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Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh PUTO!!!!! Please note: If you complain about the Puto chant you will be banned https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0fRh7NFOUU I'm still not over it. I never will be. Welcome to the Mexico thread, brought to you by the official snack partner of World Cup 2018, Takis Preparados. I hope you look forward to enjoying three thrilling games of FIFA World Cup Group F action where Mexico will beat expectations by everyone to squeak out a heroic tie against Germany only to then fall to pieces losing to South Korea and scrapping out a tie against the Swedes before being shamefully shipped home. I knew this would be the second I saw the group: Ciprian Maricon posted:Ban me if Mexico make it out of the group Also calling it now: Marquez will get a red, because he's a humongous oval office whose only gotten worse with age. Since there are exactly two Mexicans left here in TRP chances are you're either A) Some euro-trash skipping all of these words to shitpost or B) Are an American who once had a burrito you really liked in San Bernadino and are looking to dick ride El Tri since your garbage team couldn't even make it through the rigged as gently caress CONCACAF qualification campaging, let me introduce you to the 24 men who will shortly be frustrating you:  Not even God can help you This is Juan Carlos Osorio, earlier this year I would have said he's a perfectly reasonable manager but he named Rafa Marquez to his squad so either he's basically just a figurehead while the retards at the FMF make all important decisions, or he himself is a drooling moron. He got a cool nickname while somewhere in Colombia El Recreacionista it can be best translated to who gives a poo poo, he named Rafa Marquez to the 23 man squad Jesus God Kill me The only things I knew about Osorio before his appointment as Mexico manager was that he was fired from MLS, something even Ben Olson hasn't accomplished, and his players revolted and got him fired at Puebla. He has won nothing of real importance anywhere, and since CONCACAF is a massive joke we can't really make anything of his passable record so far. What we do know is that he knew full well his players were going to parties brimming with hookers, and he didn't give a poo poo. Let's met some of these players:  one of the sex fiends The most likely starting keeper for Mexico in Russia will be Guillermo "Memo" Ochoa. He's a good keeper with strong hands, good reflexes, and plenty of guts who struggles with coordinating his defense and distributing the ball. I'm a big fan of Memo, he's one of the few Mexican players who really challenges himself abroad when he could easily secure a massive paycheck and a guaranteed National Team spot playing like a God in the puddle deep talent pool of Liga MX. The years have since proven not as good as most of us would have hoped but since none of the other keepers are notably better or share his wealth of experience he's likely to get the nod. The other two keepers are Alfredo Talavera and Jesus Corona, I hear they are both good but: 1. They don't have cool nicknames 2. They play in the Liga MX which is poo poo so I haven't seen them since 2014. So I don't want to write about them. The defense is... well its not amazing. Mexico's defenders are very comfortable on the ball, some are even a serious threats moving forward but when it comes to being physically imposing strong defenders... this they are not. Don't worry though they don't compensate for this AT ALL by being well organized and drilled, so you know...  This is Hugo Ayala, He's OK. I forget he exists all the time, mostly because like so much of this team he plays in Liga MX which is almost as bad to watch as MLS and has a league structure that makes the MLS looks sane and reasonable. He mostly plays at center back and he's likely to play a significant role in this doomed world cup campaign.  Carlos Salcedo is a promising prospect. MLS tools like to take credit for the establishment of his career since he briefly glanced in the direction of the Real Salt Lake academy. realistically he's a product of the Tigres academy, who started in MLS. I think he had to "play" for their academy to sign one of the 60000 type of specialty contracts in MLS. Either way he's promising, young, doing OK in Germany. recently suffered a injury and may have been rushed back onto the field. He typically plays at the right back or center back.  Hector Moreno is a reasonably reliable center back with a long strong career in Holland, however he is not that amazing. He left Roma six months into a 4 year contract because he wanted to play more and no one gave a poo poo. Like so much of this team he's pretty ok, even good sometimes, but no one on this team is really amazing. Other defenders include the tall and gangly looking Diego Reyes who was promising early in Porto but has now since spent his time getting loaned out around Spain and Edson Alvarez of Pumas who I would have known stuff about if I was seven and still wanted to be Jorge Campos, but I honestly don't think I've ever seen him play. What about the midfield?  Miguel Layun has spent most of his career as fullback and I hate him more than anything there. Layun bombs forward a lot, crosses the ball real well, and has a hell of a shot. He uses these skills to present a genuine threat, create opportunities and generally hassle defenders. That all sounds great except when you look at the massive gaping hole he leaves in a defense that already lacks organization and physical presence. Osorio has played him quite a bit int he midfield and long may it continue.  