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Welcome to the official selection thread for the 2016 Goon Draft! This thread is only for picks, all discussion will be confined to the general thread, found here: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3769476 Here is a spreadsheet tracking picks by position: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1tKhEKkaF9hDtBaRmdzoXjBdjwixuTK7BEB9OCL0sLAY/edit#gid=0 Here is the draft order for Round 1: 1. Tennessee Titans Metapod - Jalen Ramsey, DB, Florida State 2. Cleveland Browns Gatts - Myles Jack, LB, UCLA 3. San Diego Chargers Ross Angeles - DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon 4. Dallas Cowboys aperion - Joey Bosa, DE, Ohio State 5. Jacksonville Jaguars TSBX - Vernon Hargreaves III, CB, Florida 6. Baltimore Ravens The Puppy Bowl - Laremy Tunsil, OT, Ole Miss 7. San Francisco 49ers Coldforge - Jared Goff, QB, California 8. Philadelphia Eagles Spiros - Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State 9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20 - Sheldon Rankins, DL, Louisville 10.New York Giants Parmesan Basil - Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State 11.Chicago Bears incompetent - Ronnie Stanley, OT, Notre Dame 12.New Orleans Saints Silly Burrito - Laquon Treadwell, WR, Ole Miss 13.Miami Dolphins Ehud - Eli Apple, CB, Ohio State 14.Oakland Raiders MrLogan - Mackensie Alexander, CB, Clemson 15.Los Angeles Rams Darius Likewise - Corey Coleman, WR, Baylor 16.Detroit Lions C. Everett Koop - A'Shawn Robinson, DT, Alabama 17.Atlanta Falcons Eifert Posting - Jaylon Smith, LB, Notre Dame 18.Indianapolis Colts ShakeZula - Darron Lee, LB, Ohio State 19.Buffalo Bills fsif - Robert Nkemdiche, DE, Ole Miss 20.New York Jets korrandark - Noah Spence, LB, Eastern Kentucky 21.Washington Redskins Pron on VHS - Andrew Billings, DT, Baylor 22.Houston Texans Intruder - Ryan Kelly, C, Alabama 23.Minnesota Vikings Darth Brooks - Keanu Neal, S, Florida 24.Cincinnati Bengals Atticus Finch - Jarran Reed, DT, Alabama 25.Pittsburgh Steelers MY NIGGA D-LINK - Leonard Floyd, LB, Georgia 26.Seattle Seahawks JIZZ DENOUEMENT - Jack Conklin, OT, Michigan State 27.Green Bay Packers Abugadu - Reggie Ragland, ILB, Alabama 28.Kansas City Chiefs No Butt Stuff - William Jackson III, CB, Houston 29.Arizona Cardinals warcrimes - Paxton Lynch, QB, Memphis 30.Carolina Panthers zimbomonkey - Shaq Lawson, DE, Clemson 31.Denver Broncos 3 DONG HORSE - Cody Whitehair, OG, Kansas Please remember when making your pick to include the team, overall pick number, name, school, position, and a picture of the prospect. Also, please inform the next team that they are on the clock. Let’s do this! Metapod and the Tennessee Titans are on the clock! Round 2 32. Cleveland Browns Gatts - Le'Raven Clark, OT, Texas Tech 33. Tennessee Titans Metapod - Vernon Butler, DL, Louisiana Tech 34. Dallas Cowboys aperion - Derrick Henry, RB, Alabama 35. San Diego Chargers Ross Angeles - Darian Thompson, S, Boise State 36. Baltimore Ravens The Puppy Bowl - Emmanuel Ogbah, DE, Oklahoma State 37. San Francisco 49ers Coldforge - Taylor Decker, OT, Ohio State 38. Jacksonville Jaguars TSBX - Kevin Dodd, DE, Clemson 39. