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Oh no what happened this morning? 
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Aug 24, 2012 16:12
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jojoinnit posted:Oh no what happened this morning? Shooting in front of the Empire State building.
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Aug 24, 2012 16:21
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Glitterbomber posted:Shooting in front of the Empire State building. Just read about it. Jesus Christ. End non-funny article derail I guess.
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Aug 24, 2012 16:40
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Robert Denby posted:In light of what happened this morning, The Onion just changed one of their headlines:  They actually predicted that before the update:quote:At press time, federal authorities had issued a reminder to all Americans that a lot can happen in 24 hours, “so let’s not get too excited yet.” The Onion becomes reality once again.
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Aug 24, 2012 16:49
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I imagine the editor and former editors of The Onion hide a bottle of scotch in their desk, and they have to take a shot for every time one of their articles becomes reality. I bet the current editor is an alcoholic.
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Aug 24, 2012 16:58
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Robert Denby posted:In light of what happened this morning, The Onion just changed one of their headlines: This is, unfortunately, the first thing I thought of when I heard the news.
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Aug 24, 2012 18:09
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It still baffles my mind that when I expand the Onion's comments on Facebook articles, it's always comment after comment of debate over the issue the article's making fun of. A lot of it is from stupid conservatives who clearly don't get the article, which baffles my mind. Why have they liked The Onion? I just expanded the comments on the week since a shooting one, and all the comments are either worthless pedantic debates between stupid people or "Too soon......" But even worse is the people who clearly get the article and should know better trying to debate with them. Has the Onion taught you nothing? The majority of middle Americans are willfully obtuse to a fault.
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Aug 24, 2012 18:16
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They call themselves "America's Finest News Source". No news source would ever lie! 
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Aug 24, 2012 18:22
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That DICK! posted:But even worse is the people who clearly get the article and should know better trying to debate with them. Has the Onion taught you nothing? The majority of middle Americans are willfully obtuse to a fault. Left or right, 95% of people that are into politics are engaging in nothing deeper than tribalism. I'm sure a disgustingly large amount of The Onion's reader base reads the Onion just so they can smirk at an article that reinforces their worldview, like seeing an article making fun of Joe Biden and going "Take that, libtards  " or an article making fun of Mitt Romney and going "Suck it, conservatards "
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Aug 24, 2012 18:34
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Farbtoner posted:Left or right, 95% of people that are into politics are engaging in nothing deeper than tribalism. I'm sure a disgustingly large amount of The Onion's reader base reads the Onion just so they can smirk at an article that reinforces their worldview, like seeing an article making fun of Joe Biden and going "Take that, libtards Except Onion Biden owns.
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Aug 24, 2012 19:00
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:Except Onion Biden owns. Onion Biden did destroy that whack-a-mole game in a drunken rage at Dave & Busters two years ago, so that is a blot on his record. I had to check Literally Unbelievable to see if anyone was fooled by the Biden stories. There's no way to search, but I did find these recent ones:  
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Aug 24, 2012 23:21
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Failed musician come crawling back to hometown.
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Aug 25, 2012 15:48
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Young Freud posted:Tampa Bay Gay Prostitutes Gearing Up For Flood Of Closeted Republicans This is the second Onion story to come true in as many days.
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Aug 25, 2012 16:58
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This pretty much rules.
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Aug 25, 2012 17:29
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Here's something less political: Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall http://www.theonion.com/video/pop-stars-single-booty-wave-most-likely-civilizati,26868/ Whats so great about this is that the actress playing the pop star (a Kesha parody) just nails the role. You just can't stop yourself from hating her and wanting to punch her in the face. EDIT: Bonus points for having a random black rapper dude in her music video. itrorev has a new favorite as of 18:42 on Aug 25, 2012 |
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Aug 25, 2012 18:36
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From the week in review: Everyone Unaware How Much Freshman Doing Keg Stand Secretly Misses His Parentsquote:Everyone at a college party is unaware how much freshman Todd Wisman, currently in the middle of a kegstand, misses his parents, his home, and his friends. While Wisman appears excited, gorging on an excessive amount of alcohol, sources confirmed that nobody could tell that the 18 year old is completely oblivious to the voices chanting his name or the blaring music, because all he's truly thinking about is returning home for Thanksgiving, hugging his mother and father, sleeping in his own bed, and possibly transferring to a school closer to home. Reports indicate that mere seconds after the freshman returns to his dorm room, he will break down in tears while staring at a picture of his dog Caroline. 
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Aug 25, 2012 22:46
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Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy
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Aug 26, 2012 05:54
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See? The Onion was always dark as gently caress.