Hector Herrera plays a lot as a defensive midfielder, which is a shame because he's tiny and much better at cutting an incisive pass than tackling dudes. Technically gifted, with a solid career in Europe so far. I'm a big fan of the big eared little bastard, he's good for a couple of yellows, but just really dependable on the ball.  The heart and soul of Mexico's midfield is team captain and all around excellent dude Andres Guardado. Last world cup I wrote praise for Guardado as a once fantastic winger who had managed to reinvent himself as a solid midfielder once his pace had started to fail him. He has since grown into that role even more. He has really developed nicely while playing well for PSV. He's not flashy the way some of the other midfield stars are, but he is absolutely the bedrock that the Mexico attack will grow from. He's great, I love him, I miss his long curly locks. Speaking of the flashy...  These are Giovani and Jonathan Dos Santos. They are good, they are flashy. They are huge idiots. Both products of the Barcelona academy Jonathan and Gio have made solid careers going from team to team squandering their talents partying, not showing up to training, and generally failing to achieve their once promising potential while still being good enough to collect a paycheck. They both ply their trade in MLS now, the only league in North America worse for player development than Liga MX where they aren't even as good as random South Americans and over the hill PL stars. They are probably still good for some goals and moments of brilliance but if you can't tell I don't care because they are 100% the kind of idiots who are going to pull magic out of their asses against Germany, then go to a party with hookers and blow and show up hosed out of their skulls to lose to South Korea.  For a while there Jesus "Tecatito" Corona looked to be a world beater and then of course he turned out not to be. A great dribbler and a boundless fountain of energy he's let down by his poor finishing and decision making. He's exciting and brings some needed directness to Mexico's play but he's not as great as we all first thought. All the same I'm a big fan and I hope he does well in Russia. The midfield is rounded out with the likes of Javier Aquino and Jesus Gallardo they play in Liga MX so guess how much I know about them?  Chicharito - Chances are you know what he brings to the table. Is he good? Yes. Will he lead Mexico to glory? No. Mexican fans, the FMF, and maybe even Javier himself are completely delusional about how good Javier Hernandez is. He's such a good poacher but Mexico will continue to play as if he was the second coming of Zidane, Hugo Sanchez, and Pele combined. As a result he's going not going to impress. Sadly, Mexico's hopes up front don't get much better  I'm a big fan of Carlos Vela since he was never good enough for Arsenal. He looked promising in Spain and I hoped he'd find a good career. All of these hopes ended when he retired from competitive football on March 4 2018. His inclusion in the team is a mystery to me. I'll always remember him fondly.  Last world cup I thought Marco Fabian would the the darkhorse, the fugly hardworking, dude who would surprise the world by creating something out of nothing. The kind of direct, aggressive, and risk taking player that Mexico often needed, since then Marco Fabian moved to Germany where, surprise suprise, we found out he isn't quire as good as we all thought but still pretty OK. look for him to be subbed on in the 70th minute of losing to Sweden when its clear Chicharito can't single handedly run through 11 men and score.  I don't know what to say about Raul Jimenez anymore. I would wrote a lot of weird words about him being and being potentially more useful to the team than Chicharito. Then we went to Benfica, he played a ton of games, did gently caress all, and almost never started. He's an unknown to me now. Did he turn into poo poo at Benfica? Did someone else just shuffle him to the bench with their amazing quality. I honestly don't know and I'm not going to google it and pretend I do. Maybe he's good again, I sure hope so. And lastly......  The biggest oval office to ever put on the Mexico shirt... Rafa Marquez. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gcWX3F4FBU I kind of love him but..... hes retired..... This isn't a bad joke like Vela playing in MLS he's actually hung up his boots... I still can't believe it....HES RETIRED???? HOW THE gently caress IS THIS HAPPENING? gently caress IT LETS CALL UP JORGE CAMPOS, LETS CALL UP HUGO SANCHEZ, HOW ABOUT CUAUHTEMOC FOR ONE LAST loving GO??? HIJOS DE SU PUTA MADRE gently caress me. Interestingly if he plays Marquez will match a record set by some german guy for most world cups played in. If he plays and gets the captains armband he will break his own record for most times captain at a world cup. I've been on a month long meltdown about this. I can't handle it. Let's not forget that he was responsible for the foul that gave Robben the penalty in 2014....Oh poo poo, Robben, penalty.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0fRh7NFOUU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0fRh7NFOUU
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Jun 9, 2018 21:34
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Robben was fouled. it was a penal. Get over it, op.
