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We were all yukking it up in that thread about the plane that had to land because a guy refused to stop farting, and a previous thread like this came up. So goons, what are your most amusing or disgusting stories about farting? Back when those six-cd player units were a new thing (like, 1996-ish?) my parents got one. Holy poo poo we could not wait to try it out! So we put a cd on while we ate dinner. Just as a song ended, there was this horrible sound that lasted several seconds. Imagine the sound of a needle being scratched on a record. My parents got concerned. Was their brand new CD player defective?A few seconds lasted my brother started giggling. Then the smell hit. Then the dog started barking her head off.
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Feb 19, 2018 18:40
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 11:47 |
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9th grade, I farted loudly in the middle of a standardized placement test when everyone was dead silent. 
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Feb 19, 2018 18:46
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I haven't made those pickled eggs yet cause I have to share my office with a middle aged woman and I don't want to murder her with farts
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Feb 19, 2018 18:48
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This post gave me fart cancer.
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Feb 19, 2018 18:51
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Doctor Dogballs posted:I haven't made those pickled eggs yet cause I have to share my office with a middle aged woman and I don't want to murder her with farts please make the pickled eggs & report back
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Feb 19, 2018 19:00
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I farted so hard I died and became a fart ghost. Now you have been visited by me and you can never be sure when your next fart may come
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Feb 19, 2018 19:12
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Big Beef City posted:I farted so hard I died and became a fart ghost. Stay safe Fart Ghost
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Feb 19, 2018 19:18
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Man that’s your best fart story op? Are you like the bubble boy or something?
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Feb 19, 2018 19:23
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If you can top it, by all means. Wow me.
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Feb 19, 2018 19:24
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When I was 13 or 14 I was in an elevator with my mom and I let loose a fart that lasted for at least 10 seconds. The look of sheer horror and astonishment she gave me by the end is etched into my memory.
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Feb 19, 2018 19:28
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LadyPictureShow posted:If you can top it, by all means. Wow me.  I mean there’s so many. One time I ate a beef roast and had really loud sex and then I couldn’t stop farting the whole night. My bed was in a corner so it naturally amplified the acoustics. Downstairs neighbor was all like “hey wtf was that poo poo all about” the next day but I think she was jels because I turned her down for sex like half a dozen times.
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Feb 19, 2018 19:30
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I ate these 2 for 1 chorizo breakfast burritos from a gas station in Santa Fe and fumigated my whole apartment with rancid rear end. The door couldn’t contain the foul gas and distinctly heard cries of anguish from the elderly woman living next door.
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Feb 19, 2018 19:34
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I stretched while sitting in my AP Calc class and accidently ripped a mean fart in the plastic chair I was sitting on. I played dumb and let the kids who sat in front of me take the blame. I know what it's like to see another man condemned for a crime he didn't commit, and that stays with me to this day.
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Feb 19, 2018 19:35
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I've had really bad gas today. My someone said my office smelled like a sewer.
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Feb 19, 2018 19:35
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There was a pretty bad one at the all star game last night https://youtu.be/V5cOvyDpWfM
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Feb 19, 2018 19:45
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A powerful SBD was unleashed in my row in the 3rd grade. Two girls were blaming it on each other, and me and my friend sitting next to me were doing the same. Years later, I said to him, "remember that mysterious nasty fart that we were blaming each other for in the 3rd grade? Yeah, that was me."
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Feb 19, 2018 19:54
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Mike Walker farting on the Stern Show is classic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s5tgSeQRrc&t=135s
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Feb 19, 2018 19:54
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being unable to sleep after a particularly hosed up dinner because my involuntary farts kept waking me up
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Feb 19, 2018 19:56
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My first fart memory was when I was in kindergarden, my teacher was reading us a story and I had some rumblies in my tummy. Being a stealthy gently caress I decided to slowly let 'er rip. The fart was loud as gently caress and lasted like a whole minute. I played dumb as everyone laughed. Good times were had by all.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:02
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Are shart stories ok to post
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Feb 19, 2018 20:06
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Egbert Souse posted:Are shart stories ok to post No just clean, wholesome farts plz. 