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20 - Kendall Fuller, CB, Virginia Tech 40. New York Giants Parmesan Basil - Su'a Cravens, LB, USC 41. Chicago Bears incompetent - Chris Jones, DT, Mississippi State 42. Miami Dolphins Ehud - Joshua Garnett, OG, Stanford 43. Los Angeles Rams (from Eagles) Darius Likewise - Nick Martin, C, Notre Dame 44. Oakland Raiders MrLogan - Karl Joseph, S, West Virginia 45. Los Angeles Rams Darius Likewise - Connor Cook, QB, Michigan State 46. Detroit Lions C. Everett Koop - Josh Doctson, WR, TCU 47. New Orleans Saints Silly Burrito - Jonathan Bullard, DL, Florida 48. Indianapolis Colts ShakeZula - Shilique Calhoun, DE, Michigan State 49. Buffalo Bills fsif - Germain Ifedi, OT, Texas A&M 50. Atlanta Falcons Eifert Posting - Vonn Bell, S, Ohio State 51. New York Jets korrandark - Jason Spriggs, OT, Indiana 52. Houston Texans Intruder - Kenny Clark, DT, UCLA 53. Washington Redskins Pron on VHS - Miles Killebrew, SS, Southern Utah 54. Minnesota Vikings Darth Brooks - William Fuller, WR, Notre Dame 55. Cincinnati Bengals Atticus Finch - Tyler Boyd, WR, Pittsburgh 56. Seattle Seahawks JIZZ DENOUEMENT - Vadal Alexander, OG, LSU 57. Green Bay Packers Abugadu - Austin Johnson, DT, Penn State 58. Pittsburgh Steelers MY NIGGA D-LINK - Artie Burns, DB, Miami 59. Kansas City Chiefs No Butt Stuff - Sterling Shepard, WR, Oklahoma 60. New England Patriots Forever_Peace - Shon Coleman, OT, Auburn 61. New England Patriots (from Cardinals) Forever_Peace - Adolphus Washington, DL, Ohio State 62. Carolina Panthers zimbomonkey - Jeremy Cash, S, Duke 63. Denver Broncos 3 DONG HORSE - Carl Nassib, DE, Penn State Round 3 64. Tennessee Titans Metapod - Kyler Fackrell, OLB, Utah State 65. Cleveland Browns Gatts - Hunter Henry, TE, Arkansas 66. San Diego Chargers Ross Angeles - Jack Allen, C, Michigan State 67. Dallas Cowboys aperion - Nick Vannett, TE, Ohio State 68. San Francisco 49ers Coldforge - Kalan Reed, CB, Southern Mississippi 69. Jacksonville Jaguars TSBX - Scooby Wright III, LB, Arizona 70. Baltimore Ravens The Puppy Bowl - Kamalei Correa, OLB, Boise State 71. New York Giants Parmesan Basil - Michael Thomas, WR, Ohio State 72. Chicago Bears incompetent - Xavien Howard, CB, Baylor 73. Miami Dolphins Ehud - Kyle Murphy, OT, Stanford 74. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20 - Roberto Aguayo, K, Florida State 75. Oakland Raiders MrLogan - Kenneth Dixon, RB, Louisiana Tech 76. Los Angeles Rams Darius Likewise - TJ Green, S, Clemson 77. Philadelphia Eagles (from Detroit) Spiros - Maurice Canady, CB, Virginia 78. New Orleans Saints Silly Burrito - Christian Westerman, OL, Arizona State 79. Philadelphia Eagles Spiros - Devontae Booker, RB, Utah 80. Buffalo Bills fsif - Nick Vigil, LB, Utah State 81. Atlanta Falcons Eifert Posting - Isaac Seumalo, OG, Oregon State 82. Indianapolis Colts ShakeZula - Max Tuerk, C, USC 83. New York Jets korrandark - Austin Hooper, TE, Stanford 84. Washington Redskins Pron on VHS - Keyarris Garrett, WR, Tulsa 85. Houston Texans Intruder - Braxton Miller, WR, Ohio State 86. Minnesota Vikings Darth Brooks - Landon Turner, OG, North Carolina 87. Cincinnati Bengals Atticus Finch - Leonte Carroo, WR, Rutgers 88. Green Bay Packers Abugadu - Jerald Hawkins, OT, LSU 89. Pittsburgh Steelers MY NIGGA D-LINK - Jihad Ward, DE/DT, Illinois 90. Seattle Seahawks JIZZ DENOUEMENT - Sebastian Tretola, OG, Arkansas 91. New England Patriots Forever_Peace - Alex Collins, RB, Arkansas 92. Arizona Cardinals warcrimes - Evan Boehm, C, Missouri 93. Carolina Panthers zimbomonkey - Deiondre' Hall, CB, Northern Iowa 