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lol if u havent taken an uber to get cocaine while drunk just, lol
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Aug 4, 2016 06:31
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 17:01 |
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Visited a friend i hadnt seen in years at his college apartment Got hideously drunk Mistook his roommates room for the bathroom, pissed all over a pile of his clothes Friend high fived me the next day because his roommate was an unrepentent slob
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Aug 4, 2016 06:33
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Got drunk at the frat house i lived in and passed out Apparently at some point in the wee hours i got up to pee I was top bunk so getting up to pee entailed rolling over and falling 5 feet, though i did successfully navigate to the bathroom Mistook living room for bedroom and attempted to climb back into bunk which in reality was the living room entertainment center Awoke confused and pinned to living room table by entertainment center and tv
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Aug 4, 2016 06:37
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Ein cooler Typ posted:one time I got drunk and posted the n-word and got banned from something awful lol i did that once too but i think i just got probated instead of banned cause gnarly was a nice mod
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Aug 4, 2016 06:41
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Drove home drunk from my friends house half mile down the road after big party Woke up in bed, had pissed myself Look outside, my truck bumper is dented, windshield cracked, and in the truckbed is the top of a lamp post Dont drive drunk please. It isnt funny.
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Aug 4, 2016 06:42
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Got drunk and hooked up with my drunk gf Woke up wet She had peed all over me, and my futon Immediately severed all communication, never really liked her anyways. Kept the futon
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Aug 4, 2016 06:47
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i went and tossed a twoonie into the VLTs and cashed out 50 so im having a good drunk night.
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Aug 4, 2016 06:58
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At a private resort/club/community the Ocean Reef Club, a good friend and I were next to blackout drunk and drove his dad's loving Escalade around the lagoon drunk as gently caress at like 4 am. Surprising we didn't get caught and get his dad kicked out. The lagoon was where all the underage kids went to drink at night, and I guess we thought we were kingpins or some poo poo because we had fake IDs and made a few bucks buying beer in town and selling it at a markup to a few dumb people. And also the time I was drinking solo, stood up, blacked the gently caress out and fell directly on my face. Called my sister in the morning when I came to to go to the hospital and found I had a couple of facial fractures and if I'd fallen a little differently might have lost an eye. Welp those are my youthful ignorance and grown rear end man with a drinking problem stories, thanks for reading.
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Aug 4, 2016 07:01
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Oh and another time I was out with an ex girlfriend in her hometown and fell off a boat into a river.
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Aug 4, 2016 07:03
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I once took the early morning subway train home after a night of binge drinking and woke up 3 hours way the gently caress out of town with 30 minutes until the next train that'd take me back because I went on the wrong side. Probably the worst hangover ever.
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Aug 4, 2016 07:03
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First time I got drunk was when I turned 16, so back in 1978. 1. Got badly drunk at a party at an acquaintance's house. 2. Someone from the party drives me home. I get out of the car and wander up the lawn. 3. Our house is a split level, so that means the front door is between floors. This means stairs. 4. I realize that I am in no fit state to climb over the stair railing, and therefore have two choices. A. Climb (Crawl) down the ornamental rocks that form a third of our yard, so I can go to the bottom of the stairs in the shortest way possible. B. Stagger all the way back to the street, to go around the decorative boulder field. An easier, but much longer, distance. (I chose option A. by hanging onto the railing and slowly walking down the slope next to the stairs, I make it to the bottom with only several slips and falls on my rear end.) 5. Now I have to go up the stairs. I am now sore and tired, so I opt to crawl up the stairs. 6. Since it is late at night, the family has gone to bed and the door is locked. I learn that keys and locks prove challenging when drunk. 7. I successfully negotiate the door, close and lock it. At this point I discover: 8. Split level homes have stairs on the inside as well. When you come in the door, you arrive on a landing, and must either go up or down. 9. My bedroom is downstairs. Down I must go. 10. Now the next big decision was whether to crawl downstairs backwards or head first. I decide to use logic. Logic tells me that I must go down head first, so I can see where I am headed. 11. having slid/rolled down the stairs and ended up faceplanted against a wall, I must now make the final crawl to my bedroom. A daunting journey of 15 to 20 feet. 12. I make it to my bedroom, but now have no energy to climb onto my bed, which is on a raised platform and is therefore slightly higher than an average bed. A bit of blanket is hanging over the edge and I pull it slightly over myself. 13. I awake the next day to find that I have overslept and have missed my Trigonometry class. I did arrive halfway through History. Learning about the diplomacy between the World Wars did not distract me from the hangover.
