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a retard posted:he also wrote a book about crockpots for some reason Rice cookers. It's actually a nice little book. I use the hell out of mine now.
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Jun 20, 2016 01:02
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SD87 posted:Why would i care what an old white guy thinks? Corky romano owns forever He's on old, dead white guy now so his opinion is now western canon.
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Jun 20, 2016 01:13
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Clifford is a terrible movie. At least Freddie Got Fingered has the Dadaist aspect going for it.
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Jun 20, 2016 01:18
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From Ebert's review of Stealing Harvard, which had Tom Green in it:quote:Seeing Tom Green reminded me, as how could it not, of his movie "Freddy Got Fingered" (2001), which was so poorly received by the film critics that it received only one lonely, apologetic positive review on the Tomatometer. I gave it--let's see--zero stars. Bad movie, especially the scene where Green was whirling the newborn infant around his head by its umbilical cord. http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/stealing-harvard-2002
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Jun 20, 2016 01:21
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Egbert Souse posted:Clifford is a terrible movie. At least Freddie Got Fingered has the Dadaist aspect going for it. I only saw it as a kid and hated it then. I doubt my opinion would be any different these days. Rodger's only real crime was liking the matrix sequels, which is something I will never forgive him for.
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Jun 20, 2016 01:46
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The Sphinxster posted:If you figure out the twist to the Usual Suspects it sucks. Also if you don't figure it out I suspect. thank god for this thread because i thought i was the only one who figured this poo poo out at the very beginning of the movie and it's dogshit i committed zero of that movie to memory as a result but all i remember is they telegraph the gently caress out of a clue at the very beginning that i thought it was intentional until i talked to other people who were raving about what a good movie it was.
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Jun 20, 2016 01:53
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King Vidiot posted:My biggest problem with Clifford is that it's loving creepy seeing a tiny, full-grown Martin Short acting like a 5 year old who's supposed to be a 10 year old and dressed like Little Lord Fauntleroy. 
MasBrillante fucked around with this message at 03:00 on Jun 20, 2016 |
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Jun 20, 2016 02:57
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whoa whoa whoa, a milk carton double gulp...? Wtf, why have I never seen one of these before???!!!???
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Jun 20, 2016 03:10
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Charles Grodin getting screwed and losing his mind usually results in an ok movie It's like watching Frank Grimes on the big screen
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Jun 20, 2016 03:42
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Vastarien posted:My favorite Siskel & Ebert review was of Silent Night, Deadly Night. It's hilarious because they're legitimately offended by this stupid movie and repeatedly call out the people who made it, trying to shame them. lol I'll never forget when my wife and I were dating, we went to Hollywood Video because we both remembered the awesome and terrifying killer Santa Claus movie and we wanted to see it again after all these years. We went there and Silent Night Deadly Night was the only killer Santa Claus movie and that had to be it. We bring it home and it was the biggest piece of poo poo movie we ever saw in our entire lives. It turned out we were thinking of the first episode of Tales From the Crypt titled "And All Through the House" 
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Jun 20, 2016 04:39
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Necc0 posted:thank god for this thread because i thought i was the only one who figured this poo poo out at the very beginning of the movie and it's dogshit Most people don't pay close attention to details or do any dot connecting while watching a movie, as they are there to be a passive observer and relax. Many viewers are also not formally familiar with storytelling devices and cinematographic techniques that are commonplace. Dutch angles add a sense of wrongness or upset to a shot, giving you quick visual shorthand that something is off in this scene. If you then asked a viewer why they thought the scene was effective, you're probably not going to hear anything about the Dutch angles or the soundtrack that has been slowly building for five minutes and getting subtly atonal. Most of the time, if your viewers are thinking about poo poo while watching the film, you've made a bad film. Exceptions include reviewers (who often forget that those reading the review do not watch movies like they do) ,fans of the art and craft of cinema in general, and the occasional insufferable oval office who's smart. Secret Window was a lovely movie for me (first one that came to mind). I nailed the ending within the first 15-30 minutes (long time ago, so pretty iffy) and spent the rest of the time watching Johnny Depp fart around. My friends who were watching it with me loved it because they were invested in the story the whole time. I'm not going to begrudge them a good time because my brain decided to be a jerk to me. I tend to watch a lot of movies to check out the neat props and cool camera tricks and bad acting and occasionally a story will hook me and I won't notice a thing until the movie is over. I grew up watching MST 3K, so I can have a good time watching just about any terrible piece of poo poo film anyway. E: for the record I'm an insufferable oval office who's dumb and enjoys cinema. Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 05:12 on Jun 20, 2016 |
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Jun 20, 2016 05:08
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Hector Beerlioz posted:whoa whoa whoa, a milk carton double gulp...? Wtf, why have I never seen one of these before???!!!??? I don't think I've seen one of those in years and have been struggling to find a good name/image of one for a while. They actually have a wide open square top that folds up like a milk carton and they'd have a plastic tab thing to keep it shut. They were sort of the X-large drink places used to sell until we perfected 44oz-64oz cup and lid technology.