94. Denver Broncos 3 DONG HORSE - Cardale Jones, QB, Ohio State 95. Detroit Lions C. Everett Koop - Jalen Mills, DB, LSU 96. New England Patriots Forever_Peace - Dominique Alexander, ILB, Oklahoma 97. Seattle Seahawks JIZZ DENOUEMENT - Austin Blythe, C, Iowa 98. Denver Broncos 3 DONG HORSE - Kentrell Brothers, ILB, Missouri Round 4 99. Cleveland Browns Gatts - Moritz Boehringer, WR, Schwaebisch Hall Unicorns 100. Philadelphia Eagles (from Tennessee) Spiros - Connor McGovern, OG, Missouri 101. Dallas Cowboys aperion - Trevone Boykin, QB, TCU 102. San Diego Chargers Ross Angeles - Jerell Adams, TE, South Carolina 103. Jacksonville Jaguars TSBX - Joe Dahl, OG, Washington State 104. Baltimore Ravens The Puppy Bowl - Cyrus Jones, CB, Alabama 105. San Francisco 49ers Coldforge - Joe Thuney, OG/C, North Carolina State 106. Chicago Bears incompetent - Christian Hackenberg, QB, Penn State 107. Miami Dolphins Ehud - Eric Murray, CB, Minnesota 108. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20 - Pharaoh Cooper, WR, South Carolina 109. New York Giants Parmesan Basil - Joe Haeg, OT, North Dakota State 110. Los Angeles Rams Darius Likewise - Geronimo Allison, WR, Illinois 111. Detroit Lions C. Everett Koop - Joshua Perry, OLB, Ohio State 112. New Orleans Saints Silly Burrito - Javon Hargrave, DT, South Carolina State 113. Tennessee Titans (from Philadelphia) Metapod - Tyler Matakevich, ILB, Temple 114. Oakland Raiders MrLogan - Justin Simmons, FS, Boston College 115. Atlanta Falcons Eifert Posting - Hassan Ridgeway, DT, Texas 116. Indianapolis Colts ShakeZula - KJ Dillon, FS, West Virginia 117. Buffalo Bills fsif - Sean Davis, DB, Maryland 118. New York Jets korrandark - Harlan Miller, CB, Southeastern Louisiana 119. Houston Texans Intruder - Darion Griswold, TE, Arkansas State 120. Washington Redskins Pron on VHS - DeAndre Houston-Carson, FS, William & Mary 121. Minnesota Vikings Darth Brooks - Deion Jones, LB, LSU 122. Cincinnati Bengals Atticus Finch - BJ Goodson, LB, Clemson 123. Pittsburgh Steelers MY NIGGA D-LINK - Dak Prescott, QB, Mississippi State 124. Seattle Seahawks JIZZ DENOUEMENT - KeiVarae Russell, CB, Notre Dame 125. Green Bay Packers Abugadu - CJ Prosise, RB, Notre Dame 126. Kansas City Chiefs No Butt Stuff - Sheldon Day, DT, Notre Dame 127. Chicago Bears (from New England) incompetent - Yannick Ngakoue, DE, Maryland 128. Arizona Cardinals warcrimes - Rashard Robinson, CB, LSU 129. Carolina Panthers zimbomonkey - Brandon Shell, OT, South Carolina 130. Baltimore Ravens (from Denver) The Puppy Bowl - Demarcus Robinson, WR, Florida 131. Green Bay Packers (compensatory selection) Abugadu - Will Redmond, CB, Mississippi State 132. Baltimore Ravens (compensatory selection) The Puppy Bowl - Brandon Allen, QB, Arkansas 133. San Francisco 49ers (compensatory selection) Coldforge - Rashard Higgins, WR, Colorado State 134. Baltimore Ravens (compensatory selection) The Puppy Bowl - Matt Judon, DE, Grand Valley State 135. Dallas Cowboys (compensatory selection) aperion - Maliek Collins, DT, Nebraska 136. Denver Broncos (compensatory selection) 3 DONG HORSE - Tyler Higbee, TE, Western Kentucky 137. Green Bay Packers (compensatory selection) Abugadu - Jordan Jenkins, LB, Georgia 138. Cleveland Browns (compensatory selection) Gatts - Kyle Friend, OG, Temple 139. Buffalo Bills (compensatory selection) fsif - Kevin Hogan, QB, Stanford Round 5 140. Tennessee Titans Metapod - Willie Beavers, OT, Michigan 141. Cleveland Browns Gatts - Jordan Howard, RB, Indiana 142. San Francisco 49ers (from San Diego Chargers) Coldforge - Jonathan Williams, RB, Arkansas 143. Oakland Raiders (from Dallas Cowboys) MrLogan - Blake Martinez, ILB, Stanford 144. Denver Broncos (from Baltimore Ravens) 3 DONG HORSE - Tyvis Powell, S, Ohio State 145. San Francisco 49ers Coldforge - Jatavis Brown, OLB, Akron 146. Jacksonville Jaguars TSBX - Kenyan Drake, RB, Alabama 147. Miami Dolphins Ehud - Ted Karras, OG, Illinois 148. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20 - Charles Tapper, DE, Oklahoma 149. New York Giants Parmesan Basil - Kevon Frazier, FS, Central Michigan 150. Chicago Bears incompetent - Travis Feeney, OLB, Washington 151. Detroit Lions C. Everett Koop - Willie Beavers, OT, Michigan 152. New Orleans Saints Silly Burrito - Kevin Byard, S, Middle Tennessee State 153. Philadelphia Eagles Spiros - Aaron Burbridge, WR, Michigan State 154. Oakland Raiders MrLogan - Tyler Grey, LB, Boise State 155. Indianapolis Colts ShakeZula - Paul Perkins, RB, UCLA 156. Buffalo Bills fsif 157. Denver Broncos (from New York Jets) 3 DONG HORSE 158. Washington Redskins Pron on VHS 159. Houston Texans Intruder 160. Minnesota Vikings Darth Brooks 161. Cincinnati Bengals Atticus Finch 162. Kansas City Chiefs (from Seattle Seahawks) No Butt Stuff 163. Green Bay Packers Abugadu 164. Philadelphia Eagles (from Pittsburgh Steelers) Spiros 165. Kansas City Chiefs No Butt Stuff 166. Houston Texans (from New England Patriots) Intruder 167. Arizona Cardinals warcrimes 168. Carolina Panthers zimbomonkey 169. Detroit Lions (from Denver Broncos) C. Everett Koop 170. Arizona Cardinals (Compensatory Selection) warcrimes 171. Seattle Seahawks (Compensatory Selection) JIZZ DENOUEMENT 172. Cleveland Browns (Compensatory Selection) Gatts 173. Cleveland Browns (Compensatory Selection) Gatts 174. San Francisco 49ers (Compensatory Selection) Coldforge 175. San Diego Chargers (Compensatory Selection) Ross Angeles ShakeZula fucked around with this message at 18:27 on Apr 28, 2016 |
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Mar 25, 2016 18:52
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why aren't there 32 spots?
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Mar 25, 2016 18:59
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Top Hats Monthly posted:why aren't there 32 spots? Lol patriots.
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Mar 25, 2016 18:59
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lets run through these I have a solid plan to get the Skins into the Super Bowl
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Mar 25, 2016 19:04
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With the first pick of the 2016 Goon Draft the Tennessee Titans select Jalen Ramsey, defensive back out of Florida State University. Reason: because he's the motherfucking juggernaut
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Mar 25, 2016 22:25
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With the second pick in the first round of the 2016 Goon Draft the Cleveland Browns Hobo has come out of his box and hacked a loogie at a picture of MYLES JACK, LB/RB/S  and lo...another year of a Browns tragedy is in the books. The Hobo shunters into his box mumbling something bout Ross Angeles and the San Diego Chargers being on the clock.
