ITT we are waitresses trying too hard for a good tip

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we are waitresses trying too hard for a good tip

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Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Hi honey! Just post your responses anytime you're ready, sweetie. Tee-Hee!

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:29

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 07:49

Moongrave: Jun 19, 2004; Finally Living Rent Free

*lives in a country where tipping isn't a thing and just gets paid a normal wage*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:30

Neukoln19: Oct 27, 2005

TIP ME GOOD GOD drat

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:30

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

*has boobs*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:30

BONE DOG: Jun 7, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

How are those first bites tasting!?

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:33

Kibbles n Shits: Apr 8, 2006; burgerpug.png; Fun Shoe

Freshen your drink guvnah?

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:36

SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

*Is giving the customer a handjob under that table*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:40

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

can i get you an appetizer? *spreads rear end cheeks*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:40

Mr.Pibbleton: Feb 3, 2006; Aleuts rock, chummer.

*Sticks gun in customer's mouth and demands a tip.

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:42

tetsuo: May 12, 2001; I am a shaman, magician

*leans over unnecessarily to take order*

*has very thin but well defined mustache*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:42

feller: Jul 5, 2006

*gives good service*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

durrr i try to do my job well, clearly that's dumb because trying hard is for lame-os

did i do that right

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:46

Raere: Dec 13, 2007

*sits in booth next to you to take your order*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:47

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Pick posted:

durrr i try to do my job well, clearly that's dumb because trying hard is for lame-os

did i do that right

trying hard is for lame-os. try being a lazy piece of poo poo once in a while like the rest of us

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:47

tetsuo: May 12, 2001; I am a shaman, magician

Raere posted:

*sits in booth next to you to take your order*

doubles as a fleeting break from standing too.

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:48

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

*brings crayons to table*

"How did she know I was autistic?"

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:50

CassandraZara: Oct 21, 2012; by Nyc_Tattoo

Is that your wife? Oh don't mind me I'm just hitting on your loving husband.

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:51

The Walrus: Jul 9, 2002; by Fluffdaddy

had to be female servers hastag etc

# ? Sep 19, 2017 03:54

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

*zeros in on two guys drinking double Macallans*
*ignores other tables, finally they all leave*
*does table dance for each guy*
*Despite missing teeth from meth*

_{based on a true story}

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:00

FisheyStix: Jul 2, 2008; This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

instead of getting your order my boobs fell out HEE

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:00

hotdog feet: Nov 3, 2005

all the stupid things i was going to say were already taken

thanks goon jerks

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:01

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

"...and thats the last time i saw him. All over my hair, and he just walked out. And on his son's 4th birthday too.

Anyways todays special is twinkie casserole. Lemme know when ya'all are ready."

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:37

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Im the weeping cold sore on the 50 year old waitresses lip

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:38

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

*fantasizes about murdering you while pouring your coffee*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:42

Lauroon Kyanka: Sep 17, 2017; *trips on a ladybug*

*dies of old age*

*tries to be a good waitress but ultimately my attempts are thwarted by the cooks in the kitchen not having their food ready on time*

good service + late food = no tip

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:43

tote up a bags: Jun 8, 2006; die stoats die

the tip? baby i want the whole shaft

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:46

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

tote up a bags posted:

the tip? baby i want the whole shaft

Here I rolled up a napkin for you to bite down on. :mmmsmug:

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:49

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Lauroon Kyanka posted:

*tries to be a good waitress but ultimately my attempts are thwarted by the cooks in the kitchen not having their food ready on time*

good service + late food = no tip

Edit: for best results, play the song "frolic" while reading this post

Truth.

One time there was this smoking hot waitress at this diner me and my buddy liked. It took an hour for the food and she brought out some garbage that i didnt even order. And she overheard me talking about the big list of porn and addressed me as "pervert". I tipped her a dime and left.

Well the next week my friend railroads me into going back. The same waitress serves us, seats us in near the shitters and gives me specifically a styrofoam cup for water. She claimed they were out of glasses. It took an hour and a half to get my food and she mixed up the order again. I tipped a nickel, but since i didnt have it on me i put it on my card.

