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sharknado slashfic
Jun 24, 2011

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1682481110935019520?s=20

It begins

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Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"
Ravens gonna go with a specialized 5 RB set every down.

Wideouts used only as decoys.

kiimo
Jul 24, 2003

Ravens RBs to Zay Flowers and OBJ: So you're the other GLG20s. The decoys.

Ches Neckbeard
Dec 3, 2005

You're all garbage, back up the truck BACK IT UP!
Did the ravens replace their S&C yet or is that good good nepotism train still riding?

Freaquency
May 10, 2007

"Yes I can hear you, I don't have ear cancer!"

Ches Neckbeard posted:

Did the ravens replace their S&C yet or is that good good nepotism train still riding?

They fired him earlier this year

Docjowles
Apr 9, 2009

Yeah and a bunch of players dogpiled him on Twitter after it happened saying about loving time lmao

https://www.thebaltimorebanner.com/...TEEKJDG2DHR5KY/

AAAAA! Real Muenster
Jul 12, 2008

My QB is also named Bort

Mega64 posted:

Guy seems too good to be getting as much as poo poo treatment as he's had. Is he a bad locker room guy or something?
From what I have seen / can tell, he's a great locker room presence. I just think he doesnt get any respect because he was a UDFA that has never been fast and tore his achillies in his second year. He was the one thing keeping those jaguars teams competitive though so he deserves way more respect.

syzpid
Aug 9, 2014

Mega64 posted:

Guy seems too good to be getting as much as poo poo treatment as he's had. Is he a bad locker room guy or something?

With the Jets trade, there was a condition that if he got over 250 yards, the Jets would send a higher pick. So once he wasn't that great out the gate the Jets had no reason to keep giving him touches. Then he failed his physical with the Patriots. So he isn't bouncing around so much due to any fault of his own.

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009

AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:

From what I have seen / can tell, he's a great locker room presence. I just think he doesnt get any respect because he was a UDFA that has never been fast and tore his achillies in his second year. He was the one thing keeping those jaguars teams competitive though so he deserves way more respect.

He can run well but he doesn't have breakaway speed, offers next to nothing in the passing game and he's not a great pass protector. I like JRob a lot and when we lost Foreman I thought the Panthers could kick the tyres on him for depth but he's just not really a feature back and it's not like you can't find RBs everywhere who can do what he does.

John Brown
Jul 10, 2009

Android Apocalypse posted:

If the Giants do well without Barkley this year I can totally see running backs having an existential crisis over salaries.

To be fair it’s already happening.

We are watching the crises unfold.

Impossibly Perfect Sphere
Nov 6, 2002

They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Dr_Strangelove
Dec 16, 2003

Mein Fuhrer! THEY WON!


Yet more evidence that there is no meritocracy in capitalism

kiimo
Jul 24, 2003

Like, how can you not take the $10m franchise tag if offered. You will never get that again as a RB

Silly Burrito
Nov 27, 2007

SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT
Someone let Magic know the season doesn’t start for a couple of months.

https://twitter.com/MagicJohnson/status/1682533429420621825

Blowjob Overtime
Apr 6, 2008

Steeeeriiiiiiiiike twooooooo!

Holy gently caress, two all-pros? I didn't realize how brutal Football Team fandom was

kiimo
Jul 24, 2003

More team names than all pros lmao

Crescent Wrench
Sep 30, 2005

The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
Grimey Drawer

Blowjob Overtime posted:

Holy gently caress, two all-pros? I didn't realize how brutal Football Team fandom was

I really want to see the stats for other teams over that time period, because two seems unfathomably low.

Kalli
Jun 2, 2001



Crescent Wrench posted:

I really want to see the stats for other teams over that time period, because two seems unfathomably low.

For the 2000's, here's the East divisions:

33 Patriots Brady x3, Slater x2, Gronk x4, Seymour x3, Welker x2, Gostkowski x2, Vinatieri x2, Gilmore x2, Law, Mankins, Wilfork, Light, Mayo, Bailey, Moss, Samuel, Vrabel, Rodney, Marcus Jones, Gunner Olszewski

14 Jets Revis x3, Mangold x2, Kevin Mawae, Curtis Martin, John Abraham, Jamal Adams, Quinnen Williams, Leon Washington, Andre Roberts, Sauce, Braxton Berrios

