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nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013


Oh lord. It’s back…

TEW 2013 is a pro wrestling management simulator created by Grey Dog Software. And when I say created by Grey Dog Software, specifically, created by English programmer Adam Ryland. It's the latest in the Extreme Warfare series of wrestling management text simulators that have been running since 1995

Yup, "wrestling management text simulator." It's a wet-dream for people who love micro-management, lists, and menus. For others, it's a descent into madness.


Wait, so what is this all about?

In short, this LP is a goon-written wrestling league. Like any good professional wrestling league, this one features a colourful cast of characters that are put into increasingly bizarre and violent spectacles. You can jump in at any point, really, and be treated to something absurd. Feel free to start from the beginning of the LP, but don't let that stop you from catching up on current events and participating.

The goal here is to play out till the end of the year make it to Wrestlemania make it to Summer Slam run this poo poo into the ground.


This seems familiar. Didn't this LP already crash and burn once before—

It sure as poo poo did!

Welcome! Come in and get comfy. Super-League Wrestling has retruned from the cold abyss of oblivion and undergone even more radical restructuring than it did the first two times.

If you have Archives privileges, then the original thread started by Smasher Dynamos can be found here. The sequel thread, headed by Blind Sally and co-managed by myself, nine-gear crow, can also be found here. This thread is basically going to be a soft-continuation of the Super-League Wrestling storyline. Don’t worry, I will provide a handy “lore” update to get you up to speed.

Now, while I have my own style of LPing and my own plans on where to take the game, but I will be running it in a style reminiscent to Smasher Dynamo's and Blind Sally’s—with changes made where necessary to make sure things run smoothly.


What can I do?

Well, I'm going to run the LP. But if you're another goon reading this, you can read along and enjoy the action or join in. If you wish to make a wrestler, see the post below for relevant details.

Once your wrestler is in the league I will play him/her/it through the game. You're welcome to (encouraged even) role-play your wrestler and or a manager character in the thread. While I reserve ultimate decisions in the game to myself, Blind Sally, and a possible cabal of shady other characters locked away in Creative, I can absolutely be influenced.

I operate on the idea that “everything is canon” in this thread. Just so long as it’s in keeping with the tone of the LP and doesn’t step on anyone else’s toes… too much :devil:


You said something about “LORE?” What is this, Dark Souls?

Indeed. Okay, so here’s what you’ve missed on Super-League Wrestling, if you absolutely need to know what the unholy bonkers gently caress is going on in this LP:

In late 2013/early 2014, Smasher Dynamo established Super-League Wrestling Entertainment, and hired a vast and insane array of talent from all walks of life to entertain a depraved and blood thirsty public. There were robots, kings, soldiers, people who thought they were robots, actual wrestlers, animes, scientists, the elderly, even Dash Rendar.

But, alas, all titans fall, and I’m not just writing that because I’m eating a bag of Dortios that's hocking Titanfall 2 as I write this OP. The thrill was gone, and Smasher decided to discontinue the LP and retreat to the softer and gentler world of professional baseball in recourse. Enter Blind Sally and nine-gear crow, who stepped in and took over the operation to ensure a continuity of entertainment.

However, before Sally and Crow could assume command of SLW, Emperor Palpatine—yes, the monster face guy from Star Wars, swooped in and usurped control over SLW, turning it into his own twisted wrestling empire, ruling over everyone with his comically ineffective stable, the Mofference. Things just sort of escalated from there with insane matches and fueds cooked up by Sally and Crow until the forces of Literally Hell invaded and the actual goddadmn Devil attempted to seize control of the Super-League.

The SLW roster rallied together under Kid Knight (revealed later to be King Arthur in disguise) to defend the company from The Devil and his Four Horsemen of the Wrestlepocalypse (Kaiser Karstoffel—War, Charles Prescot Aldridge—Pestilence, Ghost Chris Benoit—Death, and Mr. Constance—Famine). After a massive battle, the Forces of Good (that is literally what they called themselves) won the day, and a truce was brokered between Sally, Crow, and The Devil.

The Devil would claim ownership over SLW, including all its physical properties and media rights, but the SLW roster would be released from their contracts and spared from being dragged down to Hell. Except Sharif Abdul-Mujib, because gently caress him, that’s why.

Penniless and destitute, Emperor Palpatine then began enacting scheme after scheme to restore his lost empire, including launching a hostile takeover of the LPFWA wrestling league on the Moon until he was run out by IGgy IGsen. He then went on some sort of insane minesweeping expedition in the Canadian wilderness under the guise of Sgt. Al Apone from Aliens, where he uncovered a massive cache of gold.

Using that gold, he then leased the rights to SLW back from The Devil, which leads us here to where we are now, at the start of a brand new era…


: : TABLE OF CONTENTS : :

Prologue

Week 1, January, 2017

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 12:33 on Dec 17, 2016

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nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
: : HALL OF CHAMPIONS : :


FRANCHISE-WIDE

Super-League Champion of Champions

Champion: Vacant


EXTREME CONFLICT RESOLUTION 3D

Super-League Universal Championship

Champion: Vacant

Super-League Television Championship

Champion: CRON (Since Week 1, January 2017)

Super-League Women's Championship

Champion: Sabine Wren (Since Week 1, January 2017)

Super-League International Tag Team Championship

Champions: Lightning and Samus [Strong Female Protagonists] (Since Week 1, January 2017)


UNENDING LIGHTSPEED CARNAGE

Super-League Heavyweight Championship

Champion: Vacant

Super-League Commonwealth Championship

Champion: Billy Miller (Since Week 1, January 2017)

Super-League Cruiserweight Championship

Champion: Annie Mae (Since Week 1, January 2017)

Super-League World Tag Team Championship

Champion: Deadly Sirius (Since Week 1, January 2017)


FUSION CATASTROPHE ZONE

Super-League Dutch Championship

Champion: Vacant

Super-League Hardcore Championship

Champion: Vacant

Super-League Buscus "Championship"

Champion: Vacant




: : STAFF / ROSTER : :



Statistics legend:

W - Wins
L - Losses
D - Draws, including disqualifications and no-contests
STDs - Successful Title Defenses

MANAGEMENT


The Devil Himself
Lucifer Morningstar. Satan. The Lord Of Darkness. The Antagonist. CEO and controlling shareholder of Super-League Wrestling.
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Emperor Palpatine
Supreme General Manager of Super-League Wrestling. Your boss. Sheev. His first name is SHEEEEEEEV!!!
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


nine-gear crow
Colour commentator. Head of Creative.
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Blind Sally
Announcer and Moral Support.
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ms. Prudence
Super-League Wrestling in-house legal counsel.


El Ostion Azul
Road Agent. Returned under protest.


El Rey Carmesi
Road Agent. Returned under protest.


Doktor Shockrocket
Head of SLW Science Division. Responsible for creating Crow’s insane deathtraps ring ideas.

(Tag team partners with Nurse Golem)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Nurse Golem
Vice-Head of SLW Science Division. Shockrocket’s eternally loyal, ostensibly human, companion in science. Speaks only in emojis.

(Tag team partners with Doktor Shockrocket)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ref Troops
Referees. Palpatine’s loyal army of clone refs. (The Refbot fleet is still currently in Hell with The Devil).





Extreme Conflict Resolution 3D (MONDAYS)

: : SINGLES DIVISION : :


Adam Malkovich
40s, Male, Spacenoid, Regular, Heel
Finisher: DD214
Gimmick: Believes to be acting commander of all Samus' in all known space. Will provide them with tactical insight and chastise them for taking risks or using too much force or tell him what to do. Calls are females 'Lady.' When in combat he will wear a strange blue skin tight space suit and ask Samus' if they remember him.
Creator: Herr Tog

(Thinks he's part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Asriel Dreemurr
21, Male, Underground, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Star Blazing
Gimmick: Mrs. Dreemurr's baby boy. The self-proclaimed "God of Hyperdeath" and Prince of All Monsters. Really just an edgy shitlord trying a bit too hard to be "cool", but inside he's just an oversensitive SOUL. (Think Mankind on the outside, Mick Foley on the inside).
Creator: nine-gear crow

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


CRON GOKU
???, Male, Guardiaian, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Chrono Trigger
Gimmick: After the end of Chrono Trigger, CRON GOKU set his sights on new horizons. Unfortunately, Blind Sally is a lazy gently caress who won't start the Chrono Cross LP, so CRON GOKU got bored and decided to take on God Queen Cisna again.
Creator: poorlywrittennovel

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Deck Boss
33, Male, American, Technician, Face
Finisher: Fisherman's Suplex
Gimmick: Spends six months at sea and six months in the ring. Does hard, dangerous jobs to make sure his family is well looked after :shobon: Works super hard in the ring, really sells moves done on him, refuses to give up when in submissions but gets knocked out quite easily. Addicted to painkillers, red bull and cigarettes.
Creator: Clamps McGraw

W: 0 L: 0 D: 1 STDs: 0


Doctor Katastrophe
32, Male, Unknown, Puroresu, Heel
Finisher: The Sanity Check
Gimmick: A swiftly rising force in the scientific underworld, Katastrophe is not your typical mad genius. Ask anyone who has spent time in his company and they will tell you he is sane. Very, terrifyingly sane. Looking to create an ordered world, free from madness and distraction, Doctor Katastrophe has set his sights on what he perceives to be the nearest epicenter of chaos: the newly resurrected SLW. Taking over several of Shockrocket's old labs, he plots now to bring sanity to a world he sees as suffering under mayhem and madness.
Creator: Kaboom Dragoon

(Tag team parterns with 3V)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


El Gato
25, Male, Chilean, Luchador, Face
Finisher: The Snuggle
Gimmick: A folk hero who has been slated to make it big in the international leagues, El Gato is a big, friendly giant of what we hope to be a man. The fact that El Gato never approaches the complex without his mask on (a very impressive and expressive looking feline face that seems just a bit too small for a guy of his stature) only raises some serious questions about who El Gato really is. When his manager isn't doing the talking for him, El Gato remains silent and looking as exciteable as ever.
Creator: Dinictus

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Hard Gay
40, Male, Japanese, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Hard Gay Triangle Lock
Gimmick: Slick black leather, excessive pelvic thrusts, aggressively helpful and friend behavior; and Livin' la Vida Loca. ~Fooooooooohhhh!
Creator: Gridlocked

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Incineroar
A week, Male, Alolan, Puroresu, Heel
Finisher: Malicious Moonsault
Gimmick: A new Pokemon from the Alola region is here to claim the ring as his territory. Hits hard and can take hits in return, but is not especially fast. Is capable of performing the DARKEST LARIATS and even harnessing the powerful energies of Z-Power to upgrade them into the MALICIOUS MOONSAULT.
Creator: ChaosArgate

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jonathan
Unknown, Male, The Sky, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: Jonathan Rush
Gimmick: Ruthless murderer who will kill you and steal your chips. Stupidly lucky and will always roll 7 on a 6 sided die.
Creator: Mysticblade

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Kenny "loving" Powers
43, Male, American, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Reverse Apache
Gimmick: "When my rear end was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional wrestling. I was handed the keys to the kingdom. Multi-million dollar deals. Endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my poo poo. Just a man with a mind for victory and a leg like a loving cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm. But a true champion, face to face in his darkest hour will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, fights, and fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my rear end ain't no pussy. My rear end is a loving champion."
Creator: Poland Spring

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Leo W. Knight
21, Male, Balandorian, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Incorruptus
Gimmick: Is an idiot with a white knight streak. Puts every woman on a pedestal. Seems to have fallen in love with Queen Cisna, and for some reason thinks she's being controlled. Keeps trying to "transform" when he's losing and does not understand why nothing happens. Angrily claims he's not this Leonard person.
Creator: SystemLogoff

(Part of the tag team The Heroes)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Meat
2 days, Meat, San Marino, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Maillard Reaction
Gimmick: meat
Creator: Alexeythegreat

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Mr. Satan
43, Male, Australian, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Satan Punch
Gimmick: He's total poo poo and all the other wrestlers know it, but his fans LOVE him, mostly because of his speeches, smack talk, and general bluster. His voice has won him more matches than his martial prowess, and he's not afraid to lie and cheat to get a win.
Creator: Poland Spring

(Part of the stable The Z Fighters)

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Snowflame
30, Male, Colombian, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Snow Fire
Gimmick: A Super-Somebody powered by his god Cocaine, Snowflame is attracted to insane endeavors in the hopes of spreading his religion through fame and noteriety. While often misundertood as evil, he actually cares greatly for his followers, with whom he shares his power, and sees spreading the gospel of Cocaine as a way to overcome an otherwise dull and sterile world. Naturally, he despises those who act against freedom, as well as those who judge others, and will always endeavor to defeat them.
Creator: thetruegentleman

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Snow Villiers
21, Male, American, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: STEELGUARD!
Gimmick: Snow is a Hero with a captial-OH YEAH BABY! Energetic and relentless in his prusuit of "justice," Snow will say and do drat near anything to try and be a hero, even if it sells everyone else around him up the river. He doesn't really think things through too much, and rushes in blindly, but that's okay because he's built like a brick shithouse, so he can take a lot of punches and still keep going. Usually comes to the ring flanked by his managers, the Shiva twins. STEELGAURD!
Creator: poorlywrittennovel

(Part of the tag team The Heroes)

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Son Goku
27, Male, Saiyan, Japanese Junior, Face
Finisher: The Spirit Bomb
Gimmick: bitch I look like Goku
Creator: Endorph

(Part of the stable The Z Fighters)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Tewodros "The Lion of Abyssinia"
28, Male, Ethiopian, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: Rock of Gondor
Gimmick: Hot-tempered Negusa Nagast of Ethiopia who has decided to enter the wrestling ring after being overthrown by the British. Likes to give himself numerous extravagant titles such as the "Elect of God" and enjoys punishing his foes and enemies. Has an extreme hatred of Europeans bordering on insanity, but will expand his hatred to those of European descent if it benefits him. Carries an Ethiopian flag to the ring and is essentially an old school heel.
Creator: tallboarLittlehand

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

: : WOMENS DIVISION : :


