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Mary is a virgin.
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Nov 30, 2020 02:07
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Seems oddly obsessed with how everyone’s dick looks.
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Nov 30, 2020 02:09
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Coveting your neighbour’s wife is a sin. No commandments about coveting other dudes.
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Nov 30, 2020 02:11
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gay god isn't real
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Nov 30, 2020 02:14
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god gay so what
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Nov 30, 2020 02:15
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god gay so what
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Nov 30, 2020 02:15
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Book of dudes 420:69 "I'M GAY"
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Nov 30, 2020 02:15
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i refuse to believe that a straight divine entity would design hard throbbing cocks
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Nov 30, 2020 02:16
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Our God is an awesome God
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Nov 30, 2020 02:18
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Spends a whole day creating man but then when Adam complains about being lonely he phones in making Eve from a rib.
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Nov 30, 2020 02:19
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And what if he is? That a problem for you?
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Nov 30, 2020 02:21
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ChesterJT posted:And what if he is? That a problem for you? No but it does change my interpretation of the passage where he turns a woman into a pillar of salt. It’s a much more phallic looking pillar in my mind now.
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Nov 30, 2020 02:43
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lol remember when jesus non chalantly divinely murders a tree for not giving him figs or whatever lol that owns really inspiring stuff
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Nov 30, 2020 02:47
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i think the fact that God created man first and didnt give him any clothes says a lot about God's sexual proclivities
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Nov 30, 2020 03:04
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gay_Science
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Nov 30, 2020 03:06
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Methanar posted:lol remember when jesus non chalantly divinely murders a tree for not giving him figs or whatever lol that owns Him losing his poo poo in the temple over some gambling is always my favourite story. Every once in a while out of nowhere the dude just randomly turns into a complete sociopath.
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Nov 30, 2020 03:16
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God is a bottom. That's probably why he made Satan and then when Satan got fed up he was just like "gently caress, fine" and made people but instead of loving him we just burn down the trees and turn the oceans into acid.
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Nov 30, 2020 03:18
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He's omnipresent, which means He lives in men's asses and boners. Case closed.
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Nov 30, 2020 03:20
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the corona quid posted:Spends a whole day creating man but then when Adam complains about being lonely he phones in making Eve from a rib. he made adam first in his own image and put the male g-spot inside his rear end in a top hat.
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Nov 30, 2020 03:22
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poverty goat posted:he made adam first in his own image and put the male g-spot inside his rear end in a top hat. See that's what I mean. The guy obviously either thought this out or just...knew what to do. The questions it raises are mind-boggling, but it is irrefutable that God is gay and so science marches on.
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Nov 30, 2020 03:24
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there's no direct evidence that Jesus engaged in homosexual activities with his exclusively male band of groupies, but their prolific foot fetishism is well documented in the bible and is commemorated by christians to this day
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Nov 30, 2020 03:41
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poverty goat posted:there's no direct evidence that Jesus engaged in homosexual activities with his exclusively male band of groupies, but their prolific foot fetishism is well documented in the bible and is commemorated by christians to this day Well actually, there's the Secret Gospel of Mark which is probably a fabrication, but it's truly about Jesus being gay. http://gnosis.org/library/secm.htm "And they come into Bethany. And a certain woman whose brother had died was there. And, coming, she prostrated herself before Jesus and says to him, "son of David, have mercy on me". But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered , went off with her into the garden where the tomb was, and straightway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus thaught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God. And thence, arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan."
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Nov 30, 2020 03:58
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jesus thot
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Nov 30, 2020 04:45
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I’d gently caress and suck with the J man OP
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Nov 30, 2020 04:58
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Jesus invented the rusty trombone
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Nov 30, 2020 04:58
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Hey sad angel walks, and he talks like a girl Out trying to think why it stinks, he's not a girl Now he's kicked in the gut, they hosed him up, just enough They got me down on my knees, I kiss his ring, God is love Androgynous mind, androgynous mind Androgynous mind, androgynous mind Androgynous mind, androgynous mind Hey hey are you gay? are you God? My brain's a bomb, to turn you on Everything is all right God is gay, and you were right
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Nov 30, 2020 05:08
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I just uncovered some incredible evidence
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Nov 30, 2020 05:20
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IIRC this is canon but got edited out of the christian bible because king james was a jerk, but God made Adam and Lilith as equals but Lilith got fired & replaced by Eve because she wouldn't have boring man-on-top sex w/Adam. Obv. God has issues with straight sex and thinks it's kinda gross and doesn't wanna hear about the details Also I once looked up the archangel Michael on GIS and he is a power twink like if Superman was a femboi, check it out sometime he's cute and badass
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Nov 30, 2020 05:24
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God: hmmm I need to make a son. How can I do this in a way that absolutely does not involve loving a woman?
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Nov 30, 2020 05:36
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Tip posted:I just uncovered some incredible evidence 👀
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Nov 30, 2020 05:38
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the Secret Gospel of Mark is an elaboration on the https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_fugitive who otherwise is inserted kind of randomly in the canonical version of Mark that we have
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Nov 30, 2020 05:38
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Les Os posted:the Secret Gospel of Mark is an elaboration on the https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_fugitive who otherwise is inserted kind of randomly in the canonical version of Mark that we have Lmao that there’s a whole paragraph in that article just to assure the reader that this dude‘s cloth coming apart making him completely nude is a totally normal thing that just randomly happened all the time.
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Nov 30, 2020 06:05
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its all dumb and u can shove that whole bible up my rear end in a top hat but NOT in a gay way OK???
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Nov 30, 2020 06:17
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Syd Midnight posted:IIRC this is canon but got edited out of the christian bible because king james was a jerk, but God made Adam and Lilith as equals but Lilith got fired & replaced by Eve because she wouldn't have boring man-on-top sex w/Adam. They didn't really do a good job of editing it out: 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. That's before he makes Eve
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Nov 30, 2020 06:49
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jesus trying to hook up w/ mary magdalene: mary huh cool lol thats my moms name, whos a virgin by the way
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Nov 30, 2020 06:52
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Remember when Jesus sucked on a hose and it blew out the sides of his cheeks.
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Nov 30, 2020 06:53
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Well if there was no human history two dudes could just make another dude or chick without a birth canal for two generations. Like the kid wouldn’t need to come from anywhere they’d be there already. 
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Nov 30, 2020 06:54
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I'm gay (for Jesus)
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Nov 30, 2020 06:55
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Isn't it obvious that god is gay? In the beginning he only made Adam. But god hosed up and realized Adam couldn't have kids so he made women.
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Nov 30, 2020 07:35
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Pictured, God engaging in homosexuality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSqJBcZGSGA
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Nov 30, 2020 07:55
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