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The solid or liquid, rather than gaseous, form of the best/worst fart stories thread.
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Feb 23, 2018 05:51
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9bhrp-9k-Y
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Feb 23, 2018 05:52
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I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
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Feb 23, 2018 05:56
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somebody post that picture of the person holding with their hand that huge poop
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Feb 23, 2018 06:00
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt literally same
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Feb 23, 2018 06:05
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
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Feb 23, 2018 06:08
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the worst poop story https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3850123
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Feb 23, 2018 06:22
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One time time at wal mart I went to the bathroom and saw someone left a tremendously huge unflushable piece of crap in the toilet. I couldn’t believe a solitary human did it. I should’ve took a picture but that was before smartphones were as prevalent. 
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Feb 23, 2018 06:29
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i was in an elevator with my gf's best friend once and poo poo myself
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Feb 23, 2018 06:32
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I'm pooping right now
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Feb 23, 2018 06:40
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all your posts are poop storirs
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Feb 23, 2018 06:42
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One foggy night my friend and I were driving around like you do when you’re young and bored. Suddenly, I felt an intense pressure in my gut. A pressure that was quickly moving downwards. “Haha hey how about we pull over at the next gas station. I gotta hit the bathroom”. He says “Dude there’s no gas station for a while. We just passed a sign that said 60 miles.. We’re in the middle of nowhere. Can you hold it?” “Yeah”. (Gurgle) “Maybe” (Gurgle) “No” He laughs “haha relax man you can make it.” (Gurgle) “No you better pull over now. Now. NOW!” He rolls his eyes. “Jesus I’m not pulling over on the highway. I see lights ahead in the fog. Maybe it’s a store or something.” What appeared from out of the fog was in fact a Denny’s. I already have my seatbelt off and the door halfway open when he turns into the parking lot. He pulls up right in front and I jump out. I realize I’m not going to make it into the restaurant so I yank down my pants and squat right there in the handicapped parking spot. Right there under the big sodium-vapor lamps. Right there in front of the giant picture windows. Windows through which a sea of horrified faces, young and old watch my quivering bare butt cheeks clench to restrain what feels like the poop of the century, And I am beyond caring. I am resigned to the fact that I am about to poo poo myself inside-out in front of a large captive audience. And in that perfect moment, the feeling just goes away. No poop. Not even a fart. I got back in the car and we drove home in silence. To this day, the question remains. On that night, was I cursed by a poop phantom, or blessed by a poop fairy?
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Feb 23, 2018 07:20
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Kuato posted:One time time at wal mart I went to the bathroom and saw someone left a tremendously huge unflushable piece of crap in the toilet. I couldn’t believe a solitary human did it. I should’ve took a picture but that was before smartphones were as prevalent. If you're an opiate user sometimes you end up taking the most heroic shits ever. Like, they're too big to fit out of your rear end in a top hat or they wrap around the bowl like a coiled poo poo snake.
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Feb 23, 2018 07:23
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https://twitter.com/DLoesch/status/781156872
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Feb 23, 2018 07:23
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Feb 23, 2018 07:43
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Feb 23, 2018 07:45
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Feb 23, 2018 07:56
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 Also 
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Feb 23, 2018 08:04
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Feb 23, 2018 08:50
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Feb 23, 2018 08:53
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Ok I've been meaning to get this epic poo poo story out and this is the perfect time to do it. This is actually just one of two similar car making GBS threads stories that have happened to me. A couple years ago I was driving back at night from a restaurant that was a good 20-30 miles away on winding backroads. Well, something I ate at the restaurant must have hosed me up pretty good because about halfway back I started to feel diarrhea in my future. Since I was out in the country on single lane backroads I decided to hold out as long as I could so I could get back into town and find a place to poo poo. Mile after mile, minute after minute roll by and the feeling is just getting worse and worse. I have to clench my rear end in a top hat against alternating waves of diarrhea pressure and calm, each time coming closer to giving the inside of my car a new brown coat of paint. As this is happening I'm screaming at the top of my lungs every four letter word I knew, partly out of anger at my digestive system for betraying me and partly just to distract my brain from impending doom. Finally I get to the main freeway and my sanity and sphincter had just given up, both muscles exhausted. I was beaten and I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to any bathroom or toilet so I peeled off on the first exit in an industrial park and careen around the corner looking for any possible place to keep hidden while I poo poo my guts out. Finding nothing but blank parking lots and storefronts, I pull into the first one and notice a grove of bushes next to the building that would at least make me harder to see. I shakily shut off my car, grab a handful of napkins I kept in my center console and high-step it to the bushes. BTW does anyone know what running looks like when you have to poo poo really bad? It's loving goofy, imagine Frankenstein running with straight legs. Anyway I hunker into the dirt under these bushes, shake off my shoes and with my last ounce of strength pull off my pants and boxers and just unleash this torrent of diarrhea. I have to admit, even standing there in the mud with the threat of poo poo getting all over me, exposed to the world, it was extremely cathartic. But of course it couldn't be so easy. As I stood there trying to regain my senses, my eyes picked up something that I couldn't quite focus on directly in front of me. Something... small... and close... It was a spider hanging about an inch in front of my face. I had run through it's web and it was furious (I can only assume). I balled up my napkin hand and just punched at it. I guess I knocked it to the ground because I didn't see it again and I was left to try to clean my butt with napkins while avoiding the pool of diarrhea under me. In the end I only really had a little splatter of poo poo on one sock, and I drove the rest of the way home in my boxers with a towel on my seat. THE END Otterspace fucked around with this message at 09:25 on Feb 23, 2018 |
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Feb 23, 2018 09:17
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one time I poo poo YOUR pants
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Feb 23, 2018 09:22
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I Love Too poo poo 
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Feb 23, 2018 12:20
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This made me laugh so hard.