The Everlasting Butterfly of the Decadent Garden
16, Female, Anime, Japanese Junior, Face
Finisher: Death of Obsidian Butterflies
Gimmick: The cutest little necromancer you'd ever meet. Unless you're a war goddess who tries to take her captive. Then you're going to end up with your soul inverted and shattered. But really through a strange series of events she ended up being tapped on the shoulder by the Lord of Choreographed Sporting Combat who noticed that she really hated being stereotyped with being weak and frail like every mage ever and kick butt like everyone else. (Is butt okay to say on television?)
Creator: Krysmphoenix

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Fiametta
21, Female, Athanian, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Blazing Bolganone
Gimmick: In order to pay the bills while Awful Emblem is "totally still being worked on guys trust us" the fire mage took up a job as a pyrotechnician on the Japanese indie scene, eventually transitioning into a job as an actual wrestler. Unfortunately her opponents always seemed to come down with a case of the explosions. And severe burns. Her "friend" Rose is along on the sidelines for moral support.
Creator: Tyty

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Fortuna Everleigh Davenport (the FED)
27, Female, American, Regular, Face
Finisher: Low Interest Rate; Fixed Interest Rate; High Interest Rate
Gimmick: Fortuna Everleigh Davenport had spent her life getting all the necessary financial data to the lead economists of America. While reading through the latest quarterly report of the board of supervisors, she realized that the current lending rates they recomend would spell disaster for the nation. All of the data she provides to support her assertions has been ignored by her superiors. She realizes the only way to save the country is to reach a wide enough audience and share with them her plan to stabilize the monetary policy of not only America, but also the world. Wrestling may just give her that opportunity.
Creator: nonrev

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


The Frost
Unknown, Female, Japanese, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Icicle Fall ~ Easy
Gimmick: IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLL. WHAT THE FROST. IS COOKING. Also, Touhou.
Creator: Flamander

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jane Warren
37, Female, American, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Total Anarchy
Gimmick: Trying way harder to be "punk rock" than should be considered acceptable, but audiences lap up the camp because of course they do.
Creator: theamazingchris

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jynx Alstad
33, Female, Norwegian, Regular, Heel
Finisher: The Witch's Curse
Gimmick: Literally a witch, claims to be able to put curses on all those who oppose her and magically empowers herself.
Creator: theamazingchris

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Little Suzy Johnson
6, Female, American, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: Sonic Screaming Mega Tantrum
Gimmick: "That big scary man said he was going to hurt me! WAH" "I would nev-" *is hit from behind*
Creator: RickVoid

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Miss Sophia
34, Female, American, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Heifer Uppercut
Gimmick: A proud woman with a notorious temper and fierce uppercut. Fights with the power of God on her side and is always followed by church music and a spotlight even in the ring. Powers up by speaking in tongues before laying out her opponent with the Heifer Uppercut.
Creator: tallboarLittlehand

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Sabine Wren
16, Female, Mandalorian, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Death from Above
Gimmick: A proud Mandalorian at heart,Sabine is free-spirited,brave and loves to blow poo poo up. She also has an artistic passion,which she expresses by creating abstract graffiti,and painting things in ridiculous amazing colors. She has dedicated herself to an intensive Mandalorian training regimen, leaving her ready to face almost anything. Also,she has a jetpack.
Creator: VolticSurge

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ship-chan
300,000,000 Miles, Female, Galactic Federation, Brawler, Face
Finisher: [Lands on Opponent]
Gimmick: Is a spaceship.
Creator: FPzero

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Viviette "3V" von Vendemire
Unkown, Female, European, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Pipe Bomb
Gimmick: A tornado of fury and madness, Viviette (3V to most people) delights in destroying her enemies on the mat. Despite seemingly embodying the chaos Doctor Katastrophe seems to abhor, von Vendemire seems to have aligned herself amicably with his goals, much to the confusion of the few privy to the doctor's plans. Does she see a place in the future for herself? Or does she just see the SLW as the perfect canvas for her bloodsoaked art? Either way, she's sure to provide a wakeup call for any who underestimate her.
Creator: Kaboom Dragoon

(Tag team parterns with Doctor Katastrophe)

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

: : TAG TEAMS : :

-- Asura's Wrath --


Asura
12,000+, Male, Gaea (Indian), Brawler, Face
Finisher: Fist of Wrath
Gimmick: He has six arms and gets really, REALLY angry.
Creator: FailAtMagic

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Yasha
12,000+, Male, Gaea (Indian), Brawler, Face
Finisher: Sweet Chin Melancholy
Gimmick: Asura's brother-in-law and tag team partner. Tries to keep him out of trouble but often frustrated by him.
Creator: FailAtMagic

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Democracy In Action --


Barack "the Islamic Shock" Obama
55, Male, Kenyan, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: The Veto
Gimmick: The 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Obama. Leaving office soon due to term limits and looking for a new job.
Creator: FPzero

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


"Diamond Joe" Biden
74, Male, American, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Impassioned Rhetoric
Gimmick: The 47th Vice President of the United States of America, Joe Biden. Leaving office soon due to term limits and looking for a new job.
Creator: FPzero

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Gaming Royalty --


Princess Peach
25, Female, Mushroom Kingdom, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Peach Bomber
Gimmick: Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, a cheerful and loving ruler of the people. Is always under threat of being kidnapped by Bowser, and usually ends up rescued by Mario. Resourceful enough to know that Bowser usually doesn't kidnap her during sports games; thus, wrestling.
Creator: Rather Watch Them

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Princess Zelda
25, Female, Hyrule, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Arrow of Light
Gimmick: Princess of Hyrule, a demure and just leader of the kingdom. Holds the Triforce of Wisdom, one of three golden artifacts that combined would shape the world in their holder's image. Her lineage is one of strategic mastery, kind heart, and intolerance for evil forces.
Creator: Rather Watch Them

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- GuacaMelee! --


Juan Aguacate
30, Male, Mexican, Luchador, Face
Finisher: Olmec's Headbutt
Gimmick: Silent Spectral Luchador Protagonist. Juan was a humble agave farmer, slain by the otherworldly villain Carlos Calaca while attempting to protect El Presidente's daughter. In the land of the dead, he came across a mystical mask which instilled him with the fighting prowess of the greatest luchador heroes, and set about on a quest between the worlds of the living and the dead to defeat Calaca and save the day!
Creator: Danger-Pumpkin

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Tostada
Unknowable, Female, Mexican, Luchador, Face
Finisher: Rooster Uppercut
Gimmick: Spectral Luchador Mask Guardian. Fiery guardian spirit of the mask that Juan wears, and a powerful fighter in her own right. Tostada guides the pair as they travel between worlds and put evil in a variety of painful joint locks and suplexes.
Creator: Danger-Pumpkin

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- The Hotwheels --


Fuku Fire
18, Female, Underground, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: The Sizzler
Gimmick: Super excited to be here! Fuku Fire wants to prove that a small town girl made of fire can make it in the big leagues. Wants to make friends along the way and will fight anyone anytime to defend them. Accidentally sets things on fire all the time, in and out of the ring. Lots of pyrotechnics in her matches.
Creator: Kalvida

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Skater Squid
19, Female, Underground, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Heads Up Dude!
Gimmick: Hot tempered delinquent. Loves to stick it to the man, get into fights, and party. Rides a skateboard and will use it as a weapon if she can. Tags graffiti on every flat surface she can find, including the ring. Takes a selfie with her fallen enemies. She and Fuku Fire are friends and Squid is very protective of her, even as she tries to encourage Fuku (and others) to be rad and bad.
Creator: Kalvida

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Siberian Winter --


Aleksandra "Zarya" Zaryanova
28, Female, Russian, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Particle Cannon
Gimmick: Zarya is one of, if not the strongest woman alive and knows it. Having begun training to become a weightlifter after her home village was attacked by robots, she's worked for years to be at the peak of her strength so she can protect the country and the people she loves the most. After spending some time as a soldier, she decided to get into wrestling as an excuse to tear off robot parts and be paid for it.
Creator: Faerie Fortune

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Mei-Ling Zhou
31, Female, Chinese, Technician, Face
Finisher: Endothermic Blaster
Gimmick: She's happy, cheerful, optimistic and probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. A former climatologist, she spent an unknown amount of years being cryogenically frozen after a disaster struck her research station. After being woken up and readjusting to the world, and aided by her drone buddy Snowball, she decided to get into wrestling with Zarya, partially as something to do but mostly because it looked really fun.
Creator: Faerie Fortune

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Skull Rangers --


Skeleton Joe
Unknown, Skeleton, Mexican, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Skull Driver
Gimmick: The reanimated robotic body of former TEW superstar Sniper Joe. For whatever reason, he seems to shout a lot about heroics and justice. Actually a robot programmed by Flamander for wrestling.
Creator: Flamander

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Flamander
Unknown, Male, The Moon, Luchador, Face
Finisher: The WORM
Gimmick: Power Ranger/Sentai hero, and former LPFWA wrestler. Has stopped wrestling on the moon and is tag teaming with Skeleton Joe through a remotely controlled robot.
Creator: Flamander

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- SMT Tech Support --


Fumi Kanno
21, Female, Japanese, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Asus Predator
Gimmick: Running a business like Super-League Wrestling takes technical knowhow - a fully computerized backend, bending the forces of nature to the wills of eccentrics, stuff like that. They're all things Fumi's honed at her former cushy government job, that she's bringing to SLW after the Diet realized that Japan's equivalent to the NOAA probably didn't need a secretive demon summoning subsection. Takes pride in being the smartest person in the room, even if she has to bludgeon every other sentient in said room with an assortment of laptops to take that title by default.
Creator: Andy Waltfeld

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Nemissa Redman
18, Female, Canadian, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Shooting Starman
Gimmick: During the closing hours of a white hat hackathon, Amami City Polytech freshman Hitomi Tono decrypted an archive she shouldn't have and wound up being possessed by a demon with a tendency to make magic crackle off her fingers, a penchant for clubwear, and a vendetta with "those preppie bitch Purse Owners." On a mission to pursue one of these handbag-havers and usurp their status as Best Girl, Nemissa has teamed up with Fumi in search of clues to the whereabouts of such illuminaries as "Yucatan" and "Fuuka Bazooka." At least, for a definition of "teaming up" that consists of regular, annoying intrusions into Fumi's personal space.
Creator: Andy Waltfeld

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Strong Female Protagonists, Team Lightning --


Claire Farron
25, Female, French, Crusierweight, Heel
Finisher: Paradigm Shift
Gimmick: She's fought gods, she's fought for gods, and depending on who you ask she might even be a god. But frankly, she's sick of all this "destiny" and "end of the world" bullshit and is looking to relieve some stress by hitting someone. Really, multiple someones would be ideal, but she'll take what she can get. She has approximately 11 billion different outfits and wears a different one to every match.
Creator: Artix

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Samus Aran
27, Female, K-2L/Zebesian, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Screw Attack Power Bomb
Gimmick: The most badass space bounty hunter in the universe. Her armored Power Suit is a ridiculously advanced piece of mystical space-bird technology. Dash Rendar ain't got poo poo on this.
Creator: FPzero

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Strong Female Protagonists, Team Undyne --


Undyne the Undying
30, Female, Underground, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: NGAHHH!!
Gimmick: Undyne has a constant desire for action, adventure, and destruction. Beating up nerds in the name of JUSTICE! But if JUSTICE! is not a reasonable option then just beating people up because being strong rules is also an acceptable excuse. Undyne will take any challenger and try really really hard to pummel their faces into the dirt. She will not surrender until there is no other option and even then she probably won't stop holding a grudge. She will throw a whole lot of spears at you!! She never gives up, no matter what! Sometimes to the point where her sheer single-minded determination is also her weakness. Her outlook of JUSTICE AT ANY COST carries an air of severe naiveté, but also an exuberance the likes of which mere mortal men can never hold.
Creator: CJacobs

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Hatsune Miku
18, Female, Japanese, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Sankyuu Suplex
Gimmick: She's a digital diva software program anime
Creator: Shei-kun

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Super Shimada Bros. --


Genji Shimada
35, Male, Japanese, Japanese Junior, Face
Finisher: Dragonblade
Gimmick: A Cyborg Ninja, Genji is very honorable,if somewhat boastful at times. His acrobatic fighting style has few equals. He has convinced his brother to tag with him, in an attempt to mend their relationship after the...accident. His mechanical nature, once a source of angst, has become a source of his pride as of late,due to his time in Nepal.
Creator: VolticSurge

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Hanzo Shimada
38, Male, Japanese, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Dragonstrike
Gimmick: The more serious and stern of the 2 brothers,Hanzo uses less flair when fighting than his brother. On a quest for atonement after the...accident that disfigured his brother, he has crossed paths with Genji again, and has agreed to tag with him in an attempt to soothe his troubled soul. Like his brother, he also places high importance on honor, even more so, possibly due to his guilt.
Creator: VolticSurge

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Team Rocket --


Jessie
21, Female, Japanese, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Enraged Powerbomb
Gimmick: Tried of being the bad guys and dealing with Pokemon, they moved where their skills at costuming and entertainment can really shine. They wear a different costume to every fight, a different theme to every event. They are ready willing and able to use anything to entertain and win.
Creator: SystemLogoff

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


James
21, Male, Japanese, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Flaming Upercut
Gimmick: Tried of being the bad guys and dealing with Pokemon, they moved where their skills at costuming and entertainment can really shine. They wear a different costume to every fight, a different theme to every event. They are ready willing and able to use anything to entertain and win.
Creator: SystemLogoff

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Throne Watchers --


Admiral Orlock
43, Male, Helghast, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: THERE WILL BE NO QUARTER!
Gimmick: Admiral of the Helghan Navy and current Supreme Commander of the Helghan Military. His tag-team partner also happens to be his rival.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jorhan Stahl
53, Male, Helghast, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: What Planet Do You THINK YOU'RE ON?!!
Gimmick: CEO of Stahl Arms Corporation, primary weapons supplier to the Helghan Military. His tag-team partner also happens to be his rival.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 11:41 on Dec 17, 2016

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
: : ROSTER (CONT.) : :


Unending Lightspeed Carnage (WEDNESDAYS)

: : SINGLES DIVISION : :