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Aug 4, 2016 07:20
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drat Gene, you really spliced that one. You've inspired me to serious post. The first time I got blackout drunk I was 16 or 17, I dunno that was forever ago. I went to a goth party out of town with another goon. Yup. Everyone had red solo cups full of their poison of choice and this was before I realized that 12oz of whiskey was a lot more than 12oz of beer in terms of alcoholic damage. I poured a full cup of jack daniels and drank it in under 15 minutes. I kept flinching but telling myself to be cool because there were a bunch of other kids from my school there and a few girls from my high school I wanted to impress. There was even a DJ there spinning music. Every sip was brutal, and I'd never drank whiskey before. I just figured that was part of the experience. Next thing I know I'm sitting on the front porch and whoever was the homeowner's wife was sitting next to me giving me a heart to heart talk except I had no memory of what had happened for like an hour or so before. Goon I was at the house party with didn't drink. The DJ put on Adam Ant's Goody Two Shoes to mock him. I convince the people at the party I'm fine. Go sneak more jack and then I time travel for a bit longer. Next thing I know I'm at home falling asleep. Then school the next day was brutal.
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Aug 4, 2016 07:32
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Was at a party in this dudes pole barn out in the country with a buddy drinking Canadian Hunter when then next morning I found myself waking up covered in dew and laying in an overgrown ditch about 2 miles down the road. After I made it home I called up my buddy asking what happened and he told me I'd just taken off into the night and everyone figured I come back later. Was at a frat party with some friends who knew the guys that lived in the house when at some point during the evening someone had stolen the money the frat bros had collected from selling Solo cups for the kegs. Since I didn't know any of these dudes I got accused by one of the frat bros who started getting all up in my face. Unfortunately the guys I was with had left with some girls and hadn't bothered to tell me so I ended up getting sucker punched and woke up a few hours later in some bushes outside the house. That was the last time I went to a frat party. Woke up at dawn locked out on some guys 3rd story apartment balcony. After knocking on the slider for like 30 minutes some dude finally opens it up and is like, "Who the hell are you?"
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Aug 4, 2016 07:44
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B.H. Facials posted:Woke up at dawn locked out on some guys 3rd story apartment balcony. After knocking on the slider for like 30 minutes some dude finally opens it up and is like, "Who the hell are you?" If you didnt say "THE BLOW JOB KING OF NEW YORK CITY WHO THE gently caress ARE YOU" you done hosed up 
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Aug 4, 2016 07:48
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I went to a clown themed strip club then rode mopeds to see the good reverend horton heat.
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Aug 4, 2016 07:54
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Well I binged for almost a decade and now I don't think my pancreas works and I haven't made a solid turd since GWB's first term. Also I sweat profusely if the temperature is above 70 degrees.
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Aug 4, 2016 08:16
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Got really drunk after winning our soccer comp, had a great night with lots of drinks and could not stop winning on the pokies or on the horses/dogs went to friends house and stayed in his daughters room at some stage woke up and pissed all over the wall/floor felt extremely bad and bought her a new rug. good times.
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Aug 4, 2016 08:20
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I drank some drinks with alcohol in them and ended up getting drunk
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Aug 4, 2016 08:22
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1) i am drunk now 2) 
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Aug 4, 2016 08:22
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the beer i am drinking is made with the unreal engine i guess.
Fastball LIVE in concert fucked around with this message at 09:08 on Aug 4, 2016 |
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Aug 4, 2016 08:59
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hey deathFUCK how bout a 56k warnin next time? godd....... drat!
