

# ? Mar 7, 2016 03:32

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Someone told me faith could move mountains so I asked if he cod move a mountain. He couldn't.

God can totally move mountains, just ask Lil Omayra Sanchez here.

Dude put one right on top of her. Wonder what she did to piss the guy off.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 05:59

8-Bit Scholar: Jan 23, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

EvilJoven posted:

God can totally move mountains, just ask Lil Omayra Sanchez here.

Dude put one right on top of her. Wonder what she did to piss the guy off.

Those black dead eyes...haunting me...

# ? Mar 7, 2016 07:36

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

Zorodius posted:

God had a plan for that woman. not really sure where he was going with it

down.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 07:38

herhehejhrekjashsd: Mar 7, 2016; by zen death robot

u can go back up if u want to

u cant kill urself like that again

# ? Mar 7, 2016 11:23

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

8-Bit Scholar posted:

Those black dead eyes...haunting me...

Haha jokes on you she was still alive in that picture God took his sweet time killing that girl. Something like 5 days.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 14:25

ghlbtsk: Apr 19, 2005; these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

Maldoror posted:

(CNN)A 43-year-old woman was found dead in an elevator in China after possibly being trapped for a month, state media reported.

A maintenance crew was called to inspect a malfunctioning elevator in a residential building in the Gaoling district of Xi'an on January 30, the Beijing Youth Daily newspaper reported.

The elevator had stopped between the 10th and 11th floors, so workers yelled from the 11th floor to see if anyone was inside. They did not hear an answer, and then cut off the power supply.

When they returned on March 1 to fix it -- after the Lunar New Year holiday -- they discovered the body, according to state media.

The woman, who lived in the building, may have died more than 30 days ago.

Local authorities arrested and charged the building's management and the elevator maintenance company.

An autopsy ruled out the possibility of homicide.

She pushed the DIE button instead of a floor number.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 17:19

Lucky Guy: Jan 24, 2013; TY for no bm

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

Must be HWP and between 40 and 50 about.

heavy with penis?

# ? Mar 7, 2016 17:42

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

gods a fag, and not the good kind

# ? Mar 7, 2016 17:50

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 20:57

ditty bout my clitty: May 28, 2011; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Maldoror posted:

(CNN)A 43-year-old woman was found dead in an elevator in China after possibly being trapped for a month, state media reported.

A maintenance crew was called to inspect a malfunctioning elevator in a residential building in the Gaoling district of Xi'an on January 30, the Beijing Youth Daily newspaper reported.

The elevator had stopped between the 10th and 11th floors, so workers yelled from the 11th floor to see if anyone was inside. They did not hear an answer, and then cut off the power supply.

When they returned on March 1 to fix it -- after the Lunar New Year holiday -- they discovered the body, according to state media.

The woman, who lived in the building, may have died more than 30 days ago.

Local authorities arrested and charged the building's management and the elevator maintenance company.

An autopsy ruled out the possibility of homicide.

What, something horribly mismanaged by chinese people caused a death?

# ? Mar 7, 2016 17:55

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > God has never let you down!

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