Annie Mae
1000, Female, Japanese, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Kawaiiledriver
Gimmick: Just really wants to impress senpai. Sadly for everyone else, her senpai is Aja Kong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhqCQEGy8pM. May also be a cat?
Creator: Junpei Hyde

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Asuka
35, Female, Japanese, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Asuka Lock
Gimmick: Asuka is gonna gently caress your poo poo up. She kicks like a horse and wrestles like an anaconda. She'll either kick your head clean off or just tear your arm off at the shoulder, and do it all with a manic smile.
Creator: biosterous

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Billy "The Kid" Miller
24, Male, American, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: The Billy Buster
Gimmick: Despite looking older, is actually the younger brother of former SLW superstar Jack "The Thriller" Miller () who at last check was subject to a property dispute between a literal red dragon and the forces of hell. Loves to party as much as he loves wrestling. Not *quite* as entitled as Jack was, but is, if anything, possibly even dumber.
Creator: JT Jag

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Captain Snuggles
5, Male, Cat, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Kitty 1-2-3
Gimmick: Is a cat :3
Creator: IGgy IGsen

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Dark Adam
40s, Male, Spacenoid, Technician, Face
Finisher: BOTTLE SHIP!
Gimmick: Pretentious jerk, Adam, is a manager for anyone who happens to be unlucky enough to get lose their contract to him. He thinks he's the greatest military mind, but still loses a lot. Has a bad habit of handicapping wrestlers under his care by restricting their moveset.
Creator: Jobbo_Fett

(Tag team partners with Dark Samus)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Dark Samus
>1 year, Female(?), Pure Phazon, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Screw Attack Power Bomb
Gimmick: SAMUS BUT PHAZON
Creator: Shei-kun

(Tag team partners with Dark Adam)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Gore Magala
18, Unknown, Unknown, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Virus Wave
Gimmick: Is a walking natural disaster and a literal dragon. Spreads its frenzy virus which makes everyone go berserk. Halfway through the match will go into a Frenzy Mode where it becomes stronger and more aggressive, but exposing its feeler weak points.
Creator: Tyty

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ha Yuri Zahard
618, Female, Korean, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Explosive Punches
Gimmick: Princess and killer extraordinaire, her natural cleverness has a tendency to be undermined by her bullheaded methodology, forcing her servants and allies to pick up the pieces. She comes from a massive tower run by a brutally powerful group of royalty who value strength above all else: a society she hates enough to repeatedly undermine, despite standing nearly at the top of it herself. Despite this, she still seems to enjoy threatening to kill everyone who crosses her a little bit too much...
Creator: thetruegentleman

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Heliosaur
31, Male, English, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Payday Powerbomb
Gimmick: Having lied, cheated and far too frequently stolen his way through the indie circuit, Heliosaur is ready to make a big splash in the major leagues. He will do whatever it takes to win, be it forming quick and dirty alliances or sucking up to whatever wanker holds the most sway backstage. Whatever gives him an even bigger paycheck. If greed is good, Heliosaur is a saint. Definitely not just famed criminal Jim Hoxworth wearing a badly painted dinosaur mask.
Creator: Wordybird

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ivan
24, Male, Russian, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Enbaku Mode
Gimmick: After saving the world, the US Government shut down Guantanamo Bay due to pressure from US and local populations. Because of this, Ivan was now out of a job a sweet rear end drum set and sound stage.
Creator: Jobbo_Fett

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Antonio Alejos Espinales, a k a "Old Man Deathsquads"
59, Male, Chimerican, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Coup d'état de Grace
Gimmick: General in a central american banana republic. Likes death squads and being in the USA's pocket, hates poor people and fair elections. Knows to always just say "no" to communism.
Creator: Covski

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Otto von Ruthless
26, Male, German(?), Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Stuka Splash
Gimmick: Nazi aristocratic officer fighting for the good of the Reich. Lots of showmanship combined with high flying and technician moves. Some say he's the real deal, lost in time from some freak military experiment from WW2. Others say he's really a half Filipino half White redditor who had a mental break when his girlfriend broke up with him. Time will tell which of these is true...
Creator: Roman Reigns

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Pepsiman
29, Male, American, Regular, Heel
Finisher: Pepsi Plunge
Gimmick: Someone who wants to spread to glory of Pepsi through any means necessary. (Alternatively, the Straight Edge Society, but with Pepsi)
Creator: Dreamsicle

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Prince Ezeikiel
Immeasurable by mortals, despite appearing and acting 21, Male, Medi, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Lion of Death Style
Gimmick: Once the orphaned prince of a lost kingdom, Zeik is doomed by powerful magicks to live as a half-vampire half-manticore with two girlfriends and a space mercenary army. The Dark Seals on his arms, applied by a death cult ceremony, only awaken his powers further. Needless to say, he's incredibly pompous and a very sore loser.
Creator: Rather Watch Them

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


The RoboKing of All Cosmos
We do not question the king's age, Male, All Nationalities, Japanese Junior, Heel
Finisher: ROBO ROYAL RAINBOW
Gimmick: The King has yet again accidentally destroyed the stars. How's he going to fix it this time? By rolling up all the biggest wrestling stars of course! Surely they all can glow bright enough to replace the cosmos?
Creator: poorlywrittennovel

W: 0 L: 1* D: 0 STDs: 0


Sen. Steven Armstrong (R-CO)
44, Male, American, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: Nano-Buster; Longhorn Gore
Gimmick: Evil Hulk Hogan on nano-roids. Juiced up on AMERICA, son! A super-patriotic idealistic nutjob bent on reinventing 'The American Dream'. Believes in survival of the fittest. Resents the mass media, guys named Jack, guys named Raiden, current liberal crybaby safe space America, University of Oklahoma, soft-rear end poo poo. Played college football(, ya know!) at University of Texas. Presidential shoo-in.
Creator: TheHoosier

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Zebulon Stahl
29, Male, American, Technician, Heel
Finisher: Twelfth Level Ultra Suplex
Gimmick: Zebulon seeks to crush the weak and become the strongest there ever was. He only has contempt for others until they can show him they have enough strength to truly challenge him, and sees the audience as weaklings who are unable to stand up for themselves. Shows respect for those he knows are tougher than him. He has glowing blue eyes from a mysterious chemical/cooking incident, but doesn't talk about it.
Creator: Professor Malice

W: 0 L: 0 D: 1 STDs: 0

: : TAG TEAMS : :

-- ADVENT Beat Cops --


The Viper
25, Female, Canadian, Technician, Heel
Finisher: The Coils
Gimmick: Peacekeeper security officer by day, wrestler by whatever nights her schedule allows her. The Viper makes up the straight-faced, serious and cool half of the two peacekeepers making up Alien Movement the Beat Cops. Every person may be a potential threat to ADVENT, and she usually is the first to point to a terrorist with a crackling stun baton. Not that that would get used in the ring, obviously. Got to have kayfabe be fun for all parties involved.
Creator: Dinictus

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


The Berserker
35, Female, Canadian, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: The Insurgent Crusher
Gimmick: If the Viper is the cool 'good cop' of ADVENT's public relations team in SLW, the Berserker is the perpetually angry 'bad cop.' The moment she enters the ring, there is no higher thinking beyond blind rage and smashing some oversized fists into some poor fool's body until someone stays down. Somehow, though, very acute about any authority figures in the ring - like actual referees. Outside of the ring, though, Bee actually is sedate and very much calm, enjoying ADVENT-approved non-offensive literature and music.
Creator: Dinictus

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Armshock! --


Brad Armstrong
35, Male, American, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Armstrong Style Beatdown
Gimmick: Down on Life Ex-Karate instructor, carving a path through life with his fists. A hard man with a soft core.
Creator: Manic_Misanthrope

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


SHOCK LORD
32, Male, American, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Big Shock
Gimmick: The Most Shocking personality in wrestling! The saviour who rules the world and shocks evil to it's core! If he can get through the Entrance without tripping.
Creator: Manic_Misanthrope

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Deadly Sirius --


Watase Kasasagi
30, Male, Japanese, Technician, Face
Finisher: Kasasagi Special
Gimmick: An elite rescue squad captain. Has a strong desire to save people, taking great risks when people are in danger. However, he has a bit of a problem trusting people - at times, it seems that his opinion of you can turn on a dime, going from absolute trust to backstabbing potential in a heartbeat. That's not the case with Jun, though. He always trusts Jun.
Creator: TheMcD

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jun Moribe
20, Female, Japanese, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Moribe Special
Gimmick: An elite rescue squad member. A bundle of energy, always raring to get out and get into some action, she has the tendency to pick fights she probably shouldn't be picking. She also seems to have a darker side to her, as her love of her engine cutter has made her more than ready to level the playing field with whatever weapons are available. However, Watase keeps her restrained from just going nuts most of the time.
Creator: TheMcD

W: 1 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Dishonored --


Corvo Attano
54, Male, Italian, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Shadow Kill
Gimmick: Plays himself off as the taciturn bodyguard to his daughter Emily and claims to have magical powers (which he can't actually use in the ring, of course).
Creator: Maleketh

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Emily Kaldwin
25, Female, British, Technician, Face
Finisher: Shadow Walk
Gimmick: She rules an entire empire, and while she avoids the "rich noble" stereotype, she won't hesitate to gently caress you up if you mess with her, her dad, or her people.
Creator: Maleketh

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Fish & Chicken --


Fish
32, Male, Canadian, Regular, Face
Finisher: The Rule of Law
Gimmick: Former cop who got kicked off the force for pursuing the wrong case. No longer able to show his face in public - thus turning to the only profession that would allow a masked man in, professional wrestling. Believes in and/or is obsessed with the rule of law and order, also makes that "donk donk" sound from the show Law and Order whenever a match starts. Always seems to have a few more punches left in him than you'd expect.
Creator: Trick Question

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


Chicken
26, Male, American, Luchador, Face
Finisher: (Indecipherable Japanese Yelling)
Gimmick: Fish's rookie partner who got thrown on his rear end from the police force for the exact same case, refusing to abandon his partner. Loves old karate & kung-fu movies, and lives his life by a constricting and ill-defined code of honor. Much more energetic and willing to bend the rules than Fish. Seems to be able to get back up from blows that you'd expect to put him down.
Creator: Trick Question

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- The Moral Guardians --


The Curtain Twitcher
50, Female, Australian, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: The Shaming Gaze
Gimmick: Mrs Mangel, better known to you and I as The Curtain Twitcher, set up Neighbourhood Watch schemes in Australia, no secret was left undiscovered when her beady eyes uncover something. She ensures that her neighbours behave in a moral and Christian way.
Creator: Sad King Billy

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0


The Sentinel
52, Female, British, Technician, Face
Finisher: The Shaming Gaze
Gimmick: After a long career trying to clean up the Media in the UK, Mary Whitehouse realised that there wasn't much she could do about American Imports. So she came here, to fight the infection at it's source. Like Mrs Mangel, she wants to instil good old fashioned Christian values back into the world and where better to start, than in an organisation run by Satan himself!
Creator: Sad King Billy

W: 0 L: 1 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Team Titans --


BT-7274
973 Days, Male, Frontier Militia, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Laser Core
Gimmick: Vanguard-class Titan and hero of the Militia, "BT" has a machine gun bigger than a lexus and kills a whole lot of IMC dudes. He is sworn by protocol to Complete the Mission (kick as much rear end as possible) and Protect the Pilot, Jack Cooper. This basically means he does all the heavy lifting while Jack hits a hot tag every now and then. He's a giant robot so really everything else is what you expect out of a giant robot. You know, jokes like "calculating a 100% chance of kicking your rear end".
Creator: HOTLANTA MAN

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jack Cooper
23, Male, American, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Standby for Titanfall
Gimmick: Jack Cooper is a rifleman of the Frontier Militia under the brigade of the Marauder Corps who has aspirations of becoming a Pilot. His wishes seemingly come true when a veteran Vanguard-class Titan by the name of BT-7274 voluntarily links with Cooper after the death of his Pilot, and against the wishes of command. The two form a bond and work together against overwhelming odds to uphold a mission they were never meant to carry out. He has a stupid loving goatee and all the other wrestlers make fun of him for it.
Creator: HOTLANTA MAN

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Terror of the Deep --


Master Tentacular
38, Unknown, Abyssal Plane, Puroresu, Heel
Finisher: TentaPull
Gimmick: A time traveling colossal squid saved by intergalactic Time Bandits from the ecological devastation of the recent future, Master Tentacular is an invertebrate supremacist who hopes to humiliate humanity in the most public way possible - by defeating them in professional wrestling. To this end it has been paired with Spermicide in an unlikely alliance against that most wretched of creatures, the land mammal.
Creator: Cathode Raymond

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Spermicide
253, Unknown, Abyssal Plane, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Gargant Chomp to Flipper Stomp
Gimmick: Known for his flashy, smashy takedowns of 1800's-era whaling ships, inscrutable Time Bandits whisked Spermicide from his happy life in the near past and transported him hundreds of years forward in time that he might pursue a career in professional wrestling alongside Master Tentacular.

Has a grave eye injury incurred during a boating accident. Someone else's boating accident.