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Aug 4, 2016 09:00
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sorry buddy. off in canadaland we have bandwith as far as the eye can see. e:realised im probably breaking hella tables with an un thumbnailed phone picture Fastball LIVE in concert fucked around with this message at 09:09 on Aug 4, 2016 |
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Aug 4, 2016 09:05
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Me and my friends got incredibly drunk during our graduation party and we decided to gently caress around with the automated doors of the place we were partying at. Me and another friend made Nazi salutes to open the door and my other friend had to run through before the door closes as fast as he could. Leading to him smacking straight into the closing doors several times while we did Nazi salutes at him. Good times.
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Aug 4, 2016 09:23
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How! posted:I went to a clown themed strip club then rode mopeds to see the good reverend horton heat. This owns Deathface posted:the beer i am drinking is made with the unreal engine i guess. Did you have to give it a few seconds for the hops to load after opening it?
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Aug 4, 2016 15:44
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once i went out for karaoke at this bar w/coworkers. we grabbed a table since we were there early and planned to be there late (were there till closing time, had sobbing screaming fights w/one coworker, got my phone stolen, made best friends w/a stranger who was helping another coworker puke, all that good poo poo) anyway. i'm short so when i get on a bar stool i actually, like, use the rung at the bottom to kinda step up to the seat literally the first time i did this on this specific evening, my specific bar stool broke. i punched my feet clean thru the rung. as a result, i just had to throw my drunk rear end up onto the bar stool all night. i did not aim well. i ended up w/giant bruises across the back of both thighs. like we're talking "you can get whipped in singapore w/less bruising" the next day i was scheduled off but i offered to cover for my puking coworker while i was drunk and optimistic. i was late covering her shift and threw a pair of shorts on before rushing to the office. it took me literally half the day to realize why it hurt so bad every time i sat down then me & the guy i'd been screaming at the night before did shots at 3pm since we were the only ones at work that day
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Aug 4, 2016 16:06
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I was drunk in Chicago and really had to pee, but was out in public and somehow was far away from any kind of restroom situation. While waiting for a bus, I walked into a dark park, went to a bench that was also shrouded in darkness, and squatted in a way that looked like I was sitting on the bench. Then I peed and it was amazing. In college, I was drunk and woke up the next morning with all my clothes on except my underwear. Commando in jeans. Never saw that underwear again and no recollection of my panties' abduction. Then a few years ago, I went on a pub crawl which resulted in me lifting a skirt to a security camera, puking in bushes outside quaint little shops, peeing behind two separate dumpsters, then finally deciding the sidewalk was a great place to lie down and take a snooze -- a block away from where I was living. A cop car pulled over during this last part and asked my friends, "is she mobile?" They said yes, cops left, I got up, and walked the last stretch home. I hate alcohol.
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Aug 4, 2016 16:18
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Once I was out alone in the desert doing push ups in 120 degree heat. I know a technique to trap the bubbles of sweat on my body to increase surface area for efficient homeostatic regulation, I do this by telekinetically swirling air currents to exploit surface tension and my natural body oils to do this. Ya know basic stuff. No big deal for me, I was only out there because I was having troubles with my lady friend and I needed to blow off some steam. I had trouble concentrating, I couldn't shake what she had said at the party. I started to struggle with my routine, I actually lost two breaths because of this distraction. I was going to get up, call it quits because if I couldn't have absolute control then I might hurt myself, damage my heart from strain. But before I went, a stranger appeared. Seemingly from nowhere on the horizon, a squat silhouette moving at tremendous speed, running faster perhaps than I could. I was astounded. Astounded again when I saw his face after he had made his approach. He was over fifty! "Hello I'm you from the future i'm 60 years old and I'm here to tell you you're poo poo for giving up" "gently caress you dad" "I'm not your dad I only look like him because you do" "I'm not my dad!" "We're not our dad!" He was furious, as if he lost track of what he was about ot say or why he was even here. "I'll show you you piece of poo poo" 60 year old me said me to me, before he started wrecking me with loving fierce pushups. "Holy poo poo I'm too fast I'll never keep up with you" "Ha! Exactly why you're a piece of poo poo kid that should listen to my wisdom" he said while doing one armed pushups. I realized I'd never beat me with all the cool sills and wisdom I had picked up after a long kick rear end life. So I played along. "Teach me. Me. Teach me you so I can be more like me" 60 year old me smiled then rattled off his train crash site statistics, and a surprisingly convincing argument about about the meaning to big lebowski, all the while I concocted my plan I took out a bunch of beer, whiskey hard alcohol, and started drinking myself to death. slow,.ly but surely, as 60 year old rattled off all his cool life experiences, his body began to wither and crumble. Until finally he was weak, stupid, clumsy and couldn't even remember his favorite pokemon exeggutor HAHA TAKE THAT I SAID CONFIDENTLY TO MY CORPSE I CONTROL ME ALWAYS
