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Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Arcanuse has leveled up to Level 2.
Arcanuse has leveled up to Level 3.

Choose two:

1) Lesser Dice of Fortune - Your enemy's HP, Damage and Attack Speed are randomized between (50%-150%).
3) [Trait] Seed of Chaos - Every enemy who fights you again in battle has a 10% increased experience gain.
4) [Trait] Memetic Hazard - Every enemy who wins against you has a 10% chance to auto-draw This spreads for everyone who wins against an infected player.

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Arcanuse
Mar 15, 2019

XAOS

"...And let this be your Final Fantasy, Niceo."

"Hmm. No, no that doesn't quite sound right. Can we get a do-over for the records, or... No? That's the take we're going with?"
"Bah. From [Farmer] to this. But... Is that?"
"Oh ho ho ho ho ho, it is!"
"To think I would see some of my blessed [Crop] realized here!"
"Now, this is where things get [interesting]."
"...Also Niceo if you're listening, live a little longer next time won't you?
"It's hard to get a good monologue when the [Hero] just dies so quickly."

3) [Trait] Seed of Chaos - Every enemy who fights you in battle has a 10% increased experience gain.
4) [Trait] Memetic Hazard - Every enemy who wins against you has a 10% chance to auto-draw This spreads for everyone who wins against an infected player.

"Let the [fun] begin!"

Arcanuse fucked around with this message at 14:15 on May 26, 2022

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.
"Really, how rude."

Niceo chooses 3) Greater Miracle

Argue
Sep 29, 2005

I represent the Philippines
Generic Fantasy Race: Toad, as in the kind from the Mushroom Kingdom
Class: VTuber

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Argue posted:

Generic Fantasy Race: Toad, as in the kind from the Mushroom Kingdom
Class: VTuber

A) Holo Presence - Summon an avatar for your avatar. Reduces the disadvantages of being Toad, increases charisma.
B) Livestream - Through a series of legal hoops you managed rights to live streams the match, discouraging some enemies from being too aggressive.
C) [Trait] Rake in - Every match that you win against a non-Combatant attracts new fans and gives you a cumulative +10% experience bonus for Pacifists, +7% for Supporters.

Argue
Sep 29, 2005

I represent the Philippines
B all the way!

edit: the streamer seems the obvious choice for me to fight

Argue fucked around with this message at 16:18 on May 26, 2022

malbogio
Jan 19, 2015

Bandersnatch - Lv 1

Target: Arcanuse

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
paper bag with a face has leveled up to Level 2.

Choose one:

1) Ram - Run towards your enemy with your horns. This has historically been efficient for horned beasts.
2) Field of Thorns - Fills the ground around you with thorns that range from a few inches to human sized. Long cooldown.
3) Project Bone Spike - Creates spikes from your arm and throws them at great speed at your enemy. Long cooldown.

Elentor fucked around with this message at 06:20 on May 27, 2022

Infinity Gaia
Feb 27, 2011

a storm is coming...

Elentor posted:

Infinity Gaia has leveled up to Level 2.

1) Cooperate - Find other Low Level Random Encounter in the area and have them join your group.
2) Use Potion - If you can drop potions, that means you have them in the first place. Uses a Healing Potion that heals your HP for a bit.
3) Throw Grenade - If you can drop grenades, that means you have them in the first place. Tosses a grenade at the enemy;

I'll be taking Cooperate. That's right, this is the kind of low level encounter that has enough enemies you can't kill it in one turn by mashing attack, so you either have to spend MP on an AoE spell or take chip damage and waste time with another turn of mashing attack!

paper bag with a face
Jun 2, 2007

Elentor posted:

paper bag with a face has leveled up to Level 2.

Choose one:

1) Ram - Run towards your enemy with your horns. This has historically been efficient for horned beasts.
2) Field of Thorns - Fills the ground around you with thorns that range from a few inches to human sized. Long cooldown.
3) Project Bone Spike - Creates spikes from your arm and throws them at great speed at your enemy. Long cooldown.

My splendor improves!

I'll go with Field of Thorns.

boo_radley
Dec 30, 2005

Politeness costs nothing

Elentor posted:

Please choose, mlord.

A) Feline Scavenger - Before the match, find some random dead animal remains to eat. Small chance they might be magical and give you buffs

Skrungly emerges from the dumpster, his fur especially matted around his mouth, and begins quietly cleaning muck and gore off his paws. His fur glows darky, even in the gloom of the alleyway. Smoke seems to trail from his feet when he starts padding away from the dumpster.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Processed. If I forgot any of your commands please let me know.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 20 - Shinarato vs Not Alex

"You understand why we're here, right?" the Pope said. "We are here to test the limits of evolution."