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Feb 23, 2018 12:50
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Just assume I posted the picture of the pig what poo poo on its balls
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Feb 23, 2018 14:03
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Kuato posted:One time time at wal mart I went to the bathroom and saw someone left a tremendously huge unflushable piece of crap in the toilet. I couldn’t believe a solitary human did it. I should’ve took a picture but that was before smartphones were as prevalent. I had this experience at a Kohls during black Friday. I couldn't comprehend how it even came out of a person or how the employees were going to clean it. Womens public toilets are the worst, though. I've walked into a few that had poo poo or blood spray on the walls and I just back out of there.
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Feb 23, 2018 14:42
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My worst poop story is when I came home from work and my girlfriend's sister (current sister in law) was at my place with her. My sister in-law is a smokeshow, like 10/10. Anyway, I go upstairs to greet my girlfriend and the sister is in the adjoining bathroom.....and she is tearing it up. Like the loudest, grossest sounds a human being could possibly make taking a poo poo. I've never looked at my sister in law the same way again, completely ruined.
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Feb 23, 2018 14:48
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I took a summer class at a local U when I was 15 and someone took a giant poo poo in the bathroom sink in the computer lab building and it was there for like 5 days before the janitor stopped ignoring it and cleaned it up. Couple years ago at the Reno rib cook off I went to use a stall in one of the adjacent casinos and there was poo poo smeared all over everything (toilet, floor, walls) and a pair of completely poo poo covered underwear on the floor of the stall. It was actually pretty impressive.
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Feb 23, 2018 14:52
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Bogus Adventure posted:This made me laugh so hard. It's pretty good
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Feb 23, 2018 14:53
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There's a lot of poo poo shenanigans in jail. One day, a crazy lady in our pod refused to go on lockdown(they made us stay in our cells during lockdown. We do that for various reasons; shift change, people acting stupid, etc) because she wanted to shower. The guard called in for back up while the inmate kept demanding to shower, standing fully clothed in the stall. Back up is just standard procedure. It lets the guard on duty deal with the pod while the back up deals with the crazy lady. One last time, they ask her to get out of the shower. She screams "NO!" and then pulls down her pants, squats, and proceeds to poo poo. One guard pulled out her taser and fired it at her, to which the guard later explained "It looked like the Harlem shake with poo poo everywhere." They eventually had her hog tied with those zip tie things and were carrying her out of the pod like a human duffel bag covered with poo.
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Feb 23, 2018 15:06
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When I was a kid, my parents and I went to a seafood restaurant and I had gone to the restroom to take a piss. I was done and washing my hands when my dad comes running full speed into the restroom, opens the door to the stall and shits his guts out. The loving smell envelopes the room instantly and smelled like rotting guts. The guy at the sink next to mine yells "god dammn!" and in one motion pulls his jacket over his face as if Dracula was protecting his face from the sun and runs out of the bathroom. I had to stay in there until I stopped laughing and gagging from the smell. My dad later told me he didn't get to the stall in time and he projectile shat all over the wall behind the toilet. We were both giggling about it the rest of the time we were there.
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Feb 23, 2018 15:37
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gas the poop heathens, poup will reign eternal
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Feb 23, 2018 15:47
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https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=136817203 The pictures don't work anymore but this is my favorite poop story. It also has piss in it if you're into that.
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Feb 23, 2018 15:53
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HELLBITCH posted:gas the poop heathens, poup will reign eternal Pewp
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Feb 23, 2018 16:23
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There was that story of the college student who came to america from a 3rd world country who had never seen a flush toilet before, didn't know what flushing was, and so just gradually filled the bowl with piled up poo poo over the course of weeks or months who knows if its true or not though
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Feb 23, 2018 16:31
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Papa Emeritus III posted:Womens public toilets are the worst, though. As someone with considerable experience cleaning both men's and women's bathrooms, I can confirm this. Women like to "hover" way more than dudes so they tend to have worse poop aim.
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Feb 23, 2018 16:59
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When you evacuate so much that the pile pokes out of the top of the water like a dookie-iceberg. The horror. The horror. Ugh, and the smell.
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Feb 23, 2018 17:06
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 This but its coming out the back.
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Feb 23, 2018 17:13
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Close this thread now. No GOKU option.quote:Posted by ALL-PRO SEXMAN on February 21, 2014
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Feb 23, 2018 18:10
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Skeleton Ape posted:As someone with considerable experience cleaning both men's and women's bathrooms, I can confirm this. Women like to "hover" way more than dudes so they tend to have worse poop aim. I lack the ability to care about certain things, especially when drinking, so I have no qualms about rushing into the men's room if I have to go badly and the women's room is taken. So, after frequenting both versions of toilet access, I can honestly say that women are gross. Men keep their domain cleaner. Seriously. Women's restrooms are awful. Hovering definitely plays a role in them. The only way to describe most messes is this; It's like you picked up the spreader gun in Contra but it's coming out of your rear end, aimed blindly to the room as a whole.
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Feb 23, 2018 18:23
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