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Aug 4, 2016 16:33
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Only time I've gotten completely wasted was on mugs of rakia a Croation flatmate's uncle moonshined in his backyard. It was sweet as poo poo and seemed like nothing until 
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Aug 4, 2016 19:12
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drank a bunch and did sex things repeat
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Aug 4, 2016 19:30
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DOMDOM posted:Got drunk at the frat house i lived in and passed out This story loving owns
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Aug 4, 2016 19:34
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woke up to find the house cleaned, doorknob fixed, dead lightbulbs replaced, laundry folded, and apparently I worked out and then passed out on the floor. Either I get very productive when i blackout alone or there was a very friendly burglar on the loose.
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Aug 4, 2016 20:09
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Got blackout drunk at a party down the street from my house that I walked to Next memory is waking up in my car, start searching for glasses (I'm very blind), can't find them During search I look up. "hey I don't have a sunroof" Look at gear shifter, it's an automatic. Mine was stick I had passed out in some stranger's car and slept all night in their driveway. It was the same type of car as mine, too ('97 Saturn SL) Never did find my glasses
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Aug 4, 2016 20:28
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nice job gene. anywhos sobered up a lil from lunch now im gonna do some postin and get ready for a long drive home
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Aug 4, 2016 20:30
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Went to a bar with friends after a bunch of day drinking to celebrate a birthday Started to get woozy at bar, decided to go pass out in my friend's car Get woken up by an off duty, drunk, cop who pulls me out and slams me against the car repeatedly, shaking me conscious Passed out in the wrong vehicle. Again. Whoops.
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Aug 4, 2016 20:31
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i started having a few drinks a night, and then have continued to do so for years and am now an alcoholic that gets heartburn
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Aug 4, 2016 20:39
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dad gay. so what posted:nice job gene. good luck
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Aug 4, 2016 20:39
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JakeP posted:i started having a few drinks a night, and then have continued to do so for years and am now an alcoholic that gets heartburn same except I don't give a gently caress and im going to kill myself - actually I had a ray of hope today at lunch I was sitting there staring at my third beer eating my delicious chimichanga and it got kind of eerily cooler today... like its been 100 and then this cool breeze came in and it clouded up. anywhos it got me thinking that it might be the end of the world.
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Aug 4, 2016 20:42
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dad gay. so what posted:same except I don't give a gently caress and im going to kill myself - actually I had a ray of hope today at lunch I was sitting there staring at my third beer eating my delicious chimichanga and it got kind of eerily cooler today... like its been 100 and then this cool breeze came in and it clouded up. anywhos it got me thinking that it might be the end of the world. I would rather die from drinking too much than from the world ending. Lke if the world ends and everybody dies nobody will be left to mourn me, but if i drink myself to death first everyone can mourn me and honour me, and then they can die from the world ending
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Aug 4, 2016 20:47
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I wish all you full blown alcoholics would get past the "forums posting" phase and hurry up to the "grand mal seizures in the drunk tank" phase.
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Aug 4, 2016 20:53
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 17:01 |
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in first year one of my flat mates broke his toe and couldn't go out to nightclubs but still got drunk with us before we went out one night one of my other flat mates was also staying home with one of the girls from the flat downstairs when the guy with thee broken foot stumbled in to his room and started pissing on his bed in front of them then he passed out in it i mostly just ended up horrifically drunk and tearing my hands and legs open running into tramstops or falling asleep in public places we were very stupid
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Aug 4, 2016 20:57
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