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got a bad feeling about this turkey deluxe I'm about to chow down on |
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May 21, 2018 21:46
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:09 |
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who among us has not felt käsebrotbösevorahnung?
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May 21, 2018 21:55
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Manifisto posted:who among us has not felt käsebrotbösevorahnung? |
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May 21, 2018 22:02
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[Ordering at a sandwich shop] Cashier: “What’ll it be for today?” Me: “I’m gonna go with... the turkey BLT.” Cashier: “Turkey BLT, sure thing! Anything else?” Me: “Nope, just that.” Cashier: “Aaaalright we’ll have it out for you shortly. [yelling to the kitchen] ONE SANDS OF ISTANBUL WITH FARM GRAVEL” |
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May 21, 2018 22:24
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im about to kick this sammies rear end |
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May 21, 2018 23:35
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it's a strange and very unsettling feeling, something just seems "off" about the sandwich but you can't quite put your finger on what. it just doesn't act the way a sandwich should, it gives off a very creepy vibe. perhaps the sandwich is cursed, or it invokes the feeling that the next time you see it it will be wearing some other sandwich as a suit. you just want to get as far away from it as possible
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May 21, 2018 23:35
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Dads Dip Cup posted:it's a strange and very unsettling feeling, something just seems "off" about the sandwich but you can't quite put your finger on what. it just doesn't act the way a sandwich should, it gives off a very creepy vibe. perhaps the sandwich is cursed, or it invokes the feeling that the next time you see it it will be wearing some other sandwich as a suit. you just want to get as far away from it as possible |
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May 21, 2018 23:40
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tfw the sandwich looks a little TOO delicious. nothing tastes that good, what are you hiding? |
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May 21, 2018 23:42
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*strolls over to the sandwich bar at the casino, carefully watching other patrons eat and gauging their reactions* no... no, I just don't think today is the day
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May 22, 2018 00:02
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waitress, setting down your ham and cheese on marble rye: please enjoy him! me: him? waitress: it. please enjoy it. |
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May 22, 2018 00:17
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I thought it was really weird when a small immobile cashier wrapped in paper brought me a big moving human-shaped sandwich full of blood and bones wrapped in cloth. |
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May 22, 2018 00:35
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Up at the counter, thinking about ordering the daily special. The guy ahead of me orders it, and I decide to espy upon what it consists of. To begin, the cute sandwich artista grabs two square slices of plain white bread. OK, not the worst option, but no toothsome, seedy wheat? No tangy sourdough or intense rush of rye? Then, she smears on mayonnaise. OK, this is subjective, but I've never been one for mayo on cold sandwiches. I feel an electric shudder in my shoulder sockets, a convulsive reflex of repulsion. But I catch my breath, gulp air down like a drowning man breaching the surface of the water, and steady myself. I can deal. Next, la artista peels off the top two slices of processed cheese product from one of the metal tubs sitting in the perishable ingredients cooler. It's not the vivid orange of fake cheddar, or the wan yellow of classic American. No, it's the white stuff, the stuff meant to evoke provolone or Swiss cheese, but instead is just a profit-padder for the producer. Since, after all, the can pocket the money they don't spend on coloring, while robbing consumers blind of value. I close my eyes, keeping them tightly peeled together for what seem like an eternity, and then I wrench them open with my ocular muscles. I behold a parade of Ludovico-like images of culinary atrocity; egg salad wiped over both pieces of bread, zigzags of ketchup, slices of pimento loaf stacked on top of each other, black olives and dry rubbery mushrooms... All combined with nary a facial betrayal of shock by our artista. No, she folds one pile of culinary corpses on top of another, and then puts it in a microwave for twenty seconds. I watch, horrified but unable to make a sound, as this exhibit of atrocity goes on. Until, finally, my knees spasm into quivering jelly and I sink down to the floor, weakly grasping the thin rail running along the counter. I succumb to oblivion. I return to wretched reality, to a managerial voice telling me, "Sir, it's OK. An ambulance is on the way. It's OK, sir. Not everyone can handle the Sprit Of '76 special." ---------------- |
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May 22, 2018 00:42
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Kthulhu5000 posted:Up at the counter, thinking about ordering the daily special. The guy ahead of me orders it, and I decide to espy upon what it consists of. To begin, the cute sandwich artista grabs two square slices of plain white bread. OK, not the worst option, but no toothsome, seedy wheat? No tangy sourdough or intense rush of rye?
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May 22, 2018 03:33
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May 23, 2018 20:02
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I don't care if it's a regional specialty, "loose meat" does not instill confidence |
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May 23, 2018 20:33
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Manifisto posted:I don't care if it's a regional specialty, "loose meat" does not instill confidence Loose meats sink ships
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May 23, 2018 20:36
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Manifisto posted:I don't care if it's a regional specialty, "loose meat" does not instill confidence I'll take my meat filleted, sliced, piled high, folded over in perfect coils, and shredded. I'm not so keen on the idea of meat being "slapped" onto a sandwich. ---------------- |
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May 23, 2018 20:55
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Kthulhu5000 posted:I'll take my meat filleted, sliced, piled high, folded over in perfect coils, and shredded. I'm not so keen on the idea of meat being "slapped" onto a sandwich. yes but a sandwich is meant to be integral. loose meat sounds like it's broken through its restraints and is coming to get you, like a velociraptor. or perhaps to seduce you with its flexible morals, which leaves me feeling conflicted |
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May 23, 2018 21:14
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like my grandpappy always said, loose meat leads to loose stools
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: |
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May 23, 2018 22:11
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a wrap is a sandwich with something to hide
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May 23, 2018 22:46
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FutonForensic posted:a wrap is a sandwich with something to hide 99 times out of 100, it's mostly to hide wilted lettuce and the fact that they're skimping out on the already cheap, barrel-bottom quality turkey. But every once in a while, you can get a really great wrap, and it makes you wonder if you're helping the mafia launder money and/or slowly dispose of a corpse. ---------------- |
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May 24, 2018 02:11
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Yesterday, just as I opened my mouth wide to take a bite of my sandwich, we made eye contact. I set him aside immediately, but he hasn't spoken one word since. It's just really uncomfortable in my house right now and I don't know what to do.
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May 24, 2018 03:40
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The minute that I saw all of the sandwich fixins' were sandwiched between two untoasted English muffins, I knew that this was not going to be a sandwich experience to tell one's friends about.
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May 24, 2018 05:51
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Have you ever stopped to wonder how the sandwich feels about you? Maybe it is pretty scared that you are about to eat it, but maybe it knows it's true purpose and is happy to be of service.
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May 24, 2018 12:47
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Hey dispatch, we got any reports of a suspicious looking sandwich? Yeah. Got it. *to the rookie* bodycams off, kid. |
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May 24, 2018 13:19
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When the sandwich artista says, "Iä! Shub-Niggurath!" as she hands you your sandwich. . . |
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May 24, 2018 18:28
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when the sandwich is spending lots of time with that food blogger it tells you not to worry about |
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May 24, 2018 18:33
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my sandwich keeps starting to ask me questions and then cutting itself off saying "umm...nevermind." i couldn't tell you why, but i feel that there is some malintent behind that olive on a toothpick.
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May 24, 2018 19:05
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The salami flaps seem EXTRA flappy, somehow...
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May 24, 2018 19:12
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tornado-style anything gives my Doppler a heap, for sure.
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May 24, 2018 23:26
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:09 |
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that sandwich has spent time in folsom
paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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May 25, 2018 02:51
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