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Brought to you by Hublot - Swiss Made Haute Horlogerie with a 'Bang'. Own the official timepiece of this forum and FIFA WORLD CUP 2018 - become a HUBLOTISTA:  Switzerland had a very good qualifying run, gaining 27 out of a possible 30 points. The team's manager is cool dude Vladimir Petkovic:  He was known as the alpine Richard Gere back when he coached Young Boys, who are my team and the official best Swiss team because we're the fucken champions lads, see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTWYKNTS0r8 Still the best football-related thing to basically ever happen. Anyway, Petkovic is a decent manager I guess, my one criticism would be that he does seem to play favorites and go for solidity over flair / pliable professionals over youngsters who might gently caress up but would also be more exciting. For example, he didn't include two of YB's best performers in his squad (Djibril Sow and Kevin Mbabu), which is a shame - yeah, the Swiss league isn't very good, but showing incredible consistency and form over the course of a season has to count for something, This means I could've just dug up my 2014 Switzerland thread from the archives, because many of the protagonists from 4 years ago are also heading to Russia, so I'll keep this write-up short and sweet. I might update it later today when the final squad is announced, but then again I might not due to laziness, we'll see. Keepers: Our first choice GK is still lusciously-haired Yann Sommer who performed very well last night in our heroic draw against Spain but had a disappointing season with Mönchengladbach overall I guess. He's generally quite good though. Second choice is Roman Bürki who's apparently about to lose his first-team status at Dortmund due to persistent fuckups. Shame. The original plan was to bring along Augsburg's Yann Sommer-impersonator Marwin Hitz as our third GK, but in a hilarious turn of events he declined because he prefers to spend his summer holiday with his girlfriend I guess - and maybe because he's about to head to Dortmund on a free and will challenge Bürki? Idk. He's better than Bürki, that's for sure. This means we're bringing along local Bernese hero Yvon Mvogo as our third keeper, he's really cool and talented but foolishly elected to head to RB Leipzig and ride the pine, so I guess he massively hampered his own development for no good reason.  Only one of these guys is headed to the World Cup. Defenders: Our defense still features our captain Stephan Lichtsteiner who's about to become an Arsenal legend and give Bellerin brutal wedgies. He's really getting on in age, but his deputy, Michael Lang, is a very decent right back too (and the only player in the squad who actually plays in the Swiss league). Things are looking good at left back, with Milan's Ricardo Rodriguez generally being a very solid performer for the national team. He scored against Spain yesterday, which should give him a nice confidence boost. We're in dire trouble if anything happens to him, though, because Toulouse's François Moubandje who would replace him in that case is just not very good. Our center back situation used to be insanely bad, now it could be upgraded to "mildly depressing". Both Deportivo's Fabian Schär and Dortmund's Manuel Akanji are classy defenders who know how to create from the back (and Schär is actually a pretty decent goalscorer for the Nati). I guess Akanji didn't have the best of seasons for Dortmund, but he's still very young and has looked OKish to excellent with the Nationalmannschaft. I also quite like young Nico Elvedi. However, walking calamity Johan Djourou is still lurking in the wings, eager to step - and gently caress - up. I don't know enough about Silvan Widmer to really comment on him, but he's a seasoned first choice player at Udinese and can be used in a variety of positions in defense and midfield, so I guess it's good he'll come along. (Laugh at this sentence when he's cut from the squad later today).  