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Mar 25, 2016 22:40
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With the third pick of the 2016 Goon Draft, the Southern California Chargers of (currently) San Diego select DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon Reason: The Chargers had major weaknesses along both lines last year, but the reason for the weakness along the offensive line was health, other than the center position. Along the defensive line, it was actual talent aside from Corey Liuget. With free agency giving us Brandon Mebane to plug in at nose tackle, adding Buckner to the line opposite Liuget will be a major upgrade from the DL that the Chargers trotted out in 2015. The Dallas Cowboys are now on the clock
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Mar 26, 2016 02:49
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quote:Hi, I'm Jerry Jones, owner and General Manager of the Dallas Cowboys. And I'm proud to say: __________________/ 
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Mar 26, 2016 03:22
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With the 5th Pick in the year of our lord 2016, YOUR Jacksonville Jaguars select...Vernon Hargreaves III, cornerback, University of Florida. (With Ramsey, Bosa and Jack off the table, it was either BAP in Tunsil or reach for a DL in a DL deep draft. Hargreaves fills a long-term need and provides insurance at a position that may be in flux after next season. He's also aggressive on the ball and tackles pretty well. If we were doing trades and all the QBs and both top tackles were still here at #5 it would be a kings bounty. Oh well.)
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Mar 26, 2016 03:50
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We're five picks in which means I was late to the party! Here to help me with the picks is my friend tiny mel kiper. How you doing Mel? I was once fined 20.8 billion dollars after my hair polluted the gulf coast  Hey that's great mel. 1. Tennessee Titans Metapod - Jalen Ramsey, DB, Florida State A surprise first pick of the draft. The Titans tried shoring up their offensive line last year but their inept play still led to the splattering of Marcus Mariota. Tunsil or Stanley was expected here but instead Metapod targeted arguably the best player in the draft in Jalen Ramsey. A former five star recruit by Florida State after starring in track and field and football in high school, Ramsey went on to play all fourteen games for the Seminoles as a true freshman, a feat shared with one Neon Deion Sanders, and was known more for his all over the field play instead of being a ballhawk. Very disruptive, very smart, very talented. Mark Twain used to replace the word 'very' with 'poo poo' so his editor would take the word out. Solid draft pick to shore up shoddy safety corps. 2. Cleveland Browns Gatts - Myles Jack, OLB, UCLA Hyped after signing Robert Griffin III, Gatts throws caution to the wind and ignores Goff/Wentz in favor of the best cover OLB to come out in a few years. A bold strategy as RG3 will soon get his tenth visit to the hospital for free, or would have, if he didn't lose his membership card. A former four star recruit, Jack turned into a do it all super star for the Bruins. He produced respectable games as a running back, participated as a gunner on kickoffs, and excelled as a cover linebacker, reaching the rare trifecta of playing time only seen by talented players and coach's sons. He would immediately slot in as a weakside ILB in the 3-4, eventually hopefully taking over strong side OLB duties in the future. 3. San Diego Chargers Ross Angeles - DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon I tell you Steve I love this kid. He's big, he's fast, he's strong. He's got world class hand- Mel what have I told you about pre-recording your analysis?! Ross 'Steel Angel Two Thousand' Hester shores up the future Anaheim Chargers defensive line with arguably the most freakish athlete in the draft. Able to play power forward in the NBA or lead a charge to kill Captain Cook for landing during a sacred battle, DeForest 'Big Island' Buckner brings untapped raw power to his new team. A former four star recruit, Buckner managed to get picked as the defensive pac-12 player of the year despite having to compare game tape to much better, more worthy athletes in his division. Buckner's able to beat anyone with a raw bull rush but instead resorts to fancy spin moves that don't work as well. Oh and did I mention he