The bakers' trick had no effect on the Ant. "We do not have a respiratory system like the one you know", the Pope explained. "I can't detect suffocation, not like this. Why would you choose me?"

"I'm trying to figure out what the good matchups are", said Shinarato. "Clearly I'm lacking in biology classes. But I think the system is rigged against me, I'm just a baker."

The ant walked around, and pondered.

"I don't think it is. I've been looking at the list of fights. A Greater God lost against an Eldritch God. That Eldritch God lost against a spaceship. That spaceship lost against - get this, a Goblin with a knife. That Goblin lost against a Broken Elf in a straight fight. That elf lost against me."

Shinarato played with his bread. "And the takeaway is not that you're at the top of the food chain, but that we're in a cosmic rock-paper-scissors?"

"I would like to be at the top of the food chain", the Ant pointed. "But I don't think the rock-paper-scissors is intentional, rather, it's a consequence."

"A consequence of what?"

"Like I said, to test the limits of evolution. Forced evolution. The kind of which cannot be achieved by natural means. The foundation is taking our archetypes to their limit. It's impossible to know who's gonna win."

The baker pondered how could he possibly win against a God for a brief second, before the Ant cut his head off. His losses gave him that power, and he could only ponder fearfully what this loss would give his opponent.


NOT ALEX WINS


Not Alex wins 72 Exp (Win as Support vs Pacifist)
Shinarato wins 36 Exp (Loss as Pacifist vs Support)

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Shinarato has leveled up to Level 2.

Choose one:

1) Airborne Fermentation - Causes the enemy to inhale a fermentation agent. This will make different types of food they've ingested increase in size, based on the food consumed. Increased efficiency on bread and alcohol.
2) Fungal Cultivation - After leaving your breads to rot, this allows you to cultivate different types of fungi which can be used to attack your enemies.
3) Toss Hardened Bread - You attempt to toss a very hard bread at the enemy.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 21 - AJ_Impy vs Dog Kisser

"You're a lawyer", Niceo said. "You realize that even my kindness has limits, right?" he followed. His expression was not that of amusement.

"Well, if I made a mistake, then I made a mistake", Smythely replied. "Kill me then, and enact your sense of Divine Justice."

"You can't sue me, ogreling. You can't threaten me either. You cannot harm me, so what possibly do you hope to achieve here?" the God entertained.

"It is true my job exists to deal dirty deeds, but such dirty deeds are wrought out of necessity, a necessity born by the lack of an absolute moral compass. There may be those who believe such, but their belief does not bring justice to those who have been injusticed. There are those who hold to their hearts that their deeds and misdeeds will count, but such beliefs do not fix society. No matter how strongly one believes in their form of dualistic cosmology, those beliefs can only be enforced but by ourselves."

The God sat. "I see. You seek an audience, then? I am not responsible for the issues you face on your world. As I've told others, yours is the work of Lesser Gods, and it's not of my position to interfere with them. I answer prayers that go unheard, and that is risk enough."

"So you do acknowledge that there is wrong", the lawyer said. "Would things be different, were they in your power?"

"Things would not exist", said Niceo. "I see no reason to create sentient Petri dishes."

"But you allow them to, does it not fall within your ethics to intervene?"

The God thought for a bit. "The standards to which you hold your dogs and your horses are lesser than those you hold your own kind", he said. "You could extend the life of a horse with a broken leg, or a dog with all manners of disease, yet many of you choose to put them down. Do you consider that more or less ethical?"

"Are you saying it'd not be unethical for you to put us down?" retorted the lawyer.

"No, that's not the point. The point is that those among you who think of creatures more intelligent ponder if your interests and concerns would affect them, if you can barely communicate with creatures less intelligent than you. I posit that you can, in fact, communicate with them; you can understand the needs of your dogs and pets, and form a rapport, and while there might be a linguistic barrier intrinsic to your species, I do not think it bars you from communication. But that communication is very superficial and not interesting, and in that regard, the analogy is right. I'm communicating with you like you play fetch with a dog."

"That may be the case, but I believe the contents of ethics to be broader than the spectrum of humanity's intellect", the lawyer replied. "Elephants are perfectly aware of them on an intuitive level, and so are you. Would you consider it beneath you, then? You do things out of benevolence, surely you cannot contradict yourself here."