11 Dolphins Zach Thomas x3, Jason Taylor x3, Wake, Long, Xavien, Surtain, Ricky Williams, Tyreek, Minkah, Jason Sanders

9 Bills Moorman x2, Diggs, Marcell Dareus, Spikes, Tre'Davious, Mario Williams, Matt Milano, Jordan Poyer

=======================

27 Cowboys Zach Martin x6, Ware x4, Larry Allen x2, Witten x2, Tyron Smith x2, Micah Parsons x2, Frederick, Roy Williams, Jay Ratliff, Dez Bryant, Zeke, Trevon Diggs, Sean Lee, DeMarco Murray, TO

25 Eagles Kelce x5, Dawkins x4, Peters x2, Johnson x2, McCoy x2, Fletcher Cox, David Akers, Trotter, Hugh Douglas, Shawn Andews, Evan Mathis, Lito Sheppard, Brian Westbrook, TO, Leonard Weaver

10 Giants Strahan x2, Shockey, Chris Snee, Tiki Barber, Landon Collins, JPP, Justin Tuck, Osi Umenyiora, Damon Harrison

2 Football Team


Here's the teams you'd think would have the least:

14 Browns: Thomas x6. Bitonio x2, Myles x2, Cribbs, Gordon, Jamir Miller, Jack Conklin

14 Texans Watt x5, Hopkins x3, Johnson x2, Foster, Brown, Leach, Mathis

14 Cardinals Peterson x3, Budda x2, Chandler Jones x2, Fitzgerald, Adrian Wilson, Boston, David Johnson, Mathieu, Neil Rackers

9 Lions Johnson x3, Suh x3, Slay, Drummond, Agnew

Kalli fucked around with this message at 02:09 on Jul 22, 2023

Doltos
Dec 28, 2005

🤌🤌🤌
Used to think Chris Snee was the best guard in history then Brandon Brooks and Marshall Yanda showed up and he looked pedestrian as gently caress in comparison

trevorreznik
Apr 22, 2023

Crescent Wrench posted:

I really want to see the stats for other teams over that time period, because two seems unfathomably low.

The Bears, with absolutely awful first round drafting for about 15 consecutive years, had 17 all - pros in the Snyder era. Even a few on offense! 2 is simply ridiculous

urlacherx4, hester x3, cordarrellex2, briggs, kreutz, khalil mack, julius peppers, kyle fuller, eddie jackson, brandon marshall, peanut tillman, mike brown, tarik cohen, robbie gould, roquan smith, ted washington , glyn milburn

trevorreznik fucked around with this message at 02:33 on Jul 22, 2023

Docjowles
Apr 9, 2009

Wonder if RG3 would have gotten there some day. His story sucks so bad, it was a rough listen on the Playcallers podcast mini series.

Kalli
Jun 2, 2001



Probably not, first team all pro QB means you have to beat out Brady, Peyton, Rodgers and Brees in the same year.

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012


Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.



Wedge Regret

Kalli posted:

Probably not, first team all pro QB means you have to beat out Brady, Peyton, Rodgers and Brees in the same year.

Hell, of that guys you mentioned, Brees was only 1st Team All Pro once in his entire career.

Android Apocalypse
Apr 28, 2009

The future is
AUTOMATED
and you are
OBSOLETE

Illegal Hen
Let me present peak NFL offseason posting:

Target had the Colin Kaeoernick-themed "Change the Whirled" flavor: caramel non-dairy frozen dessert with fudge chips graham cracker swirls, and chocolate cookie swirls.

Pairs well while watching NFL Live.

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012


Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.



Wedge Regret

Android Apocalypse posted:

Let me present peak NFL offseason posting:

Target had the Colin Kaeoernick-themed "Change the Whirled" flavor: caramel non-dairy frozen dessert with fudge chips graham cracker swirls, and chocolate cookie swirls.

Pairs well while watching NFL Live.

I approve of this post in many ways.

SKULL.GIF
Jan 20, 2017


Patrick Mahomes says Kirk Cousins is the most underrated quarterback in the league: “Wins every year. Puts up great stats. Did it in Washington. Does it in Minnesota. Talk to any other quarterbacks in the league, and they’re gonna say the same thing.”

kiimo
Jul 24, 2003

Florio spent all day today engaging with Chiefs fans on twitter like a loving child so you'll excuse me if I need a break

kiimo fucked around with this message at 05:10 on Jul 22, 2023

Nissin Cup Nudist
Sep 3, 2011

Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land





And yet the .427 winning % was only 27th in the league. 5 teams won less games than Synderball. Woof

And 2 playoff wins is still more than some teams

Nissin Cup Nudist fucked around with this message at 05:22 on Jul 22, 2023

trevorreznik
Apr 22, 2023

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

And yet the .427 winning % was only 27th in the league. 5 teams won less games than Synderball. Woof

And 2 playoff wins is still more than some teams

More than the Lions obviously. Bears had 3 playoff wins in that same timeframs (06 Seahawks in OT, 06 saints, 10 Seahawks) and 6 berths (fewer than the Lions I believe)

Kilometers Davis
Jul 9, 2007

They begin again

Android Apocalypse posted:

Let me present peak NFL offseason posting:

Target had the Colin Kaeoernick-themed "Change the Whirled" flavor: caramel non-dairy frozen dessert with fudge chips graham cracker swirls, and chocolate cookie swirls.

