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ATTN: Starfleet Maintenance Teams- Submit work reports here-MEMORY ALPHA---------- --------------------------- ATTENTION STARFLEET MAINTENANCE CREWS: MEMORY ALPHA is looking to catalog all maintenance reports for future study---- SHIPS OF INTEREST: USS ENTERPRISE NX-01  USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701  USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701 (refit)  USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701-A  USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701-D  DEEP SPACE NINE  USS DEFIANT-NX-74205  USS VOYAGER-NCC-74656  Now, we are all union workers and can handle some gruff talk, but please do your best to be professional! No one likes to clean up the jizz off the holodeck floor or scrape up the Synthehol stains in the lounge but these reports must be preserved! Candid accounts are appreciated! Starfeelt headquarters appreciates your candor and honesty! Commentary concerning the crew (including senior staff named) with the reports is appreciated too to help increase efficiency and will remain highly confidential . All reports will remain anonymous! Thank you and I look forward to reading your repair reports!
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May 10, 2016 04:27
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:42 |
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poo poo's goin' all gay on me cap'n
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May 10, 2016 04:28
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAKQzZfpaz8
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May 10, 2016 04:42
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Deep space nine is not a spaceship it just sits there doing nothing waiting for people to come to it IT IS NOT A SPACESHIP bad show
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May 10, 2016 04:43
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Stardate XXXXXX, So, My Husband went with the Captain to some orbiting space base or something, while I was stuck in engineering, trying to re-triangulate the quantum mass ossifier. of course that took a while, by the time I got to have shore leave, dear hubbie was as shitfaced as the chief engineer. I'm thinking about quality time and he's all, "Those green women, they are wow, hey bebeh, do we still have some time credits in the holodeck," before vomiting blue stuff on my dress uniform. I guess what I'm trying to say is, flexitime is great for starfleet, but its been terrible for my marriages.
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May 10, 2016 04:47
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Worf's hot flow yoga needs to be moved to one of the cargo holds or something. The multi-use room on Deck 8 will need at least 48 hours for the deodorizers to work their magic.
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May 10, 2016 05:15
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I'm masturbating in an unseen corner of the ship
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May 10, 2016 05:16
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Can't sleep Janeway will eat me can't sleep Janeway will eat me.
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May 10, 2016 05:21
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Crusty Nutsack posted:Deep space nine is not a spaceship it just sits there doing nothing waiting for people to come to it IT IS NOT A SPACESHIP They have the Defiant and they flew the space station in the very first episode. Plus they made a wooden ship with solar sails that they managed to get up to warp speed and flew to Cardassia.
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May 10, 2016 05:24
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satanic splash-back posted:I'm masturbating in an unseen corner of the ship Lt. Barclay, I respect your Three Musketeers program, but you go too far sometimes.
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May 10, 2016 05:24
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beeble base reporting in
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May 10, 2016 05:25
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Jordi: I rerouted the phase modulators through the plasma core conduit to create an inverse tachyon pulse that should get us out of the spacetime distortion. Psych I'm just kidding I just make this poo poo up, the computer handles everything. All we do is get crunk and watch hosed up holodeck porn and see if we can find any humpable aliens dawg. What the gently caress you think this is, 2469? Lol. Kunta kinte suck my rear end in a top hat biotch.
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May 10, 2016 05:25
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NCC-1701 Maintenance Request: Someone programmed the replicators to make endless amounts of semen. Security teams are unable to reach the source. Hull breaches threatened on decks 5 and 7 due to enormous pressure build-up. NCC-1701 Maintenance Log: Case assigned code 6571. NCC-1701 Maintenance Log: Replicators deactivated remotely by cutting off power to decks 7 and 9 at the cost of the lives of several of the crew. OP's mother sent in to remove outstanding semen. NCC-1701 Maintenance Log: Case resolved.
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May 10, 2016 05:37
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Star date 41852.2- Lt. Commander Warf continues to defecate in the jefferies tubes throughout the station. Though he denies these reports, stating Klingons do not posses anuses, he has been observed numerous times smearing the feces along corridor 7. We have logged twelve occasions in the past week. Maintenance schedule has been updated to include additional cleaning rotations.
killer crane fucked around with this message at 06:24 on May 11, 2016 |
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May 10, 2016 05:39
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poop deck ;p
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May 10, 2016 05:40
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Stardate 5825.3- Chief Engineer Scott some how pulled our dicks out of the masher again, even though half the people I know are dead now. Those Romulan cunts didn't even see it coming, venting the reactor into the nebula, and blowing that ship straight to hell. Sure the bare core dosed all of decks 10-13 with obscene amounts of radiation, and we were trespassing in Romulan territory just to get a phase inducer back from some scavengers, but it's all worth it just to come out here as explorers. I'm going to go lie down now. Tell my mother that I loved her.
