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I purchased some boil salve from you last week and rubbed it on the boils on my arm and the arm rotted off. I must ask for a refund and an unguent that will grow my arm back. Preferably without the demons and boils from the first one.
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Apr 23, 2018 02:11
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:29 |
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jazzyhattrick posted:Sir, if you remember our discussion, you asked me what the cheapest way was to get rid of the boils. I postulated that, at a price of 3 shillings and sixpence, Purvess' amputation substitute would fit that description, a harmless joke on my part. To my dismay you pressed the money into my hand, grabbed an ampule from the display and ran out of the store before I could tell you what it actually does. The product behaved exactly as it is supposed to, if you must blame something for your current predicament, blame your own hastiness. I will be happy to sell you an ampule of Purves' arm substitute at a discounted price of 14 shillings as a show of goodwill. I name you a cad and a shyster and demand satisfaction..... .....as soon as my dueling arm grows back.
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Apr 23, 2018 02:50
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The workers in my mine keep dying of various ailments. While easy to replace of course we often do not find the corpses for several days and the stench is slowing the work of the survivors. Have you any way to freshen the air so the lazy dullards will get back to work. Also, is Clemshore’s sweaty masculine body available for hire? I need to move a few items in my sex dungeon and I believe he could handle these items quite well. I will of course compensate his wages and for your lost labor.
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Apr 23, 2018 19:52
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jazzyhattrick posted:Alas, Clemshore is prone to all manner of fits, violent tantrums and rampages, only myself and Pillsbury are able to calm him down. Taking him into a sex dungeon is unthinkable, you would live longer sharing an enclosed space with a Bengal Tiger. In that case I will pay triple. Is that Pillsbury the renowned albino pastry chef whose meat pies are the talk of all of London? It is said the Queen poked him in the stomach once and he giggled and continued baking delicious baked goods? Can you provide an introductory letter? I wish to hire him to cater for a party of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds
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Apr 23, 2018 21:52
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jazzyhattrick posted:No, a different Pillsbury. We were mercenaries together in Rhodesia, he was afflicted by the dreaded Jungle Fever, my treatment saved his life and he has been loyal to me ever since. He has no schooling, numbers are a mystery to him, he knows only enough reading to obey simple written instructions from myself, I doubt he could tell you who the Prime Minister is. What he does have is a visceral animal cunning and an almost preternatural instinct for violence, while he may be an ignoramus in most spheres he is one of the world's foremost experts in all matters relating to the destruction of his fellow man. He has the blackest heart of anybody I have ever met, he is the most dangerous man in London. Sounds like he might actually be a tiger. Have you performed tests to check for this possibility?
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Apr 23, 2018 22:17
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jazzyhattrick posted:A Tiger kills to eat, for Pillsbury killing is its own reward. Can you sic him on Prince Albert, clearly a Hun infiltrator of our glorious empire?
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Apr 24, 2018 01:39
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My son has recently returned from Paris and is flouting the rule of the Queen with the vile slanderous language of the French Revolution. Do you have any products that can cure the French disease of the mind?
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Apr 25, 2018 15:56
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Sir, I find myself in dire need of help. My wife’s sister and her heathen husband died many years ago and out of charity we took in their mentally ill and dangerously criminal son. We have taken to securing him in a locked room below the stairs. Unfortunately lately swarms of owls have been arriving with letters addressed to the boy attached to them. They continue to barrage our house at all hours and I cannot get rid of the cursed things. I naturally assumed the boy was behind it and beat him within an inch of his life to discover who he was working with to disrupt the household but he insists he knows nothing and is usually too feeble minded to lie effectively. Is there some natural repellant we can use to keep these accursed nocturnal birds away from our domicile? It is becoming difficult to live with.
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Apr 26, 2018 01:16
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Recently a new neighbor moved in. I met Mr. Cunterblast and he seemed a fine fellow. I invited to dine with me last Friday and we had a fine meal but he appeared to abstain from eating meat as he covertly hid his meat under the other food on his plate. I suspect the bastard may be a secret Papist. Is there some form of chemical test that will verify my suspicions?
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Apr 26, 2018 18:39
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Did you close the store in honor of Whacking Day?
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May 3, 2018 21:42
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I am having trouble respecting the queen due to her inferior gender. Is there some way to resolve this contradiction?
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May 4, 2018 07:07
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:29 |
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I appear to have contracted leprosy and have been thrown out of the Holy Congregation. Is there any cure for this devilish affliction that you can provide?
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May 7, 2018 00:23
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