Akanji getting the 'Dortmund treatment'  lol im still here fuckers Midfielders: Our midfield is anchored by Arsenal legend, Wengy favorite and Mensa member Granit Xhaka. Most people seem to hate him, but I think he's a very decent deep-lying playmaker. Indispensable for the national team, just needs someone next to him to sweep up, and that someone is still all-around madman Valon Behrami, now at Udinese. He's getting really old and slow though, so I think he's going to be a huge weak spot in Russia. I'd prefer Denis Zakaria in his position, who, incidentally, also broke my heart by leaving Young Boys for Mönchengladbach. But I guess Zakaria will mostly be used as a sub. Our main (and some would say only) creative outlet and also our only actual 'star' is Xherdan Shaqiri, of Bayern, Inter and (lol) Stoke fame. You're all familiar with him so I don't think I have to elaborate here. If our opposition can shackle him, there's really no plan B. One thing to note here is that Shaqiri will definitely want to leave Stoke after their relegation, so I'd assume he'll be really up for it and try to put himself into the shop window.  Denis Zakaria, shown here breaking YB hearts.  Xherdan Shaqiri, seen here wearing Stoke colors. Unless... Well, maybe cool dude Breel Embolo will do a thing!  He's a strong, extremely hard working forward, but he missed most of the season due to a bad injury. He looked up for it yesterday, though, so maybe he'll be fine. Other forwards: Include total bottlers Haris Seferovic and Josip Drmic. Mario Gavranovic might actually surprise people, though: he's been scoring for fun since he headed to the Croatian league (lol); he'll be bursting with confidence and he has a lot to prove. But he'll probably be real bad and you fuckers will all quote this to prove that hope is a lie and I'm an idiot. Other players that might do things: Journeyman, perennial backup and legend due to butt-goal vs. Spain Gelson Fernandes will accompany the team as an emergency anchorman. His young cousin Edimilson Fernandes seems like a promising youngster, but then again he plays for West Ham so he's probably bad. For some reason, Petkovic loves Blerim Dzemaili, even though he's old and plays for loving Montreal. Why. Don't know much about Remo Freuler, but he seems to do a good job at Atalanta. Steven Zuber is a stupid mentalist, bit of a non-entity otherwise. Maybe someone who's following Hoffenheim, Atalanta or West Ham can chime in here? Strengths and weaknesses: Petkovic has drilled the team quite well; unless there are huge lapses in concentration, we usually don't allow the opposition many chances. We've only conceded seven goals during the entire qualifying campaign, and yesterday's game against Spain showcased our organization once again - yeah, we were fortunate not to lose, but it was still an admirable performance against a vastly superior opponent. We also have a decent spine, with a strong keeper, passing center backs, a great distributor in Xhaka and a creative outlet in Shaqiri. However, we're amazingly bad in front of goal since we lack a clinical finisher (and have lacked one since the days of Alex Frei, one might argue). So yeah, any game involving us is probably going to be a frustrating affair (although hopefully not as dire as that legendarily bad round of 16 match against Ukraine in 2006): We're going to do a decent job stifling the opposition but we'll be unlikely to actually do anything of note ourselves. Welp. Group: Switzerland will play Brazil, Serbia and Costa Rica. Honestly, anything is possible here. Maybe some of you remember our brilliant (and funny) performance against Spain in 2010, only to crash out of the group stage against loving Honduras. There's a pattern here, though: We're usually not intimidated by strong opposition, and being pinned back plays to our strengths, so I predict a respectable showing against Brazil and a good performance against Serbia, and then I have no idea what's going to happen against Costa Rica. I think if we come second in the group we're likely to meet Germany next, in which case lol. Remember to consider Hublot for your watch needs. Hublot: Become a Hublotista. unless ur poor, then this neither the watch nor the country for you. get out Wengy fucked around with this message at 14:54 on Jun 4, 2018 |
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Jun 4, 2018 12:56
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Freuler is good, he had a bit of a breakout season at Atalanta and started most of their matches. He's not exceptional imo, but he'll do the job. It's surprising to me that Dzemaili is still getting call ups.
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Jun 4, 2018 13:30
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Dzemaili is one of Petkovic's favorites, that's just how he rolls. Although who knows, he might yet be cut from the squad later today. Thanks for the input on Freuler, that's very promising. Hope he actually makes the team.
