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Apr 26, 2024 05:33
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- treasure bear
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vampires cant enter your house but they can stand around and make annoying noises, theyre awful!
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Apr 15, 2016 00:41
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- MrWillsauce
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nah I knew someone who tried that
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Apr 15, 2016 00:46
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- Android Blues
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can you conditionally invite a Vampire into your home? Like say ask him to come in and play Super Nintendo as long as he does not cause you harm and then like if he tries to bite you he gets flushed out of the home?
god: ha ha this vampire wants to be friends with this person. sweet
*vampire attempts to bite homeowner while they are playing super nintendo*
god: (ejecting vampire from house by means of a great gust of wind) whoa dude not cool
god (hollered, to landowner): sorry broseph, my bad call on that one
me (back and very quietly - He is high up): its okay god
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Apr 15, 2016 00:55
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- guns for tits
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can you conditionally invite a Vampire into your home? Like say ask him to come in and play Super Nintendo as long as he does not cause you harm and then like if he tries to bite you he gets flushed out of the home?
yeah but then you got to settle it with their lawyers, who can be real bloodsuckers sometimes.
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Apr 15, 2016 01:22
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- im cute
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"haha relax bud, its a rental!"
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Apr 15, 2016 01:28
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- MrWillsauce
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vampires cant enter your house but they can stand around and make annoying noises, theyre awful!
say "I invite you to shut the gently caress up" and then turn on your holy water sprinklers
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Apr 15, 2016 01:37
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- Nasgate
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I was the intruder once. Visited an old friend, but he didn't tell me he moved, so i walked into a dude's apartment while he was in his boxxors. He was surprisingly chill about it.
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Apr 15, 2016 05:01
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- cuntman.net
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This actually happened to me. It was a really zany situation. Overall it could have gone worse, but at least nobody died.
same but it was a feel good story where we all learned a bit about each other and ourselves
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Apr 15, 2016 05:27
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- Keep Autism Wired
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Kristen Schaal Lub Club
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rock back and forth until it passes
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Apr 15, 2016 08:56
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- FutonForensic
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"i'm a robber! gimme all your valuables!"
*i give him a printout of emptyquoted posts*
 
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Apr 15, 2016 20:44
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- google THIS
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a car screeched to a halt outside my house, and a guy got out of it, pulled a dead body out of the trunk, and sauntered into my house. i asked him what the hell he was doing and he said the body was his grandmother and he was going to bury her in the back yard. i called the police and explained what happened, and they charged him with braking and interring
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Apr 15, 2016 20:58
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- MrWillsauce
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A for effort, google this
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Apr 15, 2016 20:59
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- Robot Made of Meat
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I liked it.
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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Apr 15, 2016 21:15
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- MrWillsauce
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me too
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Apr 15, 2016 21:16
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- guns for tits
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"i'm a robber! gimme all your valuables!"
*i give him a printout of emptyquoted posts*
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Apr 15, 2016 22:46
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- bare bottom pancakes
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Production: Complete
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"i'm a robber! gimme all your valuables!"
*i give him a printout of emptyquoted posts*
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Apr 16, 2016 00:49
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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Try to capture him in a bucket and release him outside
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Apr 16, 2016 05:46
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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"i'm a yobber! gimme all your valuables!"
*i give him a printout of emptyquoted posts*
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Apr 16, 2016 05:47
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- beeaar
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♥
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I throw acid on his face.
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Apr 16, 2016 06:00
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- Iron Prince
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i'd respectfully stand my ground. nothing too intimidating, just kind of standing there throwing off an air of "menace meets kindness" until he leaves.
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Apr 16, 2016 07:18
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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Demand to see three forms of ID and make sure they know I do not consent to being arrested
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Apr 17, 2016 09:12
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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after successfully breaking into their house you use their phone to call your house, in which the intruder is and they answer the phone
you: hello inturder, do you know where i am?
intruder, now sacred: no..? where?
you, ominously: I'm in your house...
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Apr 18, 2016 03:04
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- DeepQantas
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Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...
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Intruder: why do you have a landline in your house?
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Apr 18, 2016 08:21
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- google THIS
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I engage the intruder in mortal combat, eventually vanquishing him and chopping off his head, but then his ski mask explodes and I see my face underneath it and I realize that I was the intruder all along, and also I am dead because I cut my own head off
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Apr 18, 2016 15:44
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- FutonForensic
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"Gimme all your loving! All your hugs and kisses too!"
Huh, not so bad for a robbing, I thought, not yet knowing how much ZZ Top was into butt stuff
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Apr 18, 2016 16:35
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 26, 2024 05:33
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- DOPE FIEND KILLA G
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i think it's very rude not to leave milk and cookies out for your home intruders. Not all intruders may be Santa, but everyday can still be Christmas if you believe.
 
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Apr 18, 2016 17:47
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Apr 15, 2016 00:25
<3 
<3 Vanisher 