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 All right everyone, thank you all for coming. Elvis and I worked really hard to get this surprise party ready for Mirko Cro Cop’s glorious return to Zagreb for UFC Fight Night 86, 2 p.m. ET Sunday, April 10 on Fox Sports 1! Now turn the lights down and be quiet, I hear someone coming and I think this is him! Remember, when the door opens I’ll turn the lights on and everyone yell SURPRI- Oh poo poo sorry everyone, false alarm, it’s a heavyweight bout between  ”Big” Ben Rothwell vs.  Junior dos Santos Hey Ben, sorry to jump out at you. Thanks for coming! I assumed after two gogo chokes in a row including Josh Barnett, you wouldn’t be able to stop in tonight. Sorry your title shot didn’t work out, but I’m glad you could make it! I’ll go ahead and take your… uh… cloak while you help yourself to some punch. Hey everyone, life of the party’s here! Four in a row and look at him dance, haha! Elvis please make sure the door to my room is closed, my cat’s hiding in there and I found another dagger in Ben’s cloak. Junior, Junior, Junior. Cigano, old buddy. Oops, looks like you’re drooling a little bit there. Let me get that for you-there ya go! Here, take Petra’s hand and she’ll bring you over to the cookies, and maybe put Nickelodeon on the TV for you. Elvis what the gently caress man, why did you invite JDS? Do you not remember what happened last time he and Mirko saw each other? He shattered Cro Cop’s orbital. Plus he hasn’t been the same at parties since the last two Cain fights, it’s just sad. His wife left him, he’s gone bald, the guy’s a mess. He’s bumming everyone out, Elvis, we want this to be a happy time for everyone. Wait I hear people coming, everyone hide quick! SURPRI-damnit sorry again everyone, we’ve got another heavyweight bout between  Derrick “The Black Beast” Lewis vs.  Gabriel Gonzaga Derrick, no offense but I thought we invited Ruslan Magomedov. That’s ok though, you’re more than welcome. You haven’t gone to the judges since 2011, that’s fun enough for me! Elvis, did you seriously invite Gabriel Gonzaga to Mirko’s party? The guy who Cro Cop’d Cro Cop? I know Cro Cop just won the rematch but that’s still pretty messed up man. Why don’t you just bring all the terrorists Mirko arrested over to hang out with him for a night? Huh? Maybe look up his old prom date he never called back? Gonzaga isn’t even fun at parties anymore, he just shits the bed constantly. Look at him, he just peeled every banana in my kitchen and now he-HEY DON’T DO THA-great. Are you going to fix the drywall he just jumped through, Elvis? Are you going to pay for my funeral after my landlord kills me? Now there’s a hole into my neighbor’s apartment. They’re cooking curry man, the whole party reeks now. SURPRI-ugh goddamn, everyone duck behind the couch and counter again, it’s yet another heavyweight bout between  Francis Ngannou vs.  Curtis “Razor” Blaydes Hey Francis, how are you do-what? Oh uh… you’re just gonna keep… I was aski- ok fine go ahead and check on the little smokies. Hey look everyone, the Rumble Johnson impersonator came! Welcome to my party 5-0 heavyweight Curtis “Razor” Blaydes, it was a long flight from Nowhere, Oklahoma and I am glad you could join us. Shh somone’s coming! SURPRI-oh Jesus Christ false alarm everybody, it’s a heavyweight bout between  Timothy Johnson vs.  Marcin Tybura Elvis, who the gently caress are these people? I said only invite Cro Cop’s friends, you just went to the bus station by the homeless shelter and yelled there was a party and everyone was invited again didn’t you? Goddamnit Elvis, you know Mirko has NEVER had an MMA fight here? I wanted this to be really special for him and here you are inviting strangers and bums he’s never met, you know this is why Lucija left you, you just can’t get anything ri- oh somoene’s coming I think this is finally him, positions everyone SURPRI- augh dangit it’s a light heavyweight fight between  Igor Pokrajac vs.  Jan Blachowicz Elvis, why did you invite Igor back? Igor, you have a lot of nerve coming back here. You’re a bum, Igor, a 4-7, 1 NC in the UFC bum. You think you can finish a bunch of people without wikis and now all of a sudden you’re good to come back here after making Feijao look good in a UFC fight? This is just the worst. Anyway, hello, sorry about all that. How are you doing, Stipe? Glad you could make it. Oh wait, gosh I’m so sorry what did you say your name was, Jan Blachowicz? Oh, you say you’ve been to my parties before? Hmm, are you sure? I don’t remember you, maybe you’re thinking of another person. You finished Ilir Latifi and got beasted 25-8? No, surely I’d remember those things. I swear to god I’ve never seen you a day in my life. Wait I hear someone coming, maybe the fifth time’s the charm. Surpri- holy gently caress how do women so small have such heavy footsteps? This strawweight bout is between  Maryna Moroz vs.  