"You're right, but what is your point?"

"That you and I are the same. We are operating under constraints and questionable ethics, while others hold onto us to do a justice that will ultimately not come. Except, you have the power to do more than I do. People with more at stake than you sacrificed more to do less. We may not be your petri dish, but we are still a petri dish."

The God replied that he is limited in what he can do, although the politics and the whys of that are too complex for a quick explanation. "The easiest way to convey to you is, I do what has the highest value in the long run. If I do too much, then I'll find myself in the position to do nothing. Surely you empathize with that, since, as you said - we're the same."


"Well," the lawyer said, whilst adjusting his tie, "would you at least agree that, given the difference in our circumstances, letting me win would, for no cost, yield the highest ethical value in this situation?"


AJ_IMPY WINS


AJ_Impy wins 66 Exp (Win as Support vs Pacifist)
Dog Kisser wins 39 Exp (Loss as Pacifist vs Support)

Elentor fucked around with this message at 15:42 on May 29, 2022

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
AJ_Impy has leveled up to Level 2.

You have threatened lawsuits so much that others actually think you're a lawyer now. Congratulations. You have used rhetoric to convince a God to let you win.

Choose one:

1) Bad-Faith Debate - Jump straight to pedantics before any attempt of a fair debate.
2) [Trait] Philosophy+ - While your privileged education has given you good fundaments on philosophy, you can choose to study it further to aid your rhetoric.
3) Privilege Check - You have gotten so good at checking your privilege, you can in fact check anyone else's privilege, very thoroughly. Use this to guilt others into allowing you to win.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 22 - BraveLittleToaster vs Grey Face

"I've been told you are wise, old man", the Orc said. "In your wisdom, how do you see your death?"

"My, hopefully in a bed, warm, and surrounded by those who love me", the master said, in jest.

"Very funny, but I'm afraid we'll have to settle for a random element breaking your body at the hit of my axe."

"Does it have to be random? You're an agent of chaos, aren't you?"

"I am."

"Wouldn't it be more chaotic if you decided not to kill me?"

The Orc laughed. "I'm not stupid. I know you'll try to tell me impactful things, but even for you that was dumb, old man."

"Is it? You do know that XAOS is in the contest, right?"

The Orc squinted his eyes. He had not checked the records. "You jest, old man. Is this the best you got?"

"I propose a gambit, one that will aid us both. You lose, and you check the records - then you'll see that XAOS himself has lost a few matches that were in his favor, because that's what true chaos is about. I win, and you gain favor with XAOS. You become attuned to the true essence of chaos by doing the unpredictable."

"What if you're lying?" the Orc inquisited. "I could kill you and then check the records."

"The table of choices here are - you win against me, which will advance you softly, and then you check the table and see that I'm right. However - in doing so you will be doing a deterministically positive choice."

"If you lose here," he continues, "then you're making a gamble instead. The uncertainty of this decision adds to the true chaos. The leap of faith only seals the deal. If I'm lying, nothing stops you from fighting me again, and kill me slowly out of spite. So, how about that?"

The Orc pulled back his axe. He scowled, and spat on the ground, before chuckling.

"You're wise, old master. Let's see if I will benefit from your knowledge, or if you're a charlatan."

"Beware old people in a line of work where many die young", the Orc thought to himself. Maybe there's wisdom in the common sayings too.



As the Orc walked away, he suddenly turned back and slashed the mentor's legs. The man grunted in pain, as Grey Face laughed.

"I see. You taught me well. There's no chaos in blindly following your order either. You played your hand well, now I play mine."

The Orc dropped his axe and laughed.


DRAW


Grey Face wins 30 Exp (Draw as Combatant vs Support)
BraveLittleToaster wins 40 Exp (Draw as Support vs Combatant)

Shinarato
Apr 22, 2013

Elentor posted:

Shinarato has leveled up to Level 2.

Choose one:

1) Airborne Fermentation - Causes the enemy to inhale a fermentation agent. This will make different types of food they've ingested increase in size, based on the food consumed. Increased efficiency on bread and alcohol.
2) Fungal Cultivation - After leaving your breads to rot, this allows you to cultivate different types of fungi which can be used to attack your enemies.
3) Toss Hardened Bread - You attempt to toss a very hard bread at the enemy.

1) Airborne Fermentation - Causes the enemy to inhale a fermentation agent. This will make different types of food they've ingested increase in size, based on the food consumed. Increased efficiency on bread and alcohol.

