The No Peasants Allowed Secret Noble Clubhouse (For Officers)

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EBB: Feb 15, 2005

Top told me to get a haircut today, I told him it's "Please get a haircut, sir" :chord:

# ? Jan 5, 2017 18:19

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 04:22

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

Nice threads, sir

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jan 5, 2017 19:20

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Since this thread is for officers, will you first ask the nearest enlisted what to post before you actually type it out?

Or is this just a grab at some vague "moral booster" OER bullet?

# ? Jan 5, 2017 21:37

Helldump Immunity: Sep 11, 2001; pretty much rollin with the dad farm these days

Enlisted smell funny.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 21:44

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

smdftb sir

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jan 5, 2017 21:44

Helldump Immunity: Sep 11, 2001; pretty much rollin with the dad farm these days

SECURITY

# ? Jan 5, 2017 21:45

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

Mike-o posted:

smdftb sir

Three months extra duty

# ? Jan 5, 2017 21:50

Ceiling fan: Dec 26, 2003; I really like ceilings.; Dead Man’s Band

You aren't allowed to force me to pay dues for this thread.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:12

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

THE PUSH-UP EVENT MEASURES THE ENDURANCE OF THE CHEST, SHOULDER, AND TRICEPS MUSCLES. ON THE COMMAND 'GET SET,' ASSUME THE FRONT-LEANING REST POSITION BY PLACING YOUR HANDS WHERE THEY ARE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR UP TO 12 INCHES APART. WHEN VIEWED FROM THE SIDE, YOUR BODY SHOULD FORM A GENERALLY STRAIGHT LINE FROM YOUR SHOULDERS TO YOUR ANKLES. ON THE COMMAND 'GO,' BEGIN THE PUSH-UP BY BENDING YOUR ELBOWS AND LOWERING YOUR ENTIRE BODY AS A SINGLE UNIT UNTIL YOUR UPPER ARMS ARE AT LEAST PARALLEL TO THE GROUND. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION BY RAISING YOUR ENTIRE BODY UNTIL YOUR ARMS ARE FULLY EXTENDED. YOUR BODY MUST REMAIN RIGID IN A GENERALLY STRAIGHT LINE AND MOVE AS A UNIT WHILE PERFORMING EACH REPETITION. AT THE END OF EACH REPETITION, THE SCORER WILL STATE THE NUMBER OF REPETITIONS YOU HAVE COMPLETED CORRECTLY. IF YOU FAIL TO KEEP YOUR BODY GENERALLY STRAIGHT, TO LOWER YOUR WHOLE BODY UNTIL YOUR UPPER ARMS ARE AT LEAST PARALLEL TO THE GROUND, OR TO EXTEND YOUR ARMS COMPLETELY, THAT REPETITION WILL NOT COUNT, AND THE SCORER WILL REPEAT THE NUMBER OF THE LAST CORRECTLY PERFORMED REPETITION.

IF YOU FAIL TO PERFORM THE FIRST TEN PUSH-UPS CORRECTLY, THE SCORER WILL TELL YOU TO GO TO YOUR KNEES AND WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT YOUR MISTAKES ARE. YOU WILL THEN BE SENT TO THE END OF THE LINE TO BE RETESTED. AFTER THE FIRST 10 PUSH-UPS HAVE BEEN PERFORMED AND COUNTED, HOWEVER, NO RESTARTS ARE ALLOWED. THE TEST WILL CONTINUE, AND ANY INCORRECTLY PERFORMED PUSH-UPS WILL NOT BE COUNTED. AN ALTERED, FRONT-LEANING REST POSITION IS THE ONLY AUTHORIZED REST POSITION. THAT IS, YOU MAY SAG IN THE MIDDLE OR FLEX YOUR BACK. WHEN FLEXING YOUR BACK, YOU MAY BEND YOUR KNEES, BUT NOT TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING MOST OF YOUR BODY WEIGHT WITH YOUR LEGS. IF THIS OCCURS, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED. YOU MUST RETURN TO, AND PAUSE IN, THE CORRECT STARTING POSITION BEFORE CONTINUING. IF YOU REST ON THE GROUND OR RAISE EITHER HAND OR FOOT FROM THE GROUND, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED. YOU MAY REPOSITION YOUR HANDS AND/OR FEET DURING THE EVENT AS LONG AS THEY REMAIN IN CONTACT WITH THE GROUND AT ALL TIMES. CORRECT PERFORMANCE IS IMPORTANT. YOU WILL HAVE TWO MINUTES IN WHICH TO DO AS MANY PUSH-UPS AS YOU CAN. WATCH THIS DEMONSTRATION.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:13

