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the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


Mary is a virgin.

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the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


Seems oddly obsessed with how everyone’s dick looks.

the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


Coveting your neighbour’s wife is a sin. No commandments about coveting other dudes.

Methanar
Sep 26, 2013
ASK ME ABOUT NOT TIPPING DELIVERY DRIVERS, OR ABOUT MY DIET OF CANNED BABY CORN AND CHICKEN NUGGETS

gay god isn't real

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.



god gay so what

Methanar
Sep 26, 2013
ASK ME ABOUT NOT TIPPING DELIVERY DRIVERS, OR ABOUT MY DIET OF CANNED BABY CORN AND CHICKEN NUGGETS

god gay so what

Spazzle
Jul 5, 2003




Book of dudes 420:69 "I'M GAY"

World War Mammories
Aug 25, 2006



i refuse to believe that a straight divine entity would design hard throbbing cocks

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Our God is an awesome God

the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


Spends a whole day creating man but then when Adam complains about being lonely he phones in making Eve from a rib.

ChesterJT
Dec 28, 2003

Crescent Fresh




And what if he is? That a problem for you?

the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


ChesterJT posted:

And what if he is? That a problem for you?

No but it does change my interpretation of the passage where he turns a woman into a pillar of salt. It’s a much more phallic looking pillar in my mind now.

Methanar
Sep 26, 2013
ASK ME ABOUT NOT TIPPING DELIVERY DRIVERS, OR ABOUT MY DIET OF CANNED BABY CORN AND CHICKEN NUGGETS

lol remember when jesus non chalantly divinely murders a tree for not giving him figs or whatever lol that owns

really inspiring stuff

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009



i think the fact that God created man first and didnt give him any clothes says a lot about God's sexual proclivities

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gay_Science

the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


Methanar posted:

lol remember when jesus non chalantly divinely murders a tree for not giving him figs or whatever lol that owns

really inspiring stuff

Him losing his poo poo in the temple over some gambling is always my favourite story. Every once in a while out of nowhere the dude just randomly turns into a complete sociopath.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


God is a bottom. That's probably why he made Satan and then when Satan got fed up he was just like "gently caress, fine" and made people but instead of loving him we just burn down the trees and turn the oceans into acid.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.



He's omnipresent, which means He lives in men's asses and boners. Case closed.

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004




the corona quid posted:

Spends a whole day creating man but then when Adam complains about being lonely he phones in making Eve from a rib.

he made adam first in his own image and put the male g-spot inside his rear end in a top hat.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


poverty goat posted:

he made adam first in his own image and put the male g-spot inside his rear end in a top hat.

See that's what I mean. The guy obviously either thought this out or just...knew what to do.

The questions it raises are mind-boggling, but it is irrefutable that God is gay and so science marches on.

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004




there's no direct evidence that Jesus engaged in homosexual activities with his exclusively male band of groupies, but their prolific foot fetishism is well documented in the bible and is commemorated by christians to this day

A Strange Aeon
Mar 26, 2010

You are now a slimy little toad


The Great Twist

poverty goat posted:

there's no direct evidence that Jesus engaged in homosexual activities with his exclusively male band of groupies, but their prolific foot fetishism is well documented in the bible and is commemorated by christians to this day

Well actually, there's the Secret Gospel of Mark which is probably a fabrication, but it's truly about Jesus being gay.

http://gnosis.org/library/secm.htm

"And they come into Bethany. And a certain woman whose brother had died was there. And, coming, she prostrated herself before Jesus and says to him, "son of David, have mercy on me". But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered , went off with her into the garden where the tomb was, and straightway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus thaught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God. And thence, arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan."

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



jesus thot

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


I’d gently caress and suck with the J man OP

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005



Jesus invented the rusty trombone

Simone Magus
Sep 29, 2020


Hey sad angel walks, and he talks like a girl
Out trying to think why it stinks, he's not a girl
Now he's kicked in the gut, they hosed him up, just enough
They got me down on my knees, I kiss his ring, God is love

Androgynous mind, androgynous mind
Androgynous mind, androgynous mind
Androgynous mind, androgynous mind

Hey hey are you gay? are you God?
My brain's a bomb, to turn you on
Everything is all right
God is gay, and you were right

Tip
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.



I just uncovered some incredible evidence

Syd Midnight
Sep 23, 2005



IIRC this is canon but got edited out of the christian bible because king james was a jerk, but God made Adam and Lilith as equals but Lilith got fired & replaced by Eve because she wouldn't have boring man-on-top sex w/Adam. Obv. God has issues with straight sex and thinks it's kinda gross and doesn't wanna hear about the details

Also I once looked up the archangel Michael on GIS and he is a power twink like if Superman was a femboi, check it out sometime he's cute and badass

Best Bi Geek Squid
Mar 25, 2016


God: hmmm I need to make a son. How can I do this in a way that absolutely does not involve loving a woman?

MakaVillian
Aug 15, 2003

Well, in Whoville they say - that his tiny hands grew three sizes that day.


Tip posted:

I just uncovered some incredible evidence



👀

Les Os
Mar 28, 2010


the Secret Gospel of Mark is an elaboration on the https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_fugitive who otherwise is inserted kind of randomly in the canonical version of Mark that we have

the corona quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari


Les Os posted:

the Secret Gospel of Mark is an elaboration on the https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_fugitive who otherwise is inserted kind of randomly in the canonical version of Mark that we have

Lmao that there’s a whole paragraph in that article just to assure the reader that this dude‘s cloth coming apart making him completely nude is a totally normal thing that just randomly happened all the time.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

its all dumb and u can shove that whole bible up my rear end in a top hat but NOT in a gay way OK???

Simone Magus
Sep 29, 2020


Syd Midnight posted:

IIRC this is canon but got edited out of the christian bible because king james was a jerk, but God made Adam and Lilith as equals but Lilith got fired & replaced by Eve because she wouldn't have boring man-on-top sex w/Adam.

They didn't really do a good job of editing it out:

27 So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

That's before he makes Eve

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007


jesus trying to hook up w/ mary magdalene: mary huh cool lol thats my moms name, whos a virgin by the way

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Remember when Jesus sucked on a hose and it blew out the sides of his cheeks.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


Well if there was no human history two dudes could just make another dude or chick without a birth canal for two generations. Like the kid wouldn’t need to come from anywhere they’d be there already.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


I'm gay (for Jesus)

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


Isn't it obvious that god is gay? In the beginning he only made Adam.

But god hosed up and realized Adam couldn't have kids so he made women.

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Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Pictured, God engaging in homosexuality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSqJBcZGSGA

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