Pairs well while watching NFL Live.

This popped into my head that when the season kicks off I want to eat some creamsicle ice cream for the kickoff of the first bucs game

Crescent Wrench
Sep 30, 2005

The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
Grimey Drawer

Kalli posted:

For the 2000's, here's the East divisions:

33 Patriots Brady x3, Slater x2, Gronk x4, Seymour x3, Welker x2, Gostkowski x2, Vinatieri x2, Gilmore x2, Law, Mankins, Wilfork, Light, Mayo, Bailey, Moss, Samuel, Vrabel, Rodney, Marcus Jones, Gunner Olszewski

14 Jets Revis x3, Mangold x2, Kevin Mawae, Curtis Martin, John Abraham, Jamal Adams, Quinnen Williams, Leon Washington, Andre Roberts, Sauce, Braxton Berrios

11 Dolphins Zach Thomas x3, Jason Taylor x3, Wake, Long, Xavien, Surtain, Ricky Williams, Tyreek, Minkah, Jason Sanders

9 Bills Moorman x2, Diggs, Marcell Dareus, Spikes, Tre'Davious, Mario Williams, Matt Milano, Jordan Poyer

=======================

27 Cowboys Zach Martin x6, Ware x4, Larry Allen x2, Witten x2, Tyron Smith x2, Micah Parsons x2, Frederick, Roy Williams, Jay Ratliff, Dez Bryant, Zeke, Trevon Diggs, Sean Lee, DeMarco Murray, TO

25 Eagles Kelce x5, Dawkins x4, Peters x2, Johnson x2, McCoy x2, Fletcher Cox, David Akers, Trotter, Hugh Douglas, Shawn Andews, Evan Mathis, Lito Sheppard, Brian Westbrook, TO, Leonard Weaver

10 Giants Strahan x2, Shockey, Chris Snee, Tiki Barber, Landon Collins, JPP, Justin Tuck, Osi Umenyiora, Damon Harrison

2 Football Team


Here's the teams you'd think would have the least:

14 Browns: Thomas x6. Bitonio x2, Myles x2, Cribbs, Gordon, Jamir Miller, Jack Conklin

14 Texans Watt x5, Hopkins x3, Johnson x2, Foster, Brown, Leach, Mathis

14 Cardinals Peterson x3, Budda x2, Chandler Jones x2, Fitzgerald, Adrian Wilson, Boston, David Johnson, Mathieu, Neil Rackers

9 Lions Johnson x3, Suh x3, Slay, Drummond, Agnew

Thanks! My God, even the dregs of the league have players who SINGLE-HANDEDLY outpaced Washington.

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

the 2 guys thing seems to be based solely on first team AP. washington has had other guys like stephen davis and trent williams make second team. but in terms of first team their all-pro gap was between punter matt turk in 1996 and brandon scherff in 2020

Cavauro fucked around with this message at 12:56 on Jul 22, 2023

is pepsi ok
Oct 23, 2002

Giving the Dolphins credit for Minkah's 2019 All Pro is pretty funny.

Mega64
May 23, 2008

I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

is pepsi ok posted:

Giving the Dolphins credit for Minkah's 2019 All Pro is pretty funny.

They brought the best out of him by trading him to a team that could actually use his skills well.

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?





Sono posted:

Only if they keep stealing the names of existing teams.

The Stealers.

whos that broooown
Dec 10, 2009

2024 Comeback Poster of the Year
Washington Go-Go

Washington Half Smokes

Incitatus
Dec 16, 2005

The Meat Man was out of wings, Mr. William Ash More!:argh:
Washington Stupid morons with ugly faces and big butts and our butts smell and we like to kiss our own butts.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
Washington Croakers is a good outside of the box name with an actual regional link.

mcmagic
Jul 1, 2004

If you see this avatar while scrolling the succ zone, you have been visited by the mcmagic of shitty lib takes! Good luck and prosperity will come to you, but only if you reply "shut the fuck up mcmagic" to this post!
Christ I forgot about that loving ridiculous call on that late hit vs Mahomes in the AFC Championship game. We just love when refs decide title games.........

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No Butt Stuff
Jun 10, 2004

You mean when he was out of bounds and the guy hit him?

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