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Jun 9, 2018 21:41
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Chucky Lozano is busted af in FIFA so Mexico (Meixco lol) has got my support
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Jun 10, 2018 03:08
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Why is Marco Fabian on this team? Because of the 1/500,000,000 chance that he'll kick a decent set piece? Waste of a body against Denmark.
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Jun 10, 2018 04:25
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What is Mexican for "it was a penalty"?
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Jun 10, 2018 10:22
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Tortilla Maker posted:Why is Marco Fabian on this team? Like, who else are you going to take? Alan Pulido, Erik Torres? Carlos Fierro? There's not a lot of options
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Jun 10, 2018 12:31
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oliwan posted:What is Mexican for "it was a penalty"? For Spanish, you'll want to say: "Soy pendejo". If you want Mexican Spanish, you'll say: "Soy un puto pendejo."
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Jun 10, 2018 13:49
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Rodolfo Pizarro, who plays in Liga MX, deserved to go, instead of Marquez. I really don't expect Mexico to win a single game.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:25
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I found this compilation of the time when Chicharito scored 24 goals while playing for America in the late 70s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-zQsbBBLM
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Jun 10, 2018 23:38
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Simone Poodoin posted:I found this compilation of the time when Chicharito scored 24 goals while playing for America in the late 70s I thought he played for Mexico, not America haha
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Jun 11, 2018 02:26
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Not bad OP, but really saying "the only league in North America worse than" doesn't really mean that much when there's...well, only 2 leagues of any substance running. No, the Caribbean is not North America, shut up.
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Jun 11, 2018 05:01
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The boys have arrived and are dressed for success*. * Success only extends to douche-baggy nightclubs.
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Jun 11, 2018 19:05
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A loving backpack, eres millonario cabron cómprate some loving luggage
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Jun 11, 2018 23:55
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I'm sure it's some ugly ridiculous $1000 designer backpack though
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Jun 12, 2018 00:15
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Simone Poodoin posted:I'm sure it's some ugly ridiculous $1000 designer backpack though It is https://us.mcmworldwide.com/en_US/men/backpacks
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Jun 12, 2018 00:20
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Ciprian Maricon posted:A loving backpack, eres millonario cabron cómprate some loving luggage I’ll fight you over travel backpacks
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Jun 12, 2018 13:31
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Friendly reminder that Rafa Marquez is a drug trafficker. Not in a funny, he played for Barcelona way, like an actual drug trafficker.
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Jun 12, 2018 15:09
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Shrapnig posted:Friendly reminder that Rafa Marquez is a drug trafficker. So is this guy 
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Jun 12, 2018 19:10
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Sad King Billy posted:So is this guy Bobo is a party guy but I don't think he did drug trafficking I know you mean Moreno
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Jun 12, 2018 19:18
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Tortilla Maker posted:For Spanish, you'll want to say: "Soy pendejo".
