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Perhaps you can help me. Recently my neighbor (a papist) lost his job at the soot factory, and has been daily stealing the pies my wife leaves to cool on our windowsill, presumably to provide sustenance to his accursed, swarthy brood. I require a poison with the appropriate characteristics to rectify the situation.
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Apr 23, 2018 01:19
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In the years I've been using your cocainated-heroin rectal suppositories (and haschisch-infused lubricant), my life has changed for the better in more ways than I can count , but that won't stop me from trying: my Gypsy-Knee has cleared up almost completely, my Negro's-Slouch is significantly improved, and best of all I've stopped falling asleep during church and have stopped reading newspapers sympathetic towards trade unionists entirely. However, I find that if the dosage is not semi-regularly increased, the benefits begin to wane, which brings me to my current conundrum: my rectum is of insufficient size for the dozens upon dozens of suppositories I must use daily, regardless of how many tubes of lubricant I use. There must exist exercises to increase the organ's volume, devices to forcibly expand it, or even a surgery that would accomplish either of these goals. Additionally, a Fellow from The Royal Society I met playing snooker suggested that suppositories might be developed with a greater concentration of their active constituents. I assumed this gentleman to be a typical Royal Society oocephalus, his bald, bespectacled head constantly floating amongst the clouds of possibility, ignoring the solid ground of actuality. Still, I felt it best to broach all possibilities. I am interested in whatever you feel would be the best solution to my problem. Sincerely, Nathaniel Ignatius Graham Martin, Esq, Etc.
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May 4, 2018 10:02
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