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Klyith posted:Jesus: "Peter, you say you love me, but you will deny me three times before my cock cums." lmao
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Dec 1, 2020 00:47
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Jesus: "I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me." Disciples: "Surely not me, Lord!" Jesus: "He who hath dipped his mouth on my rod, the same shall betray me." Judas: "Shurry 'ot mmph, Lurk!"
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Dec 1, 2020 00:59
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Very blasphemous thread imho
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Dec 1, 2020 01:02
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hitchensgoespop posted:Very blasphemous thread imho imho = in my holy orifice
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Dec 1, 2020 01:25
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hitchensgoespop posted:Very blasphemous thread imho Jesus can blast fo’ me any day!
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Dec 1, 2020 01:28
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Jesus: You can be my wingman any time Maverick: Bullshit! You can be mine.
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Dec 1, 2020 02:25
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A Strange Aeon posted:There was actually supposedly a heretical group that would group masturbate and eat the cum and drink the menstrual blood of the women. A church father wrote against their practices, but he might have just made that poo poo up to make the group look bad. Lost Christianities is good. Bart Ehrmans an interesting scholar and I’d recommend his book Misquoting Jesus as a nice primer on how Christianity developed and why biblical literalism is inherently ridiculous (there are multiple versions of most of the canonical gospels and it’s not always easy to discern what you should go with: the most copies or the earliest manuscript?) for Jesus being gay I’d also like to point to his relationship with the “beloved disciple” most commonly identified with John the Evangelist who lays on his bosom during the last supper as described in the Gospel of John
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Dec 1, 2020 02:34
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The bible talks about huge horse wangs and donkey-sized splooge but doesn't mention a single jugg or gash.
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Dec 1, 2020 03:05
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Les Os posted:Lost Christianities is good. Bart Ehrmans an interesting scholar and I’d recommend his book Misquoting Jesus as a nice primer on how Christianity developed and why biblical literalism is inherently ridiculous (there are multiple versions of most of the canonical gospels and it’s not always easy to discern what you should go with: the most copies or the earliest manuscript?) for Jesus being gay I’d also like to point to his relationship with the “beloved disciple” most commonly identified with John the Evangelist who lays on his bosom during the last supper as described in the Gospel of John There’s a lot of weird quirks to modern Christianity but the one that makes my head explode the most is the American denominations that insist that the King James is the one true version of the bible while getting all smug about how inferior the Catholics are. Like motherfucker we arrived at the point of getting the King James by moving away from that line of thinking, you’re literally in the exact same league as the Catholics by going that route.
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Dec 1, 2020 03:14
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Dicks out for Jesus
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Dec 1, 2020 04:59
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Who What Now posted:The bible talks about huge horse wangs and donkey-sized splooge but doesn't mention a single jugg or gash. Lott's daughters
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Dec 1, 2020 05:32
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Jesus is like, a projectionist, not a reaper. Let him do his poetry man. 
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Dec 1, 2020 07:29
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sucked off by god... rear end blasted by god... ?????? by god!!!
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Dec 1, 2020 09:33
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And the lord said unto Moses "I won't be around next week, I am going to Fire Island to see Cindy Lauper" And to quote David Cross "God has a big ol'Dick"
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Dec 1, 2020 10:11
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rp53irFjzYg i like to picture a 300m tall kali sitting on a bed of billions of human skulls while this song plays and then it zooms in on kali's face and she's a terminator. that's my terminator 4 cold open Lawrence Gilchrist fucked around with this message at 10:17 on Dec 1, 2020 |
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Dec 1, 2020 10:14
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Alec Baldwin in Malice: "You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am gay."
Laterite fucked around with this message at 10:31 on Dec 1, 2020 |
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Dec 1, 2020 10:29
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Jesus upon rising from the dead "I'm comin' fo yo dick"
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Dec 1, 2020 11:53
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Les Os posted:Lost Christianities is good. Bart Ehrmans an interesting scholar and I’d recommend his book Misquoting Jesus as a nice primer on how Christianity developed and why biblical literalism is inherently ridiculous (there are multiple versions of most of the canonical gospels and it’s not always easy to discern what you should go with: the most copies or the earliest manuscript?) for Jesus being gay I’d also like to point to his relationship with the “beloved disciple” most commonly identified with John the Evangelist who lays on his bosom during the last supper as described in the Gospel of John I picked up three of his books for my birthday, the other two being How Jesus Became God and the companion to Lost Christianities, which includes the actual texts. I'll have to check out Misquoting Jesus--there's definitely enough evidence to make the Bible as the literal word of God just incoherent, even within the Gospels themselves, let alone all the strained juggling Paul does to argue that the Old Testament predicted Christ. One thing that everyone should keep in mind is that the canonical NT wasn't even established until the 300s, and before that there were other works and scriptures, even Gospels, but so many of these have been lost that we only know about them in fragments or through the orthodox fathers writing against them.
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Dec 1, 2020 13:16
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The Flood was actually caused by God experiencing a P-spot orgasm for the first time. Forty days and forty nights of His Holy Seminal Fluid just raining down.
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Dec 1, 2020 15:27
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hitchensgoespop posted:Very blasphemous thread imho The blasphemous bit is gendering God. Even the Catholics aren't that silly.
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Dec 2, 2020 10:52
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Adam and Steve
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Dec 2, 2020 11:27
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My favorite part of the Bible is Adam’s first wife, Lilith. See, Lilith was given to Adam by God to make him happy, but turns out Lilith wasn’t really into being subservient so she packed her poo poo and left paradise. This upset Adam so God sent a couple angels to go find her and bring her back but when they found her she said “Nah, I’m cool here. Paradise was kinda overrated and gently caress that Adam guy.” So then the angels turned her into a demon. Then God made Eve but made her from Adam’s rib and lobotomized her or something so she would just do whatever Adam said all the time. The end. (PYF heretical Bible story) Frank Frank fucked around with this message at 13:17 on Dec 2, 2020 |
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Dec 2, 2020 13:15
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Jesus and his bros must have been hella bored without the internet and cars and guns so its no wonder they got up to some weird poo poo.
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Dec 2, 2020 14:39
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If god wasn't gay he wouldn't have appeared before me as an elf that broke into my room and made me jerk him off. I mean think about it.
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Dec 2, 2020 14:55
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Well at least now we know the elf’s identity
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Dec 2, 2020 15:04
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Big Beef City posted:If god wasn't gay he wouldn't have appeared before me as an elf that broke into my room and made me jerk him off. I mean think about it. Checkmate, Athetits
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Dec 2, 2020 15:32
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