Cristina Stanciu Elvis, I must say you probably didn’t completely gently caress it up this time. Sure Maryna Moroz is coming off of her first loss, but it was a competitive one with Valerie Letourneau, who in turn had a competitive bout with Joanna Champion. Before that she’s finished everyone, including goon favorite JoJo Calderwood. Come on in Maryna, I’ve got a pot of borscht for you on the counter. Who’s this girl, Elvis? Apparently she’s also undefeated and has proven herself to be the third-best in her weight at makebelieve Chinese dancefighting on the Romanian, European and world stages? I don’t think any of that means anything but all right. OK everybody I am really sorry about all the false starts, let me just call Mirko to see if he’s on the way. Oh look, he’s already texted me… TURN OFF THE loving MUSIC, EVERYONE TAKE THEIR DRINKS AND GET OUT. THIS WHOLE drat SHITSHOW’S A BUST, APPARENTLY CRO COP SHOT A WHOLE VIAL OF BULL TESTOSTERONE INTO HIS BALLSACK THE EXACT SECOND THE PEE COLLECTOR WALKED IN THE ROOM SO HE’S NOT EVEN COMING NOW.. DON’T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW ELVIS. LANA MEET ME IN THE BEDROOM, IF YOUR DEPOSIT’S NONREFUNDABLE THEN SOMEONE’S GETTING THE 10 PREMIUM LAPDANCES I PAID FOR GODDAMNIT loving SHITDICK OTHER PARTY CRASHERS FS1 Prelims, Noon ET Welterweight Nicolas Dalby vs. Zak Cummings Bantamweight Ian Entwistle vs. Alejandro Pérez Lightweight Mairbek Taisumov vs. Damir Hadzović Bantamweight Filip Pejić vs. Damian Stasiak Fight Pass Prelims, 10:30 a.m. ET Featherweight Robert Whiteford vs. Lucas Martins Heavyweight Jared Cannonier vs. Cyril Asker Welterweight Bojan Veličković vs. Alessio Di Chirico Official Weigh-ins, 11:30 a.m. ET Saturday, April 9 http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-night-zagreb-official-weigh-in Official MMA Snack Rating: Croatian radish dip for a guest of honor who’s never showing up  INGREDIENTS 1 pound radishes (about 25), julienned, plus whole radishes, for serving 1 1/4 cups sour cream 3 ounces feta cheese, crumbled (3/4 cup) 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest, plus 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (from 2 lemons) 1 1/2 teaspoons coarse salt 1/3 cup chopped fresh dill DIRECTIONS Combine julienned radishes, sour cream, feta, lemon zest and juice, salt, and dill. Serve with toasts and whole radishes.
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Apr 9, 2016 16:09
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http://s1.webmshare.com/44vj9.webm Just in case it's needed tomorrow. Josuke Higashikata fucked around with this message at 16:21 on Apr 9, 2016 |
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Apr 9, 2016 16:12
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timothy johnson has a great twitter account @dinkmagic
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Apr 9, 2016 16:42
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I hope Whiteford wins, and I hope Dos Santos doesn't die in the cage.Triticum Guzzler posted:timothy johnson has a great twitter account @dinkmagic Hahahahahahaha.
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Apr 9, 2016 16:46
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Triticum Guzzler posted:timothy johnson has a great twitter account @dinkmagic lmao
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Apr 9, 2016 16:47
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Josuke Higashikata posted:http://s1.webmshare.com/44vj9.webm Anik sucks
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Apr 9, 2016 16:55
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UFC Headliner Junior Dos Santos: "Ben Rothwell is strange, so fans will root for me."
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Apr 9, 2016 17:00
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JDS is too innocent and pure for this career.
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Apr 9, 2016 17:05
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Dan Didio posted:UFC Headliner Junior Dos Santos: "Ben Rothwell is strange, so fans will root for me." odds on jds have just dropped dramatically given ben rothwell's strong record against bullies
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Apr 9, 2016 17:16
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Francis Ngannou walked out to the braveheart theme in Orlando so I am eternally a fan.
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Apr 9, 2016 17:35
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quote:So happy to have this back in my life
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Apr 9, 2016 17:38
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Apr 9, 2016 17:48
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That's a lot of heavyweight fights!Triticum Guzzler posted:timothy johnson has a great twitter account @dinkmagic lol
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Apr 9, 2016 18:21
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCLkasPsNHU
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Apr 9, 2016 18:27
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i hope mike wins...