Creator: Cathode Raymond

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- The Warframes --


Nemesis Nyx Prime
Unknown, Female, Lasrian-American-Orokin, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Assimilate Absorb
Gimmick: Living metal Warframe, psychic. Motives unclear, but known to be drawn towards conflict and loot. Mute.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Valkyr Prime
Unknown, Female, Orokin, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Hysterical Assault
Gimmick: Living metal Warframe, berserker. Motives unclear, but known to be drawn towards conflict and loot. Not mute, but vocabulary consists entirely of screaming.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0



Fusion Catastrophe Zone (SATURDAYS)


Arnold J Rimmer
43, Male, British, Regular, Heel
Finisher: Napoleonic Tactics
Gimmick: An abject coward except when he infrequently remembers he's more or less indestructible, also notable for misquoting Space Corps directives.
Creator: ZeeToo

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


"Captain" Fargle
27, Male, British, ????, Face(?)
Finisher: ????
Gimmick: Completely and utterly incompetent at anything involving actual wrestling. 5'8'' with the muscle mass of a child that's 2'1'' he also knows less than nothing about the sport. On the other hand, he is VERY good at shouting at people.
Creator: Captain Fargle

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Chimp Man Z!
22, Male, Chinese, Luchador, Face
Finisher: Ape-ocalypse Now!
Gimmick: From far beyond the stars comes a super-stellar force of sublime simian showmanship: Chimp Man Z! Don't let his meager size fool you, this primate packs a punch and a half! On a mission to bring peace to the cosmos, Chimp Man Z! finds himself drawn to the SLW hoping to find like-minded justice-seeking types. And while he may not be able to speak any language recognizable to humans, his courage, tenacity and heart shine through and let his friends and allies know where he stands. Rise, Chimp Man Z! And may fortune and fate favour your fame!
Creator: Kaboom Dragoon

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Dong Zhuo
40, Male, Chinese, Regular, Heel
Finisher: Sheer Destruction
Gimmick: Think Paul Bearer. Usually not a real fighter and will avoid it with all his might, but if pushed into a corner, will throw his weight around.
Creator: FeyerbrandX

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


God
∞, Male, Israeli, Technician, Face
Finisher: The Rapture
Gimmick: The literal creator of our universe.
Creator: Rarity

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Gold War
19, Female, Unknown, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Gorilla Press Drop; Running Splash
Gimmick: A young woman who decided to honor the late, great Ultimate Warrior by, uh, stealing a Kane mask and spray-painting it gold. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.
Creator: Jeabus Mahogany

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Goody "Two Shoes" Goodman
21, Male, American, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Sling Blade
Gimmick: "Oh! Oh! He's doing that thing where he points at his shoes"
Creator: biosterous

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Grits Madlec
30, Male, Czech, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Mastiff Mauler
Gimmick: Once Madlec was the most famed dog thief in Prague, until one day he stole the wrong dog. Now he has come to these shores to escape the Czech Mafia and steal all the dogs. He is cunning, merciless and entirely paranoid! He disguises himself as a dog to lull pets into a false sense of security.
Creator: Sad King Billy

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


James "Orange" Borrison
23, Male, English, Regular, Face
Finisher: Version Orange
Gimmick: An infernal demon that was abandoned as a baby, then raised by the most boring humans on the planet Earth, James doesn't really get the whole "Sinning" thing. The only reason he got into wrestling was through a very complicated yet ultimately unsatisfying encounter with a rogue stamp collector. Nevertheless, his genetic heritage can still shine through, as he boasts an uncanny knowledge of every Satanic Ritual that can possibly be done using any Wrestling Championship Belt, as well as an unholy fascination with creating strange plaid-denim abominations. Has a terrible naming sense and yes, that is actually his hair.
Creator: Jeabus Mahogany

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


JoJo Effing
27, Male, Amerikan, Technician, Heel
Finisher: Effing Neckbreaker; Effing Scrot Lock
Gimmick: Ain't it fun when you know that you're gonna die young.
Creator: Eddy Bulundees

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Lance "Le Chuck" Dart
28, Male, Canadian, Entertainer , Heel
Finisher: The Lawn Dart; The Tennis Elbow
Gimmick: Lance is great at throwing objects, and especially if said item is a chair. Somehow, someway, he will hit you in the face with a chair thrown from one end of the ring to the other. When he isn't busy getting into garbage fights, or when such activities are outright banned by the higher ups, Lance can count on a few in-ring antics/moves to try and win the crowd to his side.
Creator: Jobbo_Fett

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


R. Hee Ermey
22, Male, American, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Full Hee-Ho Jacket
Gimmick: Hee's finally here. After over 300 confirmed pinfalls in numerous secret shows in Japan and Antarctica, this cold-as-ice trooper has arrived to either whip the rest of Super-League Wrestling into top fighting shape, or bring about the storm that ends the miserable things they call their championship hopes. Address him as anything other than Drill Sergeant and he'll rip off your head and hee-ho down your neck. Despite hailing from the same franchisetalent farm as Fumi and Nemissa, neither can actually pull rank on him...and as his tales of his prior military and wrestling exploits get taller, no one can really be sure who can.
Creator: Andy Waltfeld

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Shinjobi Jones
35, Male, Texan, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Texas THUD
Gimmick: Babyface jobber with a heart of gold. Shinjobi Jones knows how to play to the crowd, and when able to get some offense in he can show off a decent moveset. The problem is those opportunities are few and far between. Cheers are fleeting, success ever elusive. Even so, Shinjobi remains optimistic. :unsmith:
Creator: Shinjobi

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Sir Bearington
13, Male, Human, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Bear Hug
Gimmick: A completely normal human that has very obviously human claws, and has come to SLW to wrestle his fellow normal humans to prove himself as the greatest human wrestler of all time. Totally not a bear.
Creator: Lynkericious

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Speedoman
50, Male, Australian, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: STOP THE BOATS
Gimmick: He likes to pretend he's a British Lord knighting people.
Creator: Mysticblade

(Tag partner of Thom Cruz)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


That Guy
20, Male, Canadian, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: Deathly Lust
Gimmick: Not much is known about this man. All we do know is that he showed up at a haunted house one year and his excited visage at the moment of surprise has been forever burned into the consciousnesses of everyone who views him. After staring down the headlights of a car gone rogue, he's here to stare down anyone in his way as he goes for the title.
Creator: FPzero

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Thom Cruz
50, Male, American, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: The Thetan Twister
Gimmick: A top-tier acolyte of the school of science magic. His powers have bestowed on him a partial form of insanity where he insists on performing dangerous and painful stunts just because he can. Because of his higher enlightenment, he finds himself compelled to run very fast almost every time he makes an appearance, and on very rare occasions, he'll even hop up and down on chairs. In one storyline, he used a magic spell he gained from an alien to resurrect himself over and over again, but it wasn't very popular with the fans.
Creator: Blastinus

(Tag partner of Speedoman)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Tyler Breeze
Irelevant, Male, Adonis, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Camera Counter Combo
Gimmick: A normal wrestler by all accounts, however, his power is linked to the selfies he takes pre- and mid-match. Let him get enough off, and he'll show you the true power of a male model. And god help you if you hit him or his phone while he's taking a photo.
Creator: ACES CURE PLANES

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 23:29 on Dec 17, 2016

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
EPISODE 0 - The Return

: Well holy gently caress in heaven, I can’t believe it, but we’re actually back!
: Yeah, who saw this one coming?
: I did.
: You don’t count.
: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, people around the world the debut episode of the new NEW Super-League Wrestling!
: Yep! No more corporate sellouts, insane bullshit, or company ruining incompetence!
: We still work for Satan though, let’s not forget that part.
: Yeah, how did that happen?
: Palpatine’s leasing everything from The Devil.
: PALPATINE?!! That rear end in a top hat?! He’s back?
: He never loving left… Speaking of which, here he comes now!
: My people, loyal subjects of Super-League Wrestling. The time has arrived. Oh, it’s soooo good to be back, and back in control, let’s not leave that part out.
: Can I quit? Like right now?
: You want to get lightninged?
: We have a truly fantastic show for you this evening. Our entire roster has been REHIRED and is ready to serve you with the utmost loyalty under pain of death… and by you of course I mean me. They’re all here to serve me.
: Wait a minute. Is this roster accurate? Oh god. …Are you gonna tell him?
: Nah. Let’s wait for that shoe to drop on its own.
: Our first match tonight sees the return of two old favorites. We’re kicking things off big league with SLW Television Champion Juan Aquacate taking on everyone’s favorite sex offender Magnum Joe for Juan’s belt! Followed by… eh… well, I’ll think of someone. Probably hookers.
: You can’t refer to the female talent like that, rear end in a top hat!
: Do I look like I give a poo poo! START THE SHO—
[POWER OUTAGE]
: Woah! Who turned out the lights?
: Heheheheh. Hello mortals.
: Wait, who’s that?
: I sense a presence. One that I haven’t felt since… NOOOOO!!!!!
: Show yourself, fiend!
: If you insist.
: That better?
: Oh my god, who’s that in the ring with Palpatine?! Is that—
: Queen Cisna!
: Well well, if it isn’t princess genocide. What do you want, lady, did your retarded boyfriend fall off a cliff again?
: That’s cute, you think I have any feeling other than revulsion for Leonard.
: Piss off, darling. I have a show to run and there’s only room in this business for one over-used in-joke that nobody gets or has patience for any more.
: Oh really? Well that’s gonna be fun to watch. You running a show with no wrestlers.
: what?
: Should I say it louder? Or maybe just cut the crap and say it outright: I sniped your talent pool, jackass.
: I don’t follow…
: THEY WORK FOR ME NOW YOU GERIATRIC MORON!!!
: Oh gently caress, we work for Cisna now. …I don’t know if that’s actually worse than working for Satan.
: Pha! You don’t even have a wrestling company.
: Sure I do. I set it up last week:

: Behold! Dynamo Caliber Wrestling! A proper wrestling company fully financed and operated in the spirit of Smasher Dynamo. Like it was always meant to be. I hired all your talent out from under you. Every. Last. One. Of. Them. And I’m going to use them all to crush you and your little vestigial wrestling empire, Palpatine.
: To be fair, it’s in her wheelhouse.
: Like an ant under my boot.
: No. Noooo. NOOOO!! I will not allow it! They are MINE goddamit, and I will—
: BY GOD!! Cisna just landed The Queen’s Will on Palpatine! He is laid the gently caress out! He is broken in half!
: Good.
: I’m sooooo sorry folks. You came here expecting to see a wrestling show and instead, it’s turned into a funeral. Super-League Wrestling’s funeral!
: Because it’s dead.
: I’m going to kill it.
: Like, totally, loving—
: We get it!
: Whatever. You all had a good run. It’s a pitty, really. For a time, I considered sparing your wretched little SLW… It was like 2 seconds, but I considered it. And now, you shall witness ITS DISMEMBERMNET! Hit. My. loving. MUSIC!
: Oh my god. She did it. She literally loving did it.
: If by ‘it’ you mean set herself up as a convenient villain for everyone to root against and provide a conceit to clear the roster so as to foster a new slate of—
: Yes, Sally, thank you. Oh, hey, Xizor’s come running in to Palpatine’s aid in the ring. Aaaand Cisna flipped him off on the way down the ramp. Classy.
: Your Majesty! Are you alright?
: …Xizor? Are you… Wait, Cisna stole the whole roster. What are you doing here?
: She didn’t hire me. I’m still loyal to you, majesty.
: …Whoopie. Excuse me, Xizor. I have to do something.
: Which is?
: :science: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!! :science:
: Oooh and Paplatine is just frying Xizor with his Force Lightning in a fit of rage over this.
: Wow… he is just really laying into Xizor. Like, not stopping.
: Can you blame him though?
: No.
: Raaaagh. Fine then. You want a war, Cisna? Let’s go to loving war. Here, I’m just going to leave this signup sheet right here in the ring and just walk away. Anyone who wants to join, you’re hired. I don’t give a poo poo. I need ammo. And lots of it. That’s it! I’m out. Hit MY music!
: …Don’t everybody rush the ring at once now.
: Welcome to Super-League Wrestling!


New Wrestler Entry Form!

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Nationality:
Style:
Size:
Wears a Mask?:
Gimmick:
Finisher:
Disposition:

Also, if you can, attach a 150x150 for your wrestler's portrait picture.


Notes on the form

Name
The name of your wrestler.

Age
You can choose any age you want, but anything below 18 or above 45 or so might limit your wrestler's opportunities.

Gender
You can probably figure this one out.

Nationality
For all of its failings, TEW has a ton of options here. You want to create the greatest Luxembourger wrestler in human history? Go for it!

Style
You have a few options:

Regular Wrestler
Nothing special, just a normal worker. Good at the basics, nothing too exotic.

Entertainer
A wrestler who is focused more on playing to the crowd than anything else. John Cena and his five-knuckle shuffle (go Youtube it!) are emblematic of that style.

Puroresu
A style big in Japan that is hyper-realistic...because the wrestlers are basically beating the poo poo out of each other for real.

Spot Monkey
A style that involves a lot of high-octane moves without much thought to how they go together. The Michael Bay version of wrestling if you will.

Cruiserweight
A high-flying style that is similar to the Spot Monkey style, except it's not entirely about just setting up for the next insane setpiece/move.

Luchador
Even more fast paced than the Cruiserweights...and they wear masks. Okay, they don't all wear masks, but I can't think of a single good reason for your luchador not to have a mask.

Japanese Junior
The Japanese version of the Cruiserweight that, like puroresu, involves beating your opponent very badly in a fake fight.

Technician
Less punches and kicks, more holds and suplexes.

MMA Crossover
Using the sort of strikes and submissions as MMA, except in a fake fight.

Brawler
All about punching, kicking, and not so much with anything that technically counts as 'wrestling'.

Psychopath
Guys who eschew the hand-to-hand bits of wrestling to instead find the nearest foreign object and start wailing on the other guy. Their fights tend to end in a bloodbath...which is fine but, again, it's a fake fight and all.


Size

Giant Special cases
Super Heavyweight 380lb +
Big Heavyweight 320 – 380lbs
Heavyweight 290 – 320lbs
Light Heavyweight 260 – 290lbs
Middleweight 230 – 260lbs
Lightweight Most male wrestlers under 230lbs, large female wrestlers
Small Unusually small male wrestlers, female wrestlers
Very Small Smaller female wrestlers, small male non-wrestlers


Gimmick

What the gently caress is your wrestler all about? Is he a millionaire who flaunts his wealth in the ring? Is he an Elvis impersonator? Is he an undead mortician? Or is he just a normal guy who wants to (fake) kick rear end? The choice is yours!


Finisher

The name of your wrestler's finishing move.

Disposition

Face: Good Guy
Heel: Bad Guy

Note: If and when 90% of your submissions are heels, I reserve the right to do what I need to in order to balance things out.


SUBMIT NOW!

NEW TALENT is preferred, but if you want to see your old wrestler from the previous TEW threads come back, I’m sure Palpatine will be gracious enough to re-hire them…


We're also going to need THREE SHOW BRAND NAMES. So be sure to submit those too so we have a decent choice pool. See above.

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 07:07 on Nov 28, 2016

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Cathode Raymond posted:

Question: are non-human animals permissible as wrestlers provided they are not anthropomorphic in any way? Would, for example, a squid be acceptable?