Bwahahahaha! With this new breakthrough in gastrometics, I grow one step closer to dominating this place! All shall rue the day that they slighted me! Dr. Shin. R. Ato! The ultimate in bread sciences!

Except that ant, they were polite even though they cut of my head.

Shinarato fucked around with this message at 17:27 on May 29, 2022

Arcanuse
Mar 15, 2019

XAOS

quote:

As the Orc walked away, he suddenly turned back and slashed the mentor's legs. The man grunted in pain, as Grey Face laughed.

"I see. You taught me well. There's no chaos in blindly following your order either. You played your hand well, now I play mine."

The Orc dropped his axe and laughed.

:hmmyes:

"This one, this one is starting to understand."

"Oh, but many followers come and go, to and fro, learning and living and leaving as they please, as they ought!"

"Oh, that I had any faithful in my time, what fun could we have had."

"Oh, for providing amusement a [Jesters Boon] from me to you."

"Will it help, will it harm, will it do anything at all, why I leave you to be the judge of that."

"But you've got the eye of XAOS, and that's worth something though the value is to be seen, mhm?"

Otherkinsey Scale
Jul 17, 2012

Just a little bit of sunshine!
Name: Dame Gamma
Age: 351
Generic Fantasy Race: Mutant
Class: Half Life Knight

And lo, a hero came forth! Clad all in leather, her gratuitously placed spikes polished to a mirror sheen, wielding a sword of enchanted plutonium, and a shield of...stop sign.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Please choose one:

1) This place is not a place of honor - The ground beneath you is desecrated with radiation. This pierces through every non-magical barrier (and even some magical barriers) and slowly poisons the enemy.
2) Demon core - Ponder the orb but for a brief moment, dealing massive radiation damage to the enemy the closer they are to you.
3) Meruton - Overheats any source of energy of the enemy. The higher the source of energy, the worse the disaster.

Otherkinsey Scale
Jul 17, 2012

Just a little bit of sunshine!
Demon Core!

To begin this nuclear crusade, I challenge the Horned King, paper bag with a face.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Elentor posted:

AJ_Impy has leveled up to Level 2.

You have threatened lawsuits so much that others actually think you're a lawyer now. Congratulations. You have used rhetoric to convince a God to let you win.

Choose one:

2) [Trait] Philosophy+ - While your privileged education has given you good fundaments on philosophy, you can choose to study it further to aid your rhetoric.

Whilst faking it and bad faith have potential, nothing beats the real deal. I can persuade the Gods themselves, and that is merely the beginning.

Kild
Apr 24, 2010

I start vague tweeting about copycats and clout chasers. (I pick a fight with Argue)

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 23 - Swedish Thaumocracy vs Hexenritter

The Cyborg encountered no chat, no opening, no remorse.

The ship flew through and with its barrage razed the forest. While the laser pulses did not hit him directly, the impact shockwave of the nearby strikes were enough to knock him out.

ZiG was told via comms not to return for a second round; the match was over.


SWEDISH THAUMOCRACY WINS


Swedish Thaumocracy wins 50 Exp (Win as Combatant vs Support)
Hexenritter wins 30 Exp (Loss as Support vs Combatant)

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Swedish Thaumocracy has leveled up to Level 2.

Choose one:

1) No chance to survive - You set up the enemy the bomb. Will detonate within 4-6 turns.
2) [Trait] You know what you're doing - General increase in skill, allowing you to make better decisions.
3) Anti-Ambush Preventive Measures - Following past experiences, you've installed upgrades sensors that prevent any traps, explosives, ambushes or initiative attacks against you from enemies of your level or below.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Hexenritter has leveled up to Level 2

Choose one:

1) Spheroid Expedition - Enters a trance-like state for 2 turns that may or not enlighten your mind, giving you either a bad a trip or a deep insight into the enemy's working.
2) The Woman in Red - Aligns your soundwave with the enemy's material, shattering them. More efficient in objects with uniform materials (metal, crystal, ice, etc).
3) [Trait] Combat Implants - Turn your soundspeakers into soundwave engines, allowing them to propel you aggressively towards the enemy. Change your category to Combatant.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 24 - Theantero vs BraveLittleToaster

"We meet, at last", said Theantero. "I've been told you're wise. I walked all this way to meet with you, so that you could give me your wisdom. Tell me, how can I fight better?"

