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Lizard Wizard posted:first you need to decide what animal you want to be, op lmao. clearly you have not forgotten how 2 be funny.
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May 22, 2018 20:56
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Drink-Mix Man posted:What two thumbs and doesn't get that some jokes don't translate well to the written form?
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May 22, 2018 21:52
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puttin on my PPE before offering a handshake
paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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May 22, 2018 22:33
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421 |
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May 24, 2018 04:23
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419... crap. |
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May 24, 2018 04:24
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Black people be all darker skinned, and white people be all lighter skinned!
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May 24, 2018 11:36
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Kids these days, am I right? Also, old people, it's funny because it's true, they're old!
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May 24, 2018 12:03
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a man walks into a bar. as i leave work every day, i see him going in. i'm worried that he might have a problem, but i don't know what to do about it. i hope he gets the help he needs but i'm afraid that if i involve myself i could make things worse. do you guys have any ideas? *uproar of laughter from audience* no please i'm serious *audience gives standing ovation* ----- |
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May 24, 2018 14:37
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how do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? you would probably need a large walk-in freezer and a trainer to help escort him inside. also probably a justification for why you need to put him in there. how do you put a giraffe in the fridge? there is no reason to do this, so please don't. if you really need to, you should consult a zoologist. the lion king is having jungle meeting. all of the animals are there except one, which one? the chicken, who was crossing the road ----- |
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May 24, 2018 17:47
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knock knock who's there? delivery delivery who? i have a package for you and it requires a signature ok thank you let me get the door ----- |
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May 24, 2018 17:48
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He'll never be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. You know, on account of...losing his...head. |
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May 24, 2018 23:08
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google THIS posted:He'll never be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. You know, on account of...losing his...head. |
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May 24, 2018 23:19
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any time I feel i've lost the funny, I walk down the soup aisle of my local grocery store and see how many cans have star wars (fight the power lowercase) characters on them. the stomach churning discomfort this induces reminds me to stop being so constipated.
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May 24, 2018 23:25
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pool? Call him some help, it can't be safe for him there. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on a wall? Call him some help, that can't be safe either. How did he get in the pool and on the wall anyway?
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May 25, 2018 03:30
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what's a pirate's favorite letter? a letter of marque |
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May 25, 2018 03:34
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Manifisto posted:what's a pirate's favorite letter? lol ---------------- |
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May 25, 2018 03:53
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Manifisto posted:what's a pirate's favorite letter? nice |
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May 25, 2018 05:12
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This steering wheel on me nuts is driving me crazy! |
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May 25, 2018 05:12
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Ok, deep breath, let's try this again. 65, 66, 67, 68, 70.... godammit! |
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May 25, 2018 08:49
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Anus? Why, it almost ended his life! |
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May 25, 2018 14:35
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q: what’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? a: A BMW is a German made automobile that is often owned by jerks. A porcupine is a mammal covered in quills. they are quite different. |
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May 25, 2018 17:40
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Child: "I'm hungry" Dad: "Oh, let me make you a sandwich." |
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May 26, 2018 09:20
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[throws banana peel into the trash] |
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May 26, 2018 14:20
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*Walks underneath a ladder, right in front of two guys hauling a large plate of glass, then just walks around them*
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May 26, 2018 14:28
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"This is really hard." "Oh?" "Yeah, assembling this. I'm trying to connect these two pieces, but look. I'm having a lot of trouble getting it in." "Do you need help?" "I think I just need to grab it, twist it and pull it really hard, and then it'll start coming." "Yeah, that might work." "Do you think it would help if I lick it?" "I dunno." |
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May 26, 2018 21:49
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"where have you been all day?" "I had stuff to take care of. I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't expect the spanish inquisition!" *long pause* *crickets chirp* *a tumbleweed rolls by* *deep breath* "nobody deserves to be treated like that. I'm sorry." |
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May 26, 2018 22:09
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a blonde girl is lost in the city. she looks left, right, up, and down, but just cannot figure out where she is. she asks for directions, which she receives from a helpful passerby. she continues on her way and has a good day.
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May 29, 2018 14:28
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A blonde professor is giving a dissertation when one of her students interrupts her by waving his hand wildly in the air. Annoyed, she calls upon the disruptive student. "Aren't you suposed to be like, not smart because you're blonde?" the student asked. The professor looked at the source of the question, and in a flash a light of recognition dawned in her eyes. "You're that 'Bad Johnny' kid, aren't you? You better watch your mouth in MY class, kid- i'll fail you in a heartbeat!" Bad Johnny sat down, chagrined. Life was better when it was all fun and games. https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 29, 2018 14:46
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a guy named Nate had just launched into an extended joke involving a talking snake. suddenly a bystander, who had heard this joke before, grabbed a nearby lever and beat Nate unconscious with it. horrified, the others asked why the bystander had committed this brutal act of violence. "because Nate is a fascist," the bystander said. "also his so-called joke is intentionally overly long and quite unfunny to boot." |
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May 29, 2018 17:38
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Manifisto posted:a guy named Nate had just launched into an extended joke involving a talking snake. suddenly a bystander, who had heard this joke before, grabbed a nearby lever and beat Nate unconscious with it. horrified, the others asked why the bystander had committed this brutal act of violence. "because Nate is a fascist," the bystander said. "also his so-called joke is intentionally overly long and quite unfunny to boot." https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 29, 2018 18:03
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What's the DEAL with Grapenuts? They taste like crap. |
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May 29, 2018 18:16
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What's the DEAL with airplanes? We're soaring through the air in the belly of a giant mechanical bird, making a journey that would have been quite perilous for our ancestors two centuries ago into a minor hours-long inconveniece. Oh, thank you for the peanuts maam. |
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May 29, 2018 18:25
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Manifisto posted:a guy named Nate had just launched into an extended joke involving a talking snake. suddenly a bystander, who had heard this joke before, grabbed a nearby lever and beat Nate unconscious with it. horrified, the others asked why the bystander had committed this brutal act of violence. "because Nate is a fascist," the bystander said. "also his so-called joke is intentionally overly long and quite unfunny to boot." lololol |
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May 29, 2018 19:02
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Oh my god! You're how many seasons behind on "Keeping Up With the Kardashians"? I can't believe how far behind you are. You've missed so much. One could say that you just haven't been keeping an open time in your life to watch the show.
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May 31, 2018 22:39
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What's updog, you ask? There's actually no such thing. I'm not sure why I even brought it up. |
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May 31, 2018 23:06
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I suppose it's some sort of... dog, that is above you? A yoga thing?? |
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May 31, 2018 23:24
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Matoi Ryuko posted:lmao. clearly you have not forgotten how 2 be funny. I don't think ANYONE in this thread has forgotten how to be funny! I've been laughing my rear end off the entire thread, and it's making me angry! What's the deal here people?!? |
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May 31, 2018 23:27
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google THIS posted:What's updog, you ask? There's actually no such thing. I'm not sure why I even brought it up. Why are you asking me what a dickfor is? I thought you knew! paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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Jun 1, 2018 00:01
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a henweigh is a terrible terminal disease. I'm . . . so sorry
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Jun 1, 2018 00:07
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This guy fell asleep in a canoe, right? And he was dreaming about Venus, you heard this one before? I think he was from Nantucket, too. Or Peru, I forgot which. So yeah... he flipped on a switch and off he shot like a rocket! Have a good night, everyone!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jun 1, 2018 00:38
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