DARK SOULS IS THE DUMBEST SHIT

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > DARK SOULS IS THE DUMBEST SHIT

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Op desperately needs to aquire some minor loving SKILLZ.

Also ok here goes. The giant chick and the sun are both illusions. By winning the game you don't save the world it just limps along for a few more cycles. Solaire dies. Gwyn dies. drat this game is no fun to spoil. But I can say one surprising thing at least. This game is ridiculously bright, cheerful, and happy. Don't believe me? Play dark souls 3 and report back.

# ¿ Jul 4, 2016 17:44

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 08:54

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

The Kingfish posted:

This is the right way to play a souls game.

It's existential. Why anything, really. I don't know man. Just carry the fire.

# ¿ Jul 4, 2016 18:44

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Decrepus posted:

Just the fact that your roll doesn't mean poo poo and makes you loving invulnerable and you are supposed to roll into the enemy weapons, how the gently caress is a new player supposed to understand that.

Just cowering behind a big enough shield does the trick 7 or 8 times out of 10, too! A few bosses will punish the poo poo out of you for doing that but that's just the game reminding you that you should get gud.

# ¿ Jul 5, 2016 03:25

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Apeshit Sixfingers posted:

What the gently caress is an unkindled?

Where do people come from in this world? Like are there babies and poo poo?

Is the pygmy dude really the ancestor of all people? If yes, isn't it a bit super lame that the dark soul is just humanity then?

If the dark soul is just humanity, why do people turn undead and poo poo.

Actually, how the gently caress does a busted up "lord soul" (what the gently caress is with these descriptors and where did souls even come from) become more powerful over time when it's split into a bunch of pieces?

Why does lord of cinder sound dumb as hell and what does it mean?

Someone who had pretty much all the soul hosed out of them.

Yes. They gently caress and then nineish months later there is a new person. Only the living ones though prolly.

Yes, no.

The first flame is the source of reality. When it fades, all of reality starts getting hosed up. The curse isn't specific to humans. Any being with a soul can and will go hollow when the flame fades enough. There's no way around this despite the lies. Willpower only gets you so far.

Souls are an innate part of reality. They are something like reflections of the first flame. They and they alone grant power and uniqueness. Without them there is no life, individuality, or ability to change reality. Souls DO NOT get more powerful over time. Quite the opposite. Souls can be transmuted or change owners but their innate qualities do not change. This is very bad for everyone because it means there is a finite supply of soulstuff. And you have to burn large quantities of the best soulstuff occasionally to keep the reality-boiler going.

I'm gay as all hell.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 20:11

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

BaconCopter posted:

Not enough fly rear end pimps in this thread.

He's square as gently caress. Dude lives in a chalice. Wtf

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 07:55

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Zombie Boat posted:

There is no god before Gwyn and Ornstein is his prophet

Ornstein isn't real tho.

Gwyn IS real just gay and dead.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 20:16

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

notZaar posted:

If he's not real then what in the hell stabed me to death a hundred times?

A moonlight illusion or a gay illusion or something like that. Smaugh was real tho.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 20:25

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

notZaar posted:

So if you kill Gwendolyn, then there's no Ornestein? You only fight Smough?

You actually don't fight either. They both vanish. It's ds3 in which we learn smaugh stayed around annor londo as long as possible while ornstein didn't. They are both gone by the time the player arrives though.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 20:36

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Chomp8645 posted:

It's about billing a game in which 20% of the challenge is "play good" and the other 80% is "overcome the fact that we meticulously hid all possible information about the game from the player" as a very hard and challenging game. As a result legions of mediocre players love it because they can pat themselves on the back for being a hardcore player after they use a wiki to figure out how to upgrade weapons because that's actually something the game makes difficult to figure out.

Psssssh. Except for ds1 the blacksmiths are in the hub area. And the first time I opened a wiki for ds1 was when I had spent half a dozen tries getting facefucked by the capra demon. It turned out that particular boss is as close to a gear check as any of the games have, and I hadn't upgraded my shield enough. You massively overrate these games' obtuseness.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 20:44

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

notZaar posted:

I wish I knew that before sounds like an easy way skip the hardest boss fight in the game.

Iirc it sticks a group of invasion-type npcs in the same spot the boss was at. Besides that fight is the crown jewel of the entire game and when you beat it you feel like a loving Terminator.

Also the dark son himself wasn't loving cake. And he comes back and even his corpse is annoying in ds3. Arg. The loving fairy.

Nathilus fucked around with this message at 20:49 on Jul 7, 2016

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 20:45

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Zombie Boat posted:

Also giant chest ahead

Alas even those great golden orbs are but an illusion, a memory of a long-ago yesterday.