"It's not fighting better that with which you should be concerned. If anything, you should be fighting worse."

The powerful warrior looks confused. "You come for wisdom. Were wisdom easily obtained, you'd not be surprised by it, would you?"

"I suppose not. Still, you say things that are antithetical to my belief as to how this is supposed to work."



"Sit", said the master. "Eat."



"The contest favors not the winner. The contest favors the popular."

"I don't understand", replied Theantero. "The viewers cannot influence us, or give us gifts, or vote on us."

"Yet, it's not their popularity that matters. It's among the other contestants. You opened the show by defeating a Greater God, mighty warrior."

Theantero looks pensively, paying attention. The master continued, "the Meta here is not about whether or not you can win, it's what you have to offer. We do not know if we are to be judged by our wins or losses, but we know that our losses give us progress. Those who tried to shut down the other mighty warrior among our ranks only fed him and made him stronger."

"I see. It's not who I choose to fight that matters, but who chooses me."

"Correct", the master said, sipping from his Tea.

"Otherwise I'm gonna have exactly one encounter during every Act. The system is rigged so the weak grow strong. The prey will become the hunter", Theantero concluded.

"We do not know what is there in store. But I have my suspicions that things will not be as obvious as we think. And if the meta is to change, then who is to know who will be at the top."


Theantero acknowledged. He stood up, and nodded. "Thank you for your words, old master. You have taught me when here I thought to have mastered everything."

He took his things and left.


DRAW


Theantero wins 30 Exp (Draw as Combatant vs Support)
BraveLittleToaster wins 40 Exp (Draw as Support vs Combatant)

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Theantero has leveled up to Level 2

Choose one:

1) Power of Friendship - Allies are more resistant to intimidation effects, as long as they like you.
2) Sudden Realization - After a certain amount of turns in combat, you realize what it is you've been doing wrong all along.
3) [Trait] Become the Master - Following the master's word, exercise restraint in a winning fighting match, letting the enemy learn from their mistakes. Risks a draw, but gives the opponent an extra 15 Exp if they lose.

Elentor fucked around with this message at 07:21 on May 30, 2022

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
BraveLittleToaster has leveled up to Level 2

Choose one:

1) Move Out of Attack Calmly - Displays your decades of expertise by dodging one attack flawlessly.
2) [Trait] Words of Wisdom - Your enemies always receive an extra 15 Exp regardless of outcome if they allow you to speak.
3) [Trait] Become the Grandmaster - Exercise restraint in a winning fighting match, letting the enemy learn from their mistakes. Risks a draw, but gives the opponent an extra 20 Exp if they lose.

BraveLittleToaster
May 5, 2019

Elentor posted:

BraveLittleToaster has leveled up to Level 2

Choose one:

2) [Trait] Words of Wisdom - Your enemies always receive an extra 15 Exp regardless of outcome if they allow you to speak.

I pick this one. What do I know? That is something for others to find out.. This is a great mystery we all have the opportunity to learn from. I do enjoy my chats as well.

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you....

Elentor posted:

Theantero has leveled up to Level 2
2) Sudden Realization - After a certain amount of turns in combat, you realize what it is you've been doing wrong all along.

It's the thematic pick given the encounter, so I choose this one.

Hexenritter
May 20, 2001


Elentor posted:

Hexenritter has leveled up to Level 2

Choose one:
3) [Trait] Combat Implants - Turn your soundspeakers into soundwave engines, allowing them to propel you aggressively towards the enemy. Change your category to Combatant.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aexfjSfI7U

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006

Strength of >800 Men
Honor of 0
Grimey Drawer

Elentor posted:

Choose one:

1) No chance to survive - You set up the enemy the bomb. Will detonate within 4-6 turns.
2) [Trait] You know what you're doing - General increase in skill, allowing you to make better decisions.
3) Anti-Ambush Preventive Measures - Following past experiences, you've installed upgrades sensors that prevent any traps, explosives, ambushes or initiative attacks against you from enemies of your level or below.

ZiG lost to an ambush, so it will adapt, taking #3 to prevent future incidents.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 25 - Hexenritter vs AJ_Impy

"Oh my God. Oh man, that's the stuff, that's the stuff", said Smythely Fotherington. "Can you play - can you play the beats, you know, you know, beats, from the Fort Orgrintron".

"Of course, sure", said Trip. In truth, he had no idea what Fort Orgrintron was, but he played some of the best beats he had. As Trip found out, the Upper class is the same with the Half-Ogres - a lot of parties, electronic music, and cocaine.