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Jun 4, 2018 13:48
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Any chance of giving us a rundown of how old the key players are? It seems like most of this squad have been around forever. Also on a scale of 1-10 how salty are Swiss people these days that like 90% of the national team are black or Albanian? I remember this being a thing a few years ago.
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Jun 4, 2018 13:57
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vyelkin posted:Any chance of giving us a rundown of how old the key players are? It seems like most of this squad have been around forever. Racists in racist backwater cantons are salty (oliwan will tell you all about it), nobody else cares. I can't be arsed to do any calculations, but I remember reading that the average age of squad is around 26-27 years, so not that old. I was surprised by this; I guess my perception, much like yours, was skewed by the continuing presence of old veterans like Lichtsteiner and Behrami. Then there are players like Rodriguez, Shaqiri and Seferovic who aren't old at all but might seem old because they've been getting called up since they were teenagers. The average is also pushed down by up-and-comers like Zakaria, Akanji and Embolo.
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Jun 4, 2018 14:03
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Wengy posted:Racists in racist backwater cantons are salty (oliwan will tell you all about it), nobody else cares. Yeah that makes sense, I'm always surprised to learn Shaqiri is only like 26 because he became a big deal when he was still a teenager.
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Jun 4, 2018 14:05
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Looking forward to Swiss exciting brand of 0-0 double overtime no goals games
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Jun 4, 2018 14:15
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Mystic Stylez posted:Looking forward to Swiss exciting brand of 0-0 double overtime no goals games We aim to please. Don't forget to consider Hublot for your timekeeping needs.
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Jun 4, 2018 14:32
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I hope the team is convicted of tax fraud and jailed, op.
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Jun 4, 2018 14:56
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Reprisal posted:I hope the team is convicted of tax fraud and jailed, op. Common misconception: it's only foreigners who commit tax fraud in our fair country, our own citizens are all squeaky clean, so our players are in the clear.
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Jun 4, 2018 14:58
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BREAKING NEWS - BREAKING NEWS - BREAKING NEWS Brought to you by Hublot, official timekeeper of FIFA WORLD CUP 2018 Petkovic has decided to omit Gregor Kobel (fourth keeper and so forgettable I forgot to mention him in the OP), Edimilson Fernandes (shame) and Silvan Widmer (I have no opinion on this) from the final squad.
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Jun 4, 2018 15:08
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vyelkin posted:Any chance of giving us a rundown of how old the key players are? It seems like most of this squad have been around forever. I cba to find all of them, but Xhaka, Seferovic and Rodriguez were all on the team that won the U-17 World Cup in 2009 and I think they were promoted into the senior squad not long after that. quote:Also on a scale of 1-10 how salty are Swiss people these days that like 90% of the national team are black or Albanian? I remember this being a thing a few years ago. It's better now that the unquestionably best player in the squad is foreign. When Alex Frei was banging in the goals it was easier to pretend that the 'real Swiss' were all that was needed. Without Shaq, we're hosed, and everyone knows it. The people who still care about purity just watch ice hockey now.
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Jun 4, 2018 16:41
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greazeball posted:It's better now that the unquestionably best player in the squad is foreign. When Alex Frei was banging in the goals it was easier to pretend that the 'real Swiss' were all that was needed. Without Shaq, we're hosed, and everyone knows it. The people who still care about purity just watch ice hockey now. This is spot on, and it's funny to compare the crowds on ice hockey vs. football match days. When the hockey is on, the city looks like the goblin camp from The Hobbit, whereas when YB are playing, cool and sophisticated dudes like greazeball and myself are out and about.
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Jun 4, 2018 16:46
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Wengy posted:BREAKING NEWS - BREAKING NEWS - BREAKING NEWS Widmer was good 2 seasons ago I think? Udinese was so loving bad this year that everyone on that team should be ashamed. Behrami included imo, heh.