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Jun 13, 2018 03:31
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Simone Poodoin posted:I found this compilation of the time when Chicharito scored 24 goals while playing for America in the late 70s lol
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Jun 13, 2018 04:15
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As our friendly neighbors to the South, I wish Mexico a good group stage.
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Jun 13, 2018 14:18
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I'm sorry to say but fue penal, op Robben took a spetacular dive but the defender clearly stepped on his foot
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Jun 13, 2018 14:30
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Simone Poodoin posted:I found this compilation of the time when Chicharito scored 24 goals while playing for America in the late 70s Goddammit, Chespirito. I used to think you were cool.
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Jun 13, 2018 21:12
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Mystic Stylez posted:I'm sorry to say but fue penal, op
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Jun 13, 2018 21:26
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fue penal.
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Jun 13, 2018 21:26
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Forceholy posted:Goddammit, Chespirito. I used to think you were cool. eh, apparently he turned into a conservative rear end in a top hat in later life (as we all often do) and yes NO ERA PENAL
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Jun 13, 2018 21:32
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how old even is marquez now
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Jun 13, 2018 21:43
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Jose posted:how old even is marquez now 39 and officially retired from club football.
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Jun 14, 2018 03:39
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Ciprian Maricon posted:Other defenders include the tall and gangly looking Diego Reyes who was promising early in Porto but has now since spent his time getting loaned out around Spain... Diego Reyes suffered an injury this season in this penultimate match with Porto, causing him to not play since the first week of May. His spot on the squad has been tentative since then and was dependent upon him being match ready against Scotland... and then Denmark... and once arrived in Russia. That was a fail. He’s now officially been replaced by Pachuca’s Erick Gutierrez. Gutierrez had been playing well at the club level. Had his first baby on the same day he received the news that he would in fact be playing in the World Cup. Hopefully it’ll fire him up. For the video game minded, a comparison of the old with the new...
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Jun 15, 2018 12:10
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oliwan posted:fue penal. How many tulips did the Dutch bribe you with to defend the indefensible? quote:“There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.” I'm not a big soccer fan, and even I could see that NO FUE PENAL.
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Jun 16, 2018 06:15
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Kal-L posted:How many tulips did the Dutch bribe you with to defend the indefensible? I'm Dutch op, but that is irrelevant because everyone who is not a mexican crybaby saw that it was an obvious penalty.
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Jun 16, 2018 12:01
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Sup guys, stupid portuguese here. I would just like to say everybody who is a benfica fan loves jimenez, and hes been great as supersub for us, and he is a good player who is very unlucky to be behind a player who is arguably the greatest stiker in the portuguese league since radamel falcao. Hope he does well in wolves. go mexico.
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Jun 16, 2018 13:56
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Mexicans have a terrible record in the Prem, outside of Chicharito everyone has flopped. I don't know if Jimenez is good enough to break that or if Wolves is the team to do that with but I hope he does well Thanks for your support OP
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Jun 16, 2018 14:04
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https://twitter.com/rinconderufo/status/1008391586030456834 Not a bad start.
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Jun 17, 2018 19:32
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Looks like no era penal after all 
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Jun 17, 2018 19:35
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oliwan posted:I'm Dutch  You've said enough, Dutch.I'm gonna be honest, I expected our team to suffer a glorious defeat not unlike the Spartans vs. Persians. Is this what being a top team feel like? It feels... good! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TahSjSjOE9o
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Jun 18, 2018 03:30
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Kal-L posted:
kinda unsportsmanlike for Rafa Marquez to mock the Germans like that
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Jun 18, 2018 03:41
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Shrapnig posted:Friendly reminder that Rafa Marquez is a drug trafficker. I had not realised this and apparently he can't wear the same training kit as his teammates or drink from the same water bottles because he's literally on a DHS blacklist https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/18/sports/world-cup/rafa-marquez-treasury-sanctions.html
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Jun 20, 2018 05:44
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I just realized that Mexico is spelled wrong on the thread title.
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Jun 20, 2018 15:57
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