Smythely was too high when Trip turned his speakers into pulse blasters. By the time he woke up in the foundation, he thought that he lost due to a hungover.


HEXENRITTER WINS


Hexenritter wins 75 Exp (Win as Combatant vs Support)
AJ_Impy wins 45 Exp (Loss as Support vs Combatant)

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 26 - Not Alex vs Kild

Although he initially set off to learn what this class of human workers did, there wasn't much of a fight. The Ant Pope quickly realized that he could just bite Kild's face off.

In the review of the combat, he found out that what the public had seen was a weirdly put montage, resulting in a draw. Confused with the result, the Ant Pope sent a message asking for a review of the fight to the Foundation, but it was quickly denied.


DRAW


Not Alex wins 72 Exp ("Draw" as Support vs Pacifist)
Kild wins 36 Exp ("Draw" as Pacifist vs Support)

Elentor fucked around with this message at 13:46 on Jun 4, 2022

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Not Alex has leveled up to Level 3.

Please choose:

1) Bullet Ant Bullet - Shoots a bullet ant at the enemy, who might sting them.
2) Summon Ant Warriors - Summons regular sized ant-warriors to attack your enemy. Efficiency based on how close you are to an ant hill.
3) Pheromone Mist - Uses Ant Pheromones to regulate your mind state, making you immune to most drugs, mind-altering effects, and naturally occurring states of panic and fear.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 27 - KittyEmpress vs AJ_Impy

"Oh, not you", said Smythely. "I was really hoping to avoid this."

The writer who went by the alias of KittyEmpress laughed. "So you know who I am. Good. What is your position on-"

"Listen, lady", the half-Ogre interrupted - "I know what the deal is. You writers have a lot of power, and I know you can force my twitter account into Private. How about we compromise?"

"I mean, I hold the cards here. What do you even have to offer?"

"I've been looking at the sheets - you cannot power through defeating me. It's not possible to do that with a loss and a victory, no matter the configuration seen so far. I can't by beating you either. If you send your fans against me, I'll sue you for defamation, and we're gonna have a bad time once we're out. If we both draw, we're both off for a power up during our next match, regardless of result."

The writer considered. "Yes, but I'll likely get it anyway even if I lose. A draw doesn't change that."

Smythely cracked his knuckles. "Right. Do you want to lose?"

Realizing that she can't win physically against the Ogre, and that sending her fans against him would result in legal retaliation, Kitty accepted the draw.


DRAW


AJ_Impy wins 46 Exp (Draw as Support vs Pacifist)
KittyEmpress wins 48 Exp (Draw as Pacifist vs Support)

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
ROUND 28 - KittyEmpress vs Dog Kisser

"You are omnibenevolent, right?" said Kitty. "I believe we can be of mutual benefit. Submit to me, and I'll post about your kindness."

"You've been picking your targets poorly, writer", said the deity. "'Tis true you have to offer, and you have leverage, but not as much as you need. Trip needs the reputation for his shows, and the streamers are in a much weaker position than you, both physically and positionally in the market, since the three of you depend on Internet fans."

"Still, my offer stands. Would you not have to gain more, in the greater run?"

"I don't, writer. Quite honestly, answering prayers is a chore, and as a Greater God I do not care for the worship of mortals. Really, that's for the - "

Kitty lays down and starts praying. "Oh, please, Niceo, don't let me lose this fight. Please, kind God, protect me from-"

"Ah! Oh God, Jesus, argh", Niceo grabbed his head and moved around, rambling. "gently caress, that's, just" - "oh my God, stop."

"Please, I pray for you, god of all benevolence, the Omnibenelovent, ward me from all evil. Ward me from injustice and of creatures larger than me who can quickly kill me unfairly."

"Ahh! Okay, fine, argh, I can't. Jesus loving Christ."


KITTYEMPRESS WINS


Dog Kisser wins 52 Exp (Draw as Pacifist vs Pacifist)
KittyEmpress wins 48 Exp (Draw as Pacifist vs Pacifist)

Elentor fucked around with this message at 14:39 on Jun 4, 2022

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Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
KittyEmpress has leveled up to Level 2.

1) Fic Slash - Use paper sharper than razors to attack your enemies, inflicting low damage but severe pain
2) Gross Out - Read parts of your fics to the enemy. This might reduce their accuracy.
3) Flatter - Choose to write about your opponent, in a manner that might flatter them.

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