jumped 11'6" as a 6'7" 290 lbs athlete? Yeah. 4. Dallas Cowboys aperion - Joey Bosa, DE, Ohio State Joey Bosa comes from a strong bloodline which includes future top 5 pick Nick Bosa, his brother, and his super bust father, John Bosa. Hoping not to follow in his father's footsteps because even though I don't know the Bosas something about failing to make it in the NFL then letting your sons commit to Ohio State must mean there's a lot of alcohol and soap beatings at home, Joey Bosa lands in a great situation to start immediately for the Cowboys. Despite being a giant of a man, Bosa is known more for his pass rushing prowess than his run stuffing. In fact I'd go as far as say he's pretty shoddy at run defending right now, NFL caliber wise. Still, he should be a versatile player that can stand up or anchor the outside gaps for Dallas. 5. Jacksonville Jaguars TSBX - Vernon Hargreaves III, CB, Florida Double dipping on Florida prospects for two years in a row, TSBX says the best thing to do for a struggling college defense is to unite them at the professional level. Still though, VH3 is an athletic superstar. A former five star recruit who starred in track and field and football, but in Florida, so you know the stakes were higher because half the town was betting on him. Known as a gambling DB, VH3 produced 10 interceptions in his three year career. Seems to stick to one side of the field only though, and could benefit from a move to free safety. Time will tell if the Jaguars will ever be known for defense under one of the millions of Seahawks cast offs. Well there's the first five picks. Anything you want to add Mel? People booing me at the draft really does suck sometimes and I question if living is really worth the eff- Haha you're sure right about that Mel! Well we'll see you after the next five picks, folks! Doltos fucked around with this message at 04:48 on Mar 26, 2016 |
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Mar 26, 2016 04:34
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With the 6th pick of the 2016 Goon Draft, the Baltimore Ravens select Laremy Tunsil,  Reason: Everyone else was dumb enough to let him fall.
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Mar 26, 2016 05:18
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With the 7th pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Levi Strauss 49ers select the best QB in the draft: Jared Goff, QB, Cal.  Because the whole drat world is Bear territory. Coldforge fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Mar 26, 2016 |
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Mar 26, 2016 05:45
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With the 8th pick in the 2016 Goon Annual NFL Draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select the actual best QB in the draft that we may trade up for irl: Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State The Eagles aren't tied down with Bradford beyond this year and have a reliable backup, giving Wentz plenty of time to acclimate to pro play. This also allows us to build the line and get a good receiver for him before he takes the field, making this almost a no brainer if the team correctly looks at this year as a rebuilding year. This is a team that is in a division that may force them into playoffs even if they stink, can the Eagles really afford to let the opportunity to snag a potential franchise centerpiece pass them by?
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Mar 26, 2016 15:40
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With the ninth pick in the first round of the 2016 Goon Draft the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Sheldon Rankins, DL from Louisville. The Bucs D line was among the worst in the NFL last season. Rankins gives a legit threat next to McCoy and is higher ranked on our big board over any edge rushers. Parmesan Basil and the New York Giants are on the clock.
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Mar 27, 2016 15:57
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(Sorry it took me awhile! I was coming in from out of state and boy are my posting arms tired!) With the 10th pick of the 2016 NFL Draft, the New York Giants of Football Sport select Ezekiel Elliott, RB, tOSU.  Zeke-Chan represents a new breed of skilled back, following the storied tradition of Tiki Barber and uh well just be happy as this dude gashes Washington for 200 yards on the ground! Up next are the Chicago Bears, led by the hopefully ironically named incompetent!