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Aug 26, 2012 06:08
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Report: China To Overtake U.S. As World's Biggest rear end in a top hat By 2020
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Aug 26, 2012 15:18
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'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes edit: fixed link. Didn't mean to link to the SA homepage even though the article is about goons generally. Julia Trillard has a new favorite as of 07:19 on Aug 27, 2012 |
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Aug 27, 2012 03:36
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I think you meant to link the Onion article.
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Aug 27, 2012 03:59
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Maybe he's just trying to say something about goons?
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Aug 27, 2012 04:01
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The sheer loathing the town has for this poor bastard is amazing. I lost it at the "Well, well, well" banner in the local bar, and the closing line about the suicide.
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Aug 27, 2012 04:13
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God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boyquote:SAN FRANCISCO–For as long as he can remember, 7-year-old Timmy Yu has had one precious dream: From the bottom of his heart, he has hoped against hope that God would someday hear his prayer to walk again. Though many thought Timmy's heavenly plea would never be answered, his dream finally came true Monday, when the Lord personally responded to the wheelchair-bound boy's prayer with a resounding no.
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Aug 27, 2012 04:21
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Would've been perfect with just that first paragraph, but, well, yeah. College Newspaper Endorses Barack Obama
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Aug 27, 2012 06:43
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Ironic Porn Purchase Leads To Unironic Ejaculation This one is transcendent. "Unfastening the zipper on his pants, Farmer watched the video and began stroking his penis without humorous intent. He achieved orgasm some 12 minutes into the viewing, ejaculating into his cupped left hand in a manner that neither inverted nor subverted any thematic paradigms."
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Aug 27, 2012 13:33
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I didn't expect much from this headline, but I love the article: Pope Vows To Crack Down On Crime In Vatican City Slum
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Aug 27, 2012 15:21
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Bunch Of Numbers From Where Daddy Works Means No Trip To Disney World
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Aug 27, 2012 17:08
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Things That Shouldn't Be Said In Modern Society To Be Said At Least 1,400 Times At RNC
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Aug 27, 2012 21:36
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Zugzwang posted:Things That Shouldn't Be Said In Modern Society To Be Said At Least 1,400 Times At RNC
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Aug 27, 2012 21:43
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confirmed reptile posted:Ironic Porn Purchase Leads To Unironic Ejaculation The picture of the dude was an unexpected cherry on the comedy sundae 
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Aug 28, 2012 00:07
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It's not on the actual Onion site, but I have a hard time believing that Neil Armstrong died and nobody posted "HOLY poo poo, Man Walks on loving Moon". Seriously, it's somehow become a mundane fact that man has walked on the goddamn moon. The moon!
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Aug 28, 2012 02:50
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RNC Builds Levee Out Of Poor People To Protect Convention Site
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Aug 28, 2012 03:18
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The Lord of Hats posted:It's not on the actual Onion site, but I have a hard time believing that Neil Armstrong died and nobody posted "HOLY poo poo, Man Walks on loving Moon". This is not only my favorite Onion thing ever, it's exactly the way I feel people should basically react every time they look up and notice the moon in the sky. To just sit down and have to catch their breath as they try to come to terms with HOLY gently caress WE PUT MEN ON THE loving MOON!
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Aug 28, 2012 09:37
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/gay-marine-beaten-to-bloody-pulp-to-fire-up-rnc-cr,29352/
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Aug 28, 2012 21:50
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Mad_Lion posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/gay-marine-beaten-to-bloody-pulp-to-fire-up-rnc-cr,29352/  What the gently caress, The Onion?
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Aug 28, 2012 22:21
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iamathousandapples posted:
Because honestly, what else is a gay Marine supposed to feel when a member of the GOP says "Reinstate DADT" and "Support our Troops" in the same speech?
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Aug 28, 2012 22:24
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Mad_Lion posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/gay-marine-beaten-to-bloody-pulp-to-fire-up-rnc-cr,29352/
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Aug 28, 2012 22:31
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Grifter posted:I came to the thread to post this, it's brutal and amazing. One of the tougher to read onion articles. Oh man you're not even joking. quote:As frenzied convention-goers bandied the Marine’s body around the arena like a beach ball, the show continued on stage with Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) invoking scripture to scare a pregnant teenager out of having an abortion while a scale model of a Planned Parenthood clinic burned in the background.
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Aug 28, 2012 23:45
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How about something a little lighter? Congressmen Submit Emergency 3 AM Bill Demanding IHOP Stay Open All Night
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Aug 29, 2012 00:21
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