If you have a question of [IS X ACCEPTABLE], the answer is generally yes. Unless it's something horribly gross that you'd get banned for under normal circumstances.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
I should have know Goku was too good hearted to actually work for Cisna :allears:

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
I should also clarify that if you want to create a tag team, you can submit TWO CHARACTERS at once, provided they're explicitly in a tag team or stable together. We'll wait a couple of days and see what our talent pool looks like before I open the floor up to non-tag team 2nd characters.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Again, yes on all counts if you want to.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Cathode Raymond posted:

It's going to take me some time to read the lore and figure out exactly where my unlikely colossal squid/sperm whale tag team is going to fit in to things.

Shockrocket will build them an aquarium and their opponents will wrestle underwater. We are very accommodating here at Super-League Wrestling.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Just a reminder, if you're looking for inspiration for possible brand names for the three shows, our previous three shows were:

Extreme Fission Action (Mon)

Cosmic Attack Zone (Wed)

Ultimate Existential Crisis (Sat)

So if we can get stuff that rivals those, I'd be just tickled.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Now I REALLY hope Hattie Masters submits Fred Hope too. SLW needs more heroes.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Okay, so now that we've got a decent sized roster filling up, I'm going to issue a submission deadline of :siren::siren:MONDAY NOV. 28th at MIDNIGHT PDT:siren::siren:. So if you've got a wrestler you really want to see get in, best hurry up and submit them because I'm aiming to get at least the first update out by the start of December.

So far our roster consists of, just in raw numbers:

Male: 39* (37 actual, 2 promised)
Female: 10* (9 actual, 1 promised)

Face: 27
Heel: 19


My takeaway: Hopefully, that should be enough to sustain three show brands, but we'll see once I get everything loaded up and start actually messing around in TEW itself. That said, it would be nice if we just a few more women to fill out the roster. I'd to at least get that up from a near 3:1 MF ratio to at least a 2:1, if possible. I'm also fine with the Face:Heel ratio. 2:1 works decently for that.

Beyond that, I'd say we're getting close to actually pulling the trigger on this.

Well done, everyone!

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
I'm also going to go ahead and announce our three show brand names. There were some utterly fantastic suggestions submitted by people. I had a legitimate hard time picking just three, so what I did was exercised some executive discretion and combined a few names. I hope everyone is pleased with and excited for the end results:

  • Extreme Conflict Resolution 3D - MONDAY
  • Unending Lightspeed Carnage - THURSDAY
  • Fusion Catastrophe Zone - SATURDAY

Logos coming soon.


nonrev posted:

Oh yeah! Happy this is coming back! :dance:

Will the Journal of Big Brawny Enthusiasts of Rasslin also make a return?

If I have time to write and photoshop covers, maybe.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Okay, so here are our three brand/show logos that we're going to be using as the LP gets going.



BRAND 1 - EXTREME CONFLICT RESOLUTION 3D (Monday)




BRAND 2 - UNENDING LIGHTSPEED CARNAGE (Thursday)




BRAND 3 - FUSION CATASTROPHE ZONE (Saturday)



I've also done a comparison between the current roster and the last LP's and apparently, we're like at only half the size of what the last LP ultimately pulled in. So I'm basically going to throw the floor open to :siren::siren:SECOND SUBMISSIONS:siren::siren: just to see about filling potential space. So if you have another insane character that you'd like to see join the fun, there's still plenty of room left so far.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Sure. Why not?

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

White Coke posted:

Could I submit a manager without any wrestlers?

Sure...?

Don't know who they'd manage, but I can find someone.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

nonrev posted:

Name: Fortuna Everleigh Davenport (the FED)
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Nationality:American
Style: Regular wrestler
Size: small
Wears a Mask?: no
Gimmick: Fortuna Everleigh Davenport had spent her life getting all the necessary financial data to the lead economists of America. While reading through the latest quarterly report of the board of supervisors, she realized that the current lending rates they recomend would spell disaster for the nation. All of the data she provides to support her assertions has been ignored by her superiors. She realizes the only way to save the country is to reach a wide enough audience and share with them her plan to stabilize the monetary policy of not only America, but also the world. Wrestling may just give her that opportunity.
Finisher: low interest rate (splash from the first rope); fixed interest rate (splash from the middle rope); high interest rate (splash from the top rope)
Disposition: good


sorry I couldn't add a picture

Don't worry. I gotcha covered. I just need to find the right stock photo for CPA's spiritual successor.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
And with just over 24 hours remaining until our submission deadline, here's how the roster is shaping up in raw numbers:

Wrestlers: 81* (80 actual, plus 1 I'm throwing in myself)
Managers: 5* (3 actual, plus one CJacobs needs to get off his lazy rear end and submit)

Male: 59*
Female: 23

Face: 46
Heel: 34

Manager, M: 4
Manager, F: 1*

Manager, Face: 4*
Manager, Heel: 1


Also fuuuuuuuck yeah GuacaMelee!'s back! Juan and Tostada can show all these new people the ropes. Plus, in all honesty, I didn't have the heart to force them to be a part of Cisna's goon squad company anyway :allears:

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
So wait. Does this mean I still have to have a showdown for the TV Champ title, or does Juan just get his belt back :confused:

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
I am not gonna lie, while I wanted a mostly clean slate, there were a select number of wrestlers from the old LP I'd hoped to see re-subbed. Juan and Tostada were near the top of that list. They're all gonna be back in one form or another, but there was a reason I left the door open to re-ups if people really wanted their old wrestlers back.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
I haven't watched the Pokemon anime in like 15 years, but from what I remember the base facts about Team Rocket are: James is actually filthy rich, is ambiguously bisexual, and has a crazy fiancée that looks exactly like Jessie but is actually a dominatrix or something. Jessie was dirt poor and her mom was a famous Team Rocket agent who died trying to find Mew for Giovanni's mom, and she developed a whole series of incredibly depressive coping mechanisms to deal with that bullshit, one of them being "acting like a massive bitch." Meowth meanwhile is a failed actor who taught himself to speak English in the hopes of making it big in show business but was run out of town by cat racists or something.

Pokemon is weird.

What I'm saying is please give me an excuse to have Jessie and James do dumbfuck poo poo like try to win a match by driving a dump truck into the ring and pinning their opponents under the tires or whatever.

Because this LP is basically a cartoon in text and low resolution still imagery.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
No.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Again, just a reminder: :siren::siren:TODAY IS THE FINAL DAY FOR SUBMISSIONS!:siren::siren: You have until MIDNIGHT, PACIFIC DAYLIGHT TIME* to get your wrestler in before I lock down the roster and starting plugging everything into TEW to see if it implodes on me.



* Unless you're Fae, who has no concept of time or deadlines promised me a character earlier this weekend and is still "working on it".

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
I was waiting until the last possible minute to submit this one. I'm not going to use him that often to avoid possible conflicts of interest. I just figured I'd post it up front rather than surprise anyone untoward.


Name: Asriel Dreemurr
Age: 21(?)
Gender: Male
Nationality: Underground (American?)
Style: Spot Monkey
Size: Light Heavyweight
Wears a Mask?: No
Gimmick: Mrs. Dreemurr's baby boy. The self-proclaimed "God of Hyperdeath" and Prince of All Monsters. Really just an edgy shitlord trying a bit too hard to be "cool", but inside he's just an oversensitive SOUL. (Think Mankind on the outside, Mick Foley on the inside).
Finisher: Star Blazing (shooting star press off the top turnbuckle)
Disposition: Heel (but really a Face, deep down inside)

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Danger-Pumpkin posted:

Well. We ready to light this det cord, or what? When's our inaugural taping?

I'm gonna arrange the roster and get everything plugged into TEW tomorrow in the hopes of having an opening update ready for Friday or Saturday. I already know who Fae is submitting for her wrestlers Zarya and Mei from Overwatch, but I'll keep the submission window open until the posted deadline in case there's any last-last-last second subs though, but we're more or less locked in and ready to go.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Why the gently caress not?

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Krysmphoenix posted:

what has science done

: SHOCKROCKEEEEET!!!! :doom:

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Herr Tog posted:

While we are at it can we please remove your terrible suggestions?



Paging Blind Sally

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

SystemLogoff posted:

They are here in spirit, if nothing else.



Name: ???
Age: 21(?)
Gender: ???
Nationality: Underground (American?)
Style: Psychopath
Size: Lightweight
Wears a Mask?: No
Gimmick: Wants to 100% this game and move on to the next one.
Finisher: 999999999*infinity
Disposition: Heel (unless needed for more content)

not sure if I'm allowed, so ignore if need be

Chara is indeed going to be a part of Asriel's gimmick, yes.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Kalvida posted:

So has TEW 2013 been updated/patched in any significant way or have they completely moved onto TEW 2016?

The last major patch for it has was released in March of 2016. I haven't downloaded it yet, but it plugs it every time I open it, so I'll have to pick that up before I get going.

I'm just plugging everyone's submissions into the program now. It's going to be a bit of a slough to get everyone in, but once I have all the details ironed out, it's done for good, so it's just a matter of powering through the boring part.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
STATUS UPDATE: I've got the first two and a half-ish pages worth of submissions fully plugged into TEW 2013. It's a long and tedious process because there's a LOT of stats the game takes into consideration and I have to do this for every last one of our 120-some wrestlers. Then there's even more poo poo to work out related to the company, the game world, media, and wrestler relations.

Basically, the behind the scenes work is going to be very front-loaded and may take another few days yet, but we're getting there.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Sad King Billy posted:

So about halfway through, not bad progress.

I know that each wrestler gave a brief description of their skills and story but how are you/the computer determining how good each one is. Is there a degree of randomization going on?

It's a bit of both. I'm trying to play the majority of the wrestlers as close to middle of the road as possible, though there are a few that will be getting markedly better or worse stats than others based off who/what I personally feel would make good stars or jobbers, or in some cases, just what I think is funny. Then once I start the simulation the RNG will start mashing them all together and we'll see what happens. Though everything is in flux based mainly on the writing, so I could easily tank a superstar or push a jobber up the ladder to suit a storyline that might emerge.

So don't get too offended if, say, your (and I say your in the broad sense, not yours specifically) wrestler turns out to be a spectacular flop, there is no overt malice involved in my decision making process... or the RNG's.

Though please do feel free to accuse me of the filthiest cronyism when Lightning and Undyne clown everyone in their way because Artix and CJacobs submitted them :v:


EDIT: Really, if anything, I feel I may be being a bit too generous with the vast majority of people, stats wise. But we'll see.

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 09:05 on Dec 2, 2016

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Herr Tog posted:

It'll come down to Business Suit Samus and the Adams versus Undertale.

Poor Asriel. He's gonna die... again.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Herr Tog posted:

I am saddened at myself for not making Zero suit Samus and that black guy who actually says 'Remember Me.'

Crow may I make these people?

I you get them to me fairly fast (like by Saturday night), I will allow them as late entrants.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

As CJacobs sort of alluded to, the data entry / game preparation process has been a been a tiny bit of a slough, so I've taken a few days off as a bit of a "sanity break" to work on a few other projects like Ace Combat 04, Prince of Persia, and Forza Horizon while Blind Sally laughs at me over Discord and goes "WELCOME TO MY HELL!". I've also been workshopping potential gimmicks, angles, and storylines with Creative, and by that I mean "Novel, FP, Artix, Blast, and Tyty yell stuff at me and I pretend to listen to them :v:"

Again, I apologize for making everyone wait, it's just that Total Extreme Wrestling 2013 remains, as always, a piece of obtuse poo poo.


But yeah, Danger-Pumpkin's description of our "process" is pretty much on the money. You'll get a good feel for how things are going to go once I FINALLY get the first episode up and people start responding to it in-character and whatnot. It's going to be fun. Trust me.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you, at long last, our fully established SUPER-LEAGUE WRESTLING ROSTER!

: : STAFF / ROSTER : :



Statistics legend:

W - Wins
L - Losses
D - Draws, including disqualifications and no-contests
STDs - Successful Title Defenses

MANAGEMENT


The Devil Himself
Lucifer Morningstar. Satan. The Lord Of Darkness. The Antagonist. CEO and controlling shareholder of Super-League Wrestling.
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Emperor Palpatine
Supreme General Manager of Super-League Wrestling. Your boss. Sheev. His first name is SHEEEEEEEV!!!
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


nine-gear crow
Colour commentator. Head of Creative.
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Blind Sally
Announcer and Moral Support.
W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ms. Prudence
Super-League Wrestling in-house legal counsel.


El Ostion Azul
Road Agent. Returned under protest.


El Rey Carmesi
Road Agent. Returned under protest.


Doktor Shockrocket
Head of SLW Science Division. Responsible for creating Crow’s insane deathtraps ring ideas.

(Tag team partners with Nurse Golem)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Nurse Golem
Vice-Head of SLW Science Division. Shockrocket’s eternally loyal, ostensibly human, companion in science. Speaks only in emojis.

(Tag team partners with Doktor Shockrocket)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ref Troops
Referees. Palpatine’s loyal army of clone refs. (The Refbot fleet is still currently in Hell with The Devil).





