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*begins shrieking*
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May 5, 2016 01:20
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Enfield posted:dont look like a bitch You can be a real hothead sometimes
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May 5, 2016 01:20
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Give into despair. Go over all of your past failures and how each of them led up this, your greatest moment of shame. Fall the cold cement and loudly start sobbing while crying out "Just open up and swallow me, I'm ready, just take me! gently caress you God, gently caress you Jesus, gently caress you mom and dad, gently caress the whole god damned everything!" Then, when he's distracted, grab his leg and pull him down then smash his head against the ground over and over and over again until it's just a stain on the sidewalk.
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May 5, 2016 01:32
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Lol if you go on a date without mastering the fine art of bartitsu
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May 5, 2016 02:24
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I'd suck his loving dick op
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May 5, 2016 02:29
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E Equals MC Hammer posted:live alone in the middle of the woods 
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May 5, 2016 02:38
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Sick Of It All covered this years ago. https://youtu.be/9cAi_qfWdrY
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May 5, 2016 07:01
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EL BROMANCE posted:Sick Of It All covered this years ago.
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May 5, 2016 07:02
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dress like a hobo and cover yourself in piss and poo poo. nobody will think you have anything to steal.
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May 5, 2016 07:12
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distract him with fried chicken and watermelon (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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May 5, 2016 07:46
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entwine your limbs with torcs of gold and copper and fine filigrees of the same. connect these adornments to the battery pack clipped to yoru belt. proclaim yourself the avatar of thor, and call upon the power of lightning to thwart any would-be assailants (jotuns, jormungandrs, etc._)
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May 5, 2016 16:19
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Cocksmith posted:distract him with fried chicken and watermelon Man that sounds good. 
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May 5, 2016 16:36
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK722oP99h0
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May 5, 2016 16:40
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Tardcore posted:I'd suck his loving dick op works every time
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May 5, 2016 16:43
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Put a mousetrap on the inside of your wallet. Simple, but a classic for a reason.
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May 5, 2016 16:47
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"street muggers" seems like it should be a racist term. Maybe it's the double-G
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May 5, 2016 16:51
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all you have to do is hand over your valuables but then follow the mugger back to his place and rob him twice as bad - and you can't be prosecuted for that, it's called double jeopardy
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May 5, 2016 16:55
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poo poo yourself, then put your hand down your pants. Throw poop in the mugger's face and run.
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May 5, 2016 23:23
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City of Tampa posted:"street muggers" seems like it should be a racist term. Maybe it's the double-G Mugger please
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May 5, 2016 23:25
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learn the ways of ur assailant 
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May 5, 2016 23:27
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Mugging is a social construct, and furthermore, blaming black people for mugging is ignoring the root of the problem: rap, apart from those notorious edgelords "run the jewels" is the equivalent of sticking an infinite piece of poo poo into both ears.
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May 5, 2016 23:40
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if you ain't carrying a net gun on you at all times you're just a straight busta imo
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May 5, 2016 23:42
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"lol, who carries cash anymore?" *walk away*
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May 5, 2016 23:49
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I put a cigarette out on a carjackers neck once, but usually I just show them my mutilated eunuch genitalia and sing a little song and that sends them packing.
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May 5, 2016 23:50
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just start jacking off furiously
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May 6, 2016 01:40
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Mange Mite posted:Mugger please Is this the same thrill you got cutting up in middle school? You're getting away with something!
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May 6, 2016 01:47
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=?t6XldR7pCFI
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May 6, 2016 01:48
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*Busts out Kubotan*
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May 6, 2016 01:49
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Reach deep into your trench coat and pull out your deadly nunchucks. Then hand them to the assailant. An untrained person is more than 4 times more likely to injure themselves than anyone else with nunchucks.
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May 6, 2016 02:00
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Just inject yourself with mugger repelling serum before any outing and robbers will be unable to even approach you.
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May 6, 2016 02:11
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Suck his dick real good and now you got a boyfriend it's a win win
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May 6, 2016 02:32
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ink cloud
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May 6, 2016 03:14
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Carry two spray bottles with you. One filled with Clorox and the other with amonia. If you get mugged, whip out the bottles and spray them both at your assailant so the streams collide in midair just in front of his face. The two substances will combine into deadly chlorine gas which he will inhale, incapacitating him.
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May 6, 2016 03:19
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I have a collection of ninja caltrops, throwing stars, throwing knives, african fighting sticks, smoke grenades, police batons, and stun guns disguised as lovely cell phones I purchased from Bud K magazine while extremely drunk.
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May 6, 2016 03:35
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Those batons better be tonfa style.
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May 6, 2016 03:37
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Walk around nude at all times so there can be no doubt you're not carrying any valuables.
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May 6, 2016 03:41
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Reveal your majesty as Almighty God and declare with a thunderous voice that shakes the very heavens that he is damned.
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May 6, 2016 03:43
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Turd Burglar posted:Suck his dick real good and now you got a boyfriend it's a win win this dude knows whats up
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May 6, 2016 03:58
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Get shot and die. The guilt will drive him nuts.
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May 6, 2016 04:14
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Get super obsessed with him and chart his life with one of those wall collages with bits of twine connecting photographs of him having coffee with a phone number torn out of a paper which connects to a Time magazine article about secret German submarine operations on the coast of California during the closing stages of WW2, my God, it's all coming together - but nobody will listen, not the cops that's for drat sure. Mary? Yes! She would help you, she was there that day. She'll believe me, she has to!
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May 6, 2016 04:21
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