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May 10, 2016 06:02
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NC-1701 Maintenance Request: Teleporter is permanently locked onto a Five Guys Burger and Fries in Orlando, Florida. NC-1701 Maintenance Log: Ticket closed. Working as intended.
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May 10, 2016 06:02
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Rubbed my dick all over the cockpit SIR!
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May 10, 2016 06:07
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All Jeffries Tubes refilled with Trilithium Semen SIR!
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May 10, 2016 06:09
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Someone has got to do something about the weed smell in Tuvok's quarters.
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May 10, 2016 06:17
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Chief Officer Ricky posted:Breaker breaker, come in earth, this is rocket ship 27, the aliens hosed over the carburetorage, I'm going to try and re-fuckulate it and land on juniper And hopefully you have some space weed, over.  
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May 10, 2016 06:23
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ATTN: Anyone who was in attendance at Riker's soirée on Risa must report to the sickbay IMMEDIATELY for gynecological scan. - Lt. Commander Riker
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May 10, 2016 06:32
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WORF'S SECURITY REPORT: Shields: Online Mood: Impassive Honor: Keepin' It Real
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May 10, 2016 06:45
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Lieutenant, set dildos to "stun my prostate."
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May 10, 2016 06:47
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decent
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May 10, 2016 06:47
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Calling in late...does anyone here know where to find a Klingon babysitter?
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May 10, 2016 06:52
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I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I just get so tired of all these star treks...
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May 10, 2016 06:54
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arrgh my lifesaber crystal is broken again, someone call doctor yoda
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May 10, 2016 08:52
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Engineer's Log: My wife's harpy-like screeching kept me up again last night, even through the benzos I had the doctor replicate for me. I don't know how she does it; she says it's classical Chinese opera, but I swear she's out there having a screaming match with a cat in heat. Besides which, isn't she Japanese? Engineer's Log: My off time has been getting more sparse now since we're so short-handed on deck. On the tail end of my third 16 hour shift now -- I'm just coasting at this point. Kira came in asking about a problem with the warp coil pattern buffers and I stared at her, dumbfounded, for a full ten seconds before my mind could come up with enough technobabble words to get her to piss off. I need a drink. Engineer''s Log: Dukat kept giving me lip today, the spoonheaded poo poo. Little does he know I programmed a fun little game into the holodeck where I take turns loving and killing his Cardie rear end. Sometimes I just tell the computer to randomize it. 50/50 odds, either way I get what I want. I think today I'm going to let the computer decide what happens to our little grey friend.
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May 10, 2016 09:16
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shoulda thought about a warp core breach before you decided to gently caress with the unions *leans back in chair and puts legs on table. ship explodes.*
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May 10, 2016 09:27
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Dammit, Jam! I'm a doctor, not a teamster!
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May 10, 2016 09:30
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Can't see poo poo Captain!
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May 10, 2016 09:41
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Plumbing on deck three is stopped up again. Couple of techs opened a maintenance hatch to find an unspeakable mess of paper towels and excrement. A lot of people are blaming Troi for flushing so many paper towels. Update to previous entry: Lt Barclay stopped in to observe our progress on cleanup and repairs. As I began my report he just stormed off without a word... Ren and Stimpire fucked around with this message at 09:46 on May 10, 2016 |
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May 10, 2016 09:44
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Replicators, make a big piece of poop! 
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May 10, 2016 10:49
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This has no place in a Star Trek thread. That's like hanging a picture of your uncle that taught you bad touch over the mantle. Eh. Maybe it does have a place in a Star Trek thread.
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May 10, 2016 12:02
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The all female orgy program in the holodeck is working a-ok. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the holodeck performing more tests on the all female orgy program.
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May 10, 2016 12:28
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Maintenance Request log: There is only one place to poo poo on the entire ship, and the romulans are suing because its not trans-species. Please update signage.
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May 10, 2016 12:38
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sometimes i get into arguments with someone who thinks all these shows had great deeper meaning and lessons with humanity. t he last one was him explaining how in one society they fought a virtual war then the loser would then kill off some % of its population and how tidy that was and how it was what we were heading to. its always some crap like that too that could never actually work and NO IT IS NOT CLEVER reality: Im the ultrapresident of country Dick and I just lost the MLG warz . guess what, im not going to kill off a percentage of my population. because that would be very lame and stupid. why would I? lol. what are you going to do about it? go to war? bring it, bitch, im sure everybody would rather die taking the lives of those trying to kill them as opposed to some kind of mass executions because we're "following the civilized rules" the problem is every one of these little thought experiments or "lessons" are either painfully obvious or extremely short sighted and impossible so, anyway, dont watch star trek except the new cool ones
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May 10, 2016 13:23
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i didnt read op hector or the replies but may i say, bless u
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May 10, 2016 13:24
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:42 |
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Shaquin posted:Can't see poo poo Captain! lmao sick reference xD
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May 10, 2016 13:35
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