Extreme Conflict Resolution 3D (MONDAYS)

: : SINGLES DIVISION : :


Adam Malkavich
40s, Male, Spacenoid, Regular, Heel
Finisher: DD214
Gimmick: Believes to be acting commander of all Samus' in all known space. Will provide them with tactical insight and chastise them for taking risks or using too much force or tell him what to do. Calls are females 'Lady.' When in combat he will wear a strange blue skin tight space suit and ask Samus' if they remember him.
Creator: Herr Tog

(Thinks he's part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Asriel Dreemurr
21, Male, Underground, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Star Blazing
Gimmick: Mrs. Dreemurr's baby boy. The self-proclaimed "God of Hyperdeath" and Prince of All Monsters. Really just an edgy shitlord trying a bit too hard to be "cool", but inside he's just an oversensitive SOUL. (Think Mankind on the outside, Mick Foley on the inside).
Creator: nine-gear crow

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


CRON GOKU
???, Male, Guardiaian, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Chrono Trigger
Gimmick: After the end of Chrono Trigger, CRON GOKU set his sights on new horizons. Unfortunately, Blind Sally is a lazy gently caress who won't start the Chrono Cross LP, so CRON GOKU got bored and decided to take on God Queen Cisna again.
Creator: poorlywrittennovel

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Deck Boss
33, Male, American, Technician, Face
Finisher: Fisherman's Suplex
Gimmick: Spends six months at sea and six months in the ring. Does hard, dangerous jobs to make sure his family is well looked after :shobon: Works super hard in the ring, really sells moves done on him, refuses to give up when in submissions but gets knocked out quite easily. Addicted to painkillers, red bull and cigarettes.
Creator: Clamps McGraw

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Doctor Katastrophe
32, Male, Unknown, Puroresu, Heel
Finisher: The Sanity Check
Gimmick: A swiftly rising force in the scientific underworld, Katastrophe is not your typical mad genius. Ask anyone who has spent time in his company and they will tell you he is sane. Very, terrifyingly sane. Looking to create an ordered world, free from madness and distraction, Doctor Katastrophe has set his sights on what he perceives to be the nearest epicenter of chaos: the newly resurrected SLW. Taking over several of Shockrocket's old labs, he plots now to bring sanity to a world he sees as suffering under mayhem and madness.
Creator: Kaboom Dragoon

(Tag team parterns with 3V)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


El Gato
25, Male, Chilean, Luchador, Face
Finisher: The Snuggle
Gimmick: A folk hero who has been slated to make it big in the international leagues, El Gato is a big, friendly giant of what we hope to be a man. The fact that El Gato never approaches the complex without his mask on (a very impressive and expressive looking feline face that seems just a bit too small for a guy of his stature) only raises some serious questions about who El Gato really is. When his manager isn't doing the talking for him, El Gato remains silent and looking as exciteable as ever.
Creator: Dinictus

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Hard Gay
40, Male, Japanese, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Hard Gay Triangle Lock
Gimmick: Slick black leather, excessive pelvic thrusts, aggressively helpful and friend behavior; and Livin' la Vida Loca. ~Fooooooooohhhh!
Creator: Gridlocked

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Incineroar
A week, Male, Alolan, Puroresu, Heel
Finisher: Malicious Moonsault
Gimmick: A new Pokemon from the Alola region is here to claim the ring as his territory. Hits hard and can take hits in return, but is not especially fast. Is capable of performing the DARKEST LARIATS and even harnessing the powerful energies of Z-Power to upgrade them into the MALICIOUS MOONSAULT.
Creator: ChaosArgate

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jonathan
Unknown, Male, The Sky, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: Jonathan Rush
Gimmick: Ruthless murderer who will kill you and steal your chips. Stupidly lucky and will always roll 7 on a 6 sided die.
Creator: Mysticblade

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Kenny "loving" Powers
43, Male, American, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Reverse Apache
Gimmick: "When my rear end was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional wrestling. I was handed the keys to the kingdom. Multi-million dollar deals. Endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my poo poo. Just a man with a mind for victory and a leg like a loving cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm. But a true champion, face to face in his darkest hour will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, fights, and fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my rear end ain't no pussy. My rear end is a loving champion."
Creator: Poland Spring

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Leo W. Knight
21, Male, Balandorian, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Incorruptus
Gimmick: Is an idiot with a white knight streak. Puts every woman on a pedestal. Seems to have fallen in love with Queen Cisna, and for some reason thinks she's being controlled. Keeps trying to "transform" when he's losing and does not understand why nothing happens. Angrily claims he's not this Leonard person.
Creator: SystemLogoff

(Part of the tag team The Heroes)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Meat
2 days, Meat, San Marino, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Maillard Reaction
Gimmick: meat
Creator: Alexeythegreat

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Mr. Satan
43, Male, Australian, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Satan Punch
Gimmick: He's total poo poo and all the other wrestlers know it, but his fans LOVE him, mostly because of his speeches, smack talk, and general bluster. His voice has won him more matches than his martial prowess, and he's not afraid to lie and cheat to get a win.
Creator: Poland Spring

(Part of the tag team The Z Fighters)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Snowflame
30, Male, Colombian, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Snow Fire
Gimmick: A Super-Somebody powered by his god Cocaine, Snowflame is attracted to insane endeavors in the hopes of spreading his religion through fame and noteriety. While often misundertood as evil, he actually cares greatly for his followers, with whom he shares his power, and sees spreading the gospel of Cocaine as a way to overcome an otherwise dull and sterile world. Naturally, he despises those who act against freedom, as well as those who judge others, and will always endeavor to defeat them.
Creator: thetruegentleman

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Snow Villiers
21, Male, American, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: STEELGUARD!
Gimmick: Snow is a Hero with a captial-OH YEAH BABY! Energetic and relentless in his prusuit of "justice," Snow will say and do drat near anything to try and be a hero, even if it sells everyone else around him up the river. He doesn't really think things through too much, and rushes in blindly, but that's okay because he's built like a brick shithouse, so he can take a lot of punches and still keep going. Usually comes to the ring flanked by his managers, the Shiva twins. STEELGAURD!
Creator: poorlywrittennovel

(Part of the tag team The Heroes)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Son Goku
27, Male, Saiyan, Japanese Junior, Face
Finisher: The Spirit Bomb
Gimmick: bitch I look like Goku
Creator: Endorph

(Part of the tag team The Z Fighters)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Tewodros "The Lion of Abyssinia"
28, Male, Ethiopian, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: Rock of Gondor
Gimmick: Hot-tempered Negusa Nagast of Ethiopia who has decided to enter the wrestling ring after being overthrown by the British. Likes to give himself numerous extravagant titles such as the "Elect of God" and enjoys punishing his foes and enemies. Has an extreme hatred of Europeans bordering on insanity, but will expand his hatred to those of European descent if it benefits him. Carries an Ethiopian flag to the ring and is essentially an old school heel.
Creator: tallboarLittlehand

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

: : WOMENS DIVISION : :


The Everlasting Butterfly of the Decadent Garden
16, Female, Anime, Japanese Junior, Face
Finisher: Death of Obsidian Butterflies
Gimmick: The cutest little necromancer you'd ever meet. Unless you're a war goddess who tries to take her captive. Then you're going to end up with your soul inverted and shattered. But really through a strange series of events she ended up being tapped on the shoulder by the Lord of Choreographed Sporting Combat who noticed that she really hated being stereotyped with being weak and frail like every mage ever and kick butt like everyone else. (Is butt okay to say on television?)
Creator: Krysmphoenix

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Fiametta
21, Female, Athanian, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Blazing Bolganone
Gimmick: In order to pay the bills while Awful Emblem is "totally still being worked on guys trust us" the fire mage took up a job as a pyrotechnician on the Japanese indie scene, eventually transitioning into a job as an actual wrestler. Unfortunately her opponents always seemed to come down with a case of the explosions. And severe burns. Her "friend" Rose is along on the sidelines for moral support.
Creator: Tyty

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Fortuna Everleigh Davenport (the FED)
27, Female, American, Regular, Face
Finisher: Low Interest Rate; Fixed Interest Rate; High Interest Rate
Gimmick: Fortuna Everleigh Davenport had spent her life getting all the necessary financial data to the lead economists of America. While reading through the latest quarterly report of the board of supervisors, she realized that the current lending rates they recomend would spell disaster for the nation. All of the data she provides to support her assertions has been ignored by her superiors. She realizes the only way to save the country is to reach a wide enough audience and share with them her plan to stabilize the monetary policy of not only America, but also the world. Wrestling may just give her that opportunity.
Creator: nonrev

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


The Frost
Unknown, Female, Japanese, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Icicle Fall ~ Easy
Gimmick: IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLL. WHAT THE FROST. IS COOKING. Also, Touhou.
Creator: Flamander

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jane Warren
37, Female, American, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Total Anarchy
Gimmick: Trying way harder to be "punk rock" than should be considered acceptable, but audiences lap up the camp because of course they do.
Creator: theamazingchris

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jynx Alstad
33, Female, Norwegian, Regular, Heel
Finisher: The Witch's Curse
Gimmick: Literally a witch, claims to be able to put curses on all those who oppose her and magically empowers herself.
Creator: theamazingchris

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Little Suzy Johnson
6, Female, American, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: Sonic Screaming Mega Tantrum
Gimmick: "That big scary man said he was going to hurt me! WAH" "I would nev-" *is hit from behind*
Creator: RickVoid

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Miss Sophia
34, Female, American, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Heifer Uppercut
Gimmick: A proud woman with a notorious temper and fierce uppercut. Fights with the power of God on her side and is always followed by church music and a spotlight even in the ring. Powers up by speaking in tongues before laying out her opponent with the Heifer Uppercut.
Creator: tallboarLittlehand

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Sabine Wren
16, Female, Mandalorian, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Death from Above
Gimmick: A proud Mandalorian at heart,Sabine is free-spirited,brave and loves to blow poo poo up. She also has an artistic passion,which she expresses by creating abstract graffiti,and painting things in ridiculous amazing colors. She has dedicated herself to an intensive Mandalorian training regimen, leaving her ready to face almost anything. Also,she has a jetpack.
Creator: VolticSurge

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ship-chan
300,000,000 Miles, Female, Galactic Federation, Brawler, Face
Finisher: [Lands on Opponent]
Gimmick: Is a spaceship.
Creator: FPzero

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Viviette "3V" von Vendemire
Unkown, Female, European, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Pipe Bomb
Gimmick: A tornado of fury and madness, Viviette (3V to most people) delights in destroying her enemies on the mat. Despite seemingly embodying the chaos Doctor Katastrophe seems to abhor, von Vendemire seems to have aligned herself amicably with his goals, much to the confusion of the few privy to the doctor's plans. Does she see a place in the future for herself? Or does she just see the SLW as the perfect canvas for her bloodsoaked art? Either way, she's sure to provide a wakeup call for any who underestimate her.
Creator: Kaboom Dragoon

(Tag team parterns with Doctor Katastrophe)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

: : TAG TEAMS : :

-- Asura's Wrath --


Asura
12,000+, Male, Gaea (Indian), Brawler, Face
Finisher: Fist of Wrath
Gimmick: He has six arms and gets really, REALLY angry.
Creator: FailAtMagic

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Yasha
12,000+, Male, Gaea (Indian), Brawler, Face
Finisher: Sweet Chin Melancholy
Gimmick: Asura's brother-in-law and tag team partner. Tries to keep him out of trouble but often frustrated by him.
Creator: FailAtMagic

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Democracy In Action --


Barack "the Islamic Shock" Obama
55, Male, Kenyan, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: The Veto
Gimmick: The 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Obama. Leaving office soon due to term limits and looking for a new job.
Creator: FPzero

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


"Diamond Joe" Biden
74, Male, American, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Impassioned Rhetoric
Gimmick: The 47th Vice President of the United States of America, Joe Biden. Leaving office soon due to term limits and looking for a new job.
Creator: FPzero

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Gaming Royalty --


Princess Peach
25, Female, Mushroom Kingdom, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Peach Bomber
Gimmick: Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, a cheerful and loving ruler of the people. Is always under threat of being kidnapped by Bowser, and usually ends up rescued by Mario. Resourceful enough to know that Bowser usually doesn't kidnap her during sports games; thus, wrestling.
Creator: Rather Watch Them

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Princess Zelda
25, Female, Hyrule, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Arrow of Light
Gimmick: Princess of Hyrule, a demure and just leader of the kingdom. Holds the Triforce of Wisdom, one of three golden artifacts that combined would shape the world in their holder's image. Her lineage is one of strategic mastery, kind heart, and intolerance for evil forces.
Creator: Rather Watch Them

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- GuacaMelee! --


Juan Aguacate
30, Male, Mexican, Luchador, Face
Finisher: Olmec's Headbutt
Gimmick: Silent Spectral Luchador Protagonist. Juan was a humble agave farmer, slain by the otherworldly villain Carlos Calaca while attempting to protect El Presidente's daughter. In the land of the dead, he came across a mystical mask which instilled him with the fighting prowess of the greatest luchador heroes, and set about on a quest between the worlds of the living and the dead to defeat Calaca and save the day!
Creator: Danger-Pumpkin

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Tostada
Unknowable, Female, Mexican, Luchador, Face
Finisher: Rooster Uppercut
Gimmick: Spectral Luchador Mask Guardian. Fiery guardian spirit of the mask that Juan wears, and a powerful fighter in her own right. Tostada guides the pair as they travel between worlds and put evil in a variety of painful joint locks and suplexes.
Creator: Danger-Pumpkin

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- The Hotwheels --


Fuku Fire
18, Female, Underground, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: The Sizzler
Gimmick: Super excited to be here! Fuku Fire wants to prove that a small town girl made of fire can make it in the big leagues. Wants to make friends along the way and will fight anyone anytime to defend them. Accidentally sets things on fire all the time, in and out of the ring. Lots of pyrotechnics in her matches.
Creator: Kalvida

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Skater Squid
19, Female, Underground, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Heads Up Dude!
Gimmick: Hot tempered delinquent. Loves to stick it to the man, get into fights, and party. Rides a skateboard and will use it as a weapon if she can. Tags graffiti on every flat surface she can find, including the ring. Takes a selfie with her fallen enemies. She and Fuku Fire are friends and Squid is very protective of her, even as she tries to encourage Fuku (and others) to be rad and bad.
Creator: Kalvida

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Siberian Winter --


Aleksandra "Zarya" Zaryanova
28, Female, Russian, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Particle Cannon
Gimmick: Zarya is one of, if not the strongest woman alive and knows it. Having begun training to become a weightlifter after her home village was attacked by robots, she's worked for years to be at the peak of her strength so she can protect the country and the people she loves the most. After spending some time as a soldier, she decided to get into wrestling as an excuse to tear off robot parts and be paid for it.
Creator: Faerie Fortune

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Mei-Ling Zhou
31, Female, Chinese, Technician, Face
Finisher: Endothermic Blaster
Gimmick: She's happy, cheerful, optimistic and probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. A former climatologist, she spent an unknown amount of years being cryogenically frozen after a disaster struck her research station. After being woken up and readjusting to the world, and aided by her drone buddy Snowball, she decided to get into wrestling with Zarya, partially as something to do but mostly because it looked really fun.
Creator: Faerie Fortune