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Apr 9, 2016 18:46
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we've had a bit of an MMA drought so I'll take what I can get jds used to be my favorite fighter and I can always laugh at the beating he puts on roy nelson as a reminder that "at least im not getting punched by jds 300 times"
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Apr 9, 2016 18:56
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i've got jds and The Black Beast. how about you guys
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Apr 9, 2016 18:59
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Rothwell and the Black Beast will beast all over this card.
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Apr 9, 2016 19:01
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Le Saboteur posted:Rothwell and the Black Beast will beast all over this card. This is how I'm leaning Gonzaga has looked awful for a while now
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Apr 9, 2016 19:07
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since beast has been used as a verb i'd like to head things off at the pass and say that croatia is an eu member state and thusthe reason he's not on this card is it would actually be illegal for him to violate the working time directive
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Apr 9, 2016 19:10
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I rewatched Rothwell vs Barnett. Not impressed with Ben's striking game. JDS should style all over him, if he loses badly it's definitely time for a career re-eval. 5 rounds probably benefits Ben.
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Apr 9, 2016 19:22
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JDS has looked so bad recently. I think the poor dude should retire  I love both him and Rothwell, can't really choose who I'd want to win more. But I think Junior's done.
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Apr 9, 2016 19:25
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diesiel posted:I rewatched Rothwell vs Barnett. Not impressed with Ben's striking game. JDS should style all over him, if he loses badly it's definitely time for a career re-eval. 5 rounds probably benefits Ben. If anything it seems like Rothwell's epilepsy standup has been an advantage as of late.
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Apr 9, 2016 19:27
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Dan Didio posted:UFC Headliner Junior Dos Santos: "Ben Rothwell is strange, so fans will root for me." He should get the analyst job that frank mir was going to get
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Apr 9, 2016 19:35
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I also don't think JDS is as brain-damaged as most people believe (yet). He beat Miocic with a torn acl, underwent surgery and rehab (i'm currently rehabbing this surgery -- it's a motherfucker, not everyone is Cruz) then he lost to Alistair... probably the most likely guy at HW to knock anyone out , now we'll see how he does against Rothwell. I think at least 3-5 fights are necessary to truly see if a fighter is "shot" like people say. Even still, a career resurgence is always possible despite an awful skid, especially at HW. He used to fight 2-3x per year, now he's down to 2 times in the last 2 years; that's a big deal. Guys like Overeem / hunt / rothwell /arlovski took more damage throughout their careers, and they're not doing too badly for themselves lately. diesiel fucked around with this message at 20:53 on Apr 9, 2016 |
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Apr 9, 2016 19:43
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The problem in the Overeem fight was that he was extremely gunshy.
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Apr 9, 2016 20:35
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boy, that is a lot of heavyweight fights on this card this card puts the "pass" in fight pass i edited that joke in a minute after i made this post cause i'm slow
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Apr 9, 2016 20:36
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cams posted:boy, that is a lot of heavyweight fights on this card Very original joke too.
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Apr 9, 2016 20:39
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Fozzy The Bear posted:Very original joke too.
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Apr 9, 2016 20:53
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Josuke Higashikata posted:The problem in the Overeem fight was that he was extremely gunshy. usually i'm quite critical of overeem's constant stance switching but in that fight it was part of what kept jds guessing imo. the rothwell jig sort of does the same thing but much less coordinated and measured, so i don't think it'll have the same effect.
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Apr 9, 2016 20:55
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hail rothwell my dark lord and master
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Apr 9, 2016 22:25
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Triticum Guzzler posted:timothy johnson has a great twitter account @dinkmagic lol
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Apr 9, 2016 22:36
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Dan Didio posted:UFC Headliner Junior Dos Santos: "Ben Rothwell is strange, so fans will root for me." hes right
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Apr 9, 2016 22:39
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big ben hangs his toilet paper roll properly so he's cool with me.
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Apr 9, 2016 23:16
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i forget, is igor the guy who jumped off a cliff into the sea and rescued someone from a sinking car by smashing the windshield? i remember it was a croatian fighter who disappeared from the ufc shortly after but i can never remember the name.
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Apr 9, 2016 23:22
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That was Goran Reljic
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Apr 9, 2016 23:32
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man i really hope there's no racist poo poo tomorrow, there's 4 black dudes on this card and it's in croatia...
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Apr 10, 2016 00:50
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cams posted:boy, that is a lot of heavyweight fights on this card ACtually a lot of heavyweight fights is good
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Apr 10, 2016 03:05
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Sage?
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Apr 10, 2016 03:31
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Mairbek Taisumov is a pretty cool fighter, Tractor kicked the poo poo out of him but since then he has had some violent finishes I also like watching Zak Cummings fight, for some reason
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Apr 10, 2016 04:42
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