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Jun 20, 2016 05:20
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I watched half of clifford and its bad and not funny
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Jun 20, 2016 05:22
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No Caligula? Lol WTF? punk rebel ecks fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Jun 20, 2016 |
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Jun 20, 2016 05:22
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Don't just jump right into Clifford. You'll think you made it through just fine but you'll be too stunned to understand what you just watched. You need to work your way to that level. Maybe start with Funny Games, then try A Serbian Film. Maybe then you'll be ready to take on Clifford.
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Jun 20, 2016 05:53
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Roger Qbert on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Oozequote:Kids like the turtles. A recent national survey reported that 95 percent of grade school teachers could trace aggressive, antisocial classroom behavior to the Ninja Turtles - high praise. As someone who was raised on Superman, Batman, Spiderman and Wonder Woman, I think the kids are getting the short end of the stick. What kind of a superhero is a reptile who lives in sewers, is led by a rat, eats cold pizza, and is the product of radioactive waste? Is this some kind of a cosmic joke on the kids, robbing them of their birthright, a sense of wonder? Or is it simply an emblem of our drab and dreary times? One disturbing thing about the turtles is that they look essentially the same. All that differentiates them, in the Nintendo game that gave them birth, is their weapons. It's as if the whole sum of a character's personality is expressed by the way he does violence. The turtles are an example of the hazards of individuality. Bunch of poo dwelling gang bangers causing 95 percent of our innocent children to make a violence!
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Jun 20, 2016 06:05
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client posted:he gave Happiness 4 out of 4 stars so that's not totally true That's actually one of the better reviews I've seen on Happiness. It's easy to read it as all slapstick and vulgarity, and there's a lot of that in there, but it has a distinct emotional core to it that I'm happy that old dude could see
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Jun 20, 2016 06:18
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punk rebel ecks posted:No Caligula? Caligula is an even better exercise in bad taste than Pink Flamingos because of all its pretentiousness
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Jun 20, 2016 13:26
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Kite posted:Roger Qbert on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze Perhaps this is what caused him to hate video games, as the genesis of the ninja turtles
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Jun 20, 2016 13:36
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All this talk about Roger, but no Siskel? Was Siskel ever known for anything (aside from dying)? Ebert got the fat jokes, but there's got to be more.
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Jun 20, 2016 13:41
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Wicker Man posted:All this talk about Roger, but no Siskel? Was Siskel ever known for anything (aside from dying)? Ebert got the fat jokes, but there's got to be more. I assume he was a good counterbalance to and had a well developed and pleasing patter when bullshitting about movies with a lesbian grandma. Just guessing though.
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Jun 20, 2016 13:54
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Roger Ebert about the movie Predator posted:And the action moves so quickly that we overlook questions such as (1) Why would an alien species go to all the effort to send a creature to Earth, just so that it could swing from trees and skin American soldiers? Or, (2) Why would a creature so technologically advanced need to bother with hand-to-hand combat, when it could just zap Arnold with a ray gun? Roger Ebert about the movie Jaws posted:Why would the species of great white sharks send one of their own to terrorize a specific beach? This movie failed to answer my logical questions.
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Jun 20, 2016 14:26
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Kite posted:Roger Qbert on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze
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Jun 20, 2016 14:30
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gary oldmans diary posted:The movie is loving perfect as the action movie it is intended to be, but even though the sparse and easy to follow dialogue of characters that we can relate to (because the movie very clearly captures their feeling of being hunted) very clearly lets the audience in on the revelation that the predator is a sport hunter, Roger Ebert is too dumb to hear it. He had a complaint early on in the movie and even though it was answered as an appropriately timed revelation when the protagonist and the audience learn it together, once an old-man-brain has a complaint that complaint is permanent. The movie docked 1 star for not making sense by an idiot who can't follow 2 pages of dialogue: Roger Ebert. I almost feel that Ebert had the complete inability to understand underlying themes and concepts. The entire point of Predator was a subversion of all these brawny guys who usually kick rear end and get the girl. Instead they get picked off like a horror movie. He got angry at James Cameron using Newt as "bait" in Aliens by completely missing the entire point of "motherly loss and motivation" that permeated the entire film. I mean, its not even university level film study stuff. gary oldmans diary posted:quite an achievement to review a dumb movie but then reveal yourself to be far, far dumber Haha, the Nintendo game indeed.