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Naked Bear posted:

THE PUSH-UP EVENT MEASURES THE ENDURANCE OF THE CHEST, SHOULDER, AND TRICEPS MUSCLES. ON THE COMMAND 'GET SET,' ASSUME THE FRONT-LEANING REST POSITION BY PLACING YOUR HANDS WHERE THEY ARE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR UP TO 12 INCHES APART. WHEN VIEWED FROM THE SIDE, YOUR BODY SHOULD FORM A GENERALLY STRAIGHT LINE FROM YOUR SHOULDERS TO YOUR ANKLES. ON THE COMMAND 'GO,' BEGIN THE PUSH-UP BY BENDING YOUR ELBOWS AND LOWERING YOUR ENTIRE BODY AS A SINGLE UNIT UNTIL YOUR UPPER ARMS ARE AT LEAST PARALLEL TO THE GROUND. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION BY RAISING YOUR ENTIRE BODY UNTIL YOUR ARMS ARE FULLY EXTENDED. YOUR BODY MUST REMAIN RIGID IN A GENERALLY STRAIGHT LINE AND MOVE AS A UNIT WHILE PERFORMING EACH REPETITION. AT THE END OF EACH REPETITION, THE SCORER WILL STATE THE NUMBER OF REPETITIONS YOU HAVE COMPLETED CORRECTLY. IF YOU FAIL TO KEEP YOUR BODY GENERALLY STRAIGHT, TO LOWER YOUR WHOLE BODY UNTIL YOUR UPPER ARMS ARE AT LEAST PARALLEL TO THE GROUND, OR TO EXTEND YOUR ARMS COMPLETELY, THAT REPETITION WILL NOT COUNT, AND THE SCORER WILL REPEAT THE NUMBER OF THE LAST CORRECTLY PERFORMED REPETITION.

IF YOU FAIL TO PERFORM THE FIRST TEN PUSH-UPS CORRECTLY, THE SCORER WILL TELL YOU TO GO TO YOUR KNEES AND WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT YOUR MISTAKES ARE. YOU WILL THEN BE SENT TO THE END OF THE LINE TO BE RETESTED. AFTER THE FIRST 10 PUSH-UPS HAVE BEEN PERFORMED AND COUNTED, HOWEVER, NO RESTARTS ARE ALLOWED. THE TEST WILL CONTINUE, AND ANY INCORRECTLY PERFORMED PUSH-UPS WILL NOT BE COUNTED. AN ALTERED, FRONT-LEANING REST POSITION IS THE ONLY AUTHORIZED REST POSITION. THAT IS, YOU MAY SAG IN THE MIDDLE OR FLEX YOUR BACK. WHEN FLEXING YOUR BACK, YOU MAY BEND YOUR KNEES, BUT NOT TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING MOST OF YOUR BODY WEIGHT WITH YOUR LEGS. IF THIS OCCURS, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED. YOU MUST RETURN TO, AND PAUSE IN, THE CORRECT STARTING POSITION BEFORE CONTINUING. IF YOU REST ON THE GROUND OR RAISE EITHER HAND OR FOOT FROM THE GROUND, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED. YOU MAY REPOSITION YOUR HANDS AND/OR FEET DURING THE EVENT AS LONG AS THEY REMAIN IN CONTACT WITH THE GROUND AT ALL TIMES. CORRECT PERFORMANCE IS IMPORTANT. YOU WILL HAVE TWO MINUTES IN WHICH TO DO AS MANY PUSH-UPS AS YOU CAN. WATCH THIS DEMONSTRATION.

Well said "sir"...

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:25

Proud Christian Mom: Dec 20, 2006; READING COMPREHENSION IS HARD

THANKS FOR UR SERVICE

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:25

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

ASAPI posted:

Well said "sir"...

I'm not a "sir;" I work for a living. :colbert:

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:27

Syrian Lannister: Aug 25, 2007; Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.; Sugartime Jones

I may be saying 'sir' but I'm pronouncing it c-u-r

Oh and thank you for your cervix

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:31

redneck nazgul: Apr 25, 2013

Helldump Immunity posted:

SECURITY

aren't all of your MPs...enlisted

sir

# ? Jan 5, 2017 22:47

Helldump Immunity: Sep 11, 2001; pretty much rollin with the dad farm these days

redneck nazgul posted:

aren't all of your MPs...enlisted

sir

We use DoD cops :smug:

# ? Jan 5, 2017 23:39

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

Helldump Immunity posted:

We use DoD cops

ZERO

ZERO

ZERO

TERMINATED

# ? Jan 5, 2017 23:43

Bob A Feet: Aug 10, 2005; Dear diary, I got another erection today at work. SO embarrassing, but kinda hot. The CO asked me to fix up his dress uniform. I had stayed late at work to move his badges 1/8" to the left and pointed it out this morning. 1SG spanked me while the CO watched, once they caught it. Tomorrow I get to start all over again...