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Feb 19, 2018 20:09
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My girlfriend farts in her sleep sometimes and it's really gross, I usually have to get out of bed and have a smoke or something while it clears
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Feb 19, 2018 20:17
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Raising kids is real hard and sometimes you feel regret because you have no free time anymore and all of your hobbies have to be abandoned and you are sleep deprived all the time and it's so stressful to put all of your love into something so fragile and then have to watch them go out into the dangerous world knowing you can't always protect them. But then when my first son was three I farted on his head and he laughed so hard he fell down and in that moment I knew it was all worth it forever.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:18
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great big cardboard tube posted:My girlfriend farts in her sleep sometimes and it's really gross, I usually have to get out of bed and have a smoke or something while it clears You have to wake up to fart dude.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:20
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:You have to wake up to fart dude. look at this scrub tier farter
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Feb 19, 2018 20:23
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I poo poo my pants on a worksite. It was the New Orleans convention center during the "Southern Baptist Convention". It felt like a small fart, but then it kind of felt like a small high pressure bubble (?), then it popped and a torrent of liquid shitstorm squirted right out of my rear end in a top hat. I guess I could best describe it as opening a 2 liter that somebody put in a paint mixer. I got straight up and walked straight out of the place to the convention hotel without talking to anybody and took like an hour long shower. They were khakis too. I finished up and went back to work. Nobody said a word
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Feb 19, 2018 20:23
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1gnoirents posted:I poo poo my pants on a worksite. It was the New Orleans convention center during the "Southern Baptist Convention". It felt like a small fart, but then it kind of felt like a small high pressure bubble (?), then it popped and a torrent of liquid shitstorm squirted right out of my rear end in a top hat. I guess I could best describe it as opening a 2 liter that somebody put in a paint mixer. lots of words were spoken; they were just behind your back. you're forever known as the pants shitter
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Feb 19, 2018 20:25
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Worst: I took a yoga class at my gym. There were about 15 people, it was extremely warm in there, and we were uncomfortably close. We start saluting the sun and this really skinny woman lets out a MASSIVE fart, it sounded like a trombone playing the scales. Of course I start laughing like an idiot because it was funny, but then the whole room started smelling absolutely awful, people started gagging, and they dismissed the class. I've never seen that woman at the gym since. Best: If I ever have really bad gas I bend into what's basically the fetal position and I can almost instantly pass it. My fiancé didn't believe me, so one day we were getting ready for bed, I had to fart, so I bent myself up. I let a really long fart, followed by 2 short toots. She laughed harder than I had ever seen her laugh up to that point.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:29
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I was deadlifting and feeling pretty good so I figure I'd go for a pr. Loaded up the bar and halfway through I let loose this 15-20 second fart that sounded like it reverberated through the entire gym. I finished the rep and just busted out laughing.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:30
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On my friends birthday I ate Korean food for breakfast, German for lunch and then Taco Bell for dinner. Also during this I was drinking really cheap beer. Towards the end of the night I was ripping horrible rancid farts every 30 seconds in our apartment. It got so bad they made me stay outside and it was winter.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:42
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The genius who designed my office put a men's room right across from a meeting room. I'm walking into the meeting room to talk to my boss and someone exited the bathroom but used the automatic door button. I guess the other guy didn't know or couldn't hold it in but someone left loose with a hard, diarrhea filled, fart which was amplified by the toilet bowl.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:46
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCCDF7PJG4Y
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Feb 19, 2018 20:50
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mother of god I've seen ISIS videos that didn't gross me out as much as that man's tighty whities.
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Feb 19, 2018 20:56
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once when i was working graveyard shift in this huge desolate building with maybe 20 other ppl i felt some major gas about to erupt so i take a break and walk the 2-3 minutes all the way down to the furthest bathrooms knowing no one would be around i get in and take a whizz and as i lean forward to hold myself against the wall i rip serious rear end, it was one of those sharp ripping farts and it had some pressure, i even heard it thru my in-ear headphones well i finish up and go outside and i hear this laughter, so i take my headphones off and wouldn't you know it - two guys are sitting in this hidden part of the area on a couch laughing so hard they cant breathe i practically run away to my station ashamed as gently caress, but i think they were too busy laughing to even notice who i was i'm glad i livened up their night 
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Feb 19, 2018 21:23
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I farted so violently in my sleep once it woke me up.
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Feb 19, 2018 21:25
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https://youtu.be/YraqQabax8A
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Feb 19, 2018 21:25
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I cut one in front of my drill sergeant in boot camp. It is incredibly hard not to laugh at farts in boot camp.
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Feb 19, 2018 23:04
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1gnoirents posted:I poo poo my pants on a worksite. It was the New Orleans convention center during the "Southern Baptist Convention". It felt like a small fart, but then it kind of felt like a small high pressure bubble (?), then it popped and a torrent of liquid shitstorm squirted right out of my rear end in a top hat. I guess I could best describe it as opening a 2 liter that somebody put in a paint mixer. This had me rolling omg. The other posts here are great too, since I have the sense of humor of 6 year old, but holy gently caress with this one
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Feb 19, 2018 23:10
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I got six CD player for Christmas in 1989. Maybe if spent less time thinking about farts and more time studying the history of consumer electronics you wouldn't have made such an embarrassing mistake.
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Feb 19, 2018 23:26
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 11:47 |
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One time I farted so much on a plane, they had to do an emergency landing!
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Feb 19, 2018 23:35
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