Gwyndolin, a lot like many other ds characters, is really interesting if you think about him. His dad dressed him up like a nancy and put him in charge of the moon and female periods because he was waifish or summat. He was probably treated like poo poo and definitely given all the crap jobs while the fortunate ones that were cool and sunny like daddy took it easy. And yet, though he was weak when they were strong, in the twilight he is strong and they are weak, and he's actually the only one holding things together.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 21:01

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

The Protagonist posted:

You can't skip O&S, dark anor londo is attached to the gwynevere illusion

Are you sure? I could have sworn I did a playthrough where I got a group npc battle instead of O and S, and when I got to the throne or divan or whatever the lord vessal was just sitting there. It's been a long rear end time though. I might simply be misremembering.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 21:03

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

The Protagonist posted:

Pretty sure even if you kill Gwynd first poo poo stays sunny until you smash the baps

The church does get populated with cool hunter dudes when it goes dark though

Ok probably just misremembering then. Apologies for the misinformation.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 21:09

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

I really dug dark souls 3 for being ultra grim. In 1 and 2 there is still some beauty and sunshine left in existence. Fading embers as the original narrator describes it. In 3 there basically isn't. Like, compare majula to your dank tomb temple of 3. At this point there aren't any souls powerful enough to kindle the flame alone. You have to burn 4 at once and even at some point in that process some of the prospects were like "gently caress it" and just took off and hollowed completely. You only get the chance you have because of an ace up the sleeve of a legless midget. The sun is literally bleeding in the sky and geography, geometry, and time are utterly hosed.

Even if you rekindle the flame, how long will it last this time? It seems doubtful it will be rekindled again. Londor twilightlording seems to be the best ending that can be hoped for. Another dying cycle with an even worse end is no good for anyone.

Then again serpent everlording is my favorite of the original game's endings too. I might be biased.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 21:34

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Sheep-Goats posted:

Demons Souls saved an entire generation of games from being rawdog hippo poo poo

Tru~

I've never even played demons souls, I lack the equipment. But still I am grateful.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 22:29

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Sheep-Goats posted:

I have not bought DS3 but I will once the dlc is bundled and it is on sale

I have not previewed any content

I will look up the weapon upgrade system and some threads about good pve weapons

In Demons my favorite was kilij (but obviously any halberd class weapon 2H was the best, they were too good as a matter of fact), in DS1 I liked the halberd, in DS2 I was a mace boy. Who knows what the future holds for me. But it is not a faggy katana.

"I am boring, I like straight swords" still works fine. But there are a couple of really early and powerful katanas. :goku:

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 01:57

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Sheep-Goats posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-61Z1ht7zw

LOL. This guy is hilarious. Actin' all bad cuz he was cheesing the lighning miracle "oh wow that was a great soul? Hahahaha I didn't even know it waa a great soul." Then he hits mirror knight and utterly fails at melee, bitching incredulously the entire time. Just lmao. He REALLY needs to git gud. Mirror knight isn't even particularly hard.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 22:18

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Sheep-Goats posted:

He's even worse than that video suggests. His strategy for the Ancient Dragon was to go through the stage over and over until he'd despawned all the enemies, using only lightning spears, so he could have maximum lightning spears for the boss. He streamed most of this on Twitch while howling "LIGHTNING DICK" as his hilarious catchphrase.

You can probably find a highlight video of it by searching for lightning dick actually.

Jfc.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 22:23

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Sheep-Goats posted:

I put "dsp lightning dick" into youtube and this was the first result

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH69eTm17mo

So funy. Jajajajaja.....................................

I think this dude might have a double digit IQ and we are actually mocking a disabled person.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 22:29

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Sheep-Goats posted:

He was still playing when they nerfed Lightning Spear into the ground (thank god) and there's a hilarious rant somewhere where he goes off on it.

E: found that too, getting lucky today

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AyWjSDLEuk&t=280s

I can't believe how poo poo he is. Nobody gets to that boss without having a good hundred hours into the game easily. He still can't loving roll.

What the gently caress. Not only can he not roll, he doesn't even theoretically understand rolling. Like the first time he gets hit by the boss: "see? I roll and still get hit". Yeah you rolled way too fukkin early and missed the i frames (or as I like to think of it, the grace period). I don't even know how you can get this far in the game without at least understanding tge IDEA of rolling. Oh wait: pre-nerf lightning verk stronk. Nm.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 22:35

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 08:54

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Honky Dong Country posted:

I really liked when somebody invaded and I pushed their poo poo in while they did some stupid loving bow at me and then they sent me a shitload of really angry messages about it after saying i was without honor and stuff.

To be fair you are utterly without e-honor it's just that you don't care. Only a noble jedi soul can sense the lack in you so they are the only ones your utter depravity bothers. :shrug:

The jedi knight series of games were best for this kind of trolling btw.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2016 03:59

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > DARK SOULS IS THE DUMBEST SHIT