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Jun 20, 2016 14:40
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quote:Kids like the turtles. A recent national survey reported that 95 percent of grade school teachers could trace aggressive, antisocial classroom behavior to the Ninja Turtles - high praise. Ha ha cowabunga high praise indeed
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Jun 20, 2016 14:42
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gary oldmans diary posted:The movie is loving perfect as the action movie it is intended to be, but even though the sparse and easy to follow dialogue of characters that we can relate to (because the movie very clearly captures their feeling of being hunted) very clearly lets the audience in on the revelation that the predator is a sport hunter, Roger Ebert is too dumb to hear it. He had a complaint early on in the movie and even though it was answered as an appropriately timed revelation when the protagonist and the audience learn it together, once an old-man-brain has a complaint that complaint is permanent. The movie docked 1 star for not making sense by an idiot who can't follow 2 pages of dialogue: Roger Ebert. The Predator is an awful sport hunter though. Skull shots and chest explosions ruin you trophies for one, and showing up with active camo, electronic noise mimicry and the equivalent of an AK-74 with 40mm grenade launcher in tow would be considered a bit unsporting for another. I also highly doubt Predator was sticking to his bag limit. E: Predator is secretly a psyop piece on the necessity of hunting regulations. Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 14:45 on Jun 20, 2016 |
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Jun 20, 2016 14:42
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poacher doesn't make a good movie title tho
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Jun 20, 2016 14:45
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Jun 20, 2016 14:53
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He said Spice World is bad. I'm glad he's dead.
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Jun 20, 2016 15:01
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tenspott posted:He said Death to Smoochy is bad. I'm glad he's dead.
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Jun 20, 2016 15:34
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Nutsngum posted:I almost feel that Ebert had the complete inability to understand underlying themes and concepts. The entire point of Predator was a subversion of all these brawny guys who usually kick rear end and get the girl. Instead they get picked off like a horror movie. Still, he was right about video games so maybe it's a wash.
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Jun 20, 2016 15:55
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Wicker Man posted:All this talk about Roger, but no Siskel? Was Siskel ever known for anything (aside from dying)? Ebert got the fat jokes, but there's got to be more. Siskel was fun, and he and Ebert were very competitive with each other, especially with trying to find out how the other was going to rate an upcoming movie. That way they could anticipate the other's arguments and opinions and undermine them to look smarter in the show. Siskel would apparently resort to clandestine measures to accomplish this, like hiding under a table to eavesdrop on Ebert. It should also be mentioned that Siskel found Cable Guy to be funny, so he's alright in my book.
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Jun 20, 2016 16:27
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ConstantDelays posted:Agreed. Combined with his tantrums about violence in movies, and his tendency to praise and recommend absolute garbage, I have no idea how he was so successful (and occasionally so lucid). I think its something like how people feel about mother teresa, at some point early on a meme gets established and regardless of what comes up later, its easier to just keep believing what was previously believed, it's already established in our minds
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Jun 20, 2016 16:31
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Robert Ebert wrote the movie Up! and also Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens and he was a dirty old pervert and I love him for it.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:07
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Windows 98 posted:Robert Ebert wrote the movie Up! and also Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens and he was a dirty old pervert and I love him for it.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:18
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I liked a lot of those movies.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:20
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Him posted:There it is. Science has failed us. Why would doctors do this to someone? Just let him die. He didn't like Ace Ventura though, so I'm glad they turned him into this.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:28
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Clifford is so obviously great what the hell man. He didn't like that Kubrick vietnam movie none neither lol.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:33
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paul_soccer10 posted:Not true? It's not true. Roger Ebert wrote those.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:46
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a retard posted:roger ebert was correct and the mentality of "video games are art" was the worst thing that ever happened to video games Video games are art in the same way that Dogs Playing Poker is art.
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Jun 20, 2016 18:46
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