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Mar 28, 2016 01:05
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And in a mere 72 hours the Goons accomplish the top 10 draft picks for 2016! During the NFL season my forehead roosts with the other condors high up in the colorado rockies That'd sure be a sight, mel! 6. Baltimore Ravens The Puppy Bowl - Laremy Tunsil, OT, Ole Miss Despite being a forum known for their infatuation for fat men, The Puppy Bowl finally selects Laremy Tunsil out of Paid for Eli University. A former five star recruit, Tunsil excelled for three years when he wasn't injured or suspended for taking cash money from agents. An incredibly fluid athlete, Tunsil would immediately slot in as a left guard or a right tackle with hopes to take on the left side eventually. 7. San Francisco 49ers Coldforge - Jared Goff, QB, California Coldforge recognizes the near perfect fit and selects Jared Goff with the seventh overall selection. Goffs a three year starter that can move a pocket around and find open targets all over the field. He also uses a shotgun more indiscriminately than Dick Cheney. Goff shows a prepencity to keep his eyes down field and deliver rocket passes but has a slight frame and a tendency to take bad hits. Doesn't matter anyway as no QB barring the ghost of Broadway Joe himself has the pizzazz to take the bay area starting job away from Blaine Gabbert. 8. Philadelphia Eagles Spiros - Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State Hey... I was wondering... can I talk about this prospect? Hmm... maybe just this once... Awesome! Okay, I love this pick. Carson Wentz is a four year player for NDSU. Now you might not know it but this programs been winning back to back to back FCS championships. Wentz is a real tough kid, he's got a tough chip on his shoulder from being under-recruited. Wait, how do you know that? Know what? That Wentz has a chip on his shoulder from being under-recruited? I've doubt you've ever talked to him in your life. Why do you make these big blanket statements about prospects for no reason other than a useless narrative? ... I sleep alone because my wife can't stand the smell of me in bed But you were right tho on some things pal! Wentz provides an admireable project for the Eagles' offense. 9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20 - Sheldon Rankins, DL, Louisville Wandler20 shores up the Buccaneer's defensive line with a sneaky versatile pick in Sheldon Rankins. Buried beneath a talented roster the past few years, Rankins emerged in his junior year as a sack machine. Quick, explosive, and strong, Rankins hopes to become the next Aaron Donald. I can't think of anything funny to say for this pick so here's a great gif from the classic movie, Little Giants:  10.New York Giants Parmesan Basil - Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State Ayy mama mia papa pia Parmesan Basil is picking for my team and didn't gently caress it up! Giants got a big need at RB since our last highly drafted prospect needs a constant influx of cadaver bones to keep his undead neck pulsing and alive. Elliot did it all for Ohio State; he blocked provactively, he hit the gaps with authority, he caught the ball with confidence, and he threw his coaches under the bus with pure tenacity. Well that's it for the top ten, say goodbye to the nice folks mel! Mayock keeps doing that thing where he mouths 'your mother' while doing a fisting motion at me I told you to stop looking over at the NFL Network booth, mel!
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Mar 28, 2016 01:41
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With the 11th pick of the 2016 Goon Draft, Da Bears blow it on Ronnie Stanley, OT, Notre Dame 
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Mar 28, 2016 02:03
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With the 12th pick of the 2016 Something Awful Goon Draft, the New Orleans Saints say LOL DEFENSE and select: LAQUON TREADWELL, WR, OLE MISS With Marques Colston gone, the Saints choose the best WR in the draft and give Drew Brees and Sean Payton a new shiny toy. A lot of defensive talent that could've been taken in round 1 will be available in round 2, so the Saints decide to have a young receiving corps that includes Treadwell, Cooks, Snead, and Fleener. Brees will have a field day spreading the ball around. Good luck choosing a Saints WR in fantasy. Ehud and the Miami Dolphins are on the clock.
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Mar 28, 2016 02:29
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With the 13th pick of the 2016 Something Awful Goon Draft, the Miami Dolphins select: ELI APPLE, CB, OHIO STATE MrLogan and the Oakland Raiders are on the clock 
Ehud fucked around with this message at 04:15 on Mar 28, 2016 |
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Mar 28, 2016 04:11
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With the 14th pick of the 2016 Something Awful Goon Draft, the Oakland Raiders select: Mackensie Alexander, CB, Clemson Darius Likewise and the
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Mar 28, 2016 14:29
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With the 15th pick in this Goon Draft the Los Angeles Rams select: Corey Coleman, WR, Baylor C. Everett Koop and the Detroit Lions are now on the clock
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Mar 28, 2016 18:17
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The Lions, being the Lions, stuck a quarter in their rear end and played themselves and had to let franchise DT Ndamukong Suh walk this past offseason, in order to pay for another generational talent who walked away before his time, his body broken to an extent that was only surpassed by his will, and a franchise QB that's the definition of league average. We aim to rectify that error, and will do so by drafting a grown-rear end man, the meanest motherfucker in the goddamn draft. With the 16th pick of the 2016 Something Awful Goon Draft, the Detroit Lions select:  A'Shawn Robinson, DT, The University of Alabama Eifert Posting and the Atlanta Falcons are on the clock.