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Skull Rangers --


Skeleton Joe
Unknown, Skeleton, Mexican, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Skull Driver
Gimmick: The reanimated robotic body of former TEW superstar Sniper Joe. For whatever reason, he seems to shout a lot about heroics and justice. Actually a robot programmed by Flamander for wrestling.
Creator: Flamander

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Flamander
Unknown, Male, The Moon, Luchador, Face
Finisher: The WORM
Gimmick: Power Ranger/Sentai hero, and former LPFWA wrestler. Has stopped wrestling on the moon and is tag teaming with Skeleton Joe through a remotely controlled robot.
Creator: Flamander

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- SMT Tech Support --


Fumi Kanno
21, Female, Japanese, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Asus Predator
Gimmick: Running a business like Super-League Wrestling takes technical knowhow - a fully computerized backend, bending the forces of nature to the wills of eccentrics, stuff like that. They're all things Fumi's honed at her former cushy government job, that she's bringing to SLW after the Diet realized that Japan's equivalent to the NOAA probably didn't need a secretive demon summoning subsection. Takes pride in being the smartest person in the room, even if she has to bludgeon every other sentient in said room with an assortment of laptops to take that title by default.
Creator: Andy Waltfeld

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Nemissa Redman
18, Female, Canadian, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Shooting Starman
Gimmick: During the closing hours of a white hat hackathon, Amami City Polytech freshman Hitomi Tono decrypted an archive she shouldn't have and wound up being possessed by a demon with a tendency to make magic crackle off her fingers, a penchant for clubwear, and a vendetta with "those preppie bitch Purse Owners." On a mission to pursue one of these handbag-havers and usurp their status as Best Girl, Nemissa has teamed up with Fumi in search of clues to the whereabouts of such illuminaries as "Yucatan" and "Fuuka Bazooka." At least, for a definition of "teaming up" that consists of regular, annoying intrusions into Fumi's personal space.
Creator: Andy Waltfeld

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Strong Female Protagonists, Team Lightning --


Claire Farron
25, Female, French, Crusierweight, Heel
Finisher: Paradigm Shift
Gimmick: She's fought gods, she's fought for gods, and depending on who you ask she might even be a god. But frankly, she's sick of all this "destiny" and "end of the world" bullshit and is looking to relieve some stress by hitting someone. Really, multiple someones would be ideal, but she'll take what she can get. She has approximately 11 billion different outfits and wears a different one to every match.
Creator: Artix

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Samus Aran
27, Female, K-2L/Zebesian, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Screw Attack Power Bomb
Gimmick: The most badass space bounty hunter in the universe. Her armored Power Suit is a ridiculously advanced piece of mystical space-bird technology. Dash Rendar ain't got poo poo on this.
Creator: FPzero

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Strong Female Protagonists, Team Undyne --


Undyne the Undying
30, Female, Underground, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: NGAHHH!!
Gimmick: Undyne has a constant desire for action, adventure, and destruction. Beating up nerds in the name of JUSTICE! But if JUSTICE! is not a reasonable option then just beating people up because being strong rules is also an acceptable excuse. Undyne will take any challenger and try really really hard to pummel their faces into the dirt. She will not surrender until there is no other option and even then she probably won't stop holding a grudge. She will throw a whole lot of spears at you!! She never gives up, no matter what! Sometimes to the point where her sheer single-minded determination is also her weakness. Her outlook of JUSTICE AT ANY COST carries an air of severe naiveté, but also an exuberance the likes of which mere mortal men can never hold.
Creator: CJacobs

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Hatsune Miku
18, Female, Japanese, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Sankyuu Suplex
Gimmick: She's a digital diva software program anime
Creator: Shei-kun

(Part of the stable Strong Female Protagonists)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Super Shimada Bros. --


Genji Shimada
35, Male, Japanese, Japanese Junior, Face
Finisher: Dragonblade
Gimmick: A Cyborg Ninja, Genji is very honorable,if somewhat boastful at times. His acrobatic fighting style has few equals. He has convinced his brother to tag with him, in an attempt to mend their relationship after the...accident. His mechanical nature, once a source of angst, has become a source of his pride as of late,due to his time in Nepal.
Creator: VolticSurge

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Hanzo Shimada
38, Male, Japanese, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Dragonstrike
Gimmick: The more serious and stern of the 2 brothers,Hanzo uses less flair when fighting than his brother. On a quest for atonement after the...accident that disfigured his brother, he has crossed paths with Genji again, and has agreed to tag with him in an attempt to soothe his troubled soul. Like his brother, he also places high importance on honor, even more so, possibly due to his guilt.
Creator: VolticSurge

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Team Rocket --


Jessie
21, Female, Japanese, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Enraged Powerbomb
Gimmick: Tried of being the bad guys and dealing with Pokemon, they moved where their skills at costuming and entertainment can really shine. They wear a different costume to every fight, a different theme to every event. They are ready willing and able to use anything to entertain and win.
Creator: SystemLogoff

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


James
21, Male, Japanese, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Flaming Upercut
Gimmick: Tried of being the bad guys and dealing with Pokemon, they moved where their skills at costuming and entertainment can really shine. They wear a different costume to every fight, a different theme to every event. They are ready willing and able to use anything to entertain and win.
Creator: SystemLogoff

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Throne Watchers --


Admiral Orlock
43, Male, Helghast, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: THERE WILL BE NO QUARTER!
Gimmick: Admiral of the Helghan Navy and current Supreme Commander of the Helghan Military. His tag-team partner also happens to be his rival.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jorhan Stahl
53, Male, Helghast, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: What Planet Do You THINK YOU'RE ON?!!
Gimmick: CEO of Stahl Arms Corporation, primary weapons supplier to the Helghan Military. His tag-team partner also happens to be his rival.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 07:41 on Dec 11, 2016

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Unending Lightspeed Carnage (WEDNESDAYS)

: : SINGLES DIVISION : :


Annie Mae
1000, Female, Japanese, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Kawaiiledriver
Gimmick: Just really wants to impress senpai. Sadly for everyone else, her senpai is Aja Kong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhqCQEGy8pM. May also be a cat?
Creator: Junpei Hyde

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Asuka
35, Female, Japanese, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Asuka Lock
Gimmick: Asuka is gonna gently caress your poo poo up. She kicks like a horse and wrestles like an anaconda. She'll either kick your head clean off or just tear your arm off at the shoulder, and do it all with a manic smile.
Creator: biosterous

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Billy "The Kid" Miller
24, Male, American, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: The Billy Buster
Gimmick: Despite looking older, is actually the younger brother of former SLW superstar Jack "The Thriller" Miller () who at last check was subject to a property dispute between a literal red dragon and the forces of hell. Loves to party as much as he loves wrestling. Not *quite* as entitled as Jack was, but is, if anything, possibly even dumber.
Creator: JT Jag

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Captain Snuggles
5, Male, Cat, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Kitty 1-2-3
Gimmick: Is a cat :3
Creator: IGgy IGsen

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Dark Adam
40s, Male, Spacenoid, Technician, Face
Finisher: BOTTLE SHIP!
Gimmick: Pretentious jerk, Adam, is a manager for anyone who happens to be unlucky enough to get lose their contract to him. He thinks he's the greatest military mind, but still loses a lot. Has a bad habit of handicapping wrestlers under his care by restricting their moveset.
Creator: Jobbo_Fett

(Tag team partners with Dark Samus)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Dark Samus
>1 year, Female(?), Pure Phazon, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Screw Attack Power Bomb
Gimmick: SAMUS BUT PHAZON
Creator: Shei-kun

(Tag team partners with Dark Adam)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Gore Magala
18, Unknown, Unknown, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Virus Wave
Gimmick: Is a walking natural disaster and a literal dragon. Spreads its frenzy virus which makes everyone go berserk. Halfway through the match will go into a Frenzy Mode where it becomes stronger and more aggressive, but exposing its feeler weak points.
Creator: Tyty

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ha Yuri Zahard
618, Female, Korean, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Explosive Punches
Gimmick: Princess and killer extraordinaire, her natural cleverness has a tendency to be undermined by her bullheaded methodology, forcing her servants and allies to pick up the pieces. She comes from a massive tower run by a brutally powerful group of royalty who value strength above all else: a society she hates enough to repeatedly undermine, despite standing nearly at the top of it herself. Despite this, she still seems to enjoy threatening to kill everyone who crosses her a little bit too much...
Creator: thetruegentleman

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Heliosaur
31, Male, English, Psychopath, Face
Finisher: Payday Powerbomb
Gimmick: Having lied, cheated and far too frequently stolen his way through the indie circuit, Heliosaur is ready to make a big splash in the major leagues. He will do whatever it takes to win, be it forming quick and dirty alliances or sucking up to whatever wanker holds the most sway backstage. Whatever gives him an even bigger paycheck. If greed is good, Heliosaur is a saint. Definitely not just famed criminal Jim Hoxworth wearing a badly painted dinosaur mask.
Creator: Wordybird

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Ivan
24, Male, Russian, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Enbaku Mode
Gimmick: After saving the world, the US Government shut down Guantanamo Bay due to pressure from US and local populations. Because of this, Ivan was now out of a job a sweet rear end drum set and sound stage.
Creator: Jobbo_Fett

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Antonio Alejos Espinales, a k a "Old Man Deathsquads"
59, Male, Chimerican, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Coup d'état de Grace
Gimmick: General in a central american banana republic. Likes death squads and being in the USA's pocket, hates poor people and fair elections. Knows to always just say "no" to communism.
Creator: Covski

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Otto von Ruthless
26, Male, German(?), Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Stuka Splash
Gimmick: Nazi aristocratic officer fighting for the good of the Reich. Lots of showmanship combined with high flying and technician moves. Some say he's the real deal, lost in time from some freak military experiment from WW2. Others say he's really a half Filipino half White redditor who had a mental break when his girlfriend broke up with him. Time will tell which of these is true...
Creator: Roman Reigns

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Pepsiman
29, Male, American, Regular, Heel
Finisher: Pepsi Plunge
Gimmick: Someone who wants to spread to glory of Pepsi through any means necessary. (Alternatively, the Straight Edge Society, but with Pepsi)
Creator: Dreamsicle

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Prince Ezeikiel
Immeasurable by mortals, despite appearing and acting 21, Male, Medi, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: Lion of Death Style
Gimmick: Once the orphaned prince of a lost kingdom, Zeik is doomed by powerful magicks to live as a half-vampire half-manticore with two girlfriends and a space mercenary army. The Dark Seals on his arms, applied by a death cult ceremony, only awaken his powers further. Needless to say, he's incredibly pompous and a very sore loser.
Creator: Rather Watch Them

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Sen. Steven Armstrong (R-CO)
44, Male, American, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: Nano-Buster; Longhorn Gore
Gimmick: Evil Hulk Hogan on nano-roids. Juiced up on AMERICA, son! A super-patriotic idealistic nutjob bent on reinventing 'The American Dream'. Believes in survival of the fittest. Resents the mass media, guys named Jack, guys named Raiden, current liberal crybaby safe space America, University of Oklahoma, soft-rear end poo poo. Played college football(, ya know!) at University of Texas. Presidential shoo-in.
Creator: TheHoosier

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


The King of All Cosmos
We do not question the king's age, Male, All Nationalities, Japanese Junior, Heel
Finisher: ROYAL RAINBOW
Gimmick: The King has yet again accidentally destroyed the stars. How's he going to fix it this time? By rolling up all the biggest wrestling stars of course! Surely they all can glow bright enough to replace the cosmos?
Creator: poorlywrittennovel

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Zebulon Stahl
29, Male, American, Technician, Heel
Finisher: Twelfth Level Ultra Suplex
Gimmick: Zebulon seeks to crush the weak and become the strongest there ever was. He only has contempt for others until they can show him they have enough strength to truly challenge him, and sees the audience as weaklings who are unable to stand up for themselves. Shows respect for those he knows are tougher than him. He has glowing blue eyes from a mysterious chemical/cooking incident, but doesn't talk about it.
Creator: Professor Malice

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

: : TAG TEAMS : :

-- ADVENT Beat Cops --


The Viper
25, Female, Canadian, Technician, Heel
Finisher: The Coils
Gimmick: Peacekeeper security officer by day, wrestler by whatever nights her schedule allows her. The Viper makes up the straight-faced, serious and cool half of the two peacekeepers making up Alien Movement the Beat Cops. Every person may be a potential threat to ADVENT, and she usually is the first to point to a terrorist with a crackling stun baton. Not that that would get used in the ring, obviously. Got to have kayfabe be fun for all parties involved.
Creator: Dinictus

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


The Berserker
35, Female, Canadian, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: The Insurgent Crusher
Gimmick: If the Viper is the cool 'good cop' of ADVENT's public relations team in SLW, the Berserker is the perpetually angry 'bad cop.' The moment she enters the ring, there is no higher thinking beyond blind rage and smashing some oversized fists into some poor fool's body until someone stays down. Somehow, though, very acute about any authority figures in the ring - like actual referees. Outside of the ring, though, Bee actually is sedate and very much calm, enjoying ADVENT-approved non-offensive literature and music.
Creator: Dinictus

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Armshock! --


Brad Armstrong
35, Male, American, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Armstrong Style Beatdown
Gimmick: Down on Life Ex-Karate instructor, carving a path through life with his fists. A hard man with a soft core.
Creator: Manic_Misanthrope

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


SHOCK LORD
32, Male, American, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Big Shock
Gimmick: The Most Shocking personality in wrestling! The saviour who rules the world and shocks evil to it's core! If he can get through the Entrance without tripping.
Creator: Manic_Misanthrope

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Deadly Sirius --


Watase Kasasagi
30, Male, Japanese, Technician, Face
Finisher: Kasasagi Special
Gimmick: An elite rescue squad captain. Has a strong desire to save people, taking great risks when people are in danger. However, he has a bit of a problem trusting people - at times, it seems that his opinion of you can turn on a dime, going from absolute trust to backstabbing potential in a heartbeat. That's not the case with Jun, though. He always trusts Jun.
Creator: TheMcD