Best thread in gip

# ? Jan 6, 2017 00:42

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Helldump Immunity posted:

We use DoD cops

Uh oh.... Those are the guys that will dump 1000 rounds into a van if it doesn't stop. Better watch out guys...

Who am I kidding, you won't fill out the paperwork involved.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 00:52

Helldump Immunity: Sep 11, 2001; pretty much rollin with the dad farm these days

They always look really gassy

# ? Jan 6, 2017 00:53

Zeris: Apr 15, 2003; Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Enlisted first offense is a six hour

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:26

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

ASAPI posted:

Uh oh.... Those are the guys that will dump 1000 rounds into a van if it doesn't stop. Better watch out guys...

Who am I kidding, you won't fill out the paperwork involved.

That's what enlisteds are for.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:31

psydude: Apr 1, 2008

ASAPI posted:

Since this thread is for officers, will you first ask the nearest enlisted what to post before you actually type it out?

Or is this just a grab at some vague "moral booster" OER bullet?

Trick question. Enlisteds don't know how to write.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:35

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

I mean really, why would you volunteer to get less money and not get to boss people around from the get go? Lunacy.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:35

Zeris: Apr 15, 2003; Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

All enlisted are encouraged to vote '5'

We are legally prevented from ordering you to vote this thread a '5'

But...go ahead, see what happens

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:38

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

I think people who want to post in the enlisted thread need a safety brief first.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:53

psydude: Apr 1, 2008

Zeris posted:

All enlisted are encouraged to vote '5'

We are legally prevented from ordering you to vote this thread a '5'

But...go ahead, see what happens

Commander's discretion.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 03:53

UP THE BUM NO BABY: Sep 1, 2011; by Hand Knit

Zeris posted:

All enlisted are encouraged to vote '5'

We are legally prevented from ordering you to vote this thread a '5'

But...go ahead, see what happens

What can you do? I'll just go to IG

# ? Jan 6, 2017 04:27

Helldump Immunity: Sep 11, 2001; pretty much rollin with the dad farm these days

Welp just pinned on 1Lt time for a BMW M3.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 04:47

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

CO says I'm not allowed to call for fire anymore. Come on, it's not like those guys were permanently injured or anything. One page LOD and a week in the hospital, tops.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 04:51

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Pesticide20 posted:

What can you do? I'll just go to IG

I eiffel towered a chick with the IG back in college.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 05:25

Zeris: Apr 15, 2003; Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Godholio posted:

I eiffel towered a chick with the IG back in college.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 05:29

overdesigned: Apr 10, 2003; We are compassion...; Lipstick Apathy

Finally a place where I can complain about how hard it is getting paid to fly airplanes for a living for eight hours a month.

And there's no eiffel towering either.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 07:05

Helldump Immunity: Sep 11, 2001; pretty much rollin with the dad farm these days

I smoked pot with IG

# ? Jan 6, 2017 07:56

Time Crisis Actor: Apr 28, 2002; by Hand Knit

I am the IG

# ? Jan 6, 2017 07:56

ElMaligno: Dec 31, 2004; Be Gay!
Do Crime!

Zeris posted:

All enlisted are encouraged to vote '5'

We are legally prevented from ordering you to vote this thread a '5'

But...go ahead, see what happens

*hits 1 multiple times*

you are not in my chain of command

# ? Jan 6, 2017 12:29

Bob A Feet: Aug 10, 2005; Dear diary, I got another erection today at work. SO embarrassing, but kinda hot. The CO asked me to fix up his dress uniform. I had stayed late at work to move his badges 1/8" to the left and pointed it out this morning. 1SG spanked me while the CO watched, once they caught it. Tomorrow I get to start all over again...

overdesigned posted:

Finally a place where I can complain about how hard it is getting paid to fly airplanes for a living for eight hours a month.

And there's no eiffel towering either.

I get paid to fly almost zero hours a month.

Welcome to USMC aviation

# ? Jan 6, 2017 14:52

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Helldump Immunity posted:

I smoked pot with IG

Billy and I actually used to smoke cigars and drink beers in garages with a current IG. He's also the guy who spotted an AWO (who lived next door) literally throwing a neighborhood cat in the air higher than his house. Edit: And he's the guy who had the haunted room at the Warrior Inn at Nellis.

# ? Jan 6, 2017 16:39