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Mar 28, 2016 18:53
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If you were tasked to say a single defender's name on the Atlanta falcons You would say Desmond Trufant. Naming a second would be literally impossible. You can't do it. It is a land of winds and ghosts. To finally end this terrible curse the Falcons are willing to wait for the knee attached to the most talented player in the draft to heal. Note: Click on the image to see a visual representation of his impact. With the Seventeenth pick in the 2016 draft the Atlanta Falcons select Jaylon Smith, Linebacker, from a bad college for jerks. ShakeZulu and the Colts are on the clock. Eifert Posting fucked around with this message at 00:50 on Mar 29, 2016 |
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Mar 29, 2016 00:40
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With the 18th pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts select Darron Lee, LB, Ohio State University fsif and the Buffalo Bills are on the clock
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Mar 29, 2016 01:44
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Bills select... Robert Nkemdiche, DE, Ole Miss korrandark and the Jets are on the clock fsif fucked around with this message at 05:49 on Mar 29, 2016 |
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Mar 29, 2016 05:26
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With the 20th overall selection, the New York Jets select Noah Spence, LB, Eastern Kentucky The Washington Redskins and Pron on VHS are on the clock.
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Mar 29, 2016 12:02
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With the current pick in the 1st round the Redskins choose Andrew Billings, DT from Baylor Intruder and the Texans are on the clock
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Mar 29, 2016 15:16
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The Texans take Ryan Kelly, C out of Bama
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Mar 29, 2016 16:03
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With the 23rd pick in the 1st round the Vikings choose Keanu Neal hit , S, Florida
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Mar 29, 2016 23:40
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With the 24th pick the Cincinnati Bengals select Jarran Reed, DT, Alabama
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Mar 30, 2016 00:36
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With the 25th pick in the 2016 NFL Draft, the Pittsburgh Steelers select Leonard Floyd, LB Georgia
D-LINK fucked around with this message at 03:54 on Mar 30, 2016 |
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Mar 30, 2016 00:53
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With the 26th Overall Pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Seattle Seahawks Select LT Jack Conklin, MSU edit: This is my reaction to seeing you fucklords not selecting him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flA0O-7tMq8&t=13s Abugadu and the Green Bay Packers are on the clock! JIZZ DENOUEMENT fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Mar 30, 2016 |
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Mar 30, 2016 01:04
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With the 27th pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Green Bay Packers sprint up to the podium and select Reggie Ragland, ILB out of Alabama
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Mar 30, 2016 01:11
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With the 28th pick, the Kansas City Chiefs are surprised that all 3 players they had their eyes on were still available and say gently caress it: William Jackson III, CB, Houston e: warcrimes and the Cardinals are on the clock.
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Mar 30, 2016 15:30
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With the 29th pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Arizona Cardinals pick Paxton Lynch, Quarterback, Memphis Tigers. I am not the son of Thomas "Tommy Tom Tom" Dimitroff Zombiemonkey and the Carolina Panthers are on the clock.
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Mar 30, 2016 19:23
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With the 30th pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Carolina Panthers take their second first round pick named Shaq in as many years... Shaq Lawson! 3 DONG HORSE and the Denver Broncos are on the clock.
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Mar 30, 2016 19:37
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With the 31st pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Denver Broncos pick Cody Whitehair, OG, Kansas State. So fetch Gatts and the Cleveland Browns are on the clock.
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Mar 31, 2016 00:33
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With the 32nd Pick, 1st pick in Round 2, the Cleveland Browns select  Le'Raven Clark, OT, Texas Tech "Whuh...you mean I could have gone to the Patriots but instead I'm with the Browns?" / 
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Mar 31, 2016 00:45
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With the 33rd pick the Tennessee Titans select Vernon Butler, DL from Louisiana Tech  Dallas Cowboys and aperion are now on the clock
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Mar 31, 2016 01:15
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quote:Hey. What's going on? I'm a little drunk. Okay, a lot drunk. What? No I didn't fuckin say stop, boy! Keep pourin! ___________/ 
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Mar 31, 2016 01:35
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