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jun Moribe
20, Female, Japanese, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Moribe Special
Gimmick: An elite rescue squad member. A bundle of energy, always raring to get out and get into some action, she has the tendency to pick fights she probably shouldn't be picking. She also seems to have a darker side to her, as her love of her engine cutter has made her more than ready to level the playing field with whatever weapons are available. However, Watase keeps her restrained from just going nuts most of the time.
Creator: TheMcD

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Dishonored --


Corvo Attano
54, Male, Italian, MMA Crossover, Heel
Finisher: Shadow Kill
Gimmick: Plays himself off as the taciturn bodyguard to his daughter Emily and claims to have magical powers (which he can't actually use in the ring, of course).
Creator: Maleketh

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Emily Kaldwin
25, Female, British, Technician, Face
Finisher: Shadow Walk
Gimmick: She rules an entire empire, and while she avoids the "rich noble" stereotype, she won't hesitate to gently caress you up if you mess with her, her dad, or her people.
Creator: Maleketh

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Fish & Chicken --


Fish
32, Male, Canadian, Regular, Face
Finisher: The Rule of Law
Gimmick: Former cop who got kicked off the force for pursuing the wrong case. No longer able to show his face in public - thus turning to the only profession that would allow a masked man in, professional wrestling. Believes in and/or is obsessed with the rule of law and order, also makes that "donk donk" sound from the show Law and Order whenever a match starts. Always seems to have a few more punches left in him than you'd expect.
Creator: Trick Question

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Chicken
26, Male, American, Luchador, Face
Finisher: (Indecipherable Japanese Yelling)
Gimmick: Fish's rookie partner who got thrown on his rear end from the police force for the exact same case, refusing to abandon his partner. Loves old karate & kung-fu movies, and lives his life by a constricting and ill-defined code of honor. Much more energetic and willing to bend the rules than Fish. Seems to be able to get back up from blows that you'd expect to put him down.
Creator: Trick Question

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- The Moral Guardians --


The Curtain Twitcher
50, Female, Australian, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: The Shaming Gaze
Gimmick: Mrs Mangel, better known to you and I as The Curtain Twitcher, set up Neighbourhood Watch schemes in Australia, no secret was left undiscovered when her beady eyes uncover something. She ensures that her neighbours behave in a moral and Christian way.
Creator: Sad King Billy

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


The Sentinel
52, Female, British, Technician, Face
Finisher: The Shaming Gaze
Gimmick: After a long career trying to clean up the Media in the UK, Mary Whitehouse realised that there wasn't much she could do about American Imports. So she came here, to fight the infection at it's source. Like Mrs Mangel, she wants to instil good old fashioned Christian values back into the world and where better to start, than in an organisation run by Satan himself!
Creator: Sad King Billy

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Team Titans --


BT-7274
973 Days, Male, Frontier Militia, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Laser Core
Gimmick: Vanguard-class Titan and hero of the Militia, "BT" has a machine gun bigger than a lexus and kills a whole lot of IMC dudes. He is sworn by protocol to Complete the Mission (kick as much rear end as possible) and Protect the Pilot, Jack Cooper. This basically means he does all the heavy lifting while Jack hits a hot tag every now and then. He's a giant robot so really everything else is what you expect out of a giant robot. You know, jokes like "calculating a 100% chance of kicking your rear end".
Creator: HOTLANTA MAN

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Jack Cooper
23, Male, American, Cruiserweight, Face
Finisher: Standby for Titanfall
Gimmick: Jack Cooper is a rifleman of the Frontier Militia under the brigade of the Marauder Corps who has aspirations of becoming a Pilot. His wishes seemingly come true when a veteran Vanguard-class Titan by the name of BT-7274 voluntarily links with Cooper after the death of his Pilot, and against the wishes of command. The two form a bond and work together against overwhelming odds to uphold a mission they were never meant to carry out. He has a stupid loving goatee and all the other wrestlers make fun of him for it.
Creator: HOTLANTA MAN

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- Terror of the Deep --


Master Tentacular
38, Unknown, Abyssal Plane, Puroresu, Heel
Finisher: TentaPull
Gimmick: A time traveling colossal squid saved by intergalactic Time Bandits from the ecological devastation of the recent future, Master Tentacular is an invertebrate supremacist who hopes to humiliate humanity in the most public way possible - by defeating them in professional wrestling. To this end it has been paired with Spermicide in an unlikely alliance against that most wretched of creatures, the land mammal.
Creator: Cathode Raymond

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Spermicide
253, Unknown, Abyssal Plane, Spot Monkey, Heel
Finisher: Gargant Chomp to Flipper Stomp
Gimmick: Known for his flashy, smashy takedowns of 1800's-era whaling ships, inscrutable Time Bandits whisked Spermicide from his happy life in the near past and transported him hundreds of years forward in time that he might pursue a career in professional wrestling alongside Master Tentacular.

Has a grave eye injury incurred during a boating accident. Someone else's boating accident.

Creator: Cathode Raymond

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

-- The Warframes --


Nemesis Nyx Prime
Unknown, Female, Lasrian-American-Orokin, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Assimilate Absorb
Gimmick: Living metal Warframe, psychic. Motives unclear, but known to be drawn towards conflict and loot. Mute.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Valkyr Prime
Unknown, Female, Orokin, Spot Monkey, Face
Finisher: Hysterical Assault
Gimmick: Living metal Warframe, berserker. Motives unclear, but known to be drawn towards conflict and loot. Not mute, but vocabulary consists entirely of screaming.
Creator: Fish Noise

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0



Fusion Catastrophe Zone (SATURDAYS)


Arnold J Rimmer
43, Male, British, Regular, Heel
Finisher: Napoleonic Tactics
Gimmick: An abject coward except when he infrequently remembers he's more or less indestructible, also notable for misquoting Space Corps directives.
Creator: ZeeToo

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


"Captain" Fargle
27, Male, British, ????, Face(?)
Finisher: ????
Gimmick: Completely and utterly incompetent at anything involving actual wrestling. 5'8'' with the muscle mass of a child that's 2'1'' he also knows less than nothing about the sport. On the other hand, he is VERY good at shouting at people.
Creator: Captain Fargle

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Chimp Man Z!
22, Male, Chinese, Luchador, Face
Finisher: Ape-ocalypse Now!
Gimmick: From far beyond the stars comes a super-stellar force of sublime simian showmanship: Chimp Man Z! Don't let his meager size fool you, this primate packs a punch and a half! On a mission to bring peace to the cosmos, Chimp Man Z! finds himself drawn to the SLW hoping to find like-minded justice-seeking types. And while he may not be able to speak any language recognizable to humans, his courage, tenacity and heart shine through and let his friends and allies know where he stands. Rise, Chimp Man Z! And may fortune and fate favour your fame!
Creator: Kaboom Dragoon

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Dong Zhuo
40, Male, Chinese, Regular, Heel
Finisher: Sheer Destruction
Gimmick: Think Paul Bearer. Usually not a real fighter and will avoid it with all his might, but if pushed into a corner, will throw his weight around.
Creator: FeyerbrandX

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


God
∞, Male, Israeli, Technician, Face
Finisher: The Rapture
Gimmick: The literal creator of our universe.
Creator: Rarity

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Gold War
19, Female, Unknown, Brawler, Face
Finisher: Gorilla Press Drop; Running Splash
Gimmick: A young woman who decided to honor the late, great Ultimate Warrior by, uh, stealing a Kane mask and spray-painting it gold. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.
Creator: Jeabus Mahogany

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Goody "Two Shoes" Goodman
21, Male, American, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Sling Blade
Gimmick: "Oh! Oh! He's doing that thing where he points at his shoes"
Creator: biosterous

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Grits Madlec
30, Male, Czech, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: The Mastiff Mauler
Gimmick: Once Madlec was the most famed dog thief in Prague, until one day he stole the wrong dog. Now he has come to these shores to escape the Czech Mafia and steal all the dogs. He is cunning, merciless and entirely paranoid! He disguises himself as a dog to lull pets into a false sense of security.
Creator: Sad King Billy

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


James "Orange" Borrison
23, Male, English, Regular, Face
Finisher: Version Orange
Gimmick: An infernal demon that was abandoned as a baby, then raised by the most boring humans on the planet Earth, James doesn't really get the whole "Sinning" thing. The only reason he got into wrestling was through a very complicated yet ultimately unsatisfying encounter with a rogue stamp collector. Nevertheless, his genetic heritage can still shine through, as he boasts an uncanny knowledge of every Satanic Ritual that can possibly be done using any Wrestling Championship Belt, as well as an unholy fascination with creating strange plaid-denim abominations. Has a terrible naming sense and yes, that is actually his hair.
Creator: Jeabus Mahogany

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


JoJo Effing
27, Male, Amerikan, Technician, Heel
Finisher: Effing Neckbreaker; Effing Scrot Lock
Gimmick: Ain't it fun when you know that you're gonna die young.
Creator: Eddy Bulundees

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Lance "Le Chuck" Dart
28, Male, Canadian, Entertainer , Heel
Finisher: The Lawn Dart; The Tennis Elbow
Gimmick: Lance is great at throwing objects, and especially if said item is a chair. Somehow, someway, he will hit you in the face with a chair thrown from one end of the ring to the other. When he isn't busy getting into garbage fights, or when such activities are outright banned by the higher ups, Lance can count on a few in-ring antics/moves to try and win the crowd to his side.
Creator: Jobbo_Fett

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


R. Hee Ermey
22, Male, American, MMA Crossover, Face
Finisher: Full Hee-Ho Jacket
Gimmick: Hee's finally here. After over 300 confirmed pinfalls in numerous secret shows in Japan and Antarctica, this cold-as-ice trooper has arrived to either whip the rest of Super-League Wrestling into top fighting shape, or bring about the storm that ends the miserable things they call their championship hopes. Address him as anything other than Drill Sergeant and he'll rip off your head and hee-ho down your neck. Despite hailing from the same franchisetalent farm as Fumi and Nemissa, neither can actually pull rank on him...and as his tales of his prior military and wrestling exploits get taller, no one can really be sure who can.
Creator: Andy Waltfeld

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Shinjobi Jones
35, Male, Texan, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Texas THUD
Gimmick: Babyface jobber with a heart of gold. Shinjobi Jones knows how to play to the crowd, and when able to get some offense in he can show off a decent moveset. The problem is those opportunities are few and far between. Cheers are fleeting, success ever elusive. Even so, Shinjobi remains optimistic. :unsmith:
Creator: Shinjobi

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Sir Bearington
13, Male, Human, Puroresu, Face
Finisher: Bear Hug
Gimmick: A completely normal human that has very obviously human claws, and has come to SLW to wrestle his fellow normal humans to prove himself as the greatest human wrestler of all time. Totally not a bear.
Creator: Lynkericious

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Speedoman
50, Male, Australian, Brawler, Heel
Finisher: STOP THE BOATS
Gimmick: He likes to pretend he's a British Lord knighting people.
Creator: Mysticblade

(Tag partner of Thom Cruz)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


That Guy
20, Male, Canadian, Psychopath, Heel
Finisher: Deathly Lust
Gimmick: Not much is known about this man. All we do know is that he showed up at a haunted house one year and his excited visage at the moment of surprise has been forever burned into the consciousnesses of everyone who views him. After staring down the headlights of a car gone rogue, he's here to stare down anyone in his way as he goes for the title.
Creator: FPzero

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Thom Cruz
50, Male, American, Entertainer, Heel
Finisher: The Thetan Twister
Gimmick: A top-tier acolyte of the school of science magic. His powers have bestowed on him a partial form of insanity where he insists on performing dangerous and painful stunts just because he can. Because of his higher enlightenment, he finds himself compelled to run very fast almost every time he makes an appearance, and on very rare occasions, he'll even hop up and down on chairs. In one storyline, he used a magic spell he gained from an alien to resurrect himself over and over again, but it wasn't very popular with the fans.
Creator: Blastinus

(Tag partner of Speedoman)

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0


Tyler Breeze
Irelevant, Male, Adonis, Entertainer, Face
Finisher: Camera Counter Combo
Gimmick: A normal wrestler by all accounts, however, his power is linked to the selfies he takes pre- and mid-match. Let him get enough off, and he'll show you the true power of a male model. And god help you if you hit him or his phone while he's taking a photo.
Creator: ACES CURE PLANES

W: 0 L: 0 D: 0 STDs: 0

nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 07:25 on Dec 11, 2016

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
If you have any issues with your wrestler's positions anywhere on this roster, please feel free to scream futilely into the digital abyss.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Herr Tog posted:

Business suit Samus

:colbert:

WOULD YOU JUST BE loving PATIENT!!!! :byodood:

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nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
Alright people, let's :siren::siren:PRE-SHOW THREAD VOTE TIME:siren::siren:!!!

Just like with the last two LPs, you! Yes YOU sitting behind your computer monitor or mobile device get to play booker... to the extent that I will allow it. We'll usually put one match up for a vote for each of our three shows at the start of each game "week". Because we're just starting out, we're gonna focus mostly on the mid-card matches for now.

As such, here are our choices for the upcoming shows:

EXTREME CONFLICT RESOLUTION 3D - Week 1:

What gimmick do you want to see the tag match between The Throne Watchers and Team Rocket be?
A) 50 Foot Pit of Fiery Doom Cage Match
B) A :torgue: "gently caress it, let's just have some explosions!" :torgue: Match
C) A Chained-to-an-Actual-Rocket Blast-Off Match



UNENDING LIGHTSPEED CARNAGE - Week 1:

I'm sick of the King of All Cosmos's bullshit already. Who do you want to see beat the poo poo out of him? (submit up to three wrestlers)
1)
2)
3)



FUSION CATASTROPHE ZONE - Week 1:

Who do you want to see compete for the inaugural match for the Buscus* "Championship" belt? (submit two wreslters)
1)
2)


Happy voting!






* The Buscus Title, which I stole shamelessly from LPFWA is the "loser" belt of SLW. Every week at the start of each episode of FCZ, the Buscus will be on the line in a title match. Whoever loses that match "wins" the Buscus belt, thus solidifying their status as that week's biggest loser in SLW. The only way to rid oneself of the Buscus is to pin your opponent the next week and win the match, thereby "losing" the Buscus belt.

  • Locked thread