I still kinda wonder what would have happened if i triple-downed and went in for a third week.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD fucked around with this message at 04:54 on Sep 19, 2017

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:50

Away all Goats: Jul 5, 2005; Goose's rebellion

*unprovoked sob story*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:51

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

Truth.

One time there was this smoking hot waitress at this diner me and my buddy liked. It took an hour for the food and she brought out some garbage that i didnt even order. And she overheard me talking about the big list of porn and addressed me as "pervert". I tipped her a dime and left.

Well the next week my friend railroads me into going back. The same waitress serves us, seats us in near the shitters and gives me specifically a styrofoam cup for water. She claimed they were out of glasses. It took an hour and a half to get my food and she mixed up the order again. I tipped a nickel, but since i didnt have it on me i put it on my card.

I still kinda wonder what would have happened if i triple-downed and went in for a third week.

Food poisoning

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:54

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Spinster posted:

Food poisoning

Yeah. The best i could possibly hope for is a nice detente where she was comfortable treating me like poo poo in exchange for me passively loving her over financially.

In the end, i pussed out and decided not to eat there like someone who isnt a goddamned lunatic.

I mean, why waste everyone's time?

# ? Sep 19, 2017 04:59

Tricky D: Apr 1, 2005; Can't post for 4 hours!

*isn't too busy to refill the coffee six times*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 05:00

Emmideer: Oct 20, 2011; Lovely night, no?; Grimey Drawer

*quits being a waitress and becomes a bartender*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 05:09

Monos Bullet: Dec 6, 2016; Yea, and I say unto you, bringeth me a machiatto of caramel, with crickets on top.

*jots down credit card info on notepad and awkwardly hands card back to catch a glimpse of the security code on the back*

# ? Sep 19, 2017 05:19

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Monos Bullet posted:

*jots down credit card info on notepad and awkwardly hands card back to catch a glimpse of the security code on the back*

You just need the first and last name and billing address in addition to the numbers. Huh.

I am a little loopy right now, but i never really thought how easy it is to pull that poo poo from voter registries.

I have known some pretty scuzzy waiters personally. I wonder why none of em ever tried pulling something this stupid.

# ? Sep 19, 2017 05:22

SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

You just need the first and last name and billing address in addition to the numbers. Huh.

I am a little loopy right now, but i never really thought how easy it is to pull that poo poo from voter registries.

I have known some pretty scuzzy waiters personally. I wonder why none of em ever tried pulling something this stupid.

*Asked to see your ID when you ordered your drinks, bet you forgot about that didn't you rear end in a top hat

# ? Sep 19, 2017 07:04

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Spinster posted:

*zeros in on two guys drinking double Macallans*
*ignores other tables, finally they all leave*
*does table dance for each guy*
*Despite missing teeth from meth*

_{based on a true story}

don't post your autobiography

# ? Sep 19, 2017 07:05

SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

Spinster posted:

*zeros in on two guys drinking double Macallans*
*ignores other tables, finally they all leave*
*does table dance for each guy*
*Despite missing teeth from meth*

_{based on a true story}

Well, how much did they tip you?

# ? Sep 19, 2017 07:06

Arrhythmia: Jul 22, 2011

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

You just need the first and last name and billing address in addition to the numbers. Huh.

I am a little loopy right now, but i never really thought how easy it is to pull that poo poo from voter registries.

I have known some pretty scuzzy waiters personally. I wonder why none of em ever tried pulling something this stupid.

Because when twenty people talking about CC fraud all visited the same diner during Susans shift it becomes pretty easy to put together.

But ONCE though....?

# ? Sep 19, 2017 07:14

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 07:49

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

moose face posted:

How are those first bites tasting!?

I think you forgot to add the part where they only ask this question while everyone has a mouthfull.

# ? Sep 19, 2017 07:21

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we are waitresses trying too hard for a good tip

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