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Jun 4, 2018 17:43
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For reference:oliwan posted:Things I have heard in my native land of Wallis:
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Jun 4, 2018 18:51
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big fan of the swiss here, but hublot is gaudy trash
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Jun 4, 2018 19:54
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Can't believe Wolverine wears omega
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Jun 4, 2018 19:58
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curried lamb of God posted:big fan of the swiss here, but hublot is gaudy trash Holy gently caress.
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Jun 4, 2018 20:01
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Wanna see some sick wristshots itt guys. Maybe Buffis will pop over from teh Watches thread and post his Turn-O-Graph???
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Jun 4, 2018 20:03
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Wengy posted:Wanna see some sick wristshots itt guys. Maybe Buffis will pop over from teh Watches thread and post his Turn-O-Graph??? Im never going to be able to move on from curried lamb of god’s insanely hairy arm tbh.
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Jun 4, 2018 20:05
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curried lamb of God posted:big fan of the swiss here, but hublot is gaudy trash I think you might want to rethink that link band for your skins sake, op.
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Jun 4, 2018 20:05
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The Swiss tend to have difficulty picking a side
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Jun 4, 2018 20:17
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I have a Swatch in black and gold edit: in plastic
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Jun 4, 2018 20:19
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blue footed boobie posted:Im never going to be able to move on from curried lamb of god’s insanely hairy arm tbh.
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Jun 5, 2018 08:22
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I'm just hispanic, you jerks
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Jun 5, 2018 12:09
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I’m more of a Rolex man
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Jun 5, 2018 20:21
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curried lamb of God posted:I'm just hispanic, you jerks My day job is modeling as the “before” guy in ads for Low T supplements, I’m just jealous
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Jun 5, 2018 20:23
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poty posted:I’m more of a Rolex man gaaaaaaaaaah I've been lusting after that gray-dialed Datejust for ages, STOP IT
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Jun 5, 2018 22:53
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poty posted:I’m more of a Rolex man lmao
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Jun 6, 2018 02:23
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People who pay more than €100 for a watch are seriously retarded
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Jun 6, 2018 18:47
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someone in PWM said that their boss was getting them that hilariously ugly official Hublot for the WC anyways if I ever get a Swiss watch it'll be from the only watchmaker that also is an engine constructor, Tag Heuer. this one is especially my poo poo 
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Jun 6, 2018 19:28
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Dude. No. There's only one acceptable Tag, and it's this one: https://www.tagheuer.com/de-ch/uhren/heritage-calibre-heuer-02-chronograph-automatic-chronograph-42-mm-cbe2110-ba0687 Actually, it's more than acceptable because it fucken owns
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Jun 6, 2018 19:32
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Wengy posted:Dude. No. you have Changed My Mind, because that's good (and they also have one with a leather band, which is also good)
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Jun 6, 2018 19:35
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Troy Queef posted:you have Changed My Mind, because that's good (and they also have one with a leather band, which is also good) That's also cool, but that bead of rice band... So good. Also, it has a cool in-house movement as opposed to the boring off-the-shelf ETA 7750 in the one you posted.
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Jun 6, 2018 19:38
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By engine you mean ASTON MARTIN RED BULL RACING TAG HEUER?
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Jun 6, 2018 19:39
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Gigi Galli posted:By engine you mean ASTON MARTIN RED BULL RACING TAG HEUER? you forgot the part where they won a World Constructors' Championship back in '84
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Jun 6, 2018 19:43
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Troy Queef posted:you forgot the part where they won a World Constructors' Championship back in '84 Today I learned that TAG and Heuer used to be two separate things!
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Jun 6, 2018 19:52
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Dispatched Japan easily. It’s coming home (to the FIFA headquarters).
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Jun 8, 2018 22:47
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Today's the day. I believe I believe I believe that we can maybe not lose too badly
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Jun 17, 2018 10:59
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We can’t be the only UEFA team to lose, or next time we go to Brussels to negotiate with the EU everybody is gonna make fun of us (